#irwin

So what if I've been obsessed w/ Robert Irwin since the Bonds underwear campaign??? What then???

Not proof read and also I have never posted my writing on Tumblr. be SO nice

Dating Robert Headcanons:

He def met you at the zoo

You were just visiting, and he caught your eye, but he couldn't get the courage to directly talk to you in front of the crowd

After the show, he gets your number quickly before running off to the next show

You're literally not even sure it happened, it may have been a hallucination

A couple days later and you guys are already planning a date

He has to work a lot so you come by after hours and hang out with him and some of the more docile animals

He is supposed to be working but you two get so caught up in conversation that he doesn't get much done. 

You don't know much about him beyond the internet persona so it's nice to get to know him

He's so sweet, as you would expect, but a little more bold than you anticipated. You're surprised when he puts the moves on you and kisses you on the first date

(news flash he makes your knees weak)

Flash forward and he is paying for you to fly to Australia and visit the zoo like every two weeks

You two have still managed to keep it under wraps from the press

However, he wants to go out in public with you and take you on a real date (without the animal audience)

Your first "real" date is dinner at a nice restaurant, where he gets a secluded table so you don't get attention from the other patrons

When you tell him you don't have the right attire for a Michelin-star restaurant, he sends you money to get something nice :)

He is shockingly quite smooth, as mentioned earlier- compliments you softly all night, keeps his hand on your lower back to guide you through the restaurant, makes sure you get whatever you want for dinner

Between the wine you two ordered and his flirting you get very warm

He's sitting next to you in the booth and you can feel the heat from his body-- its just so UGH

After you've eaten, he leans back and pulls you into him and you can feel how strong his arms are wrapped around your tummy

Its so lovely

Unfortunately you DO get papped that night and suddenly your Instagram is overflowing with people requesting to follow you

Of course the immediate response from everyone is that you're not pretty enough - because you're a WOMAN dating a MALE CELEB so obviously everyone has to be a bitch about it

BUT Robert is so quick to reassure you and is always affirming how beautiful and sexy you are. He is so quick to delete hateful comments on his Insta or TikTok, and he blocks those haters with a quickness. 

If anything he seems more excited about the relationship since it got leaked. Like now he can take you out, wine and dine you

You are a regular guest at the zoo, only now you have to stay behind the scenes to avoid the publicity (since you're still not really thrilled about being recognized in public)

Anyways he spends a lot less time at work with you around let's just say that.

He is very happy to spend all day in bed with you (whether doing stuff OR just existing and holding each other)

The first time he says he loves you is on a boat off of South Africa. He's there for work but you're there for a couple days to visit him. 

You are just reading on one of the chaise lounges, readjusting because the sun is in your eyes when all of the sudden-- he says he loves you???

And you're temporarily stunned but then he says it again and you realize this is your turn and so

You get a bit choked up and can't talk for a sec and he gets REAL worried, but then

"oh my god, I love you so much. I can't believe you love me! Holy shit, you love me!"

And all of the sudden you're up and pacing around the boat because this is all very exciting but he just comes up behind you and wraps his arms around you, pressing kisses into the side of your neck. 

Paly requested on Patreon that I draw Young Nes and Irwin sparring! I imagined it being really playful, so this is what came out for it. I love the idea of Irwin using 1% of his power to play with his son, and Nes loving every second of it. :3

Ashton Irwin x female!reader

───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────

The kitchen was thick with the scent of roasted garlic and simmering tomatoes, a warm fog that blurred the edges of the room and made the chilly Sydney evening outside feel a world away. Ashton was in his element. To most, he was the powerhouse behind the kit, all sweat and thunderous precision, but at home, his energy translated into a rhythmic, focused sort of domesticity.

He moved with a dancer’s grace between the stove and the cutting board, humming a melody that hadn't found its lyrics yet. You were perched on the counter, legs swinging, watching the light catch the gold of his rings as he stirred a heavy cast-iron pot.

"It’s missing something," he murmured, more to himself than to you. He grabbed a pinch of red pepper flakes, his brow furrowed in that intense concentration you loved. "Just a bit of heat to cut through the cream, maybe?"

He stirred the sauce three times—always three, a drummer’s habit—before picking up a wooden spoon. He blew on the steaming liquid with a soft whistle, his eyes scanning your face as he approached.

"Open up," he commanded gently.

As he brought the spoon to your lips, his other hand moved with a fluid, practiced ease. He didn't even have to think about it; his palm cupped beneath your chin, fingers slightly curled to create a safety net for any stray droplets of sauce. It was a gesture of such inherent protection that it made your heart skip a beat.

It was the quiet intimacy of the act—the way he shielded your favorite sweater from a potential stain with the same casual devotion he used to shield you from a crowd.

You took the bite, the flavors exploding on your tongue—savory, bright, and ending with that gentle kick of heat he’d just added.

"Well?" he asked, his hand still hovering there, his thumb grazing the very edge of your jawline as he waited for the verdict. He was so close you could smell the cedarwood of his cologne mixed with the basil on his hands.

"It’s perfect, Ash," you managed to say, though your voice was a little breathy. "The heat is exactly what it needed."

A dimpled grin broke across his face, the tension leaving his shoulders instantly. "Yeah? You're not just saying that because you're hungry?"

"I'm starving, but I'm also right," you laughed.

He didn't pull his hand away immediately. He used his thumb to catch a tiny smudge of sauce near the corner of your mouth, his gaze dropping to your lips for a lingering second. The air in the kitchen suddenly felt much warmer than the stove could account for.

"Good," he whispered, leaning in to press a quick, tasting kiss to your mouth—a mix of salt and sweetness. "Then let’s eat before I start hovering again."

I'm lowkey obsessing over Robert even though how I HATE he's using animals as models.

co written by chatGPT.

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Ever since those ads, people has been rushing in the zoo. Mostly women over 30, drooling all over Robert. Not what he had in mind. He thought people was going to be interesting in the animals, perhaps sponsor them? But people only came for him. Asking him uncomfortable questions, taking pictures etc.

Unlike one girl, who would still pay attention to the snakes. The women frowned as Robert left to some other girl.

"Hey there! Need any info on snakes?"

She turns to look at him, quirking an eyebrow. A beat, then she lets out a short laugh — not mocking, but amused.

"Wait... you’re asking me if I need snake info?" she chuckles.

"Uh... yeah? That’s kind of my thing." Robert grins and the girl gave him a smirk, folding her arms. "Aren’t you the guy on the ad posing with the animals?" Robert let out a disapointing sigh, but he tried his best to smile. "Guilty. But I’m always happy to help."

"Okay then, sure. Tell me something I don’t know." She turns fully toward him now, ready for a showdown. Robert raises an eyebrow, intrigued. "Alright... did you know the inland taipan has the most toxic venom of any land snake?"

"What?! No way! I’ve never heard that before... except maybe the last twenty documentaries I've watched." she mockingly gasps. She turnes around looking at the snake in the glass.

"Did you know their venom can kill a hundred men with a single bite? Or that they’re shy and rarely come into contact with humans? Or that they live in the semi-arid regions of central east Australia?"

Robert blinked "Okay, wow." he said impressed. The girl grins. "You thought I was just here for the cute koalas, didn’t you?" she asks. Robert smirks "Well, I mean, you do have koala vibes. But clearly you’ve got the venomous facts to back it up."

"Yeah, well I think I know more than you."

Did this bitch just??? Robert eyes brows went up in anger, trying to laugh it off.

"Excuse me? You know i'm an Irwin right?"

"I know who your dad is. He wasn't someone who had his Shirt half off, holding a black-headed python like it's a fashion accessory. He worked his whole life getting people to respect animals." he said, Robert's body froze at the mention of his dad name.

"I was trying to get... " the girl crossed her arms and cut them off. "You’re posing like it’s a cologne ad. These are wild animals, not props. You think making them sexy makes people respect them more?"

Robert’s smile falters slightly. He wasn’t expecting pushback.

"I’m just trying to get people interested—show them snakes aren’t as scary as they seem." he said defensively.

They are scary. And beautiful. And deadly. You don’t have to sexualize nature to make it worth caring about.

A tense silence. Robert studies her, his posture shifting from defensive to thoughtful. "Okay… fair point." he said quietly. The girl let's out a soft sigh.

"Sorry. I just care about them. The snakes. Koalas. All of them. I don’t want people forgetting what they are just because someone made them look “cool.”" Robert nods at his words. "So do I. Maybe I got a little carried away." she says, getting embarrased. They look at each other. The tension lingers—but so does a flicker of mutual respect." The moment was interrupted by a bunch of scary women asking him if he could sign magazines that had is ads.

"I would love to do that, but I just wanted ot ask first if this lady would like to grab a drink after i'm done with my shift."

You blink, the 5 women stares at you surprised and jealous.

"what?"

I just criticize him why would he wanna go out with me?

"uhhh" you said.

"I can go out with you" said one of the women, but he turned her down? He looked at you again "uhm, yeah, sure." you say.