ok

i'm going to make a new personal but just so everyone knows i look so good & gay today

i can't come up with a new url bc i love my url So Much

like i'm going to keep the blog as a History Of Me i'm not going to delete it but i'm going to start over w a whole new one and it honestly feels........ so freeing

also i really don't want to give up my url bc honestly it's my pride and joy but i'm going to start a completely new blog bc i just!! don't want her to know where i am!!

don't send them messages or anything though just

hey....... so i know i was like "you don't have to unfollow her or anything" but i'm getting super nervous and paranoid so if you follow my ex gf can you please unfollow her thanks i'm just like. CONSTANTLY nervous about the whole thing lmao i would just really appreciate it thank you. and if you don't know her url/if you follow her send me an ask on my main!!

i have to go to Work so i'll get back to you on this but here's a concept...... it hit me today that i really really need to change my name again or i will Die and i think every time i change my name i'm like. a new person and when i spend too much time in one name and think about trauma too much and do too many bad things it's like that name gets dirty and heavy and bad and i can't handle it so then i change my name again to run away from all that shit :) but it'll never work :)

anyway i looked at the actual # of calories and my brain just uh completely shut down bc the amount of calories in a large is like……….. more than i usually have in one day…….. i didn’t know it was THAT many uh

me: i have an ed me: *drinks a 500000 calorie mocha frappe from mcdonald's every day*

next thursday in therapy we're going to go buy a bus pass (bc i'm going to start riding the city bus but it's super unfamiliar and scary and Death) and then we're going to talk about trauma.....

i refuse to listen to toto and cry, i will not stoop that low HOWEVER i will listen to hum hallelujah and cry

let me tell you the last thing my lesbian crisis needs is a bpd crisis over my compulsory heterosexuality "i don't want to be Monosexual bc then my ex gf will hate me" rebound boy but here we are

:(

watch me create a tragic fairy tale backstory for myself where my parents aren’t my real parents and something scary symbolizes csa (an evil witch or a dark forest) and my real parents lost me or were forced to give me up but they’re still somewhere missing me & loving me

*self-harms by watching whiplash*