dociousaliexpilisticfragicalirupus

i always forget how much of a hell getting up in the morning during the cold months is until im trying to get dressed taking frost damage like ough augh ugha oagh uagh

I’m going to the conservatory and the zoo tomorrow; treating myself like a blue-haired senior who needs to be bused from her retirement home to on weekends for cultural enrichment.

I made this post two years ago, and nothing has so meaningfully improved my life as “treat yourself like a senior citizen and schedule some enrichment.” I have an honest-to-god enrichment calendar now. It exists specifically as a place to put all the stuff that I might want to do on a random evening or weekend. And I read local papers a lot more, searching for things to do, smaller events that are more up my alley or offbeat street fests that I wouldn’t know about otherwise. (Side benefit—I know a lot more about local reporting too.) It doesn’t matter that I put plenty of events on the enrichment calendar that—because it’s on a Wednesday, because I’m tired, because the planets are in the wrong position—I don’t go to! The point is not create an unbending obligation that will haunt me to my grave; the point is to pay more attention to the world, and leave my apartment to join it sometimes.

I also encourage further seniormaxxing by looking at the adult education classes in your community. Pick up a new crafting skill, do a little yoga, just get your inner pacing tiger out of its cage!

Everyone has goth sex hormones it came free with your fucking existence.

“they were flirting with you” and how was i supposed to know such a thing when everyone speaks in codes and puzzles

you are doing some sort of riddler shit to me.

Under communism the wait staff will not ask if Pepsi is okay. You will not even find out that's its Pepsi instead of coke until you take your first sip. Unless you train like me, to know the difference from the sound of the Fizz alone, that is the only way we can beat communism and I can teach you. Take my hand. Not like that you grabbed it gay. Stop. Giggles. I SAID STOP

it should be illegal to take a nap and still have a headache when you wake up. like no i shut it off and back on again why are you still here

There's animals when you go outside.

walking up to random doors and tugging on them and saying "i can't. it's locked" out loud to no one to fulfill my dreams of being an adventure game protagonist

this is how I pack for trips

Me thinking why a whale (big) would eat krill (small) and then I remembered rice (yum)

The duality of man is thinking “children cannot help themselves and we all need to be patient with them as they explore what it means to be human in public” and also “damn, I wish this crying baby was not on the plane rn :/“

Just as courage is not the absence of fear but doing the brave thing in spite of it, patience is not the absence of irritation but doing the kind thing in spite of it.

i don't think youtubers should be allowed to advertise online therapy or credit cards or prescription hair loss treatments. can you sell me a candy bar or something