Dottore and Pantalone headcanons because why not!! Holiday headcanons included! This will get regularly updated! [UPDATED x1]
Dottore:
His eyes are extremely sensitive to the light so he wears his mask to help
His mask is all technological and he can see through it, similar to the akasha terminal helping him immediately analyze someone's mood, height, weight, ect.
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Holidays:
New years: they don't often celebrate new years it wasn't until they realized they were being excluded by the other harbingers they made sure to be by each other's side at midnight.
Valentine's: Dottore has gifted a cloned version of his heart in a large glass vial/jar as to show that Pantalone has his heart.
Pantalone gave Dottore a handmade scarf due to the fact that he's aware that the cold affects Dottore a lot more due to being from sumeru.
Halloween:
Dottore and Pantalone rarely dress up for Halloween however when they do it's usually Dottore dressed as a classic mad scientist and Pantalone as a vampire.
Christmas:
Dottore often gets Pantalone something sentimental, even if it's something small. If Dottore thought of Pantalone whilst he saw it he is getting it for him.
Pantalone usually gifts Dottore something handmade as Dottore appreciates arts more than just going out and buying something. No matter how silly or small Dottore has a shelf for every handmade gift he has received.
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Sad ones:
Pantalone's rings hold a small part of Dottore's soul (one for each segment) so Dottore is always with him.
Pantalone went back to smoking 20 cigarettes a day after zandik's death whilst grieving hoping it would bring him closer to zandik.
Pantalone talks to himself out loud as if Zandik was still there and waits the appropriate amount of time to respond despite knowing Dottore isn't there. He just knows what Dottore would say and how he would respond.
Dottore found a way to project himself as a ghost to haunt Pantalone but was annoyed when he found out he couldn't interfere at all. He also responds when Pantalone talks to himself out loud.
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(update 1)
Small things:
Dottore is quite strong not as strong as Pantalone physically but can pick him up if wanted or necessary. However Pantalone falls into the mindset that Dottore has the skinny nerd body type until Dottore picks him up with relative ease he get reminded of that fact.
Dottore's face:
Dottore has been secretive of his most vulnerable points, his face. He has one small tell and that's his eyes, his eyes are extremely expressive wether he likes it or not.
Pantalone often sketches Dottore's face with his hands tracing everything, kissing the scar across his face and nose and sometimes just holding him there and Dottore loves it being as touch starved as he is.
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Sorryyyyy (not really) it's not all bad and if you read all of this thank you! Tell me your favorite/least favorite headcanon!
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tags: comfort, fluff towards the end, mentions of pantalone's backstory, crying, late night conversations
note: a roleplay inspired fic! i humbly offer you this surprise hehe
his childhood has been filled with nothing but thorns and misery. growing up in poverty left behind scars that lingered for years, haunting him in every direction. despite the hardships he endured, his beloved teddy bear has been a source of comfort during his lowest moments.
no matter where he went, the teddy bear has never left his side. even when his own mother tried to pry the toy from his hands, pantalone refused to let go. he treated his childhood toy as a friend, a bond that kept him grounded through thick and thin.
as the years passed by, pantalone spent several hours repairing every tear and hole with his own hands. he was very resourceful, using whatever scraps he could find to fix his best friend. whether it was small bits of yarn or loose thread pulled from his worn-out clothes, he always found a way to stitch his teddy bear back together.
however, one of his greatest fear was eventually parting ways with his teddy bear. unfortunately for pantalone, that moment arrived far sooner than he had expected. one day, the teddy bear spilt open again and this time, the tear was far too severe. pantalone did everything he could but his sewing proved to be useless, the stitches failed to hold the toy together.
all he could remember was the overwhelming grief and sorrow, his heart felt like it was being torn apart. he was only twenty and yet he sat there in silence, heartbroken at the sight of his beloved friend finally crumbling into dust in his trembling hands.
his vision blurred with tears, a sob rips from his throat as he stared at the remains of his stuffed animals. his first and only friend was gone and he felt so weak, useless even. all he could do was mourn in silence, his hands tightened around the dust as he wept on the cold, hard floor.
but this had occurred centuries ago and he had long since convinced himself that he had moved on. however, if he were ever given the chance to meet his younger self, pantalone wouldn't hesitate to spoil him in riches. in his youth, he had never had the chance to enjoy a life of luxury.
now, he has an empire of accumulated wealth that seemed endless. with all the mora within his grasp, pantalone could buy anything his heart desired. if he was given a chance, he would sit there and provide comfort to his younger self.
to advise him that the gods won't answer his prayers, so he should prioritize his own survival instead. to build a promising future where he wouldn't have to risk his life anymore.
if only pantalone could hold his younger self and let that child cry in his arms until there were no more tears left to shed. life had dealt him a cruel hand from the very beginning, experiencing cruelty and neglect at such a young age. had it not been for his teddy bear, pantalone would have lost his sanity long ago.
the nostalgic memories from his childhood caused tears to lingered on his eyelashes, enough to force pantalone out of his slumber. he let out a weary sigh, brushing the back of his hand against his damp cheeks. it didn't matter how many times he tried to wipe the tears away, the void in his chest didn't disappear.
pantalone had spent centuries trying to suppress the painful memories of his childhood. and yet those same memories decided to continue haunting him at every corner. he became frustrated with himself, fighting back a sob as more tears spilled from his eyes.
he hates this feeling of helplessness, he doesn't want to cry over something that happened centuries ago. why was he still grieving over a childhood toy that had perished in his youth?
the sound of his cries eventually stirred dottore awake, slowly sitting up in bed. without hesitation, he wrapped his arms around pantalone and pulling him into a warm embrace. dottore remained silent, offering his husband a shoulder to cry on until pantalone felt better.
he has no idea what had caused pantalone to cry. could it have been a terrible nightmare? maybe he was overwhelmed with something work-related? once the sobs finally subsided, dottore gently cupped his husband's cheeks and brush the tears aways with his thumbs.
"what happened, feofan? are you alright?" pantalone feels embarrassed, looking away with shame written on his face. he sniffles, letting out a shaky breath as he struggled to compose himself. "i'm fine. it's just.. the reason is so childish."
"it's not childish if it's affecting you this much. so tell me, love." dottore leaned forward to press a gentle kiss against his husband's cheek. the way he looks at pantalone was so tender and gentle, nothing but love in his eyes.
pantalone offers a sad smile before removing his glasses as he blinks the tears away. "...when i was a child, i had this teddy bear. it was brown, covered in poorly sewn patches. but it meant the world to me."
dottore reached for a box of tissues on the nightstand, offering it to pantalone. he accepted the offer with a nod, using the soft material to dry his cheeks. "sometimes.. i miss my teddy bear." a dry, humorless chuckle escapes him, looking down at his lap. "sounds ridiculous, huh? i'm a grown ass man and yet i'm still longing for a toy that perished long ago."
the sentimental value of his childhood toy had been enough to reduce him to tears. perhaps the inner child within him still yearned to have his precious friend by his side. dottore nods his head in understanding, reaching for the banker's hand and giving it a gentle squeeze. "... you know, i could make you a new one."
"pardon?" the sudden offer caught pantalone by surprise. however, dottore cleared his throat before quickly correcting himself. "if you could provide me a detailed description of your teddy bear, i can recreate it using the materials i have."
the immediate silence from pantalone made dottore concerned. did he say something wrong? his hands came to rest on his husband's waist, his expression softening into a reassuring one. "it wasn't my intention to replace the original, please believe me. i just wanted to reunited you with an old friend. i didn't realize how insensitive that must have sounded, i'm sorry-"
dottore's rambling was cut short by pantalone, who threw his arms around him and pulled the doctor into a tight embrace. another round of tears streamed down his face but this time, he had a genuine smile on his lips. "don't apologize, i'm not upset. i'm just touched that you would go that far for me."
a quiet sigh of relief slipped from dottore's lips, returning the embrace and pressing a kiss on his husband's forehead. "i would do anything for you, feofan." those words alone were enough to make pantalone feel so loved. he pulls back, just enough to capture their lips into a brief, tender kiss.
"thank you. i love you so much, dear." the smile on pantalone's face had softened into a sincere one, wiping away the rest of his tears with his hand. "i have a request, zandik. this might sound.. ridiculous."
"not at all. what is it?"
"could you.. make a painting for me? something small enough to display on my desk." dottore gave a small nod before lying down in bed again. he extends his arms out, silently inviting the banker to join him. pantalone chuckles, accepting the invitation and wrapping his arms around dottore. "a painting of your teddy bear? i can do that, consider it done."
his confirmation alone was enough to ease the emptiness in pantalone's chest. he rest his head against dottore's chest, closing his eyes with a smile on his face. as for the offer that dottore proposed earlier, he decided to save that conversation for another time.
knowing dottore, he would probably search for whatever was left of the original teddy bear and reconstruct it anew. regardless, it was endearing to know that dottore would always prioritize his well-being and comfort, pantalone was grateful for that.
after crying so much, pantalone felt utterly exhausted. he was gradually drifting off to sleep in his husband's arms. dottore continued to hold pantalone close, absentmindly running his fingers through those violet strands of hair.
his own consciousness began to fade, letting exhaustion overtake him as well. dottore pressed one last kiss to pantalone's forehead, quietly whispering a 'goodnight, feofan' before closing his eyes and falling asleep as well.
tags: comfort, fluff towards the end, mentions of pantalone's backstory, crying, late night conversations
note: a roleplay inspired fic! i humbly offer you this surprise hehe
his childhood has been filled with nothing but thorns and misery. growing up in poverty left behind scars that lingered for years, haunting him in every direction. despite the hardships he endured, his beloved teddy bear has been a source of comfort during his lowest moments.
no matter where he went, the teddy bear has never left his side. even when his own mother tried to pry the toy from his hands, pantalone refused to let go. he treated his childhood toy as a friend, a bond that kept him grounded through thick and thin.
as the years passed by, pantalone spent several hours repairing every tear and hole with his own hands. he was very resourceful, using whatever scraps he could find to fix his best friend. whether it was small bits of yarn or loose thread pulled from his worn-out clothes, he always found a way to stitch his teddy bear back together.
however, one of his greatest fear was eventually parting ways with his teddy bear. unfortunately for pantalone, that moment arrived far sooner than he had expected. one day, the teddy bear spilt open again and this time, the tear was far too severe. pantalone did everything he could but his sewing proved to be useless, the stitches failed to hold the toy together.
all he could remember was the overwhelming grief and sorrow, his heart felt like it was being torn apart. he was only twenty and yet he sat there in silence, heartbroken at the sight of his beloved friend finally crumbling into dust in his trembling hands.
his vision blurred with tears, a sob rips from his throat as he stared at the remains of his stuffed animals. his first and only friend was gone and he felt so weak, useless even. all he could do was mourn in silence, his hands tightened around the dust as he wept on the cold, hard floor.
but this had occurred centuries ago and he had long since convinced himself that he had moved on. however, if he were ever given the chance to meet his younger self, pantalone wouldn't hesitate to spoil him in riches. in his youth, he had never had the chance to enjoy a life of luxury.
now, he has an empire of accumulated wealth that seemed endless. with all the mora within his grasp, pantalone could buy anything his heart desired. if he was given a chance, he would sit there and provide comfort to his younger self.
to advise him that the gods won't answer his prayers, so he should prioritize his own survival instead. to build a promising future where he wouldn't have to risk his life anymore.
if only pantalone could hold his younger self and let that child cry in his arms until there were no more tears left to shed. life had dealt him a cruel hand from the very beginning, experiencing cruelty and neglect at such a young age. had it not been for his teddy bear, pantalone would have lost his sanity long ago.
the nostalgic memories from his childhood caused tears to lingered on his eyelashes, enough to force pantalone out of his slumber. he let out a weary sigh, brushing the back of his hand against his damp cheeks. it didn't matter how many times he tried to wipe the tears away, the void in his chest didn't disappear.
pantalone had spent centuries trying to suppress the painful memories of his childhood. and yet those same memories decided to continue haunting him at every corner. he became frustrated with himself, fighting back a sob as more tears spilled from his eyes.
he hates this feeling of helplessness, he doesn't want to cry over something that happened centuries ago. why was he still grieving over a childhood toy that had perished in his youth?
the sound of his cries eventually stirred dottore awake, slowly sitting up in bed. without hesitation, he wrapped his arms around pantalone and pulling him into a warm embrace. dottore remained silent, offering his husband a shoulder to cry on until pantalone felt better.
he has no idea what had caused pantalone to cry. could it have been a terrible nightmare? maybe he was overwhelmed with something work-related? once the sobs finally subsided, dottore gently cupped his husband's cheeks and brush the tears aways with his thumbs.
"what happened, feofan? are you alright?" pantalone feels embarrassed, looking away with shame written on his face. he sniffles, letting out a shaky breath as he struggled to compose himself. "i'm fine. it's just.. the reason is so childish."
"it's not childish if it's affecting you this much. so tell me, love." dottore leaned forward to press a gentle kiss against his husband's cheek. the way he looks at pantalone was so tender and gentle, nothing but love in his eyes.
pantalone offers a sad smile before removing his glasses as he blinks the tears away. "...when i was a child, i had this teddy bear. it was brown, covered in poorly sewn patches. but it meant the world to me."
dottore reached for a box of tissues on the nightstand, offering it to pantalone. he accepted the offer with a nod, using the soft material to dry his cheeks. "sometimes.. i miss my teddy bear." a dry, humorless chuckle escapes him, looking down at his lap. "sounds ridiculous, huh? i'm a grown ass man and yet i'm still longing for a toy that perished long ago."
the sentimental value of his childhood toy had been enough to reduce him to tears. perhaps the inner child within him still yearned to have his precious friend by his side. dottore nods his head in understanding, reaching for the banker's hand and giving it a gentle squeeze. "... you know, i could make you a new one."
"pardon?" the sudden offer caught pantalone by surprise. however, dottore cleared his throat before quickly correcting himself. "if you could provide me a detailed description of your teddy bear, i can recreate it using the materials i have."
the immediate silence from pantalone made dottore concerned. did he say something wrong? his hands came to rest on his husband's waist, his expression softening into a reassuring one. "it wasn't my intention to replace the original, please believe me. i just wanted to reunited you with an old friend. i didn't realize how insensitive that must have sounded, i'm sorry-"
dottore's rambling was cut short by pantalone, who threw his arms around him and pulled the doctor into a tight embrace. another round of tears streamed down his face but this time, he had a genuine smile on his lips. "don't apologize, i'm not upset. i'm just touched that you would go that far for me."
a quiet sigh of relief slipped from dottore's lips, returning the embrace and pressing a kiss on his husband's forehead. "i would do anything for you, feofan." those words alone were enough to make pantalone feel so loved. he pulls back, just enough to capture their lips into a brief, tender kiss.
"thank you. i love you so much, dear." the smile on pantalone's face had softened into a sincere one, wiping away the rest of his tears with his hand. "i have a request, zandik. this might sound.. ridiculous."
"not at all. what is it?"
"could you.. make a painting for me? something small enough to display on my desk." dottore gave a small nod before lying down in bed again. he extends his arms out, silently inviting the banker to join him. pantalone chuckles, accepting the invitation and wrapping his arms around dottore. "a painting of your teddy bear? i can do that, consider it done."
his confirmation alone was enough to ease the emptiness in pantalone's chest. he rest his head against dottore's chest, closing his eyes with a smile on his face. as for the offer that dottore proposed earlier, he decided to save that conversation for another time.
knowing dottore, he would probably search for whatever was left of the original teddy bear and reconstruct it anew. regardless, it was endearing to know that dottore would always prioritize his well-being and comfort, pantalone was grateful for that.
after crying so much, pantalone felt utterly exhausted. he was gradually drifting off to sleep in his husband's arms. dottore continued to hold pantalone close, absentmindly running his fingers through those violet strands of hair.
his own consciousness began to fade, letting exhaustion overtake him as well. dottore pressed one last kiss to pantalone's forehead, quietly whispering a 'goodnight, feofan' before closing his eyes and falling asleep as well.
He tosses and turns, restless, and sits up, head in his hands. Why can’t he sleep?
He shuffles over to the table to pour himself a glass of water, and from here he can see out the window. His heart skips a beat; in the distance, the little square of light from the consultant’s residence is visible.
Childe pulls on a shirt and steps into his shoes, and he’s very soon lingering at the steps of Zhongli’s home. He knocks, rocking back on his heels, suddenly nervous, pacing the seconds as he waits for a response. Maybe he should have thought this through a bit better-
The door cracks open, and Zhongli is standing in the doorway, confused, but Childe is busy drinking in the sight of him with his hair draped over his shoulders, silk lounge robes cascading to his ankles, ink-stained fingers pushing at his sleeves. “Ajax…?”
Childe blinks, greeting him with a bashful smile. “I hope I’m not disturbing,” he tucks his fidgeting hands away into his pockets. “I was wondering if you’d like some company? I saw that your light was on…”
Zhongli blinks, then the corner of his lips lifts with the slightest of smiles. “Couldn’t sleep?”
“I bought some new books today,” Zhongli says when they’re upstairs, returning to his desk as he lights another ring of incense. “Feel free to use the bed,” he gestures to the four-poster bed at the other end of the room. Zhongli apologises for the books taking up the window seat where Childe usually sits, and for every other chair in the room that was occupied by an artefact or another. “I…wasn’t expecting anyone,”
Childe reassures him, if only too eagerly. He’s been up here plenty of times before for meetings, friendly visits, that one night after the lantern rite festival where he kissed Zhongli by the window- but never this late, at such an intimate timing, where everyone in the world was asleep, except for the two of them. He’s never even been near his bed, until now.
Childe runs his hand over the sheer silk drapings tied to the bed post, the ornate teak frame and the white cotton sheets. The mattress is soft, nothing at all like the rock he sleeps on back at the inn. Childe leans back with his random book of choice, guided by some instinct to settle on the left side of the bed. He could see Zhongli working from where he was, delving back into his work with a determined focus. Childe chews his lip, opening his book nonetheless.
But Childe misses the glances straying his way, and more often than not, the quiet sighs from misspelling one too many words. It’s getting later in the night, and Zhongli can feel the fatigue begin to creep in on him. The brush grows heavy in his hand, and the allure of the bed is too great to resist (irregardless of his guest, he is certain…). Zhongli pushes through the last few pages, almost reaching the end when he can’t help another stolen glance, and his heart takes a little skip. The Snezhnayan delegate lies recumbent on his bed, eyes fluttering as the open book in his hand gradually comes to rest on his chest.
Childe is already dosing off, lulled by the warmth of the room and the drifting incense; the words from his antique catalog drift in his minds eye, slipping away from him as his eyelids grow heavy. His body seems to move of its own accord, his head finding the pillow as he sinks into it, unable to resist its softness. It smells of incense and violetgrass, just like Zhongli.
The space beside him begins to dip, and Childe isn’t thinking very much anymore except that he needs to be closer. He inches over until he can feel the warmth radiating off Zhongli. Childe sighs contentedly.
“Goodnight Ajax,” Zhongli’s voice sends pleasant vibrations across the bed, enticing Childe to snuggle ever closer. The consultant muses, then he wraps an arm around Childe, shifting nearer himself.
Childe smiles, and he presses his face into Zhongli’s chest. All at once, the noise in his head is swiftly silenced by the sudden serenity cascading through him. He wants very much to say something, but his tongue grows heavy and his limbs leaden. He’s finally delivered a repose so serene, it melts the world away around him, around them, all before he can say goodnight.
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Varka, seeing the boys of Crepus destroying themselves in the name of Mondstadt, and feeling so much guilt. because he had failed them, too. just as much as he had failed his dear friend, he had failed his sons as well.
but he doesn't want to dwell on it, determined to change what he can while he's back home.
with Diluc, it's quite simple. it doesn't take much for Varka to understand who hides under the guise of Darknight Hero, so he comes with quite a simple, foolproof plan. he takes Diluc with him to spar. well, they're competing, and Diluc is still the kid who likes challenges and refuses to back up. they wipe up almost half of the hilichurls camps, Varka is just a tad ahead in body count than Diluc.
they finish late and Varka drags absolutely boneless and limp Diluc back to the Winery and hands him to Adelinde. Adelinde sends him back to the city with her apple pie and countless amount of grateful words as Diluc finally sleeps for 10 hours straight in like, a month.
Varka make sure to repeat it at least twice a week.
with Kaeya, though... it's much harder. he's taken much more from Crepus than he himself wants to admit. and not all good qualities. he's secretive and elusive, charming to a fault, avoidant. Varka feels like both ripping out his hair and aging thousand years at a time with how strong his frustration is.
he invites him to a drink. Varka is almost wasted while Kaeya still jokes and nowhere near to passing out and having at least a nap. (Diluc dilutes Kaeya's drinks out of spite).
he takes him to the missions. Kaeya finishes the missions with such ease that him and Lohen became best friends. he spends next to none energy, so of course, at nights Varka watches the kid walk in the Treasure Hoarders camps.
he sends him to a week long vacation in Nod-Krai. the kid finds the informants, saves the day, brings a ton of souvenirs, and, by the way Nefer talks, impressed her just enough to almost keep to herself; Varka is very against it, because it's his kid and he refuses—
he does almost everything he can and can't find a way to get the kid to rest. Jean once catches him, after observing the whole commotion and his very exasperated grunts and complains, and sits him down.
she says, simple, to let Kaeya wear himself out.
Varka feels as if he's delirious and seeing hallucinations. Jean repeats her words, and Varka recalls, from the days back, that Crepus was a workaholic worse than anyone he ever knew. he had to work himself to the bone as he wasn't particularly impressive in any fields. he was a good man, but a man of very few talents. painting was the one. another was being a good father.
then it clicks.
he gathers Klee, Bennet, Fischl, Durin, Diona, and basically all the kids of Mondstadt and gives them one mission — to keep Kaeya busy.
he watches from afar as Kaeya doesn't get a chance to get a sip of wine, runs around with the kids, has to sit countless picnics and eat, gets to teach them his techniques and tricks, and how a happy heap then sleeps, with no worry in the world.
yeah...
Varka smiles.
Kaeya would be a great father if given a chance.
(after a while Varka throws Diluc in the heap of kids, so now these two babysit the whole future generation of Mondstadt and are finally, finally, sleeping and eating well.)
as old as time the idea of body swap but it's ragbros for them to truly understand what each of them carries every day and be at least a tad more compassionate and caring towards each other. Alice cannot stand anymore the way they carousel around each other, scared of hurting one another more than they've already done.
she spells the magic to switch the physical and mental loads between them. they're not technically switching bodies, but the shifted sense of balance or the lazy eye or the scars. and oh. the pain. of all the stiff muscles, overworking hours, sleepless nights, cold tiles. the mental pain transfers as well, the fatigue, the brain fog. goodness, the whole bunch.
Kaeya wakes up to heavy, settled heat in his bones and thinks he's having a fever, which wouldn't be a new way to start the day, in fact. but still annoys him. then he sits up and eyes a scar he didn't remember receiving but definitely remembers seeing on Diluc's knee. scraped badly, white spot with blotchy edges. he sits for a moment. then he stands up and he's swaying.
Diluc's body is filled with fatigue so heavy it makes moving an arduous task. lifting a leg and getting himself to basically stomp towards the bathroom feels like carrying years of grief on every inch of his skin. he gets to the mirror and lifts his head up, seeking for the scar on the chin. and it is there.
Kaeya buries his hands in his hair and heavily flops on the tiles, too exhausted to carry the weight Diluc shoulders himself every day. he feels himself slightly empty as if never ever really rested enough. brain fog thick and a different kind than his own. Diluc's smells of ashes and settles into a heavy mist, humidity hitting crazy numbers inside his mind.
Kaeya recollects what he knows and what's he heard from the rumors and what Nefer had told him after he got in a contact with her. he slowly strips, but only to the belt, eyes landing on the deep, ugly scar, embedded in upper abdomen, inches from heart. Kaeya traces the edges of the scar and sighs, old memory vividly standing in front of his eyes. he looks at his arms, looking for scars or cuts, but finds some scratches he is sure are from the cats at Cat's Tail, which settles his racing heart back to the track of relief.
he really doesn't need to know more than he's learned already.
Diluc wakes up hours later than Kaeya does, his mind fuzzy and sharp at the same time and he thinks he wants to throw up from the feeling of such coexisting contradiction. he turns to the side, his body feeling lighter, but stiff and rigid in places he is sure he didn't sustained any injures the night before for them to feel this way.
he realizes his neck is killing him, his back is screaming at him which is weird because he never complained about back pain, but Kaeya did, being lankier and taller and having to crouch from time to time to compensate for the height. it was probably the reason Kaeya settled for the archery and sword classes, while Diluc with his brute force and steadily planted feet had chosen claymore and shields.
he also notices how blurry his vision is, and blinks a couple of times, trying to clear the view, but it doesn't help, so he brings his hands to rub his eyes. his fingers graze against the imperfection of the eyelid, and he jolts awake, thunder of horror coming in the second place.
he inspects his face, fingers cradling the features in a way the mirror never could. it's his face, undoubtedly, but the scar, the lazy eyelid, the blurry eyesight, and a couple of scars along his temple, the consequences of chickenpox, are all telling that something is off. not wrong. just off.
Diluc moves his shoulder and feels the tugging, a heavy one, the resistance of burned skin, and he sits in bed, his hands on his face, but with the scars and pain belonging to Kaeya. he is terrified at the idea of absorbing with his own eyes what damage he had done, but the curiosity wins, and he places his hand on his nightgown, pressing fingers into the skin of his shoulder and upper chest.
the burn scars are big and swollen despite it being years since the first contact of the fires and the skin cells. they're aching, dully, and numb his side to the point he isn't really sure he feels a light touch or touch whatsoever. he moves his hand and the sleeve slides to his elbow, and Diluc is blinking at the sight of one scar, almost invisible if it wasn't slightly raised above the surface. it goes from the wrist to the elbow, and Diluc is puzzled at what could be the initial wound.
there's also the feeling of hopelessness.
it's hard to pin down exactly, wavery and shaky, but it makes Diluc queasy. there's a reason Diluc refused to let go. this could be the reason why Kaeya lets go of pretty much everything and forgives the sins committed against him with such ease. not against others. Diluc still remembers the crimson glistening, covering deep blue ice, and gulping sounds of torn throat.
Diluc rests his hand flat against the surface of the scar and thinks of how soothing it could be to apply a gentle heat to the knotted, irreversibly damaged muscles and tissue.
the spell doesn't last long. Alice knows how much such simple spells can exhaust the receivers. she sees the understanding settling down in both of the brothers and ceases her spell, returning the pain to the original vessels.
it bears its consequences.
Kaeya cares twice as much to get Diluc the intel he can be sure about and works closely with Nefer, making sure Diluc is useful and relatively safe or has someone to reinforce him. he brings Diluc painkillers, from time to time, and settles for a simple talk about old times for the sake of halting the hurricane on his feet from burning the wick out completely. he also makes sure to cool the apple cider Diluc drinks, unnoticed and subtle. Diluc notices, but keeps quiet. Kaeya, learned the way scar looks and what damage had been done exactly, asks Barbara for best ointments to soften the stubborn, scarred skin. for the brain fog, Kaeya makes sure to lessen the load of the Darknight Hero. even if a little bit.
Diluc backs up with random pat here and there, hand on burned shoulder, fingers brushing against the arm, every touch slightly Pyro infused to lessen the knots and ache. he stays with Kaeya even at the darkest of the nights, even in the scariest of storms, praying it helps to see that Kaeya's not alone and doesn't need to shoulder everything on his own.
the first time they cross their paths after the spell, they have the same look in their eyes. sorrow, finely crushed 'sorry's, turned into paste with unshed tears for the sake of their past, and applied to the wounds they never showed to anybody. it still stings.
but they wash it, after the healing is done, with water of simple 'come over, the dinner's getting cold' and 'sit down, you busy bee, and let's share a drink; my treat'.
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tags: hurt/comfort, fluff towards the end, mentions of insecurities and previous surgeries, crying
note: a continuation to reveal your scars but pantalone's perspective. i would like to think pantalone has scars/calluses on his hands♡
series: dating chronicles are added to the masterlist.
pantalone was no stranger to concealing his weaknesses. a man of pride and greed, he always made sure to cover his tracks flawlessly. however, there was one thing he could never hide quite so easily, which was the scars scattered across his body.
in exchange for a prolonged lifespan, pantalone had encountered more than a few difficulties throughout his life. from necrosis to skin grafts, his body had undergone multiple surgeries and medical treatment to preserve his physique.
by all means, he saw it as an equal exchange. a fair trade, one could argue because he placed his unwavering trust in dottore's abiities to treat him. pantalone left his health and well-being in good hands and he had never regretted his decision. however, there were days when he found himself feeling self-conscious about his appearance, pesky insecurities would float around in his mind for a while.
when he started dating dottore, pantalone felt more reluctant to hold hands with his lover. granted, dottore also had scars on his hands and pantalone knew he wouldn't judge him. however, there was always that nagging voice in the back of his mind telling him otherwise. for a businessman, he was supposed to be pristine, not painted with scars.
his hands were his greatest insecurity. from his biased perspective, they looked utterly horrifying. pantalone had never bothered to take great care of them, allowing years of scars and calluses to build up over time. every time he stared down at his bare skin, a wave of self-hatred hits him hard. all pantalone can do was conceal his imperfections with his gloves and forced a professional smile on his face.
for a long time, pantalone wore thick gloves on his hands and sometimes kept them buried deep within his coat pockets. he tried to casually play it off whenever dottore brought up his habits, insisting that the weather had simply been too cold lately. as if snezhnaya wasn't always cold everyday, what a terrible lie. but dottore didn't bother to press the matter any further.
of course, there wasn't a part of pantalone that didn't feel guilty for withdrawing his touch from his lover. and yet, it was difficult to swallow down those insecurities and simply ignore his negative thoughts.
he continued to avoid the subject until dottore brought it up again during one of his routine check-ups. except, dottore had a tendency to be well.. direct with his words, not realizing how they might come across to others. "take it off."
"pardon?" pantalone tilted his head in confusion, which made dottore soften his words. "i meant your gloves. take them off, please." he watched as the banker's body tensed, freezing on the spot. pantalone tried to look away, fidgeting with his hands nervously.
perhaps he had still been a bit too forward with his approach, which was unfortunate. dottore could only sighed, removing the mask from his face and setting it aside on a nearby table. he took a seat beside pantalone, reaching out to take one of his hands into his own. "apologies, i was too forceful with my words. i just.. don't understand. you're not afraid of my scars, and yet you're scared to show me your own."
dottore felt a slight tremble coming from pantalone's hand, gently squeezing it to reassure him. "feofan, i have operated on you more times than i can count. i have seen every part of you, even the ones you hate. i won't feel disgusted, i promise."
pantalone let out a shaky breath, fighting back every emotion that threatened to spill out. he was truly afraid that if he spoke, he might cry on the spot. instead, he finally made an effort to peel away his gloves, resting the fabric on his lap.
he knows that he can't avoid his scars forever, his eyelashes rapidly blinking away the tears. his vision was beyond blurry and he really didn't want to cry infront of dottore. pantalone knew it was ridiculous to feel ashamed of the state of his hands. but his insecurities still held him down, thoughts spiraling in his head.
the silence was suffocating for a moment until dottore finally made a move. he removed his own gloves, tossing them aside without a care. he laced their fingers together, lifting their joined hands and pressing a kiss on the top of them. "beautiful. just like you, love."
pantalone felt his eyes watered even more before a few droplets rolled his cheeks. he began to cry more when dottore peppered kisses across his hand, treating each scar as if it were precious. he sniffled, using his sleeve to wipe away the tears streaming down his face. "d-do you truly mean that, zandik?"
"yes, very much." dottore could hear the slight doubt in his lover's voice, deciding to reassure pantalone with a quick kiss on the lips. the last thing he wanted was for pantalone to feel uncertain about his words. "i'm so damn lucky to have you as my significant other."
"heh, you could just say 'boyfriend', dear..."
"... don't nitpick me right now, not when your face is still a mess." pantalone let out a soft chuckle, he couldn't argue with that fact. his face was indeed a mess but it didn't bother him at the moment. pantalone did think it was endearing that dottore was far too shy to admit the status of their relationship, as if it were all a dream he could wake up from. "you're blushing, zandik."
"and so are you. now, hush and let me dry your face." dottore rolled his eyes, feigning annoyance as he used some tissues to clean the tears from pantalone's cheeks. despite their little bantering, pantalone was grateful to have dottore by his side. once his face was dry from tears, his glasses finally returned to his face, despite the redness around his eyes.
"... thank you, dear. you don't know how much this means to me." a soft, genuine smile of gratitude formed on pantalone's lips, which was terribly contagious as a smile formed on his lover's face too. dottore reached for one of the banker's hands again, pressing another kiss on his knuckles. "you're welcome. at least.. we're matching now. scars and all."
pantalone didn't feel ashamed anymore, resting his head against dottore's shoulder. perhaps he might take his gloves off more often in private, behind closed doors. at least they had each other, through thick and thin. maybe, in time, pantalone would feel more comfortable with his scars, viewing them as a proof of everything he had endured and survived♡
I really enjoyed this post-paralogism kaebedo fic by @nitilia so I made it into a comic.
ty for reading please read the fic if u havent and you enjoy kaebedo🍏👍👍
please also ignore any errors and inconsistencies and simplification i went a little crazy after the first week of this.
I have never drawn diluc before and I only looked up refs halfway through drawing this. Now I know what that strange man with a pyro vision looks like. kind of.
shoutout to big man and miss pom for letting me borrow your eyes
