#regrator

if there was a reason behind your lack of presence at formal events, it had to be the small talk and the drunken talk. the kind where people no longer even knew what the hell they were even going on about — where personal space became optional, and where ‘no’ was just a suggestion no matter how many times it was said.

something you were not entirely a fan of, as you stepped back with an awkward laugh and a dream to put space between the two of you. conversation could be had without breaching one’s personal bubble, and yet he was drawing closer to you not even a second after. there might as well have been metal attached to your body and an eager magnet on his.

and the yapping — archons, it never ended. he was stressing- insisting that you joined him at his place for the night, promising the world if you did. breakfast, clothes, the finest wine in his cellar — everything he could think of in the moment despite repeating some options ( see wine ) more than once already.

but what the hell would that do for you when this guy was hardly someone you wanted to spend an evening with? for goodness sake, you were in the middle of getting rid of him and nothing seemed to get your point across!

there was but a final resort left, and it was a hard lie, no doubt about it.. something you might even regret if worse came to worst.

but if it could get this squid off your back, you were willing to deal with those consequences after.

clearing your throat when the other seemed to lean forward to claim your lips, you placed a gloved hand over his own, offering a strained smile. “look, no offense — but i fear i cannot possibly be kissing strangers here, sir.. my partner,” you paused, looking around for good measure. “it’d be such a betrayal to him- to his affection, and i couldn’t possibly do that to someone i so dearly love.. so if you would,” a pause, a breath. “please refrain from overstepping such boundaries with me.” otherwise, hands were about to be thrown.

only when the weight didn’t push anymore against your palm did you remove it from his mouth, stepping back an inch with a hope that your point might have gotten across. it was the old, ‘sorry i have a lover’ trick — which worked quite often, and usually got people to back off..

but by the skeptical look you were given in return, this guy.. wasn’t budging.

“strange.” the nobleman finally said, folding his arms over his chest. “if you have a boyfriend, then why isn’t he with you? why leave you alone for the night? to toy with the feelings of others?” he pressed, stepping forward. “i don’t buy it one bit.”

annoyed, you backed up another step, patience leaving you as you fought back the urge to clock him right then and there for the public to see. “it’s an event — we are allowed to mingle and not be glued to one another for the entirety of its duration. furthermore there’s something called trust and oh, i don’t know, boundaries.” something he certainly wouldn’t know about. “so either take my word for it, or i’ll call him over right now and tell him you tried taking advantage of me.”

being the one to stumble back this time, he let out an appalled gasp, or scoff — you weren’t sure, shifting a hand over his heart in offense. “i have done nothing of the sort, and now you’re just — making things up! lying through your teeth!”

and that was the last straw.

turning on your heel after a scalding glare, you marched up to the nearest contender — tall, lean perhaps, clad in opulent black and violet fabrics — evidently engaged with a masked man dressed in white, azure and onyx. good grief, you felt bad to have to do this- but what other choice did you have?

“excuse me,” you called out loud enough to reach his ears, mentally whipping yourself for having interrupted the conversation of not one, but two beautiful men that looked strikingly familiar. goodness, if they were harbingers- it was so over for you, but that could be dealt with later.

this was the priority.

“hm?” the dark haired one mused out, offering a small smile. “is something the matter? i don’t believe we’ve-”

“sorry-! just follow my lead!” you intercepted, pulling the raven haired male against your lips for a haphazard, but telling kiss. it wasn’t by any means your best work, however it wasn’t meant to be. it was something to ward off the piece of shit staring with his jaw dropped for flies to take up residence.

only when you caught him turning away did you take a step back from the man you had just shared breath with, straightening your clothing out before offering a sympathetic look. “forgive my actions — that was.. barely consensual, considering what i was just trying to avoid.. but i couldn’t think of anything else.” you tried explaining, holding up a handkerchief to the other, who more or less had opened up his eyes to really see you this time.

and rather than anger, or to snatch the cloth from your hands, amusement had adorned his features, along with this quiet aura of understanding.

he smiled, to your absolute surprise. “no need to ask for forgiveness of any kind, certainly with a reason like that.. i almost wonder how such a man had managed to slip into an event like this, nobility or not..”

“those with wealth and even an inkling of status flaunt their mora like second nature.” the seafoam haired male chimed in, tucking one hand behind his back. “i shall alert fatui personnel to dispose of him immediately. do excuse me, and i better not catch you with another cigarette in my absence, regrator.”

regrator? that was.. oh.

just your fucking luck — they were harbingers. and you just kissed the ninth.

dammit.

“of course i walk up to the finance guy..” you muttered mostly to yourself, tucking away the fabric in your hands before leaning forward to bow. “my apologies — i was.. not aware that you were pantalone of the fatui harbingers. i don’t think i would have gone up to you otherwise..” you spoke up, lifting your head only when you heard the low chuckle above you.

“does my rank make me less of a contender for a fake boyfriend?” he parroted back, tilting his head. “if anything, i would quicker think that it would be of more value.”

letting out a sigh that more or less became an exhausted laugh of your own, you rolled your eyes, shaking your head. “it’s more so that i shouldn’t involve a harbinger in something as mundane as this.” in other words, a coverup because someone didn’t get the memo.

but at least another did.

pushing up his glasses, pantalone then extended a leather-clad palm, humming. “well, i’d say i am quite involved now.” he whispered, dark curls bouncing as he leaned forward. “so might i interest you in something as mundane as a dance?” he offered, meeting your gaze. “i wouldn’t make a good fake partner if i didn’t, after all.”

incredulous, your eyes locked with his violet ones, blinking once and then twice before you placed your hand in his own after a hum of consideration. “i guess you wouldn’t.” you returned, moving your opposite hand to his shoulder. “‘suppose we’d better fix that, then.”

“already a step ahead of you, my dear.” he chuckled again, allowing his free hand to meet your hip. “however, i do expect an appropriate payment afterwards.”

your lips curled, lashes lowering cheekily. “a less sloppy and half-assed kiss, got it.”

notes. sorry this is a little rushed</3 still trying to recover a little but i wanted to finish this up since i had a draft for it :’) anyway- i haven’t written much for pantalone but i hope i was able to get his character ok!

tysm for reading! consider leaving a tip if you enjoyed<3