hello

point out people’s mistakes and failures to them? in front of others?

belittle their accomplishments and successes? in front of others?

make fun of people and laugh at them? in front of others?

do all this secretly to your ‘friends’ because friendship means being able to ‘joke around with’ each other, or ‘be brutally honest’ with each other?

bring up past grievances with people over and over until they’ve apologized ‘enough’, or just to shut down arguments with them, or get out of conversations you don’t want to have?

refuse to do favors for people? like when you feel they haven’t ‘earned’ your time or effort? or at all because you don’t want to be ‘taken advantage’ of?

try to get out of paying your share of bills, doing your share of chores? spend time figuring out exactly how little you can contribute to groups in terms of time, effort, and money, without anyone noticing or getting too mad at you?

get angry and jealous when people are happy about things that don’t concern you? get angry and jealous when people pay attention to each other and not you?

spend any amount of time ‘getting even’ with people?

THIS BEHAVIOR IS MEAN.

you might feel like you’re a perfectly nice person who cares a lot about people but also speak your mind and take no shit! but if you do any of this stuff, people won’t like you anymore, because it fucking sucks to be around you. you suck to interact with. no one fucking likes being mocked, criticized, picked on, upstaged, pushed around, mooched off, or revenged upon. they will, if they have any self-respect at all, avoid you.

My 3 rules for life are:

Find something to like about everybody

I know, this sounds sappy and ridiculous. But I’m serious. Yes, even the guy hogs your parking space. Yes, even the bitch at the library. I’m not saying you have to like everyone; I’m saying you should like at least one thing about everyone. (Maybe that guy wears great looking ties. Maybe Library Bitch is also super funny. Whatever it is.) This will make your life much, much easier; you’ll find that people you don’t like are a bit more tolerable, and people you’re neutral towards are a bit pleasant to be around. It’ll also make you less mean! People can often tell when you don’t like them, whether you think your dislike is justified or not, and if you can find at least one think to like about them then you’ll find that you interactions with them are more pleasant for both of you! It also makes it easier not to be mean to people behind their backs; you can talk about that dude’s cool ties instead of expressing your frustration by finding something mean to say! If you feel the need to compliment them, you have a ready, completely sincere compliment topic! And, most importantly, it develops critically important mental habits on not being mean. If you get into the habit of finding something to like about every new person you meet, you’ll develop a nicer and more appreciative outlook. You’ll start new relationships off on the right foot and get better at seeing the good in people generally! These mental habits are a great shield against falling into the opposite habit, of amusing yourself by finding things to look down on or talking behind people’s backs about negative things. (Obviously, you should also find something you like about all of your friends.)

Obey the Campground Rule in all things

The Campground Rule is the rule of courtesy when camping on public land: leave your campsite better than you found it. You’re a guest on the land, so be courteous. Don’t leave rubbish, and if you find other people’s rubbish, pick it up; make it so that you being there improved the campsite.

Leave it better than you found it.

I found that my life improved dramatically when I made it a rule to employ the campground rule in all things. Staying at a friend’s place? Leave it cleaner than when you arrived. Hanging out with some people? Leave them happier than when you arrived. Wasting an afternoon on Tumblr dot com? Write or reblog something funny, be friendly to other people; improve other peoples’ experiences.

You don’t have to do fix everything. You’re not a superhero and you’re not expected to be. But if you get into the habit of improving everything just a little bit, this will make your life better in a variety of ways. Like the first rule, this has some immediate benefits in that it makes you more pleasant to be around and other people will want to be around you/help you more, but the real benefit is in forming mental habits; if you focus more on the challenge of ‘how can I improve this a little bit?’ then you’re not focusing on unhelpful shit like ‘am I coming out of this ‘on top’ by getting away with not paying/doing my share?’ or ‘how can I get the most out of this for me, personally?’ or ‘oh, did that guy put in less work than me? I think he did! I’m gonna investigate that so I can complain about it if I’m right!’ Unless you’re being regularly taken advantage of (in which case this isn’t the advice you need), these thought patterns are unhelpful. Focusing on the Campground Rule is better for your mental health and your personality.

Before engaging, ask: ‘Do I want to escalate this’?

Do you really want to bring up some random shit your friend did a year ago that nobody can do anything about now? Why? Just to make them feel bad? Is that going to accomplish anything?

Do you really want to anonymously message that dude who said something that pissed you off on the internet? Why? Is pissing him off too going to help anything?

Do you really want to respond to that inflammatory post and get into a six hour pointless argument? Do you really want to turn to your friend and make fun of that woman who just walked past, starting an incredibly witty Diss Conversation that’s just you and your friend being mean for four hours? Do you want to post that angry screed online? Do you want to criticise your cousin’s pronunciation of ‘lieutenant’ at the dinner table?

Ah, I see. Thank you for your honesty. Please, take as much as you need. There will be enough for everyone.

A change of scenery. Simple, but marvelous.

A glimpse into your future, for you brave souls! (Divination is tricky business, tread carefully my dear!)

Knowledge from the universe, eh? Perhaps this will be of interest to you.

Rest for the weary, right this way. It's a personal favourite of mine.

A home-cooked meal you say? I like how you think! A labour of love worth savoring (and sharing with friends!)

For something to pass the time, try looking here, or if that doesn't hit the spot, here.

Seeking adventure to a far-off place? I know a way to get you there.

✨

by Maggie Smith

Me: *watches the end of his dark materials; remembers my mom first reading the books to me when I was six*