Lou

missing my closest and dearest friend, jean moreau

don't know what's been going on in the aftg fandom lately, but in all the years I've been a part of it, I've NEVER seen so many defenders and so many disgusting, stupid people romanticizing Riko. Seriously, guys, what kind of worm is eating away at these people's brains? It's fucking disgusting to bring up this idea that at some point he and Kevin were really like brothers or acting as if their relationship could have been healthy in some way. Aaaaa, I'm going crazy, I swear i'm going to starr hittin people

omg i'm rereading the raven king and just notice for the first time that when pig higgins call andrew to talk about the investigations andrew stares at aaron and i know what all that shit means HE STARES AARON OMG IM GONNA THROW UP

i would like jean to know that i'm also learning french because of him

remembering Neil saying he was better at starting fights than winning them, and proving it right away by calling Kevin a crip*le and immediately running away lol

adam parrish nobody will ever get you like i do

I can't stand ronan describing in four paragraphs that there are no words to describe the hatred he feels for going to Aglionby, only to then say that the school had just gotten better in the moment adam SMILED at him, like, damn, boy.

thinking about how relieved Gansey felt and how he said he was glad his friend took things out of his dreams and one of those things had hurt him because that was better than the idea that he had done it against himself, but he did, it was ronan's dreams it was his mind, it was his feelings, it was him creating criatures that wanted him dead... thinking about the “why do you hate yourself so much?” line

when Adam Parrish said that he wasn’t always alone but he was always lonesome.. bro I felt it

I can't stop thinking about the way Ronan and Adam love each other, so calm and so intense at the same time, Ronan loved Adam from the very first minute and begged God for him, "please", he said... then they became friends and Ronan didn't say anything when he loved and wanted Adam all that time, I can't imagine how he felt seeing Adam with Blue and not being able to say anything, seeing Adam being abused by his father and not being able to do anything. I can't stop thinking about the interactions between them, the soft smiles and laughter they shared, the glances exchanged... "maybe i dreamed you", and for god's sakes the "the ocean is burning"... omg, I just love them so much I can't breathe

the way I send a lot of text and voice messages to my friends when I'm excited about something only to feel guilty afterwards as if I'm the most annoying person in the world and they hate me and just don't know how to say it

the fact that noah czerny once said "I was more when I was alive" and not even his friends who loved and welcomed him will ever know what that noah was like, a noah full of life and plans, a noah who wasn't tired of decaying. I love him and he will always be enough, but I never stop thinking about everything he could have been, what his choices would have been and what direction his life would have taken if he hadn't been taken away in the most brutal way possible.

I need a fresh start