You Should Be Proud of Being an Introvert
Photo by Cassie Boca on Unsplash
Itâs Saturday night, and Iâm home alone.
While the whole city around me is probably out partying, Iâm in my room listening to my favorite lo-fi playlist on Spotify, snacking on some popcorn, and typing away on my computer â it might sound like a wasted Saturday night for most of you, but let me tell you, I couldnât be more in my element.
Donât get me wrong, I would go crazy if I never got out of my house, but in this stimuli-filled world, I can only stand so many hours of social interaction before I feel completely drained and need some me time to recharge my batteries. The same is true for university, for example: While I enjoy attending certain lectures and seminars, I still perform better on my exams if Iâm able to prepare by myself, which is why the silence and calmness of my room are much appreciated. Even when it comes to work, I have no problem following orders, but most of the time Iâm better off doing things on my own anyway.
Iâll just go ahead and say it, Iâm an introvert.
As I write this, something feels off and the same question keeps on popping into my head:Â Why should I even have to convince people that being an introvert is a good thing?
The problem is, in AnaĂŻs Ninâs words, that our culture made a virtue of living only as extroverts.
In todayâs society, introversion is often seen as an undesirable trait. Even I myself, as an introvert, used to think that way. As a teenager you could often catch me staring at the extroverted kids, thinking, why canât I be like that?
Luckily, thatâs not the way I look at it anymore, and Iâm here to tell you why you shouldnât either. To be completely honest, Iâm quite happy with the person Iâm turning out to be, and I believe it was, to a great extent, my introverted self who made me the man I am today.
I admit it, we donât talk much, but is that really a bad thing?
As introverts, we usually feel less comfortable talking, so we take our time before we actually decide to do so. But think about it, if weâre not talking, that means weâre listening. If weâre not talking, that means weâre choosing the right words to properly express ourselves. If weâre not talking, that means we feel thereâs nothing worth saying â we like to focus on quality, not quantity, so that when we do talk, we actually add value to the conversation.
My grandmother used to say that I rarely spoke during arguments, but when I did, it was like my words slapped everyone in the face.
Put differently, if you think before speaking, you can carefully pick and choose what you say, which then allows for your words to have a bigger impact. Now donât get me wrong, talking a lot isnât necessarily the problem,talking for talkingâs sake is â or, as Stuart Wilde puts it in his book âSilent Powerâ:
âMost people talk too much, and what they do say is often just noise or irrelevant gibberish designed to keep themselves entertained.â
The ability to just shut up and listen allows us to do more than just thinking before speaking, though:
Yes, our social circle is probably smaller than that of an extrovert, but remember, quality, not quantity.
I recently watched a TedTalk by Dr. Raj Persaud,âThe Psychology of Seductionâ, and out of the 16-minute talk, there was something that I found particularly interesting: Dr. Raj explains how there are three âphasesâ to a relationship â attention, interest, and maintenance. Apparently, extroverts are better at catching the interest and attention of a potential lover, introverted people, on the other hand, are better at maintaining the relationship.
While Dr. Rajâs seduction tips were probably developed with romantic relationships in mind, I think the theory applies to any type of connection between two human beings.
As introverts, we often have a harder time making friends, let alone flirting with someone we find attractive, but the few times we are able to take down that interest/attention barrier that extroverts can so effortlessly walk through, the bond we create is long-lasting and, dare I say, indestructible. Some of the closest people to me are childhood friends that I now rarely see, others I met randomly through life and hang out with almost daily â but regardless of the frequency with which we see each other, regardless of how, when or where we met, I know I can count on them at any time, for anything.
I can count these people on one hand, and I wouldnât have it any other way â I donât need, and to be honest donât want, a bunch of mere acquaintances to hang out with every time I have nothing better to do:
We feel comfortable being alone
Weâre not socially awkward, weâre not antisocial, weâre not lonely â but weâre comfortable even with no oneâs company but our own.
Our society is pretty much built by extroverts, for extroverts: At school they push you to come out of your shell, at work they highly encourage group brainstorming sessions; the world pretty much teaches us, from a very young age, that we must become more extroverted. While there isnât anything inherently wrong with any of that, you canât deny that, as a society, weâve lost a basic yet foundational capability, being alone with our thoughts.
In his Pensees, philosopher Blaise Pascal wrote that âall of humanityâs problems, stem from manâs inability to seat quietly in a room alone.â
I donât know if I fully agree with such an extreme statement, but I definitely get Pascalâs point: Most people nowadays canât even fathom spending a Saturday night at home.
Yet here I am, Saturday night, talking to you through my computer, writing, and listening to music, all by myself. Iâd be lying if I said I stay at home every day and night of the week, but I do find myself craving more alone time than most of my peers â as an introvert, I have a preference for more quiet, minimally stimulating environments, which is why Iâm not only comfortable, I actually enjoy seating quietly in a room, alone.
Bill Gates, for example, is living proof of how introverts enjoy and actually thrive during their alone time: He is arguably the most successful introvert on this planet, and from time to time he likes to have what he calls âthink weeksâ.Â
 wrote a great article on them, but in short, a think week is a week in which Gates decides to go off the grid, separate from civilization and just reflect and ponder on different subjects, like the future of technology.
Who wouldâve thought, Bill Gates, the co-founder and chairman of Microsoft, an introvert:
I donât think thereâs a scientifically-proven list of qualities needed for great leadership, but if I asked you to come up with one yourself, what would you write down? It would probably look something like this: Assertive, talkative, sociable, action-oriented, confident â extroverts are usually regarded by society as natural born leaders, and honestly, I can see why.
I can see why, but are they actually right?
According to the data, not completely: In 2012 Susan Cain published a book called âQuiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Canât Stop Talkingâ, and the whole second chapter was pretty much dedicated to debunking this myth. As she puts it:
âExtroverts are routinely chosen for leadership positions and introverts are looked over, even though introverts often deliver better outcomes.â
The numbers speak clearly, our world population is equally divided: Half introverts, half extroverts, give or take. Still, according to a study presented by the Wall Street Journal, only 5% of midlevel managers are considered introverts, the number goes down to 3% when it comes to executives, and as low as 2% for top executives.
As you can see, not many introverts get to those leadership positions, but the few who do, tend to deliver incredible results.
Elon Musk, Warren Buffet, Mahatma Gandhi, Rosa Parks, Abraham Lincoln. Whether it be running a company, a country, or a movement, these names have had a massive influence in their respective fields, and they are/were all introverts.
According to Cain, the secret behind these quiet leadersâ successful leadership, can be boiled down to two main factors:
By nature, us introverts, tend to get extremely passionate about the matters that interest us in life. Passion for our work, a cause, or a mission, allows us to gain expertise, inspire trust, and make alliances â in other words, when the people we are leading feel that commitment, they too get inspired and fully invest themselves in that work, cause, or mission.
A less romantic, yet fundamental aspect of quiet leadership, is our ability to listen: âIntroverted leaders tend to solicit ideas from other people and listen to those ideas and use them, so there is not as much of a brain drainâ, said Cain in an interview with WorkHuman Radio.
Before I let you go, Iâd like to clear one thing up:Â This is in no way, shape or form an attack on extroverted people.
I just thought itâd be nice to, for once, praise all the introverts out there.
We are used to being told that we should talk more, open up more, go out more, but I firmly believe that thinking more, pondering more, and reflecting more, is equally as important.
So, to all my fellow introverts out there, keep being yourself, and remember:
âSpend your free time the way you like, not the way you think youâre supposed to.â
â Susan Cain
