heaven on earth

July 13, 2026

21 says sober

Im still struggling with following even the simplest of tasks.

But with that came awareness.

The first step to recovery has always been acceptence.

I thought acceptence of addiction, but its more than that. Its acceptance of oneself. To accept myself I have to look in the deepest darkest corners of my mind. Disecting my self image.

I've learned that I view myself through the eyes of the world and people who have hurt me. Never the ones who have loved me. Which is one of the reasons for my addiction. I relapse because its overwhelming and hurtful and I immediately want to numb my pain. As if I have no resilience or strength. Which is what this is all about.

But diving into my head proves that I am strong and resilient and this is apart of my journey.

Im gonna take some time to sit in my pain and allow myself to go into a depression. These emotions are overbearing. They break my heart over and over again still everytime I replay it in my head which is 55% of the time. I try to keep busy so I dont have to think. But this time, im facing it. Im gonna feel everything that I need to feel to move forward. Im working on my self image.

First thing I ask myself is, what do I think of myself. And sit with it. Wether it be ideologies of myself from others, or myself. Im gonna sit with the dark side of it and acknowledge the dark hurtful thoughts. Im gonna let it hurt me forreal this one last time. So I can move on.

I will be writing down every negative thought I have about myself. Until I do not have anymore new ones. Almost like abuse? Am I going the right way? Is this the right thing to do? I dont want to hurt myself anymore. Mentally or physically. But something is telling me to dive in. Im not sure its god. Should I listen? ... maybe just a little.

July 8, 2026

I think its definitely too soon to try to detox from my phone. I need to do it slowly and without pressure. I need to focus on sobriety in other ways.

I realized my phone is now my outlet.

I need to make new outlets. I need to fill the emptiness of sobriety in a healthy way. I need to gain something, cause I just gave something up.

What should it be?

Idk.

Maybe exercise?

I need to explore and try different things.

July 6 2026

Today marks day 14. Im still sober.

Im doing very good. My dependence on my phone has increased.

Starting tomorrow, the 7th, I will be detoxing/ working towards eliminating my addiction to screen time. I used it as a crutch for 2 weeks. I dont need it anymore. Maybe i do. Idk. We will see. Starting tomorrow hopefully I can go 2 weeks at least without using it 24/7.

Ill allow myself to use it for phone calls, gps, some texting. On sunday ill allow myself 1 hour of screentime, whatever i wanna do (doom scroll)

im getting a camera charger so I can use a camera for photos and videos rather than my phone.

Im gonna use the TV as a crutch tho for this. And watch movies or videos.

Im gonna stick to my vulnerability chore chart. I haven't been consistent with it at all. Just doing the bare minimum to survive. Maybe im taking things too fast?

Im not sure. But i will have the chore chart as a crutch. And i may start to journal instead of blogging. When I can I will transfer from journal to here.

Let's hope things go as planned.

Chore chart, and tv. This is take 1 on no phone and no weed.

June 27, 2026

Last night was the first night I saw my appetite increase and my energy.

I had so much energy i started dancing all around.

I ate my favorite food too. (Pho)

The only down fall was restlessness. I couldn't sleep. Took me 2 hours to fall asleep.

On my chore chart I was able to do these things:

1. Sunbathe (it was raining so I sat in the rain)

2. Ate soup

3. Water

4. Read a book to my dependent

5. Prayer

6. Watched movies in pijamas

7. I made a cup of tea

Today, im getting cramps all around my body. My legs, my uterus, my feet and hands. Im also very very anxious. My body is restless. I feel like running for miles. I have alot of energy in my body that is trying to escape. Im getting sweats all over my body as well.

Im nauseous too, wanna throw up all the time. I cant really eat rn. I feel sick. And tired.

Im getting really bored tho, my phone isn't that fun lol. Imma start cleaning and see what that does different.

June 26, 2026

Today marks day 4 of my fast.

Im starting to tweak out 😭 im very snappy, Fiesty, and short tempered. Yet im excited to do little things. Like go outside. My energy levels are rising slowly but surely.

I went to the grocery store yesterday, I got water and I got herbs as a reward for my 3 days sober (dandelion root & cloves) . My next reward will be @ 10 days. I also did get my chicken and rice dinner (: I ate half of my dinner & some fruit yesterday. My appetite is coming back as well, little by little.

One issue im noticing, without weed, im becoming dependent on screen time. I've struggled with codependency all my life. And now, the weed was replaced with my phone. Doom scrolling for hours since I started this fast. But its ok for now, cause That will be the next breakthrough.

To help myself, is put my screens on black and white so the real world is more exciting than my phone. I will watch TV instead of direct access on my phone. But I dont want to put to much pressure because the goal here is sobriety.

Progress, not perfection.

From my chore chart i accomplished this:

1. Food and water

2. Prayer

3. Sat outside and soaked up the sun (falls under the walk catagory) (no it doesnt)

4. Watched toy Story 4 with my dependent.

Thank you for all the support 🤍 here's to sobriety! 🎉

xoxo

Ps. I added sunbathing to the chore chart cause it really isn't the same as taking a walk. Its much easier.

Life is beautiful. Amen

Today is day 3 of my weed fast. Its going good. The goal is 365 days this time. I can celebrate with other things. Maybe by buying a whole dinner for my entire family to celebrate sobriety. We will see.

Yesterday I was able to eat a veggie sandwhich. That was it, my appetite coming back little by little. But my stomach feels tight and I still feel nausea and a bit of a headache ache. Im very tired too, I slept in until about 11 today. (Im usually up by 7am)

I fed my dependents, more than day 1. Also made them a sweet treat (:

Thought about weed not much yesterday, but I was tempted.

From my chore chart i was able to accomplish these tasks:

1. Shower

2. Eat/ drink

3. Watch a movie

4. Skimmed through a herbal book

5. Played with my dependent.

6. Prayer. Not 5 times like the day before though.

Progress is progressing and im proud!!! I weigh 170 now. I lost another lb.

Yesterday ; June 23, 2026

Was my first day fasting from the sin that has me in shackles. Smoking weed.

I've quit many times before and relapsed many times before.

It may not be a class A drug, but its a drug. A drug i used to escape reality for the past 11 years. Since I was 14. Weed no longer serves me. But My flesh craves it.

What matters here is post No. 2! And the chore chart is created. That is my blueprint in this state of vulnerability.

On Day 1 of fasting from weed, I was only able to do 3 things on my vulnerability chore chart. I showered, fed my dependent, and prayed everytime I was tempted. About 7 times.

I didnt feed myself, my appetite was suppressed. I barely drank water. My head was throbbing all day, I felt nauseous all day. I lost 2 lbs from not eating. I doom scrolled for 8 hrs as a distraction.

Yet- im proud of the progress.

Today is day 2.

I feel, nausea still. A headache, not as strong as last night though. Im tired, exhausted. I just want to sleep. I have a bit of an appetite today.

xoxo

Resilience - The ability to adapt, recover, and grow stronger in the face of stress, adversity, or trauma.

It's been on my mind heavily.

I've become self aware of my toxic patterns/ cycles.

Never would’ve though, if i never fell.

I was 3 months sober, After 11 years of not sobering.

Temptation.

I fall into temptation, then my fear overweighs my love for god. I spiral. The cycle starts.

I can see that Humans cling to the past because there's comfort in the known, and its predictability. Even if it is painful. Letting go requires stepping into uncertainty, which can be uncomfortable and anxiety-inducing. There may also be a fear of losing important memories or connections, making it difficult to release the emotional weight of past experiences.

So I'm wedging a space between us… because of fear

I strengthen my faith in God. I trust that his will is better than my own. That everything is exactly as it should be, in exactly every moment.

Resilience comes from leaning on God's power rather than human self-reliance. I encourage everyone to view trials as opportunities for character growth. Trusting that God works all difficulties together for good.

To help, I created a mini chore chart that Practices Basic human needs. This chore chart is called, “Chore chart of vulnerability”. Engaging with this chore chart will help train me to get up quicker, after I fall. I will not need this chore chart when I'm high on life, only when I feel depressed. When I cant get out of bed. When the world moves on without me. For when im stuck in my head. Or too lost in sin. I designed it to be a helping hand through Jesus’ everlasting love.

In Jesus name, amen.

Xoxo

6/19/2026

Hey Hola, 

Welcome to my Tumblr! This is my first post on 2HeavenOnEarth.

I chose heaven on earth to describe the blog and a new era. There's more depth to the name that I can't quite put into words. With time, I'll express it.

I would like to remain anonymous for now. Here's 3 words to describe me; God, Grounding, & Nirvana.

Thank you for reading and engaging with my Blog <3

xoxo