sad-eyed lady of the lowlands

“The Kiss” a Klimt notebook my ex sent to my house, when it arrived, we weren’t talking with each other anymore and he was with another girl. My mind keeps ruminating on a lot of questions. All the time. And I can’t do anything to stop it, I can’t do anything at all. That used to be my favorite Klimt painting.

was it all a plan to leave me and meet her? how long was it going on? were you posting that you were buying things for me because you wanted her to see and get jealous? what was the point of everything? did you do it on purpose? was there ever a letter? if not, why would you lie about it? why? if I didn’t unblock you that day, what would happen? would you contact me or just go see her and ignore me? would you ever try to apologize? were you giving me things then because you were already planning everything to leave me and you felt secure with her? what the fuck happened? how could you be so cruel and say that you sent me a letter just to keep me waiting for something that never arrives? hoping for something that never existed? why would you do this to a person? you bought me the present on purpose because you knew that when I received it you would already be with someone else? was it to punish me? or was it because you hated me? what did you tell her about me before everything happened? did she know how much you said you loved me? did she know about our story?

I don’t know, and even though I keep asking myself these questions over and over in my head I believe (and hope) that it wont matter one day