its just us

Harry’s album had already been out since midnight and you had to physically restrain yourself from listening to it. You wanted tonight to be the first night you listened to all of his new songs. 

Either way, you knew they were going to be amazing. 

You had also already chosen your outfit for the night. Which surprisingly had taken you so long to put together. 

Simply because you wanted to look your absolute best tonight. 

You searched throughout Twitter for concert inspiration and for any ideas that would help you. You knew fashion. You worked in fashion. You had your own famous fashion line and you still had no idea what to wear to this concert. 

You’ve been to plenty of his concerts before. You even remember the outfits you wore to one direction concerts and it secretly made you cringe. Flashbacks of textured shorts and frail crop tops fill your mind. 

But now.. now you wanted to surprise him and feel good. It’s been way too long since you had seen Harry's face and you missed him. 

So, you did what you do best and you made your own outfit. 

You ended up making a black jumpsuit with an amazing sequin fabric which covered every inch of it. It was long enough to pair with your favorite platform heeled boots that were comfy enough to be standing a long period of time in. You made the top of the jumpsuit have a cross neck fixture with a triangle opening right underneath your sternum and you made the back to match. 

Now, it was just time for the clock to strike five for you to start to get ready. 

So, here you are. Fiddling with your phone to try and pass the time faster. 

You hop off the stool and move to your private sunroom in your penthouse that overlooks the river. You bask in the sun on your skin and wonder how tonight will go. 

Hopefully everything goes well and Harry’s only expression when he sees you is happiness. 

You can only hope. 

You tug on your oversized silk blazer as you walk down the backstage hallway of MSG with Jeff by your side. 

“Harry might shit himself when he sees you,” Jeff says to you with wild eyes and a loud laugh as you try and match his fast pace down the hall. 

You let out your own nervous one as you fix your hair for the millionth time as you follow him. 

“Don’t worry. I just might, too.” 

You weren’t lying. You genuinely felt sick to your stomach. You had decided to wait until you knew that Harry would already be almost going on to text Jeff that you were waiting at the back entrance for him. Just so he wouldn’t be able to tell Harry you were here. 

“The concert already started, but don’t freak. It just started,” Jeff says casually as you start to see the flashing lights from behind the curtain. 

You still for a second right before you pass the curtain to let out a shaky breath. Reminding yourself to calm down. That it’s only Harry. 

Jeff’s hands are suddenly touching your shoulders and he’s giving you a reassuring smile. 

“Don’t be nervous. He’s going to be happy to see you. Trust me.” 

You nod quickly and your senses are suddenly filled with loud screams. Thousands and thousands of people screaming for Harry. For your Harry and it makes your heart warm. 

You follow Jeff to the side of the main stage behind a barricade, but in perfect view of Harry. And your eyes start to water as soon as you see him. 

He’s wearing an adorable white shirt that’s lined with red hearts, black leather figure hugging pants, red sneakers, and a big chunky yellow necklace. 

You cover your mouth to hold in your own cry, quickly shaking off the nerves as you settle into the spot next to Jeff, and you zone out as you admire Harry in his zone. 

The way the music completely takes over his body and his actions. The way you can tell he lets the music get into his bones by the way he lets it take over and how he dances. The way he lets himself be free in a room filled with people that love him. People that you know he loves. His fans. His wonderful, amazing, love filled fans. 

The way he smiles, laughs, and giggles so hard his dimples end up showing. And how he looks so freaking happy it makes you want to burst into tears. 

You can easily tell this is his favorite thing to do. Just by looking at him. He’s the type of person that you can just watch and admire because everything he does leaves you in awe. 

And that’s exactly how you feel. 

Then, at the right moment when he’s prancing around the stage, and running on your side of the stage.. he glances down to look at Jeff and then he sees you. 

You both lock eyes at the same time and he trips on his own feet, halting in front of you, and the screaming only intensifies when he breaks out into the biggest smile you’ve seen on him all night. 

His hands immediately go to his heart and you see his eyes water as you smile back at him with matching watery eyes. He reaches for you with a small “Hi” leaving his lips and you mouth it back. You can tell he wants to say something else, but he quickly shakes his head with a grin and goes back to dancing around the stage. 

You can hear fans calling out your name from around you as now they’ve noticed you. You look around, giving a small wave at the fans near you, and they shriek when you look at them. 

You blush under their gazes as it never gets any less weird for you that people actually know who you are. But feeling grateful nonetheless. 

Harry makes his way to your corner of the stage after he sings probably the saddest song you’ve ever heard and smiles at you as he settles himself with the microphone stand. 

“Now this next song… this next song is incredibly special to me. One of my favorites actually. And…” he pauses and takes in a shaky breath. “The person who inspired this song is actually here tonight.” 

The crowd goes wild. Loud cheers surrounding your entire body. You feel lightheaded as you watch Harry on stage. 

Watching you. 

He gives you a small smile and continues, “This person.. has been my best friend for almost a decade now. We actually met at a Halloween party many many years ago. Her best friend is actually the person I spilled my beer on,” you both chuckle at his words, “I’m getting off track here. But I just want to say that this person is the one person that I absolutely adore. I adore her, I admire her, I respect her, I recognize her, and I love her.” His voice cracks at the last couple of words, his bottom lip quivering and his chin caving in, and tears pool his eyes. 

Your eyes are filled with tears at hearing his speech to you and knowing that this is showing his vulnerable side. Which he has always struggled with. You clamp your hands together against your chin as you only smile up at him. 

“This is ‘Little Freak’,” he says into the mic as the band starts playing a soft melody. 

The first lyrics remind me of the incident in Italy last year and your heart silently hurts. You grip onto the railing in front of you as you listen closely to each lyric. 

Finding yourself relating to each word and wanting to pull Harry into your embrace.

Did you dress up for Halloween? I spilled beer on your friend.. I’m not sorry. 

You chuckle as you sniffle while slow tears fall down your cheeks and you quickly wipe them away. You watch him in awe as you hear everybody singing along to the lyrics. To a song that came out less than twenty four hours ago. 

I disrespected you

Jumped in feet first, and I landed too hard

A broken ankle, karma rules

You never saw my birthmark

Okay. Maybe this is the saddest song you’ve ever heard. Harry holds out the microphone to his fans and gets overwhelmed when they’re singing back his lyrics so loudly. You laugh with joy at how happy he is. 

“Thank you so much,” he says into the microphone with his voice wavering, but sounding so grateful. 

Just thinkin' about you

He finishes singing the last lyric and he looks over at you with a smile. You smile back with a thumbs up and his dimples show. 

The rest of the concert goes by so quickly you can’t even believe it’s been almost two hours since he started. 

Every single one of his songs feels connected to you in some way and you wonder if you were in Harry’s thoughts when he wrote this album. You know ‘Little Freak’ is about you since he practically dedicated it to you before he sang it.. but you wonder about the rest. 

A part of you doesn’t want to know. 

Jeff is by your side as soon as Harry runs off the stage after doing his famous ‘Whale’ and glancing at you quickly. 

Jeff wraps his arm around your shoulder, with a smile, he asks, “What’d you think?” 

“He’s incredible.”

“That’s our boy.”

You hum in agreement and you both walk off backstage to the chaos that is the loud voices of people congratulating the band and Harry on a brilliant performance. 

You stand in the background, watching Harry take each compliment with grace, a shake of each person's hand, and a dimpled smile on his face. 

You watch him carefully, bouncing on your heeled boots, heart racing, fingers aching to feel Harry’s skin, and your body trying not to reach for him. 

You smile softly when you notice his eyes searching the room and then they land on you. His expression changes to a mix of glowing happiness and absolute joy. He looks like a little kid that just got offered a lollipop at the dentist. 

He politely excuses himself from the group he had just thanked and hastily makes his way towards you. 

You open your arms to him on instinct, “Hi.” 

His arms engulf you into his space, completely tucking you into his body, and you feel complete. His hands wrap around your torso, underneath your blazer, touching your skin, and your arms wrap around his neck. Your faces squeezing into each other’s necks and he whispers a breathy, “Hi.” 

You melt into his embrace, smelling his cinnamon roll hair styling crème that he still uses, and it brings back a decade of memories for you. His strong arms squeeze you as he lifts you up off your toes and you can hear him inhaling your scent. 

“God, I’ve missed you.” 

You chuckle into his neck, “Me more.” 

You both pull away at the same time, staring at each other, and you place your hand on his cheek. He leans into it with a small smile, beautiful glossy green eyes staring into yours, and you thumb his cheek. 

“I’m sorry, H.” You confess with a soft tone, trying to hold your voice steady while your heart races inside of your chest. 

“Don’t apologize. I’m the one that messed up, but.. c’mon.” He wraps his hand in yours, giving Jeff a small signal, and he starts to walk off towards his dressing room. 

He leads you into the big dim-lighted room, shutting the door behind you, and locking it for privacy. 

You stay in front of him, glancing at him and trying to see if you notice anything different about it. 

But he’s still the same Harry. Right in front of you. Finally. 

He pulls two cold waters from the mini fridge and hands one to you as he leads you both to the couch. You get comfortable as he kicks off his shoes, leaning into the green couch, and planting his feet on top of the coffee table. You sit back and admire him for a second before drinking some water.

After a moment of silence, he asks, “How have you been?”

“I’ve been good. Missed you tho.” 

He smiles as he tucks his chin into his chest, arms crossing over his chest, “I did, too. More than you can imagine.” 

“Yeah?” You question, playing with the rings on your fingers, and you look at him from underneath your lashes. 

“Come here,” he says as he reaches for your hand. Your insides turn and you let him pull you into his lap. Your breathing hitches as he stares at your face, taking you in, and then his eyes land on your lips. 

“Of course I’ve missed you. You’re my best friend,” he whispers into you as he slowly leans in and you close your eyes, waiting for his lips to touch yours. 

“Do you still want me?” You blurt out bluntly, your eyes going wide, and you suddenly feel weak. You feel vulnerable. Insecure. 

Harry tenses in front of you, his eyes going wide, and he searches for words. But nothing comes out. His eyebrows furr in confusion, “What? How-I… Are you serious? I was about to kiss you..” 

You look down, ashamed at your question, and you feel him pull your face back up to meet his own eyes with his thumb. 

“How could you ever think I wouldn’t want you?” 

His eyes are sincere and full of concern. His body leans into yours, his arms that are holding you only grow tighter, and you wrap your arms around his neck limply. 

You lean into his touch and try to smile. Your lips wavering when you say, “I.. I ignored you for months.” 

“You had your reasons. I was awful to you. I said mean words to you that I should have taken back as soon as I had spoken them. You didn’t do anything wrong.” 

His thumb caresses your cheek as you nod at him. 

“I’m still sorry,” you say again as you kiss the inside of his palm. 

“I have always wanted you.”

“What?” You say with a grin as he matches your own.

“I, Harry Styles, have always wanted you, Y/N L/N. Ever since the first moment I saw you. You are the most beautiful thing I have ever laid my eyes on and you continue being so.” 

You let out a watery laugh as tears prick your eyes, you swat his chest playfully, “Stop! You’re making me cry!” You both laugh together as he places a big smooch on your cheek. 

You giggle as he slowly starts to kiss your cheek and makes his way down to your lips. 

His hands are holding your face when he leans back and asks you, “Can I kiss you?” 

Before you can even finish nodding, his lips are on yours. 

His lips feel soft and warm against yours. You both held your breath as he waited for you to respond to his kiss, his lips on yours, but full of hesitation. 

You relax into his hands, letting yourself finally kiss him back, and a feeling of euphoria fills your body. You both moan into the kiss, tilting your heads for better access, and you pull at each other to feel closer together. He slides off your blazer and touches your naked arms, moaning at feeling your skin against his own. 

Your tongue fights with Harry’s and you suck on his bottom lip with a moan. Your hands moving from the back of his warm neck to his curly hair, tugging at the roots, and filling with content when he groans into your mouth. 

Harry lets go of your face and he’s moving your body over his own, adjusting himself onto the couch, and you plant yourself down on his hips. Feeling his hardening bulge against your core makes you feel hot. Your core aching in want and you grind against him. 

You both meet again in the middle and kiss, lips lapping against each other, open mouthed moans, and pants filling the room. Slow hips grinding against each other. 

In the rush of probably the hottest way you’ve ever kissed someone, he’s suddenly pulling away from your body completely. 

Leaving your body aching for his touch and your skin feeling burned as his hands leave your waist. 

You’re suddenly filled with confusion, furring your eyebrows, and peering up at H. 

“What’s going on? Why’d you stop?” You pant out as you try to catch your breath. 

H looks like he’s torn between a million emotions as he clutches his eyes in distress, a heavy breathe escaping his lips, and he’s shaking his head. Then.. he chuckles. 

“I can’t believe I’m saying this..” 

Your heart stops. 

“But.. I don’t want our first time to be like this.” 

Oh. 

“Oh?” You question with a small smile as you sit up on his lap, adjusting your jumpsuit straps around your neck, and he’s leaning against the back of the couch… looking so adorable. 

He looks almost shy right now and he blushes under your gaze. 

“Yeah,” he says as he reaches for your hand and you let him. “I want our first time to be special. I want it to be in my bed or yours. And I want it…I just.. I don’t want to fuck you in this dressing room. I mean—“ 

You cut him off as your cheeks flush down to your neck at his words, “I have an apartment here.” 

His eyebrows spike up in shock as he looks simultaneously confused, shocked, and you can tell he’s hurt that he doesn’t know about this major change in your life. You reach for his hand and squeeze it when he immediately grips onto yours. Trying to reassure him with your touch. 

“Since when?” 

“Fairly recent,” you say with a small smile playing on your sinful lips. 

“Where?” 

“The Copper,” you say with a glint of enthusiasm and he only matches you. Like always. 

“You got an apartment there?” His eyes glint with a look of pride. 

“I got the penthouse.” 

The second that you both walk into your penthouse, Harry’s mouth and hands are on you. And you’re not complaining. 

You throw off your blazer at the same time he kicks off his shoes. 

His hands are all over the parts of your skin that isn’t covered and he stops when he finds the clasp around your neck. He swiftly unhooks your jumpsuit and you feel it fall over your shoulders and down your chest. Your breasts are now exposed and you feet the cold air brush against your nipples. Perking them up and making you gasp in pleasure. 

He tugs on your jumpsuit which makes it pull around your waist and his hands move onto your breasts. He moans into your mouth when he feels them naked since you’re not wearing a bra or pasties. He thumbs your nipples and you whimper into him, licking the roof of his mouth, and sliding your hands underneath his shirt. 

He manages to shove you against your couch and you both tumble on it, giggling into the kiss, and his hands are around your body to make sure you don’t hurt yourself. 

You giggle as he kisses you, which only makes him giggle with you, and then you’re laying down on your couch. You pull away from him when you feel him get on his knees in front of you. 

He slowly slides his hands underneath your jumpsuit, unzipping your boots, and tossing them to the floor. His eyes are only on you. 

You watch him with want as he slips off his shirt, tossing it to the side, and you shimmy out of your jumpsuit. Tugging off your black thong with it. 

Harry's lips are on yours again and he’s hungry. Kissing you deeply, his tongue fighting for dominance with your own, both moaning and panting, aching for each other, and he’s reaching down to unzip his pants. 

Harry’s hands suddenly are off of your hips and his lips leave your own. You whine as you feel him pull away from you and you quickly open your eyes to watch him as he’s watching you, now sitting on his knees on the couch, and his eyes never leave yours. 

He slowly lets his eyes wander down your naked body, fully taking in that this is the first time he’s ever seen you naked, and it makes you ache in ways you’ve never ached before. Makes your skin break out into goosebumps at the mere sight of him taking you in. 

He stands up, shoving off his leather pants and his red briefs, and his long, thick dick makes an appearance. Your eyes go wide as you look at him, the first time truly looking at his dick, and your pussy only clenches with desire at the same time your mouth waters with want. 

His dick is beautiful. Long, thick, and looking juicy. And waiting to fuck you up. His tip is leaking pre-cum already and it bounces with every movement he makes. He moves back to where he was sitting on his knees on the couch, admiring you as you admire him. 

“Fuck,” he mutters out as he wipes his face with his hands before he sets them down on your ankles. 

“What is it?” You whisper as you move your legs to open up in front of him, feeling your wetness coat your inner thighs, and he bites his bottom lip. His dick twitching in all its hardened glory. He’s almost fully leaking from the tip of his dick. 

“You… are beautiful. Breathtaking.. and this is the first time I see you naked. I just wanna admire you,” he says as he pulls your ankle to his shoulder and kisses your shin. You smile as you let yourself spread out more for him as he starts kissing up your legs slowly and sinfully. 

Your breathing hitches as he gets closer to your center, you're already antsy when he stops in your inner thigh, kissing both of them, licking them, and sucking small love bites onto them. 

You massage your breasts as you lean your head down to get a better look at him. 

“You’re glistening,” he mutters against your thigh, kissing right next to your aching pussy. You can help but moan out in want and anticipation. Your hips are getting a mind of their own as you try to hitch them towards his mouth and his eyes move towards yours. 

“So inpatient,” he says as his cold fingers are suddenly touching your wet lips, pulling them open, and he spreads you to his liking. 

“Oh my god,” you moan out at the sensation that overcomes your entire body at Harry finally touching you. 

He moves himself in between your legs, pushing your thighs down on each side, and he lets his tongue slowly lick your pussy. You clench around him, you can’t fully believe that this is happening right now, and you twist your nipples in between your fingers. You tilt your head back in a pant when Harry slips two fingers inside of you. 

“Fuck,” he groans out as he curves his fingers inside of you and your pussy only tightens around them. Your breathing has picked up and you can hear how absolutely drenched you are by the sound his fingers are making as he moves them in and out of your pussy. 

Harry seems to only fuel himself more with your moans and panting because you feel him start to devour you. You gasp when you feel his tongue lick you from the bottom of your folds all the way to your clit where he swivels his tongue around it and sucks it into his mouth gently. The bundle of nerves makes the pit of your belly harden in pleasure, your back curving upwards, and your hands move into his curls to hold onto something. Anything. 

You moan out his name when his fingers start thrusting inside of you, in and out. In and out. And then he picks up his pace, slightly, but making a big difference in how it fuels your impending orgasm. 

His fingers continue to fuck you, his mouth devouring you, and his tongue is torturing you. In every possible way. You know this is going to be the best sex of your life. You know you’ll never be able to move on from this. You hope Harry will feel the same way, too. 

His mouth moves skillfully against your pussy, his tongue flicking your clit in all the best ways, and you can feel the pressure slowly building up in your lower stomach. 

Harry sucks onto your clit, making your legs start to shake slightly, and he inserts a third finger into you. You cry out in pleasure, your body feeling like it’s on fire, your skin is glistening with sweat, and you start to move your hips to match the pace of his mouth. 

He doesn’t stop his movements. He only keeps going. His fingers fucking you like heaven, his moans sending shockwaves through your body, and then.. he moves his tongue into the right spot on your clit which makes you absolutely explode from underneath him. 

You yell out his name, so loud that if you actually had neighbors on this floor, you’d be scared they’d come banging on your door for being so damn loud, and your eyes prick with tears from the amazing orgasm that overtakes you. 

Your toes curl into the couch, fingers gripping onto his curls, entire body clenching and then releasing as you feel yourself soaking Harry's mouth and fingers, and he’s lapping up every single drop of your release. Moaning as you can see his thighs grinding into the couch. 

You don’t even let your body come down from the high when you’re hastily moving from being underneath Harry to being on top of him, straddling him, and kissing him hard. Sucking his lips into yours and moaning when you can taste yourself on his tongue. 

You kiss him for a couple seconds before you move down his stomach, licking his butterfly tattoo, sucking a couple love bites on his abs, and letting yourself make eye contact with him the entire time. 

His pupils are blown out, lips plump and swollen, cheeks flushed bright pink, and he looks fucked. 

“Fuck,” he pants out, his voice raspy and blissed out. And he can’t even react before you’re taking in his aching dick into your mouth. Fully deep-throating him that the tip is curving into the back of your throat. Your eyes water as you keep eye contact with him, your hands holding yourself steady against his fern tattoos, and his hands grip into your loose hair. 

“Holy shit! You’re fucking-I-you’re fucking taking me all the way, baby!” 

You preen at his words, bobbing your head on his dick, pulling up slowly to let your tongue lap over his tip, sucking off the pre-cum into your mouth, and moaning so that he feels every vibration in your throat on his dick. You can feel his dick twitching in pleasure inside of your mouth and it only fuels you to be better. You pick up your pace, nails digging into his hips, lapping him up, and everytime you go all the way down, you let your tongue lick his balls too. 

Harry suddenly pulls your face off his dick and you whimper at the disconnection. You look at him with big, blown out pupils, and a stream of saliva connecting your lips with his dick. 

He groans as his hands move down to your breasts, pinching your nipples, and then he thumbs your swollen lower lip to wipe off the mess. 

“‘M gonna cum if you keep suckin’ me off like that, honey.” His voice is breathless as he cups your face, pulling you up easily, and connecting your lips with his. Your wet core lands on his fat, aching dick, and you already need him inside of you. 

You’re aching for him.

You kiss each other roughly, hands all over each other, and you start hitching your hips higher trying to align yourself with his dick. You can feel his dick fluttering in between your folds, wetting him up even more, and then you feel your opening align with his dick. You shift your hips a little bit more and you feel the head of his dick right where you want him. 

You lower down onto his pulsating dick and he groans into your mouth. His hands immediately find your hips, holding you steady as you try to lower yourself more, only being halfway. 

“God, you’re so fuckin’ tight right now. So fucking tight, give me a second..” He moans even louder as he allows you to lower yourself even more until your pelvis meets his own. You steady yourself on his chest, tightening your arms against your breast, and smiling wickedly at Harry’s expression which only shows pleasure. 

You slowly start to move against his hips, slowly bouncing on his dick as his tight grip on your hips help you move, and you can feel how desperate he is for you. How much he’s wanted this. How much you’ve been wanting this. 

He slowly starts moving his hips underneath you, quickly changing the pace from slow and sultry to fast and rough. The sound of slapping skin fills the entire penthouse, your moans mixing with his own, and your hands are touching him everywhere. 

“You feel so good,” you whimper out to him as you lick the curves of his neck as he pulls you into his chest as he hitches his hips to fuck into you like this. 

“You were made for me,” he whimpers back as his arms wrap around your waist. 

His thrust only increases in speed in this position. His dick filling you up completely, like nobody ever has, touching every inch of your walls, and your wetness only allows him to fuck into you faster. 

You feel the familiar feeling building up in your belly, you lick and suck his earlobe, “I’m so close.” 

He quickly turns you over, so that your body is laying on the couch now, his dick never exiting you, and now he hitches your legs to wrap around his waist. He presses down against our belly and it only fuels your climax. 

“Oh my fuckin’—” you cry out as you feel Harry fucking you hard and him pushing against your cervix seems to increase the sensations. 

“Feel me up here, huh?” He groans out as he continues to push into you at a rough speed which you can only nod, feeling absolutely fucked, and he moves his free hand to your clit. Moving his thumb in circles roughly against it which triggers your orgasm. 

You clench around his dick, crying out loud, your entire body breaking out into goosebumps, and instant satisfaction floods you. You tighten your legs around Harry, pulling him into you, waiting for him to cum too, and he’s looking like a fucking god above you. 

His curls falling around his face, sweat glistening his toned body and his forehead, fucked out, bright flushed pink cheeks, and you don’t know what comes over you… 

You reach forward as he fucks you and you place your hand aound his neck, holding the sides, avoiding the center, and his eyes go wide. 

His eyes instantly meet yours and his lips part in shock. And you keep moving your body against his, letting him use you completely, and then.. you squeeze around his neck. 

His eyes roll back into his head, biting his bottom lip, fucking you rough and hard, and you know he’s about to cum. You squeeze his throat harder and your free hand reaches underneath his neck to tug his curls. 

He lets out the loudest, gut-wrenching moan of the night, and his thrusts start turning animalistic, when he yells out, “Fuckkk!!” 

He continues to thrust into you as he reaches his peak, filling you up completely, and you both are a panting mess as you both start coming down from your orgasms. 

Harry flops onto your chest, but holding himself up with his forearms on your sides. You giggle as you can still feel his dick inside of you, but you wrap your arms around his neck. 

He lifts his head, panting, and eyes glistening. He smiles at you, bunny teeth showing, and dimples carving his cheeks. 

“That was…” he stops as if he can’t even find the words, but who are you kidding? You can’t either. 

“It was,” you agree as you kiss his forehead. 

“That was very much long overdue,” he states with a teasing grin and you playfully pinch his forearm. He laughs into your neck before giving you a soft kiss. 

“How long are you here for?” You ask, not really wanting to ask, but you know you should. 

“I’m here as long as you are.”

You furr your eyebrows in confusion, lips parting with a question, and he shushes you. 

“I’m not letting you leave my sight ever again.”

He places a million kisses over your face, you swat him away with giggles, and then hold his face in your hands. Eyes locking. 

“Does this mean we’re boyfriend and girlfriend?” You tease.

“Shit, I’d marry you tomorrow if you’d let me.” 

Your eyes glint with amusement and so do his. 

“Who says I wouldn’t?” You whisper at him, playing with his curls in your fingers. And he attacks you with another million kisses. 

You could get used to this. 

And you think you just might. 

“So, where’s that secret birthmark of yours?” 

-

You relax back into your comfortable bed, staring at your ceiling fan swirling above you quietly, your white lace curtains pulled back to allow the breeze of air to fill your room, and you thought about him. 

You hadn’t thought about him in a while. 

Well, you thought about him constantly. Wondering where he was. What he was doing. Who he was with. What he was working on next. 

But you never acted on any of these thoughts. It wasn’t fair to the both of you. 

Sure, you’d get together some time. Every other year. Sometimes every six months. 

If the timing was just right. 

If he was in Paris at the same time as you, he would reach out to see if you were in town and you’d make time for him. 

You always made time for him. 

Even if it was just for dinner and some red wine. Your favorite. He usually humored you by drinking one or two glasses. Then he’d ask the waiter for a glass of ginger ale or water. He’d joke that he was an old man already. 

But he was only a year older than you. 

The last time you had seen him was back in July of last year. Which was the last time you had seen and spoken to him because of that stupid fight you had. It wasn’t even a fight, truthfully. He had outspoken some words… and you were hurt but it. 

You rolled your eyes thinking about what had happened. But yet, you still hadn’t allowed yourself to reach out to him. Nor him to you. 

Last July, you were in a small city off the coast in Italy one weekend by yourself enjoying some sun at your favorite beach. 

You had posted a story to your private Instagram and he messaged you 15 minutes later. He said he was in the same area and wanted to meet up. You happily agreed, feeling fresh and sun-kissed, and you told him he could come over to your rented Airbnb. 

You set the date for 8pm. You told him it was going to be casual. You stopped at the local market and bought items for dinner. 

You showered, let your natural hair fall down your back, and wore your favorite pair of sweatpants with a simple tank top as you cooked his favorite pasta. The small Airbnb smelled wonderful soon enough. The windows were open, soft music was playing from the Bluetooth speaker, and you happily danced to it. 

You remember him knocking on the front door as you pulled your hair into a ponytail, sweat coating the back of your neck, cheeks flushed because of the heat from cooking, and you open the door with a big smile. 

There he was. His face breaking into his cheeky smile, all teeth showing, dimples indenting, and he had chosen the casual look as well. Simple black T-shirt that showcased his tattooed arms, worn out torn jeans, and his signature white vans. His hair had no product in and was being held back with a small clip. 

Before he even said a word, your arms wrapped around his shoulders, you pulled him into you tightly, he burst out laughing as he held you in his arms, you laughed along with him as you kissed his cheeks. He blushed pink instantly. 

He had your favorite bottle of red wine. Two actually and Italian specific. You kissed him on the lips at that. He held your cheek when you did that. 

He had a six pack of his favorite ginger ale, you teased him instantly. 

You pulled him into your space, with no hesitation, pouring both a glass of red, sipping and talking together as if no time had passed. Laughing so loudly you swore your neighbors could hear. You sat on your counter top, him sitting in front of you between your legs, you fed each other pasta, and giggled the entire time. 

You never kept your hands off each other, you simply couldn’t. No amount of time could change the way things were between you two. Ever since you had first met at a Halloween party back in 2013. He was dressed as Miley Cyrus and you had dressed up as Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz. You had a stuffed dog as Toto and everything. 

You were both a stumbling mess at that party. He had spilled beer on your best friend, laughed as he apologized to her, and then he saw you. He completely forgot about your friend and his spilled beer. He instead came up to you, smiling brightly, and eyed you up and down. You teased him about his tapped up nipples and he apologized to you for not covering his extra two. You almost snorted out your drink from your nose when he said that. 

He had gushed to you about your costume and then.. your unique friendship blossomed. He was only 19 at the time. You were freshly 18. He was still in the band and you had just moved to LA. You had spent the whole night together. Just laughing the entire time. It was never awkward between you two. Still wasn’t. He kissed you that night and you felt it on your lips for weeks after. 

You couldn’t believe Harry Styles had kissed you. 

He was always touring, but whenever he was in LA.. you’d meet up, party together, eat dinner together, go on an adventure, and there was usually a kiss or two in between. Nothing ever went farther. You were both always too busy for a serious relationship and you couldn’t bring yourself to sleep with him…no matter how badly you wanted it. 

He’d steal you away to NYC every now and then whenever you both were free. Which ended up being “our” city. 

Then.. he left the band.. or they went on hiatus in 2016. He was moving to LA after he turned 22. He asked you on a date. But timing was never right for the two of you. 

You were moving to Paris that summer. You wanted to try something different and being in the fashion industry, Paris seemed like the perfect fit for you.  

You wanted to see the world. You were financially stable enough that you were able to leave your toxic family, you are finally able to do what you’ve always wanted to do. So you did. You bought a first class one way ticket to Paris. 

That was six years ago. 

You were now filled with many new memories, new taste buds for your new favorite dishes, new stories to tell, and you were still the same person you always were. Now you were simply filled with happiness and you were in a place you never pictured you’d be. 

And you had done it all on your own. 

Nobody knew how badly you had worked. 

But Harry did. He understood the struggles you had faced, the challenges you had to overcome, and how proud you were of the person you were now. 

He had a way of understanding you in a way nobody else could. Or nobody ever stayed long enough to understand. He did. 

You sigh as you think back at that awful fight you had with him in Italy almost ten months ago. The longest you’ve ever gone without speaking to him. You huff as tears prick your eyes. 

The night had been going so great. You and Harry had moved to the couch, sipping on the wine he had brought, legs tangled together, and flushed cheeks. You smiled from your wine glass as he told you one of his many stories about what was going on in his life. 

As the night went on, he kissed you and you let him. It wasn’t until he wanted to go farther, that you had proceeded to stop him, and he seemed upset at that. 

Which, honestly, surprised you. Because he never got upset when you stopped him. You guys would kiss every now and then. Never anything more. You remember he had said something along the lines of you leading him on for the past decade and he was tired of it. 

You watched him in shock and confusion as he said those things to you. He had said he was tired of you stringing him along and he wanted something serious with you, but you were never willing to give him that and he was done being “just friends” with you. 

You fishmouthed for words, tears pricking the corner of your eyes, feeling drunk off the wine, and you didn’t say anything. What could you have said? He wasn’t wrong. You just never thought he wanted something more from you. All this time you thought he was okay with whatever this was. 

Harry stood up after waiting for you to speak, angrily threw on his shoes, and looked at you one last time before he stormed off into the night. 

You remember being so dumbfounded that you couldn’t believe what had happened. You felt annoyed at yourself for not saying anything, but pissed off at him for lashing out on you when you both knew that nothing could come out of this relationship when you were living in fucking Paris. He traveled too much and you couldn’t simply just drop your entire career for him. That wasn’t you. 

But now.. now you were in New York. 

Boxes still filled your new penthouse apartment, mattress was still on the floor with your new bedroom set waiting to arrive, and cold pizza on your kitchen counter was still there from earlier this evening. 

But here you were. In the states and you knew he was going to be here next month. 

You scrolled through your conversation thread with him, your heart filling with guilt at all the unanswered texts he had sent you through the past months. 

July 2021: It’s only been a couple days and I miss you. Call me? 

I stopped by your airbnb with some flowers. Turns out you left already. Some nan got lucky with your favorite flowers. 

August 2021: I hope I’m not bothering you. 

It’s late, but I can’t help thinking about you. 

Do you want to talk? 

October 2021: I’m right here… if you miss me too. 

I’m in LA. Are you here too?

I’m in New York now for Harryween. I know you laughed. 

Did you dress up for Halloween? 

I hope you liked my costume. 

December 2021: I miss our adventures. 

We always had the best times. 

I hope you’re missing me by now. 

January 2022: I’m in Italy. Are you here? 

Please text me back… 

Would you be mad if all my songs on my new album are about you?

Too late.. 

February 2022: I’ll be in our city in May.. New album is coming out and I’m doing a one night only concert. It’d mean the world to me if you’d be able to come.. I’ll have Jeff send your manager the details. Hope you can make it. 

Where are you? 

Just give me the city and I’ll fly there right now. No hesitation. 

You hadn’t received a text since the last one. Now it’s April and your pride was too big to allow yourself to reply to him. You had pondered on replying to him the first time he had texted you back in July after the fight. But you were too upset over his words and had chosen not to reply. 

Then time passed and it felt too weird to reply to old messages. 

You never stopped missing him. You missed him the second he stormed out of your airbnb. 

You think that maybe you had overreacted and you should have replied. But maybe now, you can make it up to him by surprising him at his concert next month.