wasteland, baby!

a waitress could slit my throat and I’d still tip 15% i dont know how her day’s been yknow?

i hear your responses and i just wanna say obviously i usually tip at least 20 like im not an animal. but to be completely fair she did kill me 

90% of my day is me being nervous

Stop making new phones stop iiiiiiiiit please just stop making new iPhones and new mobile networks 4G is fine no more Gs don't make 5G and 6G just leave it at 4 there's no need for more Gs. Please just leave our phones alone we can just use these there's nothing wrong with them. Please stop it please. No more new phones. Just give us a break. Stop

Me, waking my gf at 3 am: babe. babe, lamb, wake up my angel. I couldn’t sleep so I made us berry cobbler in a mug. hurry or your ice cream is gonna melt. I love you so much

me, experiencing the sudden anguish that comes with living: alright

kisses your face [ +1 sanity ] kisses your face [ +1 sanity ] kisses your face [ +1 sanity ] kisses your face u [ +1 sanity ] kisses your f

The number of messages I’ve failed to answer across all my devices and media platforms will be weighed against my soul on judgment day, and I will be cast into hell

not to be gay but i deserve to be in a girl's arms right now

september will be kind. september will be kind. september will be kind. september will be kind. september will be kind. september will be kind. 

oh to be a bear and sit in front of a beautiful location for many hours without moving

hot take maybe but spinach is superior to lettuce in basically every conceivable way