SAVED / SAVING *

proud    of    me    &    still    being    petty    as    hell

    it    wasn't    that    steve    believed    that    he    was    above    the    rules.    far    from    it.    he    didn't    necessarily    adhere    to    the    philosophy    that    rules    were    made    only    to    be    broken    either.    the    fact    was,    steve    didn't    have    a    logical    explanation    even    though    he    was    sure    anyone    who    knew    him    would    have    their    own    definition    to    his    outright    defiance.    he    could    also    respect    that    becky    had    a    job    to    do    too.    really,    he    didn't    mean    to    make    her    duty    seem    less    than    or    her    worry    over    him    to    appear    pointless.    steve    gripped    her    wrists    and    tried    to    calm    down    and    realize    she    only    had    the    best    intentions.    but    so    did    he.    "how    quick    can    you    be    and    not    lose    much    sleep    tonight?    i    know    you    think    i'm    crazy    but    i'm    making    a    DIFFERENCE    out    there.    there    are    men    who    need    you    more    than    my    fainting    spell    does,    rebecca.    i    know    you're    only    doing    the    right    thing,    but    you    gotta    let    me    go    and    do    the    right    thing    too."    he    tried    to    sit    back.    the    adrenaline    in    his    system    was    picking    back    up,    making    it    impossible    to    sit    still.    he    let    her    do    her    check    up    without    much    interruption.    the    sooner    she    did    what    she    had    to    do,    the    sooner    he    could    get    out    of    here.    he    was    confused    to    be    smiling    at    her    chastising.    with    being    in    such    a    hurry    to    escape    the    medical    tent,    he    hadn't    recalled    the    last    time    he    was    able    to    enjoy    himself    or    find    anything    funny.    "i'm    not    going    to    die.    becks.    well,    i    don't    know    that,    sure,    but    i'm    not    going    to    try    to    get    myself    in    a    sticky    situation    i    can't    crawl    my    way    out    of.    you    remember    how    good    i    am    at    that,    right?"    he    playfully    lifted    a    brow    at    her    in    the    hopes    she    might    find    amusement    in    the    conversation    along    with    him.    

    rolling    his    eyes    at    bucky,    he    didn't    hide    his    look    of    disgust    at    being    compared    to    a    chicken.    "i'm    not    sure    if    i    should    be    offended    by    that?    on    the    one    hand,    i'm    not    really    keen    on    being    delicious.    what    if    we    run    out    of    groceries    one    day    and    you    start    getting    ideas...    but    then    chicken    is    such    a    non-flavor,    i    can't    help    but    feel    a    little    let    down    by    that."    it    was    typical    for    steve    to    overthink    things    so    insignificant    especially    when    he    was    sure    bucky    wasn't    serious    about    how    he    tasted.    he    strolled    into    the    kitchen    and    started    digging    around    for    a    pan.    "says    the    man    who    can    burn    water,    i'll    fry    some    eggs    and    i    guess    i'll    give    you    something    to    do.    think    you    can    handle    some    toast,    bucky?"    

    "thanks!"    steve    knew    he    didn't    mean    it    as    a    compliment,    but    he    figured    he'd    keep    the    humor    going.    nodding    his    understanding    once    sam    explained    how    he    couldn't    wait    around    to    get    better,    steve    empathized.    when    he    was    sick    growing    up,    the    last    thing    he    could    be    made    to    do    was    lay    around    doing    nothing    but    watch    the    grass    grow,    so    to    speak.    not    a    lot    of    grass    patches    in    brooklyn...    "if    you    say    so,    i'll    believe    you.    it    would    make    me    feel    better    if    you    took    it    easy,    but    somehow    i    know    you    won't    do    that    either.    call    it    intuition."    steve    patted    the    other    on    the    shoulder    as    he    chuckled.    "it's    good    to    see    you    back,    and    as    long    as    you're    making    promises,    promise    you'll    let    me    know    if    you    need    anything.    deal?"

    she    had    a    good    point,    but    that    didn't    mean    steve    couldn't    still    argue    against    it.    if    bucky    were    here,    he'd    do    the    same.    the    kid    from    brooklyn    found    himself    gravitating    towards    the    agent    for    a    similiar    reason.    he    felt    as    though    he    could    speak    truthfully    with    her,    and    not    only    would    she    listen    but    she    could    understand.    steve    didn't    know    the    first    thing    about    what    it    took    to    do    what    she    did.    as    far    as    he    was    concerned,    she    was    incredible.    nothing    seemed    to    get    in    her    way.    even    if    anything    dared,    she    knew    how    to    handle    it    for    good.    steve    was    awed    by    agent    carter    for    her    professionalism    but    also    the    heart    she    showed    in    any    given    situation.    if    he    doubted    as    he    did    now,    she    would    be    the    one    to    set    him    straight.    for    as    unstoppable    as    she    appeared    to    him,    it    was    inside    that    realm    of    all    things    possible    that    steve    found    his    argument.    "anything    could    happen.    erskine    is    a    good    man,    a    respectable    scientist.    he    can't    shield    me    forever.    somehow,    it'll    be    up    to    me    by    the    end    to    pull    this    thing    off.    what    if    i    can't?"

    after    he'd    been    given    the    stomper,    steve's    training    advanced    considerably    and    into    areas    that    stimulated    his    mind.    learning    to    opperate    the    massive    machinery    until    it    was    part    of    him    was    something    steve,    a    kid    from    brooklyn,    would've    never    dreamed    possible.    it    exceeded    his    expectations    on    what    he    could    offer    the    war    and    its    efforts.    when    he    was    in    battle,    he    was    completely    focused.    he    protected    the    others    as    only    he    could    wish    about    before    becoming    the    soldier    he    was    today.    any    mistakes    made    sent    him    right    back    to    the    basics,    learning    until    he    was    aware    of    every    possibility.    no    man,    or    woman,    would    go    on    the    losing    side    of    a    fight    if    steve    was    there    to    do    anything    about    it.    once    he    turned    to    see    peggy    in    danger    of    such    a    fate,    he    acted    before    he    could    think    it    through.    in    a    moment,    it    was    taken    care    of    and    she    was    alright    again.    a    second    too    late    and    it    would    have    been...    "too    close,"    he    responded.    leaving    the    stomper    suit    brought    steve    back    to    the    reality    of    his    true    form.    although    he    tended    to    breath    a    sigh    of    relief    at    not    being    surrounded    by    tons    of    metal    and    electric    controls    that    could    fry    him    like    a    hashbrown    over    runny    eggs,    there    was    a    sadness    that    came    with    looking    up    to    every    one    else.    steve    accessed    her    injuries,    however    slight.    "you    ok,    captain?"

    shut    up,    dummy,    his    inner    voice    begged.    his    panicked    thoughts    tried    to    conjure    up    a    safer    topic    when    he    realized    he    completely    neglected    to    return    her    compliment.    gaping    like    a    fish,    he    floundered    to    make    up    for    that    fact.    "you,    of    course,    always    look    great.    beautiful!    you're    beautiful.    really    lovely.    you    know    that,    i'm    sure,    but    still,    it's    nice    to    hear.    i    imagine..."    he    needed    an    escape    from    himself.    he    could    only    speculate    at    how    he    appeared    to    her.    a    blushing    mess    with    zero    experience    on    polite,    casually    flirty    conversation.    geez,    he    wished    he'd    paid    more    attention    to    when    bucky    did    it.    steve    realized    natasha    was    no    stranger    to    what    others    thought    of    her,    and    she    seemed    perfectly    at    ease    which    only    made    steve    sweat    more.    part    of    her    skill    set    was    communications,    and    boy,    was    she    great    at    it!    steve    blinked    himself    back    to    reality.    "water    would    be,    yeah,    water    is    fine."    

    it    was    a    BOLD    move,    but    with    all    the    chaos    surrounding    them,    steve    figured    they    could    both    use    a    moment's    peace.    there    was    never    an    instance    they    could    forget    why    they    were    here    and    what    the    fight    was    all    about.    everything    depended    on    the    rush,    the    urgency    for    action.    even    when    they    could    retire    to    a    local    tavern    for    a    drink    and    a    few    songs    from    the    radio,    it    was    all    buzz.    plans    formulating,    strategies    calculating,    and    distractions    to    keep    the    horror    of    their    consequences    far,    far    away.    steve    wondered    if    he    should    apologize.    the    word    sat    dormant    on    his    lips    as    he    dropped    his    chin    back    down    and    looked    at    their    feet.    "just    needed    the    quiet,    you    know?"

    steve    wasn't    stupid.    he    could    see    the    other    liked    to    talk,    and    if    the    smaller    mortal    could    keep    the    powerful    being    talking    for    as    long    as    possible,    steve    considered    his    work    a    job    well    done.    it    wasn't    like    this    was    the    first    time    he'd    been    laughed    at    after    all.    he    was    winning    as    it    was    with    no    punches    being    thrown.    as    of    yet    at    least.    "you    seem    to    like    the    sound    of    your    own    voice    there,    pal.    y'wanna    talk?    ok    let's    talk.    what    is    it    you're    doing    here?"    steve's    bravo    hadn't    faded.    hands    firmly    placed    on    his    hips,    he    continued    to    stand    firm    unphased    by    what    he    recognized    as    a    bully.    

    he    was    surprised    they'd    given    up    their    pestering    so    quickly,    but    he    realized    it    was    probably    for    anticipation    of    actions    to    come.    stubborn    recognized    stubborn,    and    he    knew    he    had    a    night    filled    with    some    form    of    terror    ahead    of    him    if    they    were    going    to    be    sleeping    near    one    another.    steve    swallowed    back    his    sigh    of    disapproval    when    they    so    much    as    confirmed    his    suspicion.    closing    the    book,    he    put    it    to    one    side    out    of    the    way    to    keep    from    losing    his    place.    "twilight?    i    thought    that    was    a    movie."    references    were    going    over    his    head    on    a    daily    basis    that    steve    got    used    to    ignoring    them    most    of    the    time.    he    wondered    if    that    one    was    a    good    one    as    they    said    or    if    they    were    teasing    him.    picking    on    the    old    man    was    a    popular    past    time    for    many,    and    for    the    most    part,    steve    didn't    mind.    "how    do    you    know    i'm    not    about    to    drift    off    if    it    weren't    for    you?"

    of    all    the    places,    steve    could've    picked    a    better    landing    than    the    sidewalk    and    his    face.    the    stinging    was    instantaneous,    so    he    believed    her    when    she    said    he    was    bleeding    from    the    fall.    still    he    managed    to    do    what    he    set    out    to    which    was    save    her    without    causing    her    any    more    harm    that    the    speeding    car    would    have.    "i'm    ok,"    he    reassured    her.    his    hands    reached    out    to    hold    her    by    the    arms    in    a    comforting    gesture.    he'd    recover    soon    enough,    and    they    were    both    lucky    more    damage    hadn't    resulted    from    the    second's    danger.    her    worrying    made    him    smile    involuntarily.    "i    thought    i    would    be    the    one    most    concerned    about    all    of    this,    what    with    playing    a    knight    in    shining    armor    and    all.    you're    going    to    give    yourself    a    heart attack    if    you    don't    relax."    his    small    hands    rubbed    her    arms.    "everything's    ok.    everything's    going    to    be    ok."    he    couldn't    help    the    laughter    that    shook    out    of    his    chest.    his    amusement    and    the    event    were    so    mix    matched,    it    made    it    funnier    to    steve.

    there    was    no    easy    way    to    take    a    compliment,    but    it    warmed    him    that    she    was    geuine    in    her    assessment    of    his    work.    "thanks."    quickly    though,    he    followed    up    with    a    dry    laugh.    "jj    WILLING    to    do    anything    is    a    phenomenon.    i    think    i    would    more    accurately    describe    it    as    he    tolerates    it.    much    bigger    fish    to    fry    than    my    comic    strip    on    page    10."    he    tried    not    to    let    the    show    of    disappointment    appear    on    his    face    when    she    brought    up    the    superheroes.    given    the    choice,    he    would    be    doing    more.    "yeah    you    can    say    i    have    a    little    slice    of    heaven    over    in    my    corner    of    the    office.    'm    practically    invisible    over    there.    what    about    you?    the    action's    got    to    be    thrilling."

    he    should    have    known    better    if    SHE    was    the    one    tending    to    him.    with    a    prolonged    groan,    he    fell    back    onto    the    medic's    cot    then    grumbled    as    he    disturbed    his    aching    head.    "c'mon,    please!    i    promise    i'm    fine.    i'm    awake    and    talking,    what    more    could    you    want?"    bargaining    wasn't    going    to    work,    so    he    hoped    a    sympathy    for    his    plight    would    do    the    trick.    taking    her    by    the    hands,    he    pressed    her    fingers    against    his    temples    and    turned    his    neck    this    way    and    that.    "see?    no    brains    leaking    out.    time    is    the    one    thing    i    can't    be    wasting,    rebecca.    please..."

    there    was    a    shallow    wheeze    to    his    words    as    he    tried    to    catch    his    breath.    steve    could    be    winded    going    down    to    the    corner    for    a    loaf    of    bread.    beyond    the    fact    of    his    physical    size,    his    health    was    another    major    con    to    his    constant    attack    on    all    the    wrongs    in    this    world.    steve    smiled    under    bucky's    care.    "what?    you    don't    think    so?"    a    solid    argument    could    and    has    been    made    that    rogers    was    a    stupid    man,    a    stubborn    man,    but    he    considered    himself    right    all    those    times    too.    shrugging    off    his    friend,    he    shook    his    head    in    denial.    "that's    the    thing    about    wrong    places,    if    i    chose    them,    there    wouldn't    be    anything    WRONG    about    'em.    and    i    wouldn't    be    coming    home    with    busted    lips    every    other    sunday."    steve    winced.    

    he    wants    to    look    away    from    her    examining    gaze.    he'd    seen    that    look    just    about    every    moment    in    his    life    from    some    person    or    another    who    thought    they    knew    his    number    by    one    glance    in    his    direction.    to    admit    that    it    didn't    bother    him    even    after    all    this    time    wouldn't    be    SINCERE.    he'd    learned    a    while    back    that    instead    of    getting    swallowed    up    by    self    pity    over    it,    it    was    better    to    stand    his    ground.    chin    raised,    he    kept    eye    contact.    "i'm    still    here,    aren't    i?"

    steve    started    when    she    asked    him    about    his    drawing.    it    never    failed    to    surprise    him    when    someone    noticed    him    scribbling    away    in    his    notebook    always    on    hand    whenever    he    needed    to    melt    into    the    background.    like    magic,    as    soon    as    his    pencil    hit    the    page,    it    was    like    he    was    check    out.    he    was    good    at    still    keeping    up    with    the    conversation,    but    something    about    disappearing    onto    a    previously    blank    piece    of    paper    was    the    only    way    steve    could    keep    his    thoughts    organized    completely.    embarrasment    tinged    his    cheeks    once    he    was    caught.    "i    ---    wouldn't    call    it    work    by    any    means,"    he    chuckled    softly.    "just    a    doodle,    i    guess."    after    adding    a    few    more    details,    he    turned    the    notebook    to    show    her    a    bridge    over    a    RAGING    river.