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not to be that person actually but. please reblog so we can have legs

hitting reblog, head in hands, the sigh heard round the world

Your penis has become erect. Use the stone on it to return it to normal.

something true and beautiful. please

they should invent a cig break for people who don't smoke

I told my boss I was going for a fag break, but didn't say any more. Not my fault if they misunderstand.

Constantly seeking stimulation to avoid going insane and wanting to die

cashiers don’t actually care what you buy you could buy a fork a toaster and a bath plug and i wouldnt notice all i’m thinking abt is “in five min it will be one hour until two hours before i can go home”

Words to live by

“Americans believe in big portions! That’s so crazy.” Look at this European getting scammed into paying for 100 calories worth of food. Fool. Idiot. You wish you could have this 16 ounce Big Gulp and this serving of rice I will eat off for three days but you can’t. Cope and seethe.

I also love watching Italians get mad at Italian American food. You’re cranky because your hungry, aren’t you? Cranky because you don’t get that delicious olive oil and balsamic vinegar to dip your bread in before meals? Cranky because your pizza kinda sucks?

who has that one post that’s like “americans will lightly rib british people for their accents and brits will be like ‘your children will die in a school shooting’“

i am fascinated by how the “creepy or wet gym” bot post and “wireless controller has wires inside” greentext have merged over time into this combination of the two. it’s like a business merger that nobody knows happened