me: *opens messages* guess i’ll reply later narrator: she didnt

I’m at the point in my life where I just don’t care anymore so if u stress me out I’m just not gonna deal with you anymore

whenever i see any of those positivity posts (“if ur reading this ur cute and im so glad u made it this far! i love you!”) its so so unreal this has no feeling or meaning behind it at all it is just text on a screen it means nothing its not real they dont mean it its fake it doesnt help

this kind of psychotic meta-awareness is weird like yeah I know these thoughts and perceptions are caused by my brain and yeah I’ve identified them as not real but there’s still someone looking in through my window and I still don’t have a face and there are still bugs crawling in my blood vessels and I am somehow perceiving these things as existing even after identifying their nonexistence??? why is my brain do this,

FFUCK

maybe… support mentally ill ppl even when u don’t like their symptoms??? support schizophrenics who frantically search every room they enter because they are scared of Something, support splitting borderlines, jealous narcissists, very sexual histrionics, schizoids who don’t fake empathy, systems with “mean” alters, irritated bipolar people, schizotypals who never “make sense”, paranoids who constantly constantly check on others to see if they’re causing them harm even though they don’t know them, antisocials who don’t try to be “nice”, avoidants who will avoid you for weeks and then message once and disappear again, dependents who can’t even dress without help deciding on what, ocpd people who need you to do things again and again and again until you do it Right, ocd people with “disgusting” intrusive thoughts and compulsions, psychotic people who yell “to themselves” and cope badly with their hallucinations, autistic people who don’t interact the way you want them to, adhd people who literally never sit still or listen to you, anxious people who always sweat, people w ptsd who refuse to let go off their trauma, people with addictions you consider to be “to blame” and with “ugly” withdrawal symptoms and everyone else. mental illness doesn’t just have symptoms you like and you have to accept that.

Texting me is like ordering something online because most likely you won’t hear back for 4-5 business days. 

“what have you been up to lately?” nothing much just decaying on an emotional/mental level & physical one as well, more and more, every day

i closet-cosplayed aradia once and i have never looked good since