on semi?-hiatus

as far as we know, niall was the last of the boys to see liam alive and i can't... i can't imagine how he must be feeling right now. the thoughts running through his head. doubts, guilt, anger. there's an inherent responsibility that comes with being The Last to see someone alive. because everyone looks to you for the answers of what the person was like before they passed. if they seemed different, sounded different, etc. and niall wasn't the very last person to see liam alive. but he's still the one with answers to questions that so many people have and i just. i can't imagine how awful that must feel. i hope he's treating himself gently 💔

i did not once ever have a full night’s sleep from 2013-2015. nothing new to say that hasn’t already been said but it was so fucking fun being a one direction fan while they were still releasing albums/touring. can’t even put it into words or describe it. u were constantly terrorized while also having the best time of ur life.

liam. oh liam. god. he was the one i worried so much about ever since the band. like, it used to be zayn but when zayn left and grew i thought "ok, he's going to be ok" because you could see after a while that the band was not good for zayn. you could see it. but liam, god. he carried so much weight, all the time. from the band all the way to the present, he was the guy who was supposed to be put together. he was "daddy direction" he was. yeah. he was that guy. and i know it weighed on him. i KNOW it did. the drinking and the fucking spiraling he went through after the band, it was all connected. and i'm not. defending his choices, i'm not. but i'm grieving him and i'm aching for him, and. i just wanted him to be okay. i really really thought that he would be okay. and he's not. and i'm. fucking heartbroken about it.

I know they’ve been on hiatus (“hiatus”) for nine years and it’s been ten years since ot5 but this is so different because now they’ll really never be together again. Never. Even if anything ever happens in the future, there will always be a hole.