11:11

  “         The way to love me isn’t hard               Just hold me tight like you are now                       We don’t know what will happen to us later                 But I like that nothing’s decided           “

 “Do you think…”

The words that spilled so dejectedly out of his plump lips pulled her out of the trance she was in, book closed and laid flat on the bed as she lifts her head up from his abdomen where it rested to face the boy. Worried eyes scan his calm visage, lips pursing into a thin line as she decoded what was really bothering him. Words were not needed between them after all.

“Jungkook, let’s not think about that right now, yeah?” she interrupts, climbing on top of him to leave a tender peck on his pouting lips.

Almost immediately, he wraps his arms around her much smaller frame, twisting his body to let her lie on the empty space next to him. Her arms snake themselves around his torso, pulling herself close towards the warmth that emanated from the taller one. She nuzzles her head into the crook of his neck, her fingers tracing unstable circles on his back, as though to soothe the latter of his pointless worries. He, in turn, plays with the strands of her soft locks, letting out a deep sigh.

“We’ll work out right?” he ponders aloud, tired eyes meeting hers.

 “      Who cares what others say? We can’t live without each other, so what’s the problem? We can be more in love together     “

Though her doubt grew stronger by the minute, the very dreadful thought she had tried so hard to bury still whined in the back of her head, she’d managed to give him a reassuring smile. It was the devil at work – she was sure – for she had never been pessimistic about anything, no matter the circumstances she was under.

It was not until he had surprisingly dropped into her perfectly harmonious life from God knows where  that the sinful thoughts slowly began to form in her once naïve mind. Her heart started to feel things apart from her daily happiness and joy: dread, fear, sadness and all those crazy things she had never once thought were possible to feel. They were but an illusion to her… until he came.

But with all that came the reward of a love that was so strong it felt like nothing could ever break it. Days were spent with each other, memories created and engraved into their hearts, and a trust that was built slowly but solidly. With time, they realized that they were so madly in love that nothing else mattered. Or nothing else should have.

Then the comments came. People that hid behind screens began to doubt the validity of their love, expressing their unwanted thoughts so bravely onto the internet. Blog posts, comments, videos – you name it, they’ve created it. And though that should not have mattered to Jungkook, a man that received utmost respect from fellow peers and even seniors, he was still human.

Jungkook had the heart of an angel: pure and delicate. She’d done everything to prevent him from seeing such ridiculous chaos but it wasn’t long before word reached to the staff. Then came even more doubts.

‘Break up with her’ ‘Date all you want, it’s not gonna last’ ‘Think about your future’ ‘It’s not worth it’

Though she knew that he was one to take such words to heart and she was too, she had to be the stronger one. She leans her head closer to his, leaving a reassuring kiss on his lips.

“We’ll be fine.”

“                        If you start to like someone else                  If I get used to not being with you            When that time comes, when it’s that time                           Only then we can break up                                     “

 Maintaining his status was difficult. Maintaining his status and maintaining a good relationship with her was even more difficult. There had been days that Jungkook’s lack of presence had almost driven the girl to a state of utter sadness. She had known he would come back… but the days felt too long. Texts and calls were often cut short. She was starting to lose hope. Perhaps everyone else was right, she would think, perhaps they really were not meant to be.

Then he came in. Charming, kind, and someone that offered her his attention and love at any time of the day. He was incapable of bringing along the negativity keyboard warriors had always so powerfully invested in, after all, Jaehyun was just a normal man with an eight to five weekday job. The emptiness Jungkook had created in her heart was slowly being filled up. Their scheduled weekly call had been forgotten, erased from her memory, daily texts turned into monthly ones. They were replaced with Jaehyun’s lulling voice that sent her to sleep every night, good morning and good evening messages that sent her heart into a frenzy of beating whenever she’d hear that familiar ringtone. She had been happy. Happier than she had been with Jungkook. Bit by bit, memories of the latter were slowly replaced with that of Jaehyun’s. Piece by piece, Jungkook was finally breaking free from her heart.

All this while, Jungkook had so desperately held on to the thought of her. Despite the business of his schedules, he’d tried to contact her. Albeit receiving no answers back, he’d remained as optimistic as she’d once taught him to be. He’d often think of her while at work: had she eaten? Had she taken good care of herself? What was she doing? Had she received the gift he sent? So many thoughts and so little time. Nonetheless, Jungkook wills himself to finish the tour properly, not wanting to be a bother to his fellow band members. His motivation had remained constant all these months. It was simply the thought of coming home to her.

  “                                The way to love you isn’t hard                        If I smile once more and care for you more                 The way we love isn’t hard                        If we look at each other like it’s the first time every time             “

 She couldn’t see through him anymore. There wasn’t any sort of hint in the way his eyes bored into hers, lips relaxed. No words left his couplets. Hers were pursed, teeth chewing down onto her lower tier as she anxiously searched for any sign of anger in him. She would take it. If she could go to Jaehyun after this, she’d take whatever hell Jungkook would throw at her. She deserved it.

Instead, a smile forms on his lips, eyes slightly watery. It wasn’t eerie in any sort. Was he… hopeful? She wasn’t so sure.

“Well, I’m here now,” he answers, eyes bright but she could see a hidden desperation underneath the cheerful facade. He stepped forward closer to her, taking her smaller hands into his rough ones, kissing the back of each before letting out a wistful chuckle. “I can take care of you now.”

Her eyebrows furrow, eyes melancholic and pitiful at the sight of the man who she once loved so dearly looking so defeated. He’d be fooling himself, she thought. She retracts her hands, letting both grip onto the straps of her bag so tightly as a tear falls from the edge of her eye. She’d been so guilty of everything she’s done but she hasn’t realized that until she was in front of the man who’d given his all to her just for her to throw it away.

“I’m so-“

“Don’t,” he interrupts, voice curt. A breathy quivering chuckle leaves his pale lips. “Don’t say it.”

Silence fills the air.

 “            Whether you want it or not, I’m going to hold onto you When I get too tired that I can’t even walk When that time comes, when it’s that time Only then we can break up            “

 “If…” he starts, sniffing once. “If you give me another chance… another chance to prove to you that our love hasn’t died…”

“Jungkook…” she could only whisper. His eyes were red now and she couldn’t bear to see him in pain.

“No,” he firmly exclaims, then composing himself. “I need you. You like someone else, I get it, but until I get used to being without you, stay.”

  The girl rips the earphones off her ears so roughly it almost scratched the delicate skin. Her lips quivered, eyes starting to water. She brings her hands up and buries her face into her gathered palms, sobs emitting from the depths of her throat.

“I’m sorry,” she chokes out. “I’m so sorry…”

 It had been three months since then. Jungkook had gotten used to a life without her. She’d heard that he’d found someone else too, someone that had taken her place in his heart. Jaehyun was no longer in her dreamy picture of an ideal life after catching him romancing some other coworker.

She’d been left alone.