Follow You Down

ARIS BARRELL & EMMA LUDLOW

We danced the night away, we drank too much I held your hair back when You were throwing up

ALEC RAWLINGS & RIDLEY TALBOT

It had been an hour since Fern began her nightly routine, legs curled up beneath her on the bed and eyes trained on the sleeping body of her little brother in the bunk opposite instead of the book that sat forgotten in her lap. If she allowed herself then she would sit here like this all night, watching the rise and fall of his chest as Dalton rested in his peaceful slumber. Much like the first night of his return, after many sleepless nights while he was left in lock up, Fern had stayed up like this the whole night just watching him, afraid if she closed her eyes he would be gone again. Quickly the exhaustion began to catch up on her however, caused by many nights of not daring to sleep, and Fern finally had to give into nature’s call and very reluctantly rest. Though that fear had never quite alleviated, leaving her in a state of utter panic if he woke up before her, she still liked to indulge herself in this time every night just to bask in his presence after four years of not knowing his fate.

Fondly Fern thought back to the last time she had seen him before the takeover, watching as the thirteen year old excitedly dashed through the kitchen urging their mother to hurry up. Mostly she remembered how his eyes glinted with the promise of adventure, full of innocence and curiosity that had been cruelly stolen from him for no other reason than they could. Fern often found herself mourning the loss of that young boy, especially in these moments as she watched the sleeping body across from her that was essentially a whole different person. He had been through so much suffering and pain that he had been forced to grow up sooner than his years, the thought alone brought tears to her eyes. Perhaps if he had never gone on the camping trip with his school then they would have never been separated, perhaps he would still have that glint in his eye instead of the pain that replaced it. The corner’s of Fern’s lips turned up in a sad smile, her heart breaking a little bit more for her baby brother. The change in his eyes had been the first thing she had noticed about him, anyone else would never have registered it but Fern had been looking into those eyes since the first time he ever opened them, she knew instantly that he had been through hell and she wished more than anything she could take that from him.

A small sound of anguish brought Fern crashing down, her eyes focusing on the fluttering of Dalton’s eyelashes and the crease in his brow. Swiftly rising from her place on the mattress Fern crosses the small space between their bunks and gently settles herself down next to him, concern violently gripping at her heart. Lincoln had warned her that Dalton had ceased to conjure up images in his sleep due to the replacements to his brain, instead he relived vivid memories though apparently he had no choice over which ones. She had learned quickly when he was relieving his particularly nightmarish memories, and though she had failed to protect him from all the pain of the past four years she had vowed she would protect him from the memories coming back to haunt him, at least in sleep. No louder than a whisper Fern began to sing the lullaby just as she had done when he was a restless baby, gently stroking his hair to soothe away the torment of his mind. 

“Lavender’s green dilly dilly, lavender’s blue. If you love me dilly dilly, I will love you” A lone tear rolled down the soft skin of her cheek as she wondered how the eyes that once stared up at her in wonder now were defiant in protecting her. At seventeen he shouldn’t be worrying about hiding the truth of the suffering he went through from his big sister, he should be lying about sneaking out to meet girls and his grades at school. He didn’t deserve any of what had happened to him, Fern knew that given the chance she would have swapped places with him in a heartbeat. Even though deep down she knew that her strengths were much different from Dalton’s and this would ultimately mean that should would have never survived nearly as long as he did in there, but to keep her baby brother from ever experiencing it Fern would not hesitate in taking his place.

Dalton’s body began to relax under her touch, the features on his face smoothing out as the memories shifted to something much more pleasant. Slowly, so as not to disturb him, Fern rose from her post and moved further out into the pod having one more duty to attend to before she allowed herself to rest. With a quick glance back to make sure that Dalton was back to his peaceful sleep Fern continued knowing that she was not going to be observed, kneeling down by the side of the bench and carefully removing a panel below it. Inside lay the same stash as every other night, two backpacks stocked with supplies waiting for the worst. Fern had prepared them the day that Dalton was brought in and she learned the true nature of his new parts, here they had remained hidden since. Her darling baby brother had been used for the past few years, she was ready to do whatever she had to in order to keep him safe from anyone wishing to do him harm or use him all over again. It had cost her a fair amount of stocked up points to prepare the bags but for Dalton she would do anything, they were packed with spare clothes and stolen food that would be a lifeline should they ever need to leave the zone in a hurry. Realistically she knew that if the day did come she may not even have time to come back here to grab the bags, but just having them ready put her mind at ease even a little.