The 21st Century Ophelia.
The A-Problem Or The 21st century Ophelia
A short fan fic minidrama with not the least bit of reference to anyone or anything real. Similarities to living or real persons are merely coincidental.
The action takes place in North London, starting in mid October 2014.
Character List:
Annie, a tall pretty blonde working class girl from the province of about 17. Ken, a rather posh, weirdly handsome London born movie/TV/theatre actor in his mid to late thirties. Teira, a pretty posh London born movieTV actress from the left leaning upperclass in her mid to late thirties.
PROLOGUE
An evening in early fall. An English country road surrounded by fields and old stone walls. A weirdly handsome man, thin, not too tall, in his mid or end thirties dressed in a navy blue woollen jumper, jeans and a grey cap walks next to a young blonde woman wearing a lot of makeup, a short red coat, a short plaid skirt, boots with medium high heels. She is almost his height.
Annie: How was filming today? Ken: Wonderful, wonderful ... Annie: You sound absent-minded ... Ken (looks at her with narrowed eyes) It just feels so odd that we are, you know, already so familiar Ā ā¦ Annie: Why should it? Maybe we are kindred spirits. (making a small happy leap) Soul mates, as they say ... Ken (looking down): Maybe we are, maybe we are ā¦ Annie (concerned): That does not sound very convinced. Ken (stops in his heels, getting hold of her shoulders with urgency): Annie, are you aware that tomorrow is the last day we are filming here? Annie (starring at him): Sure! So? Ken: I will go back to London. Annie (with a small smile): Of course you will. Ken: It will not be easy to meet again ā¦ Annie (cheerful): Probably not, but we will find a way if we want to. London is just 2 hours train ride away, and if I go with me uncle's old jag it is not even an hour ā¦ On a good day. Ken (taking her chin): Sweet Annie, sweet naĆÆve Annie (he kisses her lips lightly). Annie (backs off slightly): What is it, Ken? What is it? Do you want to tell me that this is it? That you are going back to your posh life and that's that? Ken: I am not saying that ā¦ Annie (angry): Oh, actually you are ā¦ Ken (looking at her with profound sadness): How come you are so mature? Already so wise, little Annie? Annie: Oh, does that bother you? Were you hoping to shag a stupid bimbo who will forget about that pretty spoilt TV actor once you returned to the big city? Ken: Ah, don't talk so vulgar ! Annie: How else shall I talk? (They walk on in brooding silence. They come to an old chapel with a graveyard. They sit down on a bench. Ken takes her hand and squeezes it gently, then looks into her eyes.) Ken: Annie, this has been amazing, those days ā¦ the time with you. It feels like a whole life to me right now, like a different life, like another, purer life I could live if I were not ā¦ you know, me. But let's be realistic. I am going back to a fucking busy life, a London life, and not just London, I have gigs all over the place, lots of them. For years to come. I do not want to be cruel. I do not want to promise anything I am not able to keep. I will not write you an email about my week every weekend, please do not expect that ā¦ Annie (angrily removing her hand): 'course not. Do you take me for a fool? I know you are a busy man. I just took my chances. Remember? It was me who came up to you and yelled at you: Hello pretty stranger! Ken (with a gentle wounded smile): Of course I know. How bold you were! I will always remember how you looked. So cool with your flushed face. As if you were doing nothing else ā¦ Annie: Like what? Hooking up with domestic celebrities? Ā Ken (looking down): No ā¦ I didn't mean that! ā¦ Anyway. How do you feel about our, you know, imminent separation? Annie: Hm, how do I feel? Don't know. Are you my therapist suddenly? Can't we just enjoy our time together and not discuss this? Not spoil it with stupid sad talk? Ken (suddenly looking very pleased): Absolutely! You are so right! Oh how wise you are, my angel. And I have even an idea how we can best enjoy our time together. (He smiles and slips a hand into her coat where her breasts are) Annie (teasing): Ah come on, not that! Ken (with a lewd smile slipping his hands between her legs): Then what about that? Annie (squeezing her legs shut): Stop it (she rest her hand on his crotch were his genitals are) What about that? Ken: Bold move, young lady (very lightly) But ok. (They simultaneously sink into a passionate kiss urgently pressing their bodies against each other)
Act 1
Ken is lying nude on the floor of his north London mansion in a distorted embryo position indicating utter despair. He is very thin and very pale. Teira, one of his oldest and closest non-romantic female friends is entering the half dark living room in a fancy dark costume and pumps.
Teira: I cannot believe this, what is wrong with you mate? Ken (mumbling in a low, raspy voice): I am in such a shit-hole, I want to die. Teira (in mild dismay as if having seen a thing like this before): What is it this time? Ken (lifting his head a little to look at her though swollen slanted eyes as if he had been crying for hours): Do not patronize me, I am really, really fucked this time. T (slowly sitting down on a fancy easy chair, putting her hand between her knees, squeezing them shut): Why don't you just tell me? I am sure we find a solution. We always do, don't we? K (snappy): Maybe, maybe not. Who knows. ā¦ But now that you're here I might just as well tell you. It will bring me some relief ... (He gets up with one insanely quick leap, running out of the room in the direction of his bedroom/walk in wardrobe while his white buttocks jiggle and wiggle. T (mumbles): Oh dear.
K (back in white shorts, a white T-Shirt and flip flops, rubbing the back of his curly head while getting seated opposite of Teira): Do you remember when last month I had that gig in that small dump out in the country, shooting that period piece? T: (mildly ironical): Frankly I don't, I do not follow your every move. Do you mean that BBC show on Shakespeare's historical dramas? K: That one. Actually I think it will be quite a blast. I get to swing the sword! You know how a love it, old boyish ways. T: I believe that any time, Ken. But that's not the reason why you are desperate. K (hanging his head): For sure not (Looking up dramatically) Oh why was I so full of myself! They should never let me play a king again, and a nasty one at that. (He breathes in with pathos and then quotes very loudly) āWas ever woman in this humour woo'd? Was ever woman in this humour won?ā T (shrieking at the pitch of his voice): Enough, Ken, get to the point! K (in a timid voice): There was a girl ā¦ T (interrupting quickly): There always is a girl, and always more than one, and always some of them please your taste and tickle your fancy ā¦ what have we discussed about that? K: I know, I know ā¦ maybe it was just the different circumstance. When in London or New York or L.A. I am on my guard. No sex with amateurs. Or outsiders. But it was the country, Teira, the country! One felt free, at ease, one dropped one's guard ā¦ T (breathing in with horror, making dramatic stops after each word): What ā did ā you ā do ā Ken? K (with a sick irony): I shagged her, what do you expect? (hurriedly) Oh, it was very consensual. In fact I stayed rather passive most of the time. Which seemed to even encourage her (He has a dreamy smile). T (tense): Her age? K (quickly): No idea. T: Are you insane? K: Sorry, no idea, did not ask for an I.D. She wore make-up, she was smart, bold even, she acted like an experienced person, very experienced in fact (He shows a half-sided lewd smile he cannot quite control) T: But she was rather young looking, was she not? K: She was very young looking ā¦ you know that I like them young, it's better for my timid little ego, and the flesh and the skin and the smell ā¦ T (lifting her hands in dismay): Shut up! ā¦ just tell, me what the problem is! Blackmail? Legal charges? K (melodramatically almost falling off the chair while shouting with a broken voice): Far worse, far worse! T (covering her face in grave concern): What is it. Ken? Shoot! K (with a sick smile): Oh how I wish I would not have shot that well ā¦ T: You ā¦ K: Got her pregnant ā¦ Oh the nightmare! T: You did not use a rubber despite ā¦ K: No, I did not, had none on me, it was all not ā¦ not really planned, a spontaneous affair, and she did not insist ā¦ not at all ... T: Does not matter, it is your ā¦ K: Shut up and help me. Don't give me that patronizing shit. Shagging with a rubber, with my, well, appendage, is just pointless ā¦ T: (mumbling with dismay): Shagging strangers, possibly under age fan girls is pointless in principle ā¦ K (lifts hands in dismay, jumps up and starts pacing the large room with large agitated strides): Enough, enough! Just listen: She is for sure overdue, she sounded very certain. She abhors abortion, some religious shit. But fine, I am not too fond of it either. Horrible idea to, you know, kill a budding life (He stops and stares into the air in horror, then walks on) Is it mine? Who knows. She says so. Yet one can never know. Of course I am a better cash cow than the baker's boy next door. Maybe she was already preggers. Maybe she seduced me to give her first born a better start. I know I have been an idiot. The only thing that matters now is: What is to be done? T (calmly): What does she want? K (stopping in his heels, pushing his hands against his kidneys, hanging his head, mumbling very low): To marry ā¦ insanity. T: Oh dear, she must be 15 or something ā¦ K (sounding suddenly very tender): No, she is not. She just tries. It's her human if not female right to try for the impossible. T (snappy): Marry her then, a bold, a noble move ā¦ K (staring at her with eyes suddenly cynical and cold): Are you insane? T: So ā¦.? K: So ā¦ So I will pay of course, whatever needs to be paid, even though it plagues me (looking down in utter dismay) But I guess I have no other option ā¦ At least none that can be ā¦ well, that sort of ā¦ works, given that ā¦ T (alarmed): What are you even thinking??? ā¦ You pay to silence her, have her sign the usual contract, if she is already legible to do so (sighs) ā¦ K: That, and I will pay for the nursing and education, if everything goes well with the pregnancy that is ā¦ T: Of course it will ā¦ why shouldn't it? K: Right ā¦ Why not?
(They stare at each other)
Act II
(Two weeks later)
The same room, brightly lit, Ken in a smart suit, about to go out, Teira in a fine cocktail dress, about to go out as well. Ken is very nervous, seems paranoid, sweats.
K: Splendid that you could make it before the red carpet ā¦ splendid ā¦ I'm afraid I have news about that case of ā¦ T (with a cynical smile) ā¦ the unplanned passing on of the precious Sunderpelt seed. K (starring at her in dismay): Stop it! Just listen! (He runs around the room rubbing his hands) They got in touch... T: They? K: Yep, her mother, to be precise ā¦ T (sighs): I knew it ā¦ K: Yeah, the girl seems to have been a wee bit underage during the time of conception ā¦ T: Probably still is ā¦ K: Probably still is ā¦ have not seen her birth certificate ā¦ we have little time, so just listen ā¦ her mother, a rather ghastly sounding lady, found a way to phone me ā¦ T: Apparently because her daughter has your number ā¦ K: Yeah, I gave it to her, sentimental arsehole that I am ā¦ T: It is not particularly sentimental to give the mother of your first born your number ā¦ it IS your first born, no? K (grabbing his long head in despair) Stop it, stop it, just listen ā¦ So, mother says her daughter is not fit for becoming a mother ā¦ just yet T (extending the words): This may be so ā¦ K: Be that as it may, she proposes, no, in fact she informed me that she has demanded of her daughter to give the child up for adoption ā¦ T: Maybe wise ā¦ K: Yep, she will send her away to some remote relatives in an even more remote corner of the country to breed it out and then ā¦ you know, strangers get to raise my child ā¦ (He stares at her with eyes swimming in tears) T: Are you suddenly certain that it is yours? K: Certain, no ā¦ but something tells me ā¦ T: Wonder what part it is in a man telling him ā¦ K (Pleadingly): Please do not bring that cynical, pseudo-feminist number this time, please don't, Teira, please don't ā¦ T (hanging her head in shame): Yeah, you're right ā¦ (slowly) It is a rather noble move of you to take on that responsibility however uncertain ā¦ K: Exactly ā¦ there is no certainty ā¦ but somehow I have ā¦ or it has decided that this is going to be, you know, my child ... T (slowly, in a solemn tone): If you feel that way you should do the right thing. K: Which is what? T: Adopt the child yourself ... K (hysterical, dropping heavily one a chair) I thought so, I thought so, but how on earth! I am booked with projects up to the hilt for years on end, I am a happy camper enjoying my currency, I have no intention whatsoever of landing in another relationship trap, I have mother plaguing me with suitable candidates for marriage and procreation every other month, how on earth can I ā¦ T (a bit hectic): Yep, not an easy one. But you will find a solution, I am certain ā¦ K (grumpily): That's all you've got to say? Lame, Teira, lame! T: I gotta go, we gotta go ā¦ (while leaving) But hey, don't you have that connection to the Reinsteen Corporation? I am being told that he is a real wizard in handling such, you know, minor private problems of his clients ā¦ K (looking at her with concern): Sounds a bit like a devil's bargain ... T (lightly while walking out): Sometimes the devil is the only one fit enough for doing the heavy lifting ā¦
Act 3
The same room, early evening. The room is dark and over heated, only lit by the street lights. Ken sits in boxers on a comfy chair with a glass of old Scotch next to him, he is not exactly sober and talks into a small Dictaphone.
K: So, now I am in the right state for the deep shit contemplation how to solve the A-problem ā¦ once and for all. Recording this because ā¦ haha, I like to hear my own voice, helps me think ā¦ Shit, that sounded like a quote of you-know-who (imitating Shakespeare) āOh cursed blessing of high end televisionā ā¦ Focus, Ken, focus, on the matter at hand (unconsciously grabs his balls, sighs an ambiguous sigh of arousal and concern). So, given are: a sweet young lady, a little too young, it would seem (pauses, between clenched teeth) Hypocrites, as if a girl would not know her ways aged 16 or 17 ā¦ sometimes wonder if they do not rather lose it once they are fully grown and hooked on all that bitter feminist babble ā¦ not the topic, not the topic ā¦ (quickly) a young lady, her mother, maybe a gold digger, maybe a puritan moralist, maybe both, and the potential fruit of my loins ā¦ odd expression ā¦ but somehow sexy (he grabs his balls again) ā¦ however this came about does not matter ā¦ (as if quoting a therapeutic manual) no remorse, no complaints, no excuses ā just solutions ā¦ solutions ā¦ solutions. Teira, you little demon! ā¦ Just ask uncle Paul! ā¦ to hell with uncle Paul (falls into brooding despair, long silence) ... Uncle Paul, sounds like a perfect trap ... (Sighs) Option 1: let them have someone adopt it, ah him or her ā¦ Oh how would it look if it were a boy? Like me back then? Blonde and sceptical and a little angelic ā¦ or a girl? ā¦ just the same ā¦ at any rate, I love him, her, it already (He cries in silence) (clears his throat ceremoniously) No, option 1 is not an option. Off the table. I need to positively get hold of the child (Long break) And if it's not mine? Can only be told for certain after the ā¦ the fact ā¦ the delivery (looks down with a frown) Just the same even though (between clenched teeth) I would hate to pay all that hay for ā¦ A risk to be taken. (Ceremoniously) You cannot throw a human being into the trash just for being the baker boy's humble offspring (pauses, broods) but if so, that would make for some very, very bad Karma for you young lady! (soft, tender)ā¦ Something tells me though it is real ā¦ it was a very fine release ā¦ specifically the last one, that heartbreaking thing on the graveyard ā¦ there was some magic to it ā¦ the best in a while, almost ecstatic ā¦ wonderful (cries some more) ā¦(composed) if my instincts betray me even in this case, what is there to be trusted at all? (Gets up in a leap, Dictaphone in hand) So it has been decided, adoption it is! ā¦ Practical steps ā¦ I cannot at some point declare myself a single father ā¦ people will talk ā¦ I can also not hide it forever (stops in his tracks) I can't? Can't I? I am a smart boy, wealthy, well connected, shrewd ā¦ I have zero respect for conventional morale, I am very good at keeping secrets (sighs) I could have him raised in some remote country cottage, pay the best of nurses, later private eduction ā¦ just like a real baron ā¦ (almost shouting) Oh, I could raise a real baron, oh dear! (While pacing the room he is grabbing his package, he is almost hard by now) But no ā¦ (he drops heavily into the chair, grabbing his drink) ā¦ cursed fame, cursed tintertwat, cursed social bloody media, they will find out, they are merciless beasts, they will find out. No way I can hide him. (Sighs deeply after sipping some more Scotch) I need a bloody wife, and quick ā¦ someone who fits, someone who looks decent next to me, someone from my circles, about my age, at least not far younger, not too vulgar, not too arrogant, no competition either, some sort of well behaved society bird with some loose connection to the field, and zero talent, and some need for comfort and wealth, who does not talk ā¦ oh dear, and single to boot, will never find such a person ā¦ (suddenly stares in recognition) Holy shit! That woman I did that cheesy film with back then! Need to google her! If she's single ā¦ (He gets up to go to his work place, mumbling while walking off) And would you believe it, she even did a horrid pregnant performance years ago. Oh that was ghastly! Yet her rare talent for this underrated art form comes in rather handy right now! (cheerful) There you see, even the worst artsy fartsy rubbish is good for something (singsanging) There is providence in the fall of a sparrow my arse ā¦
Act IV Scene 1 Ken, in casual clothing, grey jeans and a blue chambray shirt over a white t-shirt, on his roof terrace. Wearing a white head set. It is a mild, slightly overcast October afternoon.
Ken (speaking loud and agitatedly, yet forcefully light): Amazing to get you on the phone that quickly, Paul! ā¦ yep, everything is fine ā¦ veeeery busy, of course ā¦ yet I still have time for a chat with you ā¦ hahaha (long forced giggle, then suddenly serious) ā¦ Yes, I do have a particular demand, or problem, no, wish, or rather simply a piece of information ā¦. (giggles) I know that you are the centre of all classified info, the very king of juicy gossip, I know, I know, but this one's easy ā¦ Ok, here's the thing. I hear that you are sort of affiliated, or rather acquainted with a certain Miss Carner ā¦ Linda Carner, that's right ā¦ some kind of theatre director, rather assistant, on and off live artist, clown school graduate, party bird, loosely related to that French singer, yep, that's her ā¦ the one who lived in New York, or maybe still does ā¦ Oh, she travels back and forth ā¦ Oh, I see ā¦. she was with that ā¦ musician, no? ā¦ Oh still is (his face is concerned and he is silent for a while, then clears his throat) ā¦ oh, it is nothing really, I just remembered that we did ā¦ you know, that movie back then ā¦ no, not a very good one, nothing you would know of (very low) or care to lay your hands on ā¦ (long break, with small shakes of head) ā¦ exactly just for a coffee, for good old times sake ā¦ (loud, exaggerated) No, I have no need to be set up with anyone ā¦ what are you even thinking, Paul? ā¦ of course not ā¦ it's just ā¦ human interest, exactly, one must try to keep up with all one's friends ā¦ keep track ā¦ care for them ā¦ exactly ā¦ loyalty ā¦ always a sucker for good old loyalty ā¦ just like you, old pal, just like you ā¦ Me too, me too ā¦ I cannot wait to hop over the pond again to have one more of our infamous scotch and games session (lewd chuckle) ā¦ yep, indeed, always ā¦ all my best wishes for you as well, my friend! (pushes off button and exhales loudly)
The snake ā¦ wonder what he is thinking now? ā¦ (He gets up and while heading for the house is singsanging) Oh well ā¦ So, next time she's in town we are going to have cohohoffeee, and my arguments will be veeery convihihincing ā¦ cannot be too hard to wean her off some broke musician type ā¦
Scene 2 The same as Scene 1. Yet Ken is wearing lighter blue jeans and a light mauve shirt over a white T-shirt. Ken (talking into his headset in a very low, seductive voice): Yeah, has been a while, I know ā¦ Love to be a pleasant surprise ā¦ yep, have been doing quite well since our ā¦ oh, glad to hear that! ā¦ Always nice to see peers of one generation move up the ladder ā¦ everyone in their little (he kneads his genitals) corner of the world. ā¦ Tell me some more! How's your life? ā¦ (giggles and goes on kneading) ā¦ Hm, you really sound ā¦ nice. I can hear that you took some good turns since ā¦ then (He opens his fly and takes out his dick. It is about 4.7 inches long and very hard. He closes his eyes and goes on stroking it quickly with two fingers while he is listening) ā¦ Ah New York, I love New York, specifically in fall ā¦ And did you do something with that, that clown education? ā¦ I know, it is hard .. old crafts die out ā¦ whom are you telling? ā¦ I am such a nostalgic puppy myself ā¦ Yeah, that we always had in common ā¦ that sentimentality ā¦ yes, and opera ā¦ I wish I could ā¦ Sure, let's just have coffee! ā¦ When are you in town? ā¦ splendid ā¦ Good, suits me fine ā¦ Oh yes, I am very much looking forward to seeing you again ā¦ Well, me, that will not surprise you. I am a bit all over the place ā¦ (giggles) ā¦ almost over-exposed ā¦ Thank you! You are too kind ā¦ sooo ā¦ yep ā¦ See you then! ā¦ (longer break, he listens impatiently while incessantly nodding his head) ā¦ Oh no, do not worry, I will come ā¦ (He tuns off the phone and quickly strokes himself to climax after mumbling): Voice's not that bad, if one imagines that sexy French bird with it ā¦ Oh well, she does look a bit like her ā¦ Always has ā¦
Scene 3
The same as Scene 1. It is raining. Ken is wearing jogging pants and a hoodie with the hood on. He is standing. Once he is taking he is running around the terrace, making big and urgent hand gestures. Ken: Oh no, you listen to me! We have a deal, remember! I take care for everything once the ā¦ the child has been born ā¦ Until then I do not ā¦ No, Ma'm, this is not how these things work ā¦ (getting louder) I am no bloody consumer idiot you can get to pay for each snippet extra. No, you are not some cheap airline. And I do not need to fly with you. You should very quickly change your attitude or the deal is off! ā¦ What I will do then? What I will do then? I don't know. Not your problem ā¦ No, no, no. You do not have me in your hands. Who do you think you are? You can talk to the press all you want, I just deny it (in a light tone) I deny it. Whom will they believe? Do your homework, celebrities are being blackmailed with supposed offspring every day, every day. Have you ever heard that one of them has been ruined by it? ā¦ Think of Boris Becker (mumbles to himself) Maybe not such a good example ā¦ Even if so, he is still rich and famous and you ā are ā not ā¦ And a man, sure, that too ā¦ what are you? A new born feminist? Ah, you can be all you want, Ma'm, but we need to get back to business here ā¦ So, listen, we need to cooperate here ā¦(milder) This is a grey zone, there is no established legal procedure to handle this ā¦ but don't we share the same interest here? ā¦ Exactly! ā¦ Annie and the child, that is our common interest ā¦ so please do as I say, it is in her, in your best interest and stop that bargaining ā¦ it is cheap and vulgar and frankly ā¦ Good. ā¦ I will meet you half way, ok? ā¦ So let's just say, I transfer (very slowly, cautiously) a thousand quid right now and that'll be all till the ā¦ no, no, no, one thousand, that is a very generous offer, one thousand, one single transfer, and that's it ā¦ just for covering the costs during pregnancy, after she has given birth our previous contract kicks in ... my last offer ā¦ a very good one ā¦ (long break, he is almost hopping while standing) ā¦ Ex-act-ly ā¦ (exhales loudly) ā¦ Good ... Very wise decision ... No, that's all for today. I will let you know if there are any news. And vice versa ā¦ What? ā¦ Oh, that was Latin, it means: To you the same applies. You will also let me know once ā¦ Don't you worry, you will be the first to know! (He turns off and quickly runs down into the house) The nightmare! Vulgar, uneducated, greedy, a voice like ā¦ like the old provincial hag that she is ā¦ and smart. Shrewd. Shrewd like the worst of them city boys. ā¦ a bloody nightmare ... Oh how I am paying for this one little lapse!
Act 5
(roughly four months later) Ken's bedroom.
A gloomy winter afternoon. The room is dimly lit. A Nat King Cole record is playing. Ken and Teira in casual white and grey sports clothing both sit on his huge bed. Ken looks very thin and exhausted. Teira is shining and visibly pregnant.
They drink tea.
Ken (tenderly): So all this time when we talked about the ā¦ you know ā¦ situation ā¦ you were already pregnant? Teira (with a cheerful smile): It would seem so ... Ken: This must have happened sort of almost at the same time then? Teira: Could be, could be. Ken (sighs a long and strange sigh) Teira (touching his hair and then his cheek): What is it, darling, you are getting married next week, why so sad? Ken (mumbles): I do, but for sure not to the right one ā¦ Teira: But you arranged it all, and with such zeal and skill ā¦ better get comfy in the bed you made yourself (she shifts a little as if feeling very comfortable with herself). Ken (shifting as well but rather like someone who cannot find the right position): Not exactly a thing I am good at. Teira: What, making your own bed or feeling comfy in it? Ken (with a wounded smile): Possibly neither ... (They look at each other with a long mysterious stare)
Teira (breathing in, forcefully light): And how is Linda, the bride? Ken (looking down gloomily): Let's say she is learning ā¦ fast ā¦ she has to. Teira (frowning): That's a weird thing to say about a bride! Ken (quickly interrupting): Please do not play dumb, Teira, please don't! You know that this is a sham, that this is all a bloody sham, you know that the woman is awful, dumb, arrogant, greedy, that she just signed a contract to make use of my name, you know all that ā¦ Teira: Of course I do, I was just trying to cheer you up ā¦ (she takes his wrist) Ken (shakes her hand off): Don't give me that motherly crap, it's too early for that! Teira: Come, come, my dear. What is it? You look awful by the way. Have you stopped eating? Are you on something? Ken (quickly): No, it's just the stress (sighs) ā¦ What really puzzles me is the degree of hatred she's being met with ... Teira (with lifted eyebrows, sipping her tea): Well, people are not stupid ā¦ Ken: No, but I'd thought that I had instructed her well ā¦ Teira: It takes talent to play a part convincingly ā¦ Ken: And she lacks it, completely ā¦ I know, I know ā¦ that's why I chose her ā¦ Teira: Sure, you hate competition in your own home ā¦ Ken (looking up at her): Of course I do, burnt child, you know ā¦ Teira: Not out to become yet one more Brangelina ... Ken (with a bitter laugh): For sure not, the nightmare ā¦ thinking about them I should call myself lucky ā¦ at least I would never even consider to actually love that women ā¦ Teira (lightly): Not an easy task. Ken: No ā¦ (A long break, Ken sips his tea, Teira looks at him concerned) Teira: And the pregnancy, is everything going well? Ken (wearily): Oh yes, I think so ā¦ Teira: You think so? Don't they keep you in the loop? Ken (sighs): Well, let's just say: the communication is not flawless. Mother hen seems to be intent on selling every shred of information, with rates rising by the week ā¦ Teira (with a short nasty giggle): Oh you must hate that, stingy you! Ken (staring at her with hatred): Don't give me that crap, Teira, we all have our weak spots! Teira: Well, pathological stinginess is no a very nice trait in such a wealthy guy. Ken (turning towards her, grabbing her wrists almost brutally): What do you want, Teira, the flawless liberal-leftist princess, every bloody feminist's dream, what do you want? Teach me a lesson? ā¦ Why did you have to get pregnant at exactly that time, I wonder? Exactly when I knocked up Annie? A bit strange, isn't it? Teira (pulling her arms off his grip with surprising strength): Are you insane? What an absurd paranoid accusation? How could I have known when exactly you would knock up one of your under-age hook ups? We wanted a baby for a while, or let's just say: We were not taking measures against it ā¦ Ken: Sounds good, sounds reasonable ā¦ I am sorry, forgive me, I am so strung up! (He starts to cry. Teira runs her hands through his hair, he puts his head on her shoulder, then lifts it and searches her lips to kiss her passionately, she gives in for a second, as if considering it, then pushes him off ā¦) Teira: Wrong idea ā¦ Ken (hanging his head in shame but leaving his hands on her torso): Probably ... (Ken looks at her with intent) Ken: Why have we never been an item? We look the dream couple, don't we? Teira: We do, but not in real life. I would rather wonder why no one has ever cast us as romantic leads. Ken (gloomily): You know that they will never let me get the girl, they call me an alien, a lizard king (broods) ā¦ (anxiously) Do you think that our parts sort of determine our fates? Teira: Who knows? (ponders) But I guess not. If so I were to be chased by dead mariners most of the time ā¦ Ken: But you did find your Darcy! Teira: Ah, come on, Mark's not exactly a Darcy. Ken: I did not mean Mark ā¦ Teira (stares at him with frowned forehead): Oh! Ken (gets up to come back with a Scotch, drinking it in greedy gulps while standing): You know what's the real nightmare? That charade with the prosthetic belly. And it has only started. Every other week I have to literally negotiate with that ghastly woman that she sends a pic of Annie's belly, a new one, and then I need to talk to some special effects guy I have to bribe as well, to make me a new model that Linda has to put on whenever we are out in public. Teira (quickly interrupting): You do know that you do not need those photos? Belly growth during pregnancy is a fairly standardised affair. And besides, if Linda were really pregnant it would not look exactly like Annie's anyway. Ken (starring at her): Oh, really, have to think about that ā¦ but anyway, Linda, oh that horrible woman, she can never put it on without putting up a huge show about the humiliation and the absurdity, so that I need to remind her that she has signed a contract, to which she responds with her not having been aware of the full scope of horrors, and that she would need more compensation to keep, you know, her bloody mouth shut about all my insane and immoral lies and crimes. (sighs) Next she demands a Caribbean holiday right after that farce of a wedding, on her family's estate ā¦ Oh if I would have known! Teira (sternly): Then what, then what? Persuade the girl to have an abortion, have strangers adopt the child, hide it, tell the truth to the public ā¦ What were your options, Ken? You should start to take responsibility for the things you did! Ken: You are right, as always (stares at her with love and admiration) Why have we not been able to get together, why not, Teira? Teira: Because you cannot suffer competition in your own house, remember? Ken. Right, right ā¦ Teira: And I insist on generosity in all monetary matters, remember! Greed is my major deal breaker! And you are such a greedy bastard, Ken! Ken (hanging his head): Well, I could learn ā¦ Teira: No, you can't ā¦ no one does ... Ken: Don't say that! (after looking at her some more) Oh how I would love to make love to you right now, now that you are about in the same month like Annie, it would give me an idea how ā¦ (leans in for a kiss once more) (Teira gently pushes him away.) Ken (with a low seductive voice): There is such a wonderful smell about you, Teira darling, smelling all warm and rosy, and sweet, like baby and cuddling and soft blankets (he covers her face with kisses and tries to land on her lips, she moves her head away rather slowly). Teira (gently): Stop it, Ken. We are brother and sister, Jack and Jill, Bonnie and Clyde, remember! ā¦ Ken (sighs in frustration with clenched teeth): Ah, if I can't have you right now I will make arrangements for us to make a RomCom together. Next thing, or right after that Hollywood crap. We just need to work that frustrated pent up desire! Teira: Ken, could you for once stop abusing every complex situation you trapped yourself in for your own private gain! Ken (with a wicked boyish smile): Dunno, can I? You said people cannot change ā¦
(He puts his hand in her neck, she freezes)
Epilog
A tall, pretty, pregnant blonde girl of maybe 16, 17, in a red coat that does not quite close over her belly is walking along an ugly road along low ugly dirty grey houses. It is raining. The streets are covered with patches of slimy dirty snow. While she is walking she is humming to herself. Annie: Stupid Annie, stupid girl. What were you thinking! Stupid Annie, stupid girl. What were you thinking! Oh mother, oh mother, I did not know! Oh mother, oh mother, I did not know! Not quite know. Course I knew that he was on the telly. But I did not know that he is that big. I just thought that he is a cute little actor from London town, and with a little luck ā¦ Oh stupid Annie, why didn't you do your bloody homework? Why didn't you go online and check him out first? You would have learned that he's huge, that he is big in the US and big in Asia and the bloody boyfriend of the whole Internet. Oh why am I so lazy with the media? I had just read in the local paper that a telly star is coming to film in our old church and off I went. Such a huge star. Now I know. (She sighs, lifts her belly, then giggles) Not that huge at all, in fact. I've seen, I had bigger. So cute, he was so shy about it. Needed to work them jaws quite a bit to give him a stiffy. But then ā¦ (sighs) gentle, sweet lover, skilled and slow and ā¦ dangerous (stands) A snake! That's what mother says. A snake. āThat snake with the pale eyes, look at him, a dangerous beast that is.ā That's what she says. Oh those eyes. They could be tender. ā¦ But after he, you know, had come, with that sigh, with that long, long sigh, oh that sigh, after he had come the last time, on that church yard, after he had finished, after he had spent himself, into me, we cuddled some more and he thanked me so very much, a little too much, Annie, Oh Annie, you saved me, and then they turned cold and I knew his mind was wandering off already, somewhere else. Somewhere far away. Not here with me anymore, in that boring little place where the only thing we have to offer is that old church no one ever goes to. No one but the telly. Why didn't you use protection, mother says, why didn't you use protection my friends say, why didn't you use protection, everyone says, have we not taught you in school? Stupid Annie girl, what where you thinking? Sorry, I was not thinking, I just felt. Something. A man who was so lonely, even lonelier than I. A man, no, a lost boy who was so in need, even more in need than I. Don't know, something really old kicked in and said: give him something. You are strong, Annie, you are young, Annie, you are fit, Annie, just give that man something to fill his void. To make good for that phony thing about him. He deserves it. And so I did. I let him touch me, I touched him back and then I knew. I knew what I had to give him. What I had to give him, poor little me. I had to give him a child. But oh, the punishment (she sinks down on a wet bench) The punishment. Such a grave punishment. For what? For not remaining in my humble station? For reaching out too far? Ah, I just took my chances, so did he. What is my crime? Now I am marked for life. The best I can hope for is to be paid off. To be paid off like a hooker. To be paid off as the humble breeder of his noble seed. Oh the shame. Oh the humiliation. Oh the disgust. Oh the total despair.
(She takes a small box with pills out of her pocket, stares at it and mumbles tonelessly) Might just as well end me after the job is done ...
