hmm, about the headcanon of subaru having ptsd from his deaths, im pretty sure it IS canon!
SPOILERS ARC 6 FOR NON NOVEL READERS!
in arc 6, chapter 6 of vol 22, when he discovers the balcony full of birds with ana there, the following dialogue appears;
“By the way, how can you so casually touch those birds? Aren’t you afraid of them all suddenly swarming up and pecking you to death?”
“Your imagination is a lot more scary than they are. Don’t tell me that’s also your experience talking?”
“There was a time that a bunch of cute bunnies jumped me.”
Ever since then, he was always a bit nervous around large groups of animals gathered in one place.
which tells us he does have trauma from his past experiences, there's also a moment where they first arrive in the tower and meet shaula, as she's sure subaru is flugel;
“Smell. No one but Master would ever give off such a nose-scorching, pitch-black, nasty stench and be totally fine.”
“I’ve never been more insulted! Do I really smell that bad?!”
When he heard the word smell, he had braced himself, but that resolve was dust in the wind when Shaula hit him with an unthinkable selection of words.
“Why are you mad? Ah, is it ’cause I called it nasty? Don’t worry! Your smell isdownright atrocious, but it isn’t, like, vomit-inducing. More like a weird combination that makes you want to smell it again!”
“A girl shouldn’t say something like that! And if that was supposed to make me feel better, you did a terrible job!”
Subaru covered his face to hide his shame and collapsed in tears on the spot.
“What the hell...? I thought I had gotten used to hearing it by now, but thatwas too much. What did I do to deserve this...?”
“I-it’s okay, Subaru. I understand. Why don’t we give you a proper bath later?”
“You don’t get it at all!”
While Subaru bawled, Emilia tried to reassure him.
this time he is reminded of his past experiences after someone acknowledges the witches scent on him, clearly having left some traumas such as Rem torturing him or Garfiel kidnapping him and keeping him in a dark cell depriving him of his senses!
So yeah, he does have trauma from his past experiences, he most likely suffers from C-PTSD, as it's caused by repeated traumatic experiences!
Damn, yes, yes, yes! About that first moment with Anastasia—in that scene, while reading, I pounced on it like a starving wolf! Honestly, more detailed character reactions to trauma are exactly what I feel this story is lacking. I mean, I can understand why they aren’t there—otherwise it would be very easy to slide into some utterly crushing depression. And besides, it’s very much in character for Subaru to deny the bad things that happen to him…
Two consecutive moments from the beginning of Arc Six immediately come to mind.
The first one is Chapter 13, where Subaru burns alive. This is how he describes it:
“Body hair burnt till the follicle, eardrum and brain matter alike melted and flowed out the earlobe. Lips and gums evaporated, exposing the teeth, and the tongue was gulped by the suffering of the heat wave. It did not matter. He had already drowned. These burns, could they be healed? Even though he was not confident regarding his face, if it got burnt, would they like him less? Emilia, Beatrice, Rem.”
And then, in the very same chapter, when he returns through death, he immediately jokes about it, without even hinting at the recent horror:
Subaru: “Hii?”
Ram: “…I am stunned. How can you be frightened from mere darkness? You are not a child.”
Subaru: “――Ah.”
Cowering, this small Subaru’s eyes widened at the sound of that voice.
Her face illuminated by the lantern she herself carried, from Ram spilled a slight exhale. Then, she quietly knelt down on the spot, and stroked Subaru’s cheeks with her hand.
Ram: “What a pitiful face.”
Subaru: “…Has my face melted?”
Ram: “――Except in front of Emilia-sama, I have never seen such a pitiful sight.”
I think completely dissociating from negative experiences through jokes is his coping mechanism.
That’s exactly why, when in the next chapter—Chapter 14—this happens:
Anastasia: 「Ram-san was messin’ about jus’ now. I don’ think it’s proper to speak like this in this terrible situation.」
Subaru: 「Y-yeah? Yeah, that’s right. I was in a hurry. And in the first place, neither Ram or Anastasia’s breasts would sag, nor do they have enough to even notice…..」
Anastasia: 「Whoopsy, sorry Natsuki-kun. My hand slipped.」
Subaru: 「Why the past tense, and why so hot!?」
Her lantern was pressed to the nape of his neck, and the heat coming off from its Magical Ore burnt his neck. With the sensation of his fiery death resuscitated within him, he shuddered and rolled down onto the cold sand, shouting and screaming as he relieved himself from the pain. And as he did so, still collapsed with the back of his body lying on top of the sand, he glared at the two of them on dragon-back.
Subaru: 「I-isn’t that cruel doing that all of a sudden? I would have liked at least a chance to explain.」
Anastasia: 「You can’t go criticisin’ people’s physical characteristics ‘n then showing contempt for ‘em. You absolutely can’t do that unless yer masochistic. If this was Kararagi, yer’d lose all yer reputation ‘n become broke. Don’t ya agree, Ram-san?」
Oh, I was absolutely furious. I wanted to strangle both Anastasia and Ram (and Ram is one of my favorite characters!) over something like this, gods.
So yes, this is pretty dangerous territory to write about, in my opinion—especially when the novel includes so many chapters. At some point, you can simply get tired of describing bad things, not only physically, but psychologically as well.
Still, yes—once again—I really wish we knew more about Subaru and his honest feelings regarding long-term consequences, not just emotional breakdowns in the immediate moment of crisis…
