Zēy•

Sometimes I can be so magical ✨✨

I am exactly who I think I am .

Coming to terms with being a solo sexual person has taken a huge toll on my mental… it has me feeling like a cold robot an abnormal human being if you will… at first I thought I was just really nervous and couldn’t get out of my head, and told myself that a random encounter doesn’t do it for me, but then after trying with a person who I thought I was totally in sync with but I just couldn’t get to a point of climax, and the other person just tells me it’s ok… but it’s not ok, I don’t get why I don’t feel pleasure from sex but I wish I did… I feel so numb and empty thinking that the next encounter will be the one, but sadly no… how will anyone take me seriously if I can even share an orgasm? A simple moment shared between two ppl is one and will always be one sided , no matter how hard I try I just can’t get my body to be on the same page with my mind.

Why do asexuals act like all they need is cake, dragons, and cuddles? Why aren’t asexuals more upset at how the world leaves us out the loop of finding love and romance ? Why do we have to travel to Ace Meetups? Why are all the Ace dating spaces empty and or cost to join? Why are they’re so many Asexuals over the world but I can’t even find one in my own city or state that’s not 100+ miles away…. I hate that I feel like I have to work 10 times harder just to be taken seriously? I get so close but since I don’t have sex I’m not looked at as worry person, taking a chance on happiness means to be with a person just for them to tell me “ you’re such a great person anyone would lucky to have you” , and by that they mean anyone but them would lucky…. It get painful trying to survive this world, I’m lonely, single and depressed and sleep alone every night, watching my friends have love life’s full of passion and I’m home on a Friday night eating pizza and watching anime…

32 yr old nonbinary non gender conforming person who has little to no experience in the matters of sex/dating. I’ve officially come to the conclusion that I’m definitely a solo sexual who also wants companionship… why does sex have to so important to everyone and everything all the time?! I can’t hold the attention of anyone longer than 15-20 minutes , so I lie about myself to seem interesting just to come clean later on and admit that whatever I said was greatly exaggerated so they would like me more but of course that makes me a manipulator and them uninterested, one for lying and two for lying about sex. No matter how amazing my personality, how funny, smart, artistic etc etc, it only makes ppl sexually attracted to me… and no one wants to be with a person they find sexy and can’t have that with them. DONT believe what they say, it’s always about sex.