lee

and let the sun bleach your bones. 

I tempt fate, every time I’m with you. Her envy froths like sea foam, threatening to drown me, as I hold the most beautiful boy in my arms. Her grey eyes give me a black look, threatening to transform me into something hideous, so that my lover no longer recognises me and I can no longer luxuriate under the gaze of his love. I imagine turmoil in the heavens. Divine voice clashing with divine voice. Celestial fists flying. Over my boy. Under their watchful gaze, I gift you the gleaming apple, my love and hubris dripping with the same nectar. I live in constant fear, but if it was for you, I would hang upon the rock and greet the eagle with a smile every rosy dawn.

I sit in my bathtub. One of the toes on my foot is pale white. It stands out from the other raw, fleshy ones. I trace my gaze up my leg, and count three blooming bruises. I can't remember where I got them from. They could've just easily come from banging into tables as my own fists. I bury my face into your shoulder and ask Why I Hate Myself So Much. You just hold me and say 'I don't know.' I accidentally drowned a spider running this bath. I didn't see him. I fished his body out with my fingers and left him on the side. He made me feel squeamish, even though he was dead. I felt bad for feeling squeamish. Today I slept on the sofa instead of doing my work. The smudges of the oil pastels I used that morning came out in my dribble, staining the cushion I rested my head on. I woke up, my mouth feeling black and white.

You are the God of my Idolatry, And I'll believe in thee.

You relax into me, finding solace in the crook of my arm

Closing my door for me

Get up.

I want to become the air you breathe.