Learning The Ways Of The Force

we've talked before, about surprises. we've had fun with them before — i like the thrill, and you like the look on my face when i realize that oh, we're doing this today. we always negotiate those kinds of scenes for a long while beforehand, but we both agreed that you get to decide the when.

and usually it's my fantasies you're indulging: like when i woke up, shocked and sleepy, my holes unmistakably used; when i was tied to the bed, blindfolded, and you let people i’ll never know come in and toy with me; when you even smashed my window once, middle of the night, just to give me that sweet stab of terror before i realized it was you breaking in to pin me down — yeah. those were all mine.

the day you indulged one of your own, i didn't even know i'd be seeing you.

If y'all haven’t already, follow @iamyevgeniya on Twitter.

Doesn’t hate on girls who take extremely low allowances or pay per meets

Doesn’t hate on girls for not being “classy” or who don’t “know their worth” (or use those phrases in general to bring down other babies)

Understands that the experience of a choice sex worker and a survival sex worker are very different.

Understands that especially if you’re a girl who has the choice to leave sex work whenever you want, are only doing this to have a more glamorous life, or for luxury items (yes I’ve seen girls act superior for only doing this for luxury items and snub girls who do it who need the money), you have certain privileges many in the bowl, and in sex work don’t have.

Understands that some girls enter the bowl to pay for diapers, medical bills, or just to feed their families.

Understands that some women don’t have the luxury to wait around for an allowance YOU deem acceptable because of the above reasons. 

Understands that some women have to take allowances lower than what you would ever accept because they aren’t conventionally attractive (and don’t have the money to make themselves more “attractive”), are plus size, are transgender, have lots of tattoos that hurt their money, are visibly disabled, are autistic/have learning disabilities, speech impediments, or are WOC*, including immigrants with thick accents, or are undocumented and therefor can not always be as choosy.

Doesn’t hate on escorts who aren’t high end or mid range. A lot of SB’s I’ve seen don’t understand how the above intersections can make escorting just as difficult, as well as the fact that if you’re hours away from a major city or middle class suberb the rates in general are MUCH lower. It doesn’t matter if a girl charges $200 or less an hour, or does $40 15 min. quickies, you have no right to judge her. If anything low end escorts need more love and support since LE doesn’t target high end as often, they can’t properly screen like mid range, and even other sex workers shit on them, feminists talk over them since they’re considered the “victims”, not even going into society as a whole.

Understands that your rate/allowance, pay per meet is not your actual “worth” since I continually see “know your worth”. It is simply the amount of money that you are able to make, whether it’s from good genes, skill, or proper marketing.

Isn’t classist in general

 *You can still of course, get high allowances with any of these things (some of the top sb’s I’ve seen are black or plus size), but from what I’ve seen they’re usually drop dead gorgeous and the above things do work against you often times.

I see a lot of babies in the bowl do these things and I have a lot of sugar baby followers it seems more than any other type of sex worker, and I’d love to follow you, but I always end up seeing so much classism and lateral whorephobia I’m afraid to follow most sugar babies now, so I’d like to know which ones are “safe” to follow. (if anyone actually reads or reblogs this, which I doubt a bit)

So I haven’t been updating the way I used to. I haven’t been on POT dates. I haven’t been striving to get a SD. I’ve been so out of it lately. Besides the fact that I met someone in my vanilla life that gave me some good dick, it threw me off lol

But I had a wake up call when i signed in my Tumblr and saw all the money shots & remembered why I stepped into this bowl in the first place. I have trips coming up, bills to pay and I am so tired of struggling or trying to make ends meet. SA IS TRASH CITY. So I joined Sugardaddymeet.com & I’m hoping this is a greater improvement at least..

So I’m back on the grind, back to trying to find a decent man. I can’t lie, it’s been discouraging lately. I keep meeting fakes or creeps & it’s been annoying the crap out of me. But through every dark tunnel is the light, right?

A list of things that you may not think about when entering the bowl but really should consider.  He will smell. Dog shit breath. Body odor. Stinky balls. Something will smell.

He is married even if he is single. 99% of good SDs are married. So don’t go into the bowl thinking you can get a good, single man to give you lots of money. It likely won’t happen that way. Even if they don’t come right out and say it; they are married. No ring? Married. Doesn’t talk about wife? Married. Seems to travel a lot? Married to a unlucky lady. I find that the unmarried ones tend to be the biggest womanizers, douchebags and assholes. They want a SB out of lazy-ass convenience or lack of social aptitude. Married men want a SB because they don’t get it enough at home or their marriage just isn’t working any longer OR because they do travel a lot and figure why not get some side chick action. Different area codes and such.

He will be old. Very old. And only mildly attractive (if you are lucky). He will be from a different generation. His looks will be fading. He will have at least a few wrinkles (face, balls, legs, back, hands, wherever). There may be a 2-4 generation gap between the two of you. The hot, young, nice, good-hearted, generous types just aren’t trolling the sugar sites regularly and likely aren’t going to be actively searching for an allowance based relationship. You may score a hot, young, rich guy by freestyling but expect to work even harder to get actual money out of him and he will be a boyfriend NOT a SD.

Body hair, everywhere. Older men tend to not be up on the grooming trends of younger men. They will have hairy chests, hairy backs, hairy butts, hairy knuckles, hairy toes, and so much pubic hair that you won’t be able to see his balls. And don’t even think about suggesting he trim it down or shave. He can’t. His wife will wonder why he suddenly cares about his hairy balls and back. Then he will have to end the arrangement out of fear of his wife finding out.

He has problems. And you have to listen to them. Part Most of being a sugar baby is to be his escape. If he needs to vent about work, the wifey, his kids, his latest doctor visit then you need to sit there and at least pretend to listen/care. That’s the deal. 

You get have to travel with him. I have been to some amazing places with some of my SDs. I get to see the world, stay in beautiful hotels, eat delicious local cuisine and I get paid to do all of it. The only thing that would make it better is if my SD disappeared from the equation and a cute guy appeared or my friends or my family or even a coworker I don’t really like but could still chill on a beach with. Or hell, even if I was there alone it would be better than being stuck with him 24 hours a day, for 4 or 5 days straight PLUS travel time. But I still go because, you know, money and free trips and shit.

You aren’t allowed to have problems. Outside of gently suggesting that you don’t have money for rent or whatever, you don’t have problems. You don’t have friend drama. You don’t have coworkers you hate. You don’t have anxiety. You can only have a “problem” every once in a while and that problem better damn well be able to be fixed with money. He can fix money-based problems without batting an eye but your emotional shit needs to be checked at the door. (Note: When you have been with an SD for a substantial amount of time you can slowly share more of your non-money problems but you have to gauge how much interest he truly has in them to keep him from thinking of you as another wife-type)

He may be very boring. The longer you are around him the less interesting he will seem. There is usually a reason he has to pay women for company. 

He may be the opposite of boring. He will have insane energy and keep you entertained but you should expect to need a day or two to recover from your energy-draining SD.

THE MONEY WILL NEVER BE ENOUGH. Starting out you think $3k/mo is enough. After a year, $5k/mo is barely enough. In a few years you will KNOW that even 100k/day isn’t really enough to put up with these guys.

It will be a constant mental struggle between spend and save. Even those of us who save like crazy still have thoughts of “spend spend spend”. You have money. You save it. You have more money than you need to save. But if you keep saving you can buy better things later. But right now that awesome Chanel bag is calling your name. But, no, later is better. Later is a house.

Once you really do become a SB, leaving the life forever will be difficult. Once you get into the groove, the job gets easier because you learn to deal with the negatives and quitting a lucrative, easy job is never easy. Plus, you can technically do this job forever. This can be your career. You can be a kept woman and live a fancy life forever as long as you give up a few other dreams. But right now you must work hard for it.

Your schedule doesn’t REALLY matter. Sure, you schedule around your own activities as much as possible but when push comes to shove you WILL cancel movie night with the girls, call off work, or skip a pool party if it means you can keep your SD around longer.

Tired? Sick? Tough shit. You still need to smile, be flirty and “enjoy” his company. I guarantee HE will show up for dates with a runny nose and a sore back because he only gets a few chances to get away from the wife and there is no way in hell he is missing play time because of the flu. Expect them to expect the same commitment from you.

It is a full time job. I repeat, it is a FULL TIME JOB. Until you have a good number of proven/established/long-term SDs who are surpassing your minimum allowance needs and you are saving like a madwoman, then you can’t really sit back and relax. Since they can leave you at any time you have to keep going on those terrible dates and keep researching new guys. It takes a long time to truly be secure enough in current arrangements to be able to stop doing this completely. Don’t expect to be “that lucky girl” who found a sugar husband after a week of trying. 

The odds are not in your favor. My guess is for every 100 contacts you make on dating sites, 20 of them will actually turn into sugar-potential dates and only 2 of those will become POT material guys and maybe 1 of those will become an SD.

I know this is a LOT to read but if you want to be ahead of the game just read what men have had to say about SBs on Seeking Arrangement and websites of the like… 

This is a long read so

Pay attention to their Game

Website here

Guy # 1

There are posters in this thread who appear to have a lot more experience with it than me, but this is what I do: 1. I do a few searches in the location that I’m traveling to using different criteria until I get a list of women that optimally match what I’m looking for. 2. I send out a canned approach message to the top 50 women or so in the search results. It’s sorted by recent activity. Women who haven’t logged on for more than two months likely won’t respond. I say, based on what someone else posted earlier in this thread: “Hi, your profile looks interesting. I’m looking for a companion with which to share my lifestyle and I travel often to your location. If you’re interested please answer back and tell me about yourself and ask me anything you’d like to know about me.” 3. After they respond I offer to exchange photos by email. Sometimes, if a woman doesn’t respond (some of them seem to be put-off that I don’t have a photo on my profile) but I still want to try to get in contact with her, I will send a follow-up message saying, “Hello, I will be traveling to your location soon. If you’d like to see what I look like I can send you a photo by email”. This usually works to get a response out of the ones who were initially silent. 4. Once we’ve exchanged photos I may trade one or two short emails in which we chat about general stuff about each other. Then, I tell them that I will be in touch once my schedule is set for my trip to their location. I ask them when they’re most available to meet (weekdays, weekends, daytime, evening, or late night). This helps me plan who I will ask to meet me and when, according to the dictates of my schedule. 5. A few days out from my trip, I re-initiate messaging with them just to set up the logistics for the meetups. I try to get something set up for every night of my trip before I arrive. Sometimes, if I have free time during the day, I’ll try to set a meetup in the afternoon or early evening and another one later at night. I usually already have my logistics planned by reading travel forums or the travel section of this forum, unless I know the area already. I try to choose a hotel with a hotel bar that is good for meeting a date, or that has a good date bar nearby, preferably within a block or two. 6. Unfortunately, I’ve found that some of the women will cancel or go radio silent. So, I try to keep some of the ones who are really eager and DTF (you can tell by how they talk to you in the messages/emails. IME it’s usually the women who are 30+ years old) on standby by telling them, “I might be free on _____, I will text you if it opens up but it might be somewhat short notice.” My first bang from SA happened this way. The original date flaked (I discovered this when I went to confirm the date on SA and found that she had blocked me) and I was able to get the standby girl to come out with less than 24-hour’s notice.

Guy # 2

The ones that talk about $$$ as mentioned here before a meeting are dead wood… drop em. The ones that you can easily sell the dream of life and luxury and are happy to come along for the ride are worthwhile investing in… For me… i mention Day Spa’s and shopping… and then i get alot of interest.

Guy # 3

Literally? We go back to my hotel room (I never do this in my hometown) and bang. Regardless of outcome, and I’m 31/33 at this point, it is my policy to never see them again. From a psychological standpoint, the more you make a girl invest in you, the less likely the little hamster is to walk away from the bang. This means she dresses up exactly how I tell her to, she drives to me, she pays, she has to give me a back rub, etc, etc, etc.

Guy # 4

I have banged 31 chicks over the last 2 months using Seeking Arrangement and came across this site while doing a web search for “sugar daddy game.” Very interesting to see the similarities and differences between your respective approaches and mine. Here is the biggest one: I make the girls pay for the first date.                Similar to many guys on here, I hit them with the “not looking for a hooker” line and then say my rule (why shouldn’t men have rules, too?) is that the girl has to pay for the first date to show she’s serious about an arrangement. This makes no sense, of course, but since when does the little hamster make sense anyway? I tell them the restaurant doesn’t have to be fancy or break their budget, but that it should demonstrate their individuality and then I jokingly tell them “but don’t be a cheap ass either!” or “if you pick a crappy place you won’t get a goodnight kiss.”The more you qualify the little hamster the faster it runs.

Guy # 5

These whores are blowing up my phone. Every one I’ve given my number to after a short message exchange has texted me within a few hours and they keep texting me. If I don’t text back for a while they’ll text me again, sometimes with more pics. I’ve got about 12 of them texting me this evening-I can’t keep them straight. One stripper wanted me to come to her club tonight (denied). All have agreed to meet me; several of them are pushing hard to meet. I’m having a lot of fun qualifying them. One said I was rude for asking her to send pics to show she wasn’t overweight. twisted She sent the pics anyway and kept talking about us meeting. Have gotten lots of pics, some sexy ones but no nudes yet. Not sure if I want to push for them- I may just let them send them to “convince” me One dimwit asked if she could bring her friend to the first meeting. Sent me a pic of her and the friend; of course the friend is fat. As if I, a wealthy Sugar Daddy, would tolerate a fat cockblocker getting between me and my Sugar Baby Laugh I’ve been surprised at the number of these girls who say they are looking for Sugar Daddys AND Sugar Mommys. I guess if you’re looking to sell your pussy, you’ll take the highest bidder, whoever that is. I’m still feeling my way in this; my online game is good but I’m not sure how to proceed in the lead up to the meet when they start asking about what I’m willing to do for them. I’m just trying to be vague and put them off a bit, saying we can talk about it later, but some keep coming back and pressing. Should I just cut them off on the grounds that type will insist on upfront payment or can I work around that? Expert advice needed… And how do you handle the issue at the meeting?- I can see it definitely coming up then Also, I was thinking of this from the girl’s perspective and it occurred to me that these girls have to realize that a lot of other girls on this site and otherwise are competing for the limited number of guys who are decent looking, not too old, and have the money to do this. So I’m thinking of strongly hinting, or outright saying, that I’m considering other girls for the position in order to stoke up the competition. I figure this should make them less demanding and more willing to please-that is, more willing to jump on my cock the first night and show me what they can do. Do you guys do anything like that?

Guy # 6

I’ve had a chance to work this a little bit and have got some nice little hotties nibbling at my bait. Already have a a few phone numbers and them saying they are willing to meet soon.

Here are some of my random observations and thoughts based on my initial experience with the site: There are over 6000 profiles within 250 miles of me but only about 10% of those have been active within the last 30 days Average quality is much higher than on POF or OKC-lots of cuties and quite a few really hot ones But there are also a surprising number of over 40s, uglies and fatties trying to pull this stunt-I suppose some of them can get some play from the old or desperate The uglier a girl is , the more likely she is to resort to begging “Please help me!” or “I need money now!” types of appeals. The hot girls never do this. I’ve had no problem getting interest from the 18-22 year olds I am following HotWheels suggestion to be really dominant with the girls from the start- I’m sort of taking the attitude an employer would have toward a job applicant or probationary employee-I’m going to have stated expectations, set rules and boundaries, and require they do certain things. My tone in the messages is polite but “I’m in charge” The girls are responding well to that, they are becoming agreeable and compliant. For example, when I told a girl I wanted someone who was well dressed, she immediately sent me a pic of her asking it that sort of outfit was ok My criteria for messaging is that they must be 6.5 or higher, under 30 unless they are really hot, and live in towns that I go to or not too far of a drive away. Several have commented in one form or another that they were happy that I was young looking and handsome because so many of the guys on the site were old or gross. Sure, it’s a come on , but I think there’s probably a lot of truth to it. There are some young hotties in the small country towns around here and their expectations are a lot lower than the city girls. Many of them say the are” open to negotiation” rather than a specific amount and a lot of them say in their profiles they just want to be spoiled. I think they really just want a taste of fine living as they see it and some excitement. A girl who thinks you’re offering her money is much more pleasant than one you are offering dick to The girls want what they think I have- money and access to fine living- more than I want their pussies as individuals. We all know that whoever cares less in a negotiation has more power. I care less-pussy is easier for me to get than money is for them to get-therefore I have the upper hand and plan to act accordingly. Shocker No 1-A girl I banged several times off POF last year is on SA! To give her credit, she is hot, horny as hell, and fucks and sucks like a porn star. She gave me the best fucks I had last year. Whoever sugar babys her up will be quite pleased Shocker No. 2- A girl I’m dating right now is on SA! Got her off POF, we’ve been on two dates; no bang yet but every day she’s telling me I’m getting it next time. I actually like her a lot-she’s very intelligent, funny and interesting to talk to, and seems to be pretty freaky. I hid my profile as soon as I saw her, which I should have done from the start.She signed up several months ago and last logged on a month ago. I wonder if she did any sugar daddy action or if she has something ongoing still? I’m not judging; she has a kid and not that great of a job. Looking at these girls and the occupations they list-retail, hospitality, office, daycare, etc- makes me wonder how many good looking girls we all encounter every day have thought seriously about selling their pussies, or would do it if they had the opportunity, or have done it. I’m betting a lot.

cw: brief mention of stalking

hi femmes! femmefuckingtastic is putting together a femme resource guide of sorts with links to relevant articles, blogs, twitters, tumblrs, instagrams, femme-owned businesses, & so on! if you’d like to be added under any of these categories, please shoot me a message w/ what & where you’d like to be included OR reblog this & i’ll add yr tumblr. this document hopefully will serve as a new femme directory (an old tumblr i ran & had to delete due to stalking). anyways, i’d love for y'all to be a part of this. you can see the WIP (i started it this morning) in the attached google doc! 💕