𝐳𝐞𝐡𝐫𝐚

closed to: zehra aksoy! (@zehraxaksoy ) location: wherever

Zehra smiled up at Finley as he placed her usual from Giovanni's on the table, one free hand pulling the food closer as she thanked her bodyguard. "I don't need anything else, thank you though." She nodded. She'd heard about the fight he'd gotten into but the details were blurred for her. "So.." she started off knowing she wanted to know exactly what had happened there, "wanna talk about it?"

Zehra's eyes drifting over to Emmeline for a short moment at the mention of Austin before turning away quickly. The mention of his name still aching at her heart, somebody she had lost in a different way and so desperately wanted back but couldn't look past her own fears to let it happen. "Yeah, Austin is great. He takes care of me, he took care of the girls too.. he's my manger, was the manager for the band too and I don't think people understand how close you get to your colleagues.. this is effecting him a lot too." She sighed. "You showed up and that#s what matters."

"they're all doing it for clicks, get a reaction they want outta you, z." it's one of the many things finley picked up on while he was back in LA. it looked bad for zehra, all the gossip, not just online but worse, it town. as much as both of them, more importantly, zehra knew that the people closest to her know her more than anything one anyone else, he could only imagine how this was all affecting her. "i know, z. but you've got us, you've got me to lean on, yeah?" he sighs, patting his hand on her shoulder. "elena and sasha would've loved this." he now gives her a small, sad smile. "but...if you want out, go home...just tell me, okay?"

"It's just-" she huffed for a moment as she tried one more time to collect her thoughts, there was so much to say yet she could barely process it to string together a single sentence. "I am so tired of tredding on egg shells, having to let others grieve before me and how they please, even if that means sitting by as they think I killed their fucking friend or daughter. Why can't I mourn her publicly?" She spoke of Sasha first, "and then if I mourn Elena I have people asking what about Sasha? Did I not love Sasha the same? I just.. I can't win, Fin.." she was feeling deflated, defeated, she couldn't do right for wrong. "I can't go home without performing, I will be fine,. thank you though. Thank you for always being here for me."

There was a sense of sadness Whitney could feel coming from Zehra. She'd lost two of her closest friends and bandmates within a week of each other. It couldn't have been easy, no one could've seen it coming, but it was not painting Zehra in a good light at all. With a comforting arm around the other's shoulders, Whitney nodded her head and smiled at her with a familiar warmth. "I know you didn't do anything, Zehra.. I just think it's best we let this blow over and then when the dust settles... and those closest to Sasha are able to grieve it out... then you can tell your side of the story."

Zehra was frustrated. She was angry, annoyed. infuriated. She was beyond pissed that she of all people were having to manage her emotions so that she didn't upset others, she couldn't grieve publicly because of others. "This is so fucking annoying" she huffed with a roll of her eyes, "when those closest to Sashya are able to grieve it out? What about me? I spent ten fucking years of my life by her side am I not considered one of those closest to her? Instead I'm having to hide, stay quiet, allow people to call me a fucking murderer all because others need to grieve before me?" She knew Whitney was just trying to help her but it seemed at the moment she lashed out at those closest to her. "If I was a fucking murderer the last thing I would be doing is writing fucking side whore near her dead body knowing damn well I called her that publicly."

"they're all dumb fucks, z, it's the media tryna poison them with lies, they don't know the truth like we do." finley couldn't help but let out an exasperated sigh, looking around as people were indeed giving the singer those stares that were motivated by something that isn't even close to the truth. zehra wouldn't do such thing to harm two of the people she loves most, and regardless of working under her for such short time, finley knows enough that the woman isn't capable to doing those things accused against her. he hated that he couldn't protect the other this way, finley just wanted to do his job right. "focus on the performance later, on what matters most, z."

"They don't but they talk like they do, they say ridiculous things and act like they know me personally. They don't. They see a couple videos or pictures, they watch a few interviews and they think they know anything about me. They don't. I would never hurt either of those girls, I would never lay a single finger on them. They were my sisters. I love them. How dare they think I would ever hurt either of them." She finished her little rant and took a few deep breaths, she had a lot of built up tension that seemed to come out the moment she spoke with Finley. He was somebody she cared about, he cared for her and they understood each other. "I will try.. It'll be tough for me to get through."

"Emmeline please don't apologise" Zehra sighed, a small smile on her lips before looking over at the woman. "I'm not doing great but are we really surprised? I've lost two people that I love. It'll take time but you know that better than anybody." She nodded her head, the two of them had lost people close to them and they were people they both adored. "Finley is taking care of me, he's working extra to keep an eye on me and Whitney and Austin are doing a lot for me too."

As much as Austin wanted to reach over and take her hand, let her know that things were going to be okay, he fought the urge. He couldn't make that promise to her after what happened to Elena and Sasha, and he couldn't give in to touching her when she didn't want him to. "I would handle that for you, you know." He tried to comfort her with words instead. "That's what I'm here for, Z. I'm pretty good at fighting battles for you by now." As a waiter passed by them with a tray of champagne glasses, Austin snagged two. Offering the second one out to her, "This should help you feel a little bit better, if not a little number to it all."

Zehra took the champagne glass from him and instantly took a mouthful without saying a word. Her eyes wandering over to him after swallowing, a sigh leaving her body before finding words to say again. "I have to sing, Crue and Billie are expecting me and no matter what I do people will have a lot to say. If I sing they talk and if I back out they talk." It felt nice for the two of them to be talking again, talking without a fight creeping in.. it was how she wanted things to be, well, she wanted more but right now the two of them couldn't seem to figure that part out yet

conrad's masquerade ball. w / @zehraxaksoy.

"I think if I take any shots I might throw up on that stage" Zehra groaned before looking over at her friends, her sister. The band had been prepared for many things over the years, media trained for all sorts of possible situations they might find themselves in but this subject was definitely not one. The murder of your band mates so close together was never a subject they touched on, being accused of being the murderer of people you called family was never something she was trained on. "It feels wrong but if we don't everybody will talk, it will only make things worse.. right?" Her eyebrow arching as she waited on some sort of words to help her guide her thought process.

@zehraxaksoy

Zehra turned to look over at Whitney, a deep sigh leaving her body as she rolled her eyes. She was in a very irritable mood today, she was feeling anxious about the whole thing but she wanted to push through for her friends. "I mean the Conrad's wanted to do this for their daughter so can we really say anything?" She shrugged, "people grieve differently and I think it's nice.." her eyes darting around the room filled with people wearing masks, it was a strange theme that's for sure but she wasn't really somebody who would make a scene over the whole party. "Whit, I have nothing to hide. I didn't hurt her, I would have never hurt her, if i want to say her name I will do and they can all deal with it. I'm over the accusations."

@zehraxaksoy conrad masquerade ball

Zehra stayed quiet for a moment, she was feeling a little numb and her mind still clouded as she tried to process the loss of her friends. It was hard spending so many years of your life with people just for them to be gone so suddenly. She felt as though she had to uphold a certain look, a certain standard, she felt as though she wasn't allowed to show weakness at the moment yet every part of her was wanting to just break down. "I can't back out" she sighed as she looked over at him, "even if I wanted to I couldn't and you know that." Even if Austin would agree to it she would still have to battle it out with Whitney too.