All Things Mundane

As I lay in bed to go to sleep last night. I just can’t help myself but think how unfair life is.

As I woke up today, I still think of the same thing.

Everything is unfair. From my work. From the things I do. From the way I live. And the list goes on.

When it comes to my relatives you can clearly see yung unfair treatment. Yung tipong sila-sila lang. They didn’t even think about letting my family join in when they gather. They don’t ask if we’re okay. They just don’t care at all.

Sa work sobrang dami. I see most of them go to work because they want income and yet you don’t see their dedication. They don’t seem to be working as hard like other people. The sad part about it is that they get an increase without doing as much. Most of them complain a lot without even trying it first. Then you have these people surrounding you pretending that they’re your friend when you can’t even see how genuine that friendship is.

It really saddens me and I grow tired almost everyday.

I’m back Tumblr. I’ve been busy tweeting that I already forgotten about you. Sorry.

So, what’s up with me these past few days?

Everything is the same at work. Toxic and tiring as usual.

So, where do I start? Here I go. First, I’m managing three new accounts plus the one same account that I’m currently handling. Second, a few of my officemates has decided to leave the company - for good. Third, we moved to a new office building which is closer to the old one, yung tawid lang. Fourth, there are a lot of new faces. So that’s the summary.

Pretty much everything is the same. I’m trying my best to stay positive and be happy at all costs, however, meron talagang magtri-trigger sa’yo to ruin everything. I don’t know if there’s something wrong with me but I realize day by day na iba talaga when you’re working in an environment na halo-halo kayo. What I mean is - with people who are older, same age and younger than you, mix kung baga. In our case kasi sa office I’m surrounded by mostly young people. I have officemates who are older but 6 lang sila then yung kaisa-isang tao na ka-same age ko - di ako gusto. She gets mad at me for no apparent reason. Sabi nga nung iba baka insecure lang daw sa akin. Oh well, I just let her be.

I try my best to be mature in all aspects, may it be attitude or emotionally. Mababait naman sila and they are fun to be with but most of them just don’t know the meaning of respect, discipline, and professionalism. The environment makes me feel like I’m a student in a school. ‘Di ko ramdam na nasa office ako or nasa corporate set-up. I feel sad most of the time even when in some days I’m happy.

Everyone happens to get close to me kasi I’m older, more experienced and mature which is okay with me naman but the sad part about this is that I feel left out na parang they are only using me for their sake kasi in most times they just brush me off like I wasn’t even there. Even the guy that I had a crush on a few months back has changed. Kung baga okay na siya kasi marami na siyang alam because of what I taught him and I feel na di na niya ako kailangan. They are trying their best to make me feel part of the squad but you can sense na you just don’t belong at all. Nakakainis pa yung tinatawag ka nilang ATE. I mean okay lang naman na tawagin akong ATE kasi I’m older than them - pero were in a corporate set-up so bakit may ganong distinction?

Tapos kapag nagkwekwentuhan I can’t relate to what they are talking about. They don’t even let me share stuff about what I know at times. They don’t even care about how I feel or even ask me if I’m okay. Minsan hinahanap mo yung mga taong who’ll listen to your problems and try their best to help you out. Parang wala kasi sa circle of friends ko sa office ngayon yung mga ganung tao. Yung mga taong will make you feel that you belong. Yung mga taong hindi lang tungkol sa kanila ang pag-uusapan. Yung mga taong strike anywhere kapag niyaya mo.

As the year started, I thought of improving myself in terms of the position I am in right now. I want to grow and earn enough to make my family happy. I badly want to change my life.

Last Wednesday (March 28), I’ve met with some of my college friends. One of my friends came back in the Philippines for vacation together with his family. His name is Gio and he is pretty much one of my closest friends during college. We always hang out, shared jokes, did pranks and jammed together during college.

We we’re waiting for him to arrive in Serendra while me and two of my college friends talk about life. ADULTING at its finest! When Gio saw me, he just approached me with a huge hug! He was hugging me real tight like he was about to squeeze my guts out. Hahaha. I guessed he missed me so much. He did miss me so much that he even told me “sobrang na-miss kita Suzanne! Wala akong makitang ka-jamming doon na ka-boses mo”. I was touched and happy that he felt that way. He just kept on hugging me like for four or five times. I’ve missed him too especially our jamming sessions together.

We decided to move on to find a place to eat and chat all at the same time. He was pretty much talkative from the time we met him up to the restaurant where we settled down.

While we seated, he just kept on talking and sharing everything! From the time where he was left out to do his thesis during college to his recent unemployment. My mind just kept on wandering. I feel empty. I didn’t share any stories of my life that much. I can’t seem to relate with what they are talking. I just felt blank. These are the moments that I start to wander about my life. Questions start to raise in my head asking what I should do. I felt a little down during that time as we ended our conversation with a goodbye.

How can I get through each day when your always acting that way?

How can I pretend when you’ve been making me feel this way every day?