oh devil

“i mean, that’s surprising. big radio guy not having any late night visitors? i figured you’d have all the girls at your feet or something. i guess i was mistaken.. kissing your- i’m not! i genuinely listen to your show. what, is it weird to have a fan or something? i’m not just saying that for brownie points and nor do i really want brownie points. and besides, i wouldn’t find myself complaining if it was the other way around. a number one fan gets special treatment, right?”

“eh, i’m not saying that. i’m just saying they don’t get to come to the station with me in the morning, if they get to stay until morning. all the girls? all the girls and the boys, don’t you think? i’m just messing with you, chance. of course, all the special treatment in the world for you, and you only.”

“uh, yeah i bet, who wouldn’t be? however, i’m not comfortable with you being on it. i don’t even know why i try with you.. y’know maybe if your head wasn’t shoved so far up your own ass, i would enjoy having a conversation with you. who do you think you are, harry styles? you may be cocky but god, do you make hilarious statements.”

“can’t think of a damn person, if i’m being honest. oh? am i taking someone else’s seat? please, you love talking to me. i’m sorry, i only know of zandy mok. who’s harry styles? why can’t i be cocky and hilarious? the two go hand and hand. like peanut butter and jelly, my friend.”

“you didn’t know? i try and make that, like, my thing. ‘cause i’m kinda good at it and i do it a lot, so you know? you can get in line. and why should i? what have you done for me, z?”

“i clearly don’t know, because i’ve never been blessed with your gift. can i buy you something pretty in exchange for a fast pass? uhhhh, good point. maybe instead you should ask what i could do for you?”

“okay, first, get off my dick. it’s just a simple question. i didn’t asked to be attacked how you’re attacking me right now. mind your fuckin’ manners, asshole. the aesthetic of those shoes is walking around like a penguin because you don’t wanna get them dirty. i’m sure you’d feel the same about versace because you like gucci so damn much.”

“but i’m so comfortable being on it. manners? what are ‘manners’? please let me know. oh, can’t relate. i walk how i’d like to just because i can buy another pair. i do, but i’ll wear both, because i look good either way.”

“hm, i dunno, i could have sworn i heard snoring.. maybe you’ve just got a snoring dog in your studio or something.  i know i’m not crazy.. what? n-number one fan? oh! i mean.. maybe i am. i really do enjoy listening to your station around my shop. you’ve got good taste. a trophy? i-is all of that really necessary? you’ve already called me cute, i believe that’s enough.”

“it’s a hard no from me, sport. i definitely do not snore, nor was there anyone to contribute to the said snoring. you’re not crazy? isn’t that normally what crazy people say in attempt to prove they’re normal? damn, i was just kidding, but now i really gotta’ get you a trophy. purely for the fact that you’re kissing my ass right now. i don’t think so--i like to go above and beyond. especially for my cutie number one fan.”

gel: you can buy me something nice that would help

gel: that honestly sounds EXACTLY like something i would say so i'm kind of shook right now

zandy: what do u want little princess

“ i guess you are a badass !! doesn’t it get exhausting having to do that all the time, though ?? i mean obviously, since you passed out, but do you ever think about doing something else that doesn’t requite getting up so early ?? god, i don’t really know that many good songs so i’d be happy with a little surprise. well i could but that doesn’t mean it would be GOOD. wait i’m—full of good ideas or full of tacos ?? because i’m definitely full of both. ”

“you guess? more like you know. yeah, i think i’m just so tired all the time that it’s just my constant state of being now. eh. i could do an afternoon show, i guess. i don’t know. i kind of really dig radio. i could make you a mix? or a playlist on spotify, since that’s what the kids do nowadays. damn, you got tacos and didn’t invite me? hurtful as hell.”

gel: u thought wrong

gel: how can you love it if you'll be dead

zandy: oh how could i ever make it up to you

zandy: the thought of dying while participating in sexual activity is so hot id totally die for that

“I, uh- I don’t think anyone was really awake enough to notice. I don’t even think the guy on the other end of the line realised.” Dean tried to reassure the other; not that he seemed particularly phased or even bothered. Still, he’d found himself doing something very similar himself on more than one occasion and every time he had been mortified and so felt compelled to try and minimise it. “It was a good show though…. y’know, besides the creepy breathing thing.”

“creepy breathing? you think my breathing, my attempts to keep myself alive, are creepy? fucking hurtful, especially coming from you.” he teased, knowing that he could easily get a rise out of dean. “thanks, though. you really know how to flatter a guy, admitting that you get up early as fuck in the morning to just hear my voice. you’re too sweet.”

“Is that what that was?” Eyes wide in a mixture of horror and amusement, she had to cover her mouth to stop herself from laughing, though even that didn’t laugh that much. “God, I’m surprised no one else came to wake you up, were you snoring? I think you might have been snoring.”

“you’re the fifth person to tell me i was snoring, and i am convinced all of you are lying straight to my face.” biting his lip, he tried to shake the thought of him actually snoring and embarrassing himself on air. “maybe i should start snorting cocaine so i can actually be awake in the morning.”

gel: that wasn't even smooth wtf

gel: i'll stick and poke a butcher knife into your beating heart how 'bout that

zandy: i thought it was a good play on words /:

“uh, y-your show? wait, s-sucking? you’re so vulgar i can’t keep up with you.. is that what that blank station was then? j-just you snoring? i didn’t stay on it long enough to find out if it really was one or not.. i didn’t have patience and i-i was up in the shop all night.”

“i wasn’t snoring--please. just sitting straight up in the chair passed out, breathing softly and quietly, like a complete angel. you were listening this morning? damn, you’re my number one fan. i’ve gotta’ get you a little trophy, cutie.”

“You should just bring the coffee maker to work with you, I’ll buy us a new one tomorrow.  I’m sure people tuning in for rock music really enjoyed your loud obnoxious snoring.” shawn teased him, “it’s your show isn’t it, why do you have to wake up at three am?  I know the east coast is two hours ahead, but damn.  That’s still five.  Besides, do people even listen to that shit this early in the morning?”

“dude, if it’s not keurig, i don’t fuck with it. i don’t even think i know how to make a regular pot of coffee. maybe i should hire an assistant to do it for me. i do not snore. i sleep like an angel, unlike you. i swear--i can hear your snoring on the complete opposite side of the house. well, i’ve gotta’ get to the station and get everything situated to be on air by five. fuck you, people always listen to me. there’s no better sound to first hear in the morning than my voice.”

“ so strong and so amazing, yes !! waking up that early sounds like actual death so anyone who can do that is strong and amazing, in my books. really—you would ?? what song ?? or do i get to pick ?? ” her brows rose slightly. “ oh, those ones are the best !! so satisfying. sometimes i think i should make videos like that but i feel like they wouldn’t be any good anyway. well, maybe you can eat a taco or something instead ?? ”

“you can go ahead and say i’m bad-ass too, seeing that i’ve cheated actual death so many times. yeah, of course i would. the choice is all yours, unless you want me to find a sweet little number to dedicate to you. don’t doubt yourself like that, you could totally do whatever you wanted. ah, good idea. i’m sure you’re just full of ‘em, aren’t you?”

“charming as always. hey, i’d be pretty good at that, too. and i use hand moisturiser to shit so you know my light caressing will be out of this world. plus, i’m, like, awesome so i could just hum you a little sweet tune, bring you some coffee, the whole jazz. maybe. ”

“you know it, pretty lady. damn, sofia, i didn’t know you jerked so many people off so frequently--can i be next? wow, you talk a big game and then finish off with a ‘maybe’? sounds like you should do this for me.”