"If you think you're faking, you're not": the predatory nature of the online system community
Disclaimer: if you're going to take this personally, please scroll away. These are my personal observations and experiences. I do not believe that the majority of this behaviour is intentional, I think it's the result of loneliness and echo chambers. I know this doesn't go for everyone, I know a lot of people with DID doubt themselves, I know that system positivity posts can be really helpful, and I'm not saying to stop. I'm just asking for people to be listened to. I'm asking for people to not have to go through what I did.
Another really good, shorter post about this topic.
For the better part of a year, I spent my time logging and decorating Simply Plural profiles, dating a partner system with individual relationships between alters, posting with my typing quirks and aesthetic dividers, making rants about syscourse and building a headspace. I also heavily doubted my experiences. So I reached out to other systems, asking if this symptom and that symptom could be DID, trying to seek validation for myself. Responses ranged from "you're damaging other people by considering other possibilities" to "anyone can be a system!". I don't have DID. I may have BPD, C-PTSD, and ADHD. I have never had DID. But I have more than enough experience with grooming¹ online to make this post.
DID tends to be oversimplified online. If you think you're faking, you're not. Faking is intentional and you can't unintentionally do something intentional. Except, that's not what people mean when they make those posts. What they mean is "do I have imitative DID? could this possibly be something else?". But the lack of knowledge on these topics is taken advantage of. People are told that their doubts have no ground, that they are definitely a system if they're experiencing this and that, don't even bother thinking about other possibilities. People aren't encouraged to explore other possibilities. This creates an echo chamber where people are actively discouraged from seeking out or researching other possible causes of their symptoms.
When a person is lonely, or struggling with their sense of self, it might seem appealing to have friends in their head. To be able to connect with other people by bonding over their experiences with a mental disorder. To be able to express their creativity. But people aren't shown the shitty parts of that. So they get really into it, and they start partaking in the behaviours I spoke about above.
And then if doubt starts seeping in: don't doubt yourself, that's harmful! You are a system! Look, this TikTok video has 5 signs you might be a system and you meet them! Trauma is different for everyone! Sure, why not, it's fun.
Even more dangerous, in my opinion, is when people don't doubt it. They never escape the dangerous cycle, they could go through their whole lives believing they have a disorder they don't.
Nobody owes anyone information. I understand that. Only wanting to post about your silly experiences online is totally valid - I don't want to talk about how awful my autism makes my life to anyone happening to scroll the autism tag. Those aren't the type of people I'm talking about.
r/systemscringe doesn't help. Hell, I hate to say it, but they make really valid points sometimes. I hate the premise of the subreddit, I hate that they can post vulnerable people on there and make fun of them for what they basically view as the greater good. Just to clarify. But when you're doubting yourself, you might turn to that for a different perspective because you don't know where else to go. And then back to system communities, anybody who thinks they're a system is one.
Instead of going to safe places for research or a different perspective, they go to very potentially harmful subreddits like that, because the echo chamber can drive people crazy. Jeez, where can a guy find someone who doesn't recite the same 3 phrases?
Sorry, I know this isn't properly structured. It's a thought dump that I hope will encourage people to be safer.
"It's okay to be wrong". Yes, so true, but this is never used in the way it should be. It shouldn't be it's okay to be wrong so throw yourself into the system community and see how you feel, it should be it's okay to be wrong so don't be afraid to back out and look at other possibilities, take your time. The phrase is used to push people further away from their doubts rather than towards further research. Hell, I had someone tell me that there was "no harm to indulge in it", it being thinking I'm a system.
God, I wish people would seriously consider the long lasting effects of this shit! Of the devastatingly exhausting recovery path, the way it can destroy your sense of self.
I know I'm getting a bit heated there. I think I deserve to, a little.
I could most definitely say more but I want a snack. And in case you're wondering, everything quoted or mentioned here took a part in my false belief of having DID.
Eat, drink, and for the love of god read the disclaimer again before you reply to this please.
¹ "when someone builds a relationship, trust and emotional connection with a child or young person so they can make them do what they want and abuse them"
PT: Radqueers and TransIDs DN. Intended to say DNI, but the website was being funky.
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text: [ “Some of you have forgotten that only three years ago you were perfectly capable of writing an essay, writing a eulogy, telling a bedtime story to a child, and it should worry you that powerful companies have convinced us we can’t do things we’ve been doing for 5000 years.” ]
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"oh look! a montage focusing on Jax set to Isn't She Lovely with only Jax scenes that doesn't include any of the other characters outside of them being in the background! this is about Pomni."
I hate the internet sometimes
So just to recap: after MULTIPLE teasers emphasizing the romantic arc of Aziraphale and Crowley and a summary by Muriel showing The Kiss (tm), as well as Prime posting kissing art between the Ineffables, we got:
No second kiss
No I love you
No confession
No 1941 pt 3
No happy ending
No protective husbands
No wing shielding
No hug
No powerful shared miracles
No explanation for az's weird S2 F15 behavior
No acknowledgement of the kiss
No picnic
No Ritz
No surviving main characters
No CATHARSIS
Monkey's paw cottage
Did I miss anything?
There are two things I want to emphasize. 1) They KNEW what we wanted, because that's evident in how they advertised the show. 2) Not giving us ANY of it HAS to be intentional. They had to actually work to not allow the Aziraphale and Crowley arc to resolve satisfactorily. It would have been the most natural thing in the world, and it was actively prevented from happening.
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Jax did abhorrent cruel things and deserves to experience the consequences of those actions
Jax is someone who is struggling and has struggled and still deserves empathy for that
Both of these statements can exist at the same time, they're both equally true
Being hurt by the world doesn't mean you shouldn't have consequences for the bad you do and doing bad things doesn't mean you don't deserve any love or empathy
People are complicated, people are both, people deserve both, Jax is a representation of people and so Jax was given both