Let's Take the Long Way

Tonight I made my stage debut. In front of paying customers. And I did it with some of my honest to goodness favorite improvisors to boot.

What happened is this.

Every Sunday I go to an improv workshop, followed by an improv show at the lovely Theatre St Catherine. The instructor asks who is interested in doing the public show, and picks people accordingly. I put my hand up and was selected.

I was nervous, but more excited to do it. We played some warm up games backstage and by the time we hit the stage I was feeling confident.

The show went very well. I played in 3 scenes, and didn't bomb in any of them. The only part I I messed up was that I super rejected a great offer in the first scene. The number one rule of improv is don't reject what your partner offers. My babysitter offered me blueberries to stop me from eating a stick of butter. I got stuck on eating the butter, just like in real life. Not a total scene killer, but definitely held it back.

Eat the blueberries.

Right now I'm feeling happy. I've only been doing this for a month (to the day, just about) and I've already played in front of a crowd. And did okay. Not great, but I held my own and didn't embarrass myself. Believe me, these are some very good players I played with, and to be carry my weight with them my first time was a great confidence boost. A rare comodity.

It's a good feeling not giving yourself the opportunity to talk yourself out of something you probably shouldn't do and being rewarded for it.

I only have two goals in this. To improve my writing, and to make friends. Everything else is whatever happens, happens.

Well I'm happy to report that after improv class tonight I went out for impromptu beers with a handful of classmates.

It was nice spending a Tuesday night on a patio with people who are nerds for the same thing. Everybody enjoys comedy, but this is kind of a specific nerddome. Improv people strike me as vastly different, but very similar on a lot of levels.

At one point I looked around the table. It had struck me that none of us are from this country, let alone the city. Simply a group of improv nerds from three different continents shooting the shit.

It's a funny thing.

Everyone has their opinion about ego. What it means. How we perceive those who have it. How we judge those who have it. Ego is mostly cast in a negative light.

And for the most part I think ego is an incredibly dangerous and reckless feature. Not to mention incredibly annoying. Who doesn't hate a good old fashioned egomaniac? But here's the thing about it.

It's necessary.

For me, it got to the point where I got tired of looking at things being created and immediately tuning out because I'd get angry. The voice in my head screaming "I can do better than that! Why do you get to make that while I'm steaming milk for customers with more disposable income and free time than I've ever had?!"

That led to not wanting to watch anything. Which made me so mad that, combined with my crippling guilt for not having done anything with my life , I decided to go for it and see if I can't give this thing a try.

I'd been criticizing others for years for simply trying to do something. Something I'm not proud of, to be frank.

So when the anger outweighed the guilt I decided to fucking try.

You know why I'm trying? Because I wanted my ego to be stroked a little. Because I got tired of people "less talented" as I perceived them getting praise for their work while I worked a shitty job.

It had hit me. They were getting more shine because they were trying to get more shine. I think a lot of people want it, whether they realise it or not.

That's what led me to take this shot in the dark. I'm shooting in the dark, but the side of a barn is out there somewhere.

The target I'm aiming for is to inflate my ego. At least to a certain degree.

I'm trying.

Which is what all of those people I wrote off for so many years were doing all along.

Trying...

Trying to inflate my ego has made me work harder and judge others less. Two qualities I don't mind having. Not at all.

Ego was one of the bigger pieces of the puzzle I needed to motivate me to try and do something I wanted to do. I'm talking really try.

This past week was the second week of acting classes, and at the end of the class we received our monologues that we will be performing (in public) at the end of next month.

The monologue is approximately 200 words, and the teacher hopes that we're off book in a few weeks.

Before he had finished the sentence, I thought "I'm going to be off book next week." A goal of mine presented itself, and immediately I was committed to it. Once again using my impulses for good.

Often times you hear about actors having to do the work. To me, that means reading the material over and over and over and over until it is committed to memory. I don't know if it's true, but I constantly assume most of the world is significantly better at committing things to memory than I am. My way of tackling this is to do the work and read it ad nauseum. I've even recorded myself saying the monologue on video.

I think if I spend roughly an hour a day practicing it, I'll be off book by next week. As I write this, I'm about 80% off book. Something I'm proud of.

Two weeks ago I was terrified of having to memorize lines, and I'm happy to report that I now believe I can do it. It's a big confidence boost when you know you're not good at something, set a plan, and see results.

I feel if I can get off book then I can concentrate on the actual performance as opposed to constantly being taken out of the scene to glance at a line.

I'm pretty in touch with my emotions, and I'm looking forward to using that trait to further my craft.

Do the work.

With my standup open-mic attempt only a few weeks away, I'm beginning to get nervous about what I'm going to talk about. I've written about 5 bits, to varying degrees of success.

The material is fine for what it is, but I'm not writing an engaging full 5 minutes. Last night at improv I broke a cardinal rule of improv. I made a joke, and it fell insanely flat. That was my first time bombing in front of people (I'm currently under the weather and my heart wasn't in it.), and it wasn't that bad to be honest. Granted I bombed in front of 20 or so people taking improv, so it was a very safe room. I'm thankful for that.

Bombing a 2 minute improv and bombing 5 minutes in an actual bar are two different animals completely, but it was nice to get my first taste of it.

The acting class I'm taking is monologue based, which means in 6 weeks or so I'll be performing a monologue in public. I'm happy for this, because my memory is one of the things I'm most self conscious of.

I've had a few concussions and my memory isn't so hot. Anyone that knows me can attest to this.

So I'm looking forward to conquering that pitfall in a big way. What better way to confront it than in front of an audience? Sink or swim.

Now I'm penciled in to stand up before the class ends, which means I'll have had about 3 weeks training before I go up.

My plan now is to write as many bits as I can, apply what I learn in acting class to it, and hope for the best.

Last week I met a guy similar to myself in a lot of ways. He comes from a photography background, and talked about how for years he would be on the production side of things thinking "These performers are having a lot of fun, and I'm not". So he decided to take a similar leap that I am.

The reason I mention him is because he wants to do stand up, but has never done it before. Well last night my impulses got the best of me, and we agreed that we will both do an open mic early next month. We even shook on it.

Now this anxiety of writing a five minute set has settled in. It's a good anxiety, I think. It made me realize that it's not always a bad thing to let my impulses steer the boat.

I'll keep updates as far as the writing goes. I'm torn between researching how to write standup, and simply writing something and going for it. I'm leaning towards the latter.

An advantage that green people have is they don't know what not to do. A big part of me wants to put it out there and see how the crowd reacts to it. I'm going to bomb, so I might as well do it my first time on stage right?

Right?

In other news...

I've signed up for an acting class. I begin this Wednesday. I'll be doing an improv class on Tuesdays, and an acting class on Wednesdays. Not bad.

If I'm going to expect to get paid in this world, I'll need a basic toolkit to get the job done. Working in the film world back in Winnipeg taught me that acting is like any other job, you learn the skills and try to find work.

It's scary trying to get into this line of work, but I've learned that real jobs aren't nearly as secure as they seem. I know nurses, insurance workers, and engineers that have been laid off or even worse had to interview for the jobs they already have. And I feel for them.

But I don't drink the kool-aid, and I don't think pursuing work in comedy/acting is less stable than any other work. It's more non-linear than other work, but still doable.

I'm really jumping in now, and I couldn't be more excited.

Screw the financials, I'm going to sign up for those acting classes after all. The big idea behind all of this is to go out of my comfort zone, so why not?

I can afford not to afford it.

Right now I have the time, and the money to sign up for the class. When will that happen again? On top of that, I've always believed you regret the things you don't do a lot more than the things you do.

Do depressed people ever get recommended improv?

I've only done two classes and the effect it is having on my depression is incredible.

Have you used improv to treat depression? Have you heard of this?*

If so, please reach out.

EDIT: I had to share this hashtag suggestion screenshot. It's hilarious and sad that I can feel how fast they were typing these.

*I would so much rather talk about this with people who've experienced it than google it.

On Sunday I attended my first improv workshop, and the experience was overwhelmingly positive.

After thinking I got on the wrong train, which was actually the right train, I had to run about 3 blocks to make it on time.

The instructor put the group of 20 or so into a big circle for introductions. I found out two things during the introductions that immediately put me in a positive mood.

Most of the people there were from somewhere else (like me), and that they had similar goals to mine. The big two were to get out of your head, and to step outside of your comfort zone. Anytime you're in a group of like minded people, good things can happen.

The first 3/4 of the workshop were exercises to get you stop thinking and start paying attention to the people around you. Right up my alley.

At the intermission I stepped outside for a smoke with some of the other participants. As I mentioned in my last post I had fallen back into smoking cigarettes something fierce. I'm happy to report that I haven't had a cigarette in 2 days. However, smoking has always carried a social quality that is hard to replace.

Before I knew it, I was outside smoking and talking with a handful of people I had never met, finding out they are just like me. They came from all over the globe, and like me they were a bunch of creative weirdos trying to find their way in the world.

It was beautiful.

Back inside, the instructor asked for volunteers for a two person scene, to be performed onstage in front of the rest of the group.

I told myself I should jump up there and try it out, and before I knew it I was on stage with a woman from Paris and the scene had begun. I didn't allow myself the time to ruminate whether I should do it or not, and I'm glad I overrode my brain to do something I wanted to do. The instructor said something about improv that resonated with me, which was this:

The reward for saying Yes is getting to go on an adventure, and the reward for saying No is comfort and security.

I hope he doesn't mind that I'm sharing it here, nor that I likely butchered the saying.

The scene went as well as it could have considering I had never done anything like it before. I stumbled a bit, but by the time the dust settled both of us had crafted a scene that told a story. And we got a handful of genuine laughs from the rest of the group.

The others were surprised when I told them that this was my first time doing a scene. They told me that I did a great job.

This is Example A of why I'm doing this in the first place. In my opinion, too many people in this world would rather tell you NOT to do something, than encourage you. If more people were helping build things instead of destroying things, the world would be better off. I had never met these people, and yet here were these complete strangers fostering a positive environment for someone taking a chance and trying something new.

For years I thought this was something I would like, and my first forray into this world exceeded even my own expectations. The vibe and people involved encouraged me to keep doing this and further cemented to me that this was the right choice.

I just might fit in here.

All in all, it was a glimpse through the keyhole of a door I hope to soon unlock and open.

There is another workshop tonight, and I will be signing up for a 4 week Improv 1 class that begins this Saturday. I have also found an acting school, which seems to be run by a warm and hard working woman that I will also be looking into once it is a little more financially viable.

I've only been in Montreal for 4 days, and I know that for the next 4 weekends I will be spending a minimum of 5 hours in the improv/comedy world.

I'm here to tell you that I consider this a victory. Now to find a real job...

After a wonderful and trying road trip across Canada with my girlfriend (and our cat), I'm happy to report that we are all moved in and ready to go in Montreal.

After smoking 3 packs of cigarettes this week, despite being quit for nearly a year, I realized that the stress is the price you pay for doing what you want to do. I want the stress to mean something, not to be stressed out for the privilege of remaining stressed out. So many people I see lament that life didn't turn out the way they wanted it to, and yet they put no effort into making their life something they can be proud of. I recently heard a Frank Turner lyric that resonated deeply what this whole sojourn into comedy is about, and the line is this.

At least I fucking tried.

Tonight is my first improv workshop, and I have no clue how it's going to go. Part of what draws me to improv is to try to let go of assumptions and preconceived notions. So much of us are hung up on (often baseless) expectations, and when those expectations aren't met disaster strikes. The only thing I'm expecting from tonight is to dip my foot in the water and see how it is.

Wish me luck. I'll be posting an update in the next day or two with thoughts on how it went.

Who am I?

Greetings earthlings. 

My name is Zachary Wolf, and soon I’m going to run full speed and jump off the cliff and break into the comedy world. I’ve been writing movies and comics, as well as working in the orbit of the film industry for over 10 years but I’ve never attempted to do comedy. I’ve always considered myself funny, and now enough people have told me I’m funny that I’m starting to believe it. You’ll come to find out that I talk some shit. For years I’ve been saying “I could do this better” and “That more efficiently" and on and on. But my biggest pet peeve is telling someone else how to live their life from a comfy chair somewhere safe, and now it’s time for me to stop watching what other people are doing and do it myself.  

In one week my girlfriend and I will be moving to Montreal. The fact that I’ll be living in one of the biggest comedy cities in the world has kicked me in the ass totry and pursue it. I have no problem saying that a few months ago I found the Chris Gethard show, and I immediately knew that it was going to be an important force in my life. I won’t go into it here, but suffice to say I recommend checking out what he’s built. 

Why are you doing this?

It seems to me that a lot of comedy folks do comedy as a way to protect themselves from the world, to hide. My intention is use comedy to show the world who I am, to let the world put my glasses on and look in the mirror for a few minutes. I want the world to see itself through my lens. 

I don’t want this project to be a log of dates and events, but rather a future look in the rear view mirror. And if my throwing myself into this world helps someone else try to do what they’ve always wanted to, it will have all been worth it. 

This will be both a journal and friend to talk to during all of this. By putting myself out there, I hope something worth while will present itself. My favorite thing has always been when someone shows all of themselves in their work, being vulnerable, taking risks, and accepting the fact that sometimes you can put your heart and soul into something and immediately you are hit with a spinning back fist to the nose. 

So to you, the non-existent reader, I promise you this. I’m going to make this as interesting as I can. It will take sometime, but it could happeb. 

What do I want out of this?

First and foremost, this is a way for me to sit down and work on making the words I put down play how they are in my head.

 I want to stop worrying whether or not what I’m putting down is good. I want to be able to speak from my heart and have it come across as true. I want to document what it’s like to fully commit yourself to something you think you want to do. 

I want to start letting my instinct dictate what I do or say, instead of my head. If you’ve found this, you probably know what I mean.