Señorita Zabeth

I want to post this, in a way that would be, moving away from any feelings of tranquility that I have had previously, I think it is time to spit out my traumas.

I don't know if it's the right place, and I don't give a shit if it's not, I don't have a great social circle, and I deserve to have someone to listen to me, even if they are a lot of strangers on the internet; Well, you see, when I was in the third year of high school I met this guy, we were in the same class, apart from being classmates from the theater club, I never had great contact with him, because I am quite a reserved person with myself, even in a an activity as social as acting was, it kept me away from the group, especially from him, "the pilot", as he used to say because of his role in the play.

"The pilot" was someone naturally charismatic, he had a natural talent to please, so much that despite not being the protagonist, he took all eyes, tied to an attractive physique, and a height well above the average, but this did not save him from some strange behaviors, that now that I think about it, a chill goes to the pit of my stomach, like taking a lock of your hair when you were distracted to smell it, or having a somewhat disturbing fixation with "violent" scenes from the script, reviewing them ad nauseam, because of him we could make the whole rehearsal about a single scene, where a character fell through a window, but hey, I know what you'll think, everyone has certain hobbies and that it doesn't make you a bad person, well this guy would just be a weird guy if he hadn't had this accident.

One afternoon of rehearsal I decided to stay up late practicing with a couple of colleagues, there were no more than five from what I remember, and as usual we preferred doing anything else than rehearsing, I don't know how we came up with the great idea of ​​getting on a tree that was behind the auditorium, among the adolescent jokes, the adrenaline of being idiots without much gray matter, we started a fight, pushing each other on the tree branch, the inevitable happening, this companion fell, very hard, from very high, I couldn't help but cry out, I thought she was dead because of the pool of blood growing under her head, I remember seeing thinking she was in a nightmare, I don't even remember how I got down, to put my sweatshirt under her head to try to stop the wound, as I got up together with the two boys, while "the pilot" tried to give her air by quickly moving one of his hands in front of her face, I heard him say - "Go, I'll keep it her awake.—, a bundle of nerves was in my throat and stomach, I felt like a murderer, a monster, although it had not even been me who pushed her.

I remember going to the school nurse, and having to return, I don't know why, or because I had to witness that, that act that still makes me shiver, sweat cold, feel sick to the bone, I didn't have to see it , I didn't have to be there for that moment, where I watched the "pilot" rub his hard penis against the open wound on my partner's head, I didn't have to see his eyes full of perversion at the act, and I didn't have to see how he enjoyed being caught by me, God, just remembering it, I feel like I'm there again, like a silly adolescent, paralyzed with disgust and fear, who peed looking at a predator ..., You can see his face in the bushes, in front of the tree, as I was clouded by my own insecurity, I ended up fainting, and waking up on one of the school infirmary stretchers, my parents in front of me, looking at me more concerned than angry, but I couldn't get that image out of my head, This thing that I never talked about, by the fear it caused me, even now, six damn years later, I sit there.

Six years ago I watched my partner masturbate with the open head of my partner, my life did not stop, but my mind did, I still dream about it, maybe speaking of that, I am ready to finally graduate from university, burn that stage ; I don't know what should I do?