SUNFLOWERS

I hate being negative

I hate having the feeling of hatred in my body

I hate feeling tired

I hate hurting over and over again

I hate trying when it was never worth the time to begin with

I hate feeling like I’m the only one involved

I hate feeling like I’m the only one trying

I hate trusting people who never deserved to even know my name

I hate getting close to people who never actually gave a fuck about me

I hate the idea of me giving my all so willingly to someone who is so ready to do nothing but take

And I HATE LOVING SOMEONE WHO NEVER LOVED ME TO BEGIN WITH

But even more so I hate myself

I hate myself for doing this to myself time and time again

I hate that i never learned how to truly value myself

I hate that because of who i am i May never truly love myself

And i hate that because of that no one will ever truly love me

I hate that i don’t fully accept myself

I hate that i can’t sleep alone at night

I hate that i love everything and everyone but my damn self

I hate that i just don’t know how to love myself

I hate the feeling of not knowing what self love feels like

I hate understanding what it is and not being fully capable of doing it

I hate being smart enough to understand everything but self love

I hate myself for my inability to love myself because i know that right now in my life i can’t truly ease my own pain

I hate that i don’t possess the power to ease my pain

I hate that I’m strong enough to endure everything but my own self caused pain

I hate that my only solution is to work now and feel later

I hate having to lose myself time and time again because to confront all the memories of my pain is unbearable

I hate feeling alone despite when others say I’m not

I hate watching everyone i love walk away

I hate feeling the pain of not knowing a love that endures all

I hate life

And i know that I’m blessed to be alive

I know that my troubles may be futile to some

But incessant pain is no easy feat to overcome

And I’m not sure where my breaking point is

I just feel myself cracking and healing over and over again

What is breaking to something that is always bent out of shape