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I think it's a decent time! I like my guys a little silly and edgy but in a cool friendly way not a wow this guy fuckin kills the vibe a the function kind of way. 😂

And since we're on the topic of Red Tape, this song in particular is so Howell x Lumina coded I could die. I will forever be a sucker for the concept of two reluctant lovers circling each other, seeking and fearing and yearning for that thing that might be their missing piece. Not to be completed by a person or their love, but to be taught their lessons and learn their life in a way that shows you the path you've been missing.

Howell's reputation as a general would lead you to think he was a vicious brute, but he's a sharp tongued trickster with indulgent tastes. And a fool. Lumina has a job to do, and Howell is tasked with ensuring that it goes smoothly. It does not.

Those two have been the only two brain worms I've been able to really engage with without feeling immense pressure and guilt. I've got so much outlining done, and I'm so in love with their story.

While I'm Howell posting, there is such a crystal clear edit you could make out of my favorite moment of the song:

Put in love, put in hours, put in ceremony. As it was, how you were, what was there before me. Nevermind, nevermind, oh forget about it. I'll be good, I'll be fine, I can laugh about it.

I try.

To keep.

On starting over.

I'm sure that whenever he finally made his decision to turn and forsake it all, he felt a great relief. I'm most certain he reveled in killing them, when the time came for him to lead his ravagers to war. He dreamt of being a hero and with every wrong turn he found himself comfortable being a villain if it meant he had a part to play in that story.

While we know in a meta sense that a lot of that friction was just peculiar choices at a table that we had to manage and work through, I like to think Howell found himself in a Berserk-style losing game of chess with Fate. Speaking of Berserk, cue up that opening monologue.

I realized yesterday during my Discord work stream! I think it's poetic that his birthday landed on the day I chose to turn the page and keep on living.

It has been so long since I've pondered the orbs that I had to read this multiple times to really grasp the scope of what you were saying here.

I've couldn't tell you the last time I wasn't living in a multi pet home, so it's not really new to me, but being able to care for them my way and have their care be my responsibility alone was a big leap.

And my connection with this family of cats is very different as well. Cats get such a bad wrap, are often considered fussy or disinterested, etc. but it's really just down to how intentional you can be with them. Momiji and Mochi being so uniquely mature and personable definitely helped create a home that additional cats could feel safe and happy in. Everyone has their own unique dynamic and somehow it's a balanced and happy home and with the help of a big ass air purifier and the right cleaning routine the house doesn't smell like cats...but if you're allergic you're cooked lol

They've saved me many times over. I always loved the idea of family, but for far too many reasons to list, a literal human family under my roof isn't for me. But having such defined, fun, interesting personalities in these damn cats gets me pretty close to the real thing. Probably as close as it'll get.

Almost losing Haru at the start of the year really shook me up. The immense amount of stress and ache really took me out. And i was already in a bad spot, so it was the knockout blow for me. I'm so happy he's okay, and fighting. He literally defied biology he fought so hard to survive. After fighting through a ton of other things earlier in his life. But he didn't give up, so whenever I'm feeling bad I remember how pitiful he looked when he was powering through and I think that I gotta fight too, because if that silly ball of fluff can push through all of that I can definitely tackle whatever I'm facing.

(It was at this point that in my teary eyed fumbling for the usb to charge my phone, I accidentally hit post lmfao)

Anyway, that's probably my sign to wrap this up. I just wanted to say how much I love my cats and how much they mean to me. Everyone is sleeping in the living room while Defunctland is on for sleepy time background noise. Every night gets to feel like a sleepover with my favorite four legged homies and even when I feel terribly lonely and isolated, my home is lively and theres no shortage of shenanigans.

Summer....?

Idk man, I feel like recovery and sleep is all I've been doing and it ain't really doing the things I need it to do. Gotta try to be more proactive and do whatever I can, but a lot of the shit I have tried ended up setting me back, ironically.

I'm trying. I mopped the house the other day. That was good. Laundry is done. Dishes washed. So I'm covering the basics but it takes a lot out of me.

It's been tough. Contemplated just throwing away all the narrative shit and selling out to bangers and just keeping the smut flowing. Still not sure what I can manage, but I've gotta try.

Honestly, just being me and not being super flattered and receptive defused most situations. Back when it was just for shits and giggles people found me approachable and part of that was because my doors were open (it's how I conducted business) so I'd get some wild shit sent my way occasionally, but it would either get ignored or responded to with my usual goofiness rather than like OMG ATTENTION!? because thankfully my casual demeanor cuts the legs out out from under most people's fantasies.

Ultimately it was never really a problem, if anything it gave me some funny stories and in some cases, long lasting friendships.

I don't think anyone ever really like...bothered me or made me feel super weird. It was a lot of the oddball interpersonal things that gave me headaches. Realizing that there had to be a few degrees of separation and I couldn't just be available and friendly with everyone because ultimately someone would feel offended. Because frankly, there are levels of palatability and some real cool mfs would stand out vs someone who is off-putting and awkward and people don't deserve your efforts and interest just because they want it, nor should you perform for those you don't want to give energy to. But people would feel entitled to me and my attention just for being present and wanting it. That's a great way to fuck up a whole community.

But idk. I've had my boundaries pressed, but I also learned how to say no pretty quick.

Outside of unsolicited ass and titties, it never really got to harassment or anything. And those occasions were extremely rare. 😂

The OC would be age appropriate of course, and they wouldn’t been doing anything weird.

I just need to know in case you’re uncomfortable with it