Yush

The way you have become so cold towards me, hurts me. You aren't simply cold but critically cruel to me, no matter what I do cry or yell, be understanding or lose myself, be mature or totally mad in love, ... whatever I do... doesn't affect you at all.

Today, finally you said you don't wish to talk to me anymore, be with me anymore, after ignoring me for months. Wow...but how is it possible that the person who claimed to love me so much has suddenly become so cruel to ignore my presence and prayers...and leave me to suffer alone without a closure.

So, finally...you agreed later on, that you ...are emotionless by birth...then what was that? Whatever happened between us in past years...those moments and memories full of care and love...what was that? All lies? All fake?

Now you feel nothing, you never did...was it a game for you..."yes" he said...so you won huh. And I lost it all, lost you, lost my love, lost myself....I lost everything at once ...while you're totally well n good.

What could be worse than this?

I trusted you, I loved you...now you have left me with nothing...now I'll never be able to trust anyone or fall in love ever again...you shattered the hopes.

So in the end, you taught me that people who are selfish, play games, tell lies...win and stay all good. And people who are built of honesty, kindness and emotions will always suffer...for being so... vulnerable.

Did you really have to be such a monster of emptiness? What did I do wrong to be played by you like that, that I'm worthless in my own eyes now....

Why did you do that to me?

What do I do of myself now?

How can I let go of my feelings which are real?

How can I become like you, so that it doesn't hurt?

As my final act of love, I'll let you be happy by offering what you asked you; my absence. I'll not bother you with my presence anymore. I'll try to survive this fatal heartbreak...

I used to say to you that I will never make someone else my best friend because you are my best friend.

I used to say that if we ever stopped talking then I'll not talk to anyone.

I used to say that if you'll not be there in my life then I'll not be able to live.

I don't know if you ever took all this seriously but here I'm without you...and yes I meant it all...

I don't make best friends anymore, I don't have a best friend now since you are gone.

I have cut ties with all my friends because without you, I'm no longer sane enough to be someone's friend. I'm all alone now.

Yes, I'm unable to live ... I'm barely alive. I have forgotten how to smile and I have let go of my will to cry too. My peace is shattered and I'm a mess now. My appetite and sleep both are lost somewhere.

I meant it ...when I said I can't live without you.

It's been two months since we broke up. You've moved on, you're a totally different person now...it hurts me ...to know that the person I love doesn't exist anymore. I'm still the same, I love you the same way, I still think of you as my boyfriend, my family, my soulmate, my everything. I'm still here hugging your memories tighter than ever. I see your pictures, in which you're being cute, funny, innocent, naughty, lovable ...mine; I'm instantly reminded of my loss, I deeply regret it. Now you've gone too far no matter how much I try you'll never be the same and I just can't accept it, I can't live without my love, I'm left with no choice but to grief over my destiny that took you away from me and this has sucked all my happiness and peace, I'm nothing but a melancholic despair soul. I still hope that some day you'll be back, you'll be my love again but I know it's impossible because your feelings for me died ...they died...and me too.

Remember how I used to get annoyed easily by you , then I pretend to be mad and you'd make me burst into laughter with your cute words. Do you remember the time I got into the rain and you warned me that I'll fall sick and I said nope and I was right. How about the time I called you when I was facing issues in my hostel and I cried for hours and you comforted me and didn't cut the call until I was smiling again.

There are infinite such memories of me being me and you being mine.

Now that you are not here... I don't know where I am? who am I?

You're no longer in my life to annoy me...to make me laugh; I don't laugh anymore. I don't like the rain anymore, yesterday I went out in the rain hoping I'd enjoy it like old times now I'm sick, I wish you were here to warn me. Issues will always be there in my life but I have stopped crying over them, I don't have you to comfort me ...

Every memory of us is a precious treasure now. I didn't know your absence would make me lose myself to such an extent that I won't recognise myself.