Collector of whiterose

*marries u but only as a friend*

i had the funniest fucking dream i was hanging out with michael jackson and someone asked him what his pronouns were and he said “he/hee!” and i woke up crying

every time I tell someone about my potato allergy they go “oh that sucks I can’t imagine not eating fries or mashed potatoes!” and im like oh rest assured nether god nor the devil himself could stop me from trebucheting hot spoonfuls of starchy face-swelling throat-itching good shit into my dumb as hell gaping potato receptacle

kramer i’m still not over the fact that you thought the potato sweats were A Thing

I simply assumed we were all willing to suffer for our passions

i am straight but im highkey a gay.. eesh.

Because a straight who understands the joke cannot chime in to add to the joke, cause that is being totally inclusive like you guys want.

people who change their phone’s font to that squiggly one are not to be trusted

throwback to the time my classics professor asked “does anyone know who sappho is?” and i immediately replied “she’s the OG lesbian” and my professor yelled “EXACTLY” and wrote the OG lesbian on the whiteboard