His last night with Pepper and Morgan is bittersweet.
He paces the cabin - a home, he realizes, which is something he didnât really have at one point - for a long while. Tony canât help but marvel at this little piece of heaven theyâve created for themselves.
And then, for a moment, he feels guilty. That, he thinks, is why he has to do this. Because there are people who are still living in the After of their tragedy, who are looking and looking and canât seem to find healing, because thereâs nothing left for them.
He quietly slips into Morganâs room and closes his eyes for a moment. Part of him wonders if he shouldnât just turn around and leave, if maybe that would hurt less than this does.
Morgan is - well, sheâs everything. Sheâs juice pops on summer nights and an endless river of curiosity. She is an early riser and a troublemaker with a penchant for sass, just like her father, with a ferocity that comes straight from her mother. She is happiness personified, and she looks at Tony with a faith he doesnât deserve.
He sits for a long moment and simply watches her sleep. He watches the way her hair falls into her face and how her chest rises and falls, a sign of life. She is peaceful and relaxed and so, so innocent and God, he just wants to put this moment in a bottle. He wants to wrap his arms around her, like heâs done so many times before, and keep her there forever.
Tony looks at her, and all he feels is contentment.
There is a concept, in thermodynamics, called entropy. It is the universeâs tendency towards disorder. For as long as it takes to clean a messy room, it can become trashed again in mere seconds.
He is gripped, suddenly, with the fear that everything he has so painstakingly put into place these past five years will fall apart far beyond what he can fix. Peace, he knows, is not natural, and heâs gotten far too used to this taste of it.
Tony swallows thickly, overcome with emotion. It squeezes his throat tightly for a second, and he wonders if heâll ever get a moment like this again. Desperation fills every cell in his body, and he leans forward to gently press a kiss to her forehead.
Tonyâs never put much belief into God, but in this moment, he canât help but pray. It tears itself from his chest, and he looks up at the ceiling, a single tear tracing down his cheek. He thinks of Pepper and Morgan. Thinks that, even if he dies and, by some miracle, gets a shot at Heaven, itâll never compare to time spent with them.
God, please⌠just please let this work. Iâll do anything.
He opens his eyes and takes in Morganâs face for one last moment. He inhales.
âI love you, baby,â he whispers in one breath. He knows she canât hear it, but he hopes she knows. He hopes that no matter what happens, sheâll always be confident in that one fact.
And that is the gift and tragedy of being a father: he loves her more than anything, but that wonât always be enough.
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