it's not a phase, mom

We have so little time

let's waste as much of it as we can while we still can

"i think therefore i am" yeah well i jerk therefore i cum #bitch

full-force slamming my cock into a cliff face that ive painted to resemble a pussy after watching the roadrunner fuck it with ease

That enough Tumblr for today

log back on and read my post you son of a bitch

When a book is bad, oh well, the failed artistry of one rube, maybe co-authors. But when a movie is bad, and you consider the military-like scale of production, man-hours, the money involved: you must understand, it feels like I’ve been at war with the world for 29 years.

#when a book is bad you can be like. wow what a fascinating insight into One Guy's personal issues#when a movie is bad it's like. hundreds of people thousands of hours and millions of dollars were marshalled to make this thing#and it Completely Sucks (@specialagentartemis)

“Why are you scared of dating” I’m not scared of dating, I just haven’t found anyone’s company to be more enjoyable than my own. And also I don’t care

I just don't want anyone to steal my very cursed amulet

Also the amulet

Is that you talking? Or the amulet? Are you SURE a new hand doesn't want to touch the beacon?

The amulet and I are not currently looking for a third

‎

It’s so unfair i don’t get to see where evolution will go in 50 million years

i'm like a fujoshi but for dead people

the thing about piracy is that i know i deserve everything for free forever

humiliating to be attracted to a conventionally attractive person. I thought I was a more sensitive and refined pervert than this

listen hobbit pussy could be mediocre (doubtful) but even if it was it's still followed by a 17 course homecooked meal and the kind of weed that would make sauron scared. lithe beautiful immortal elven pussy has no power compared to the simple, hardworking hobbit. and it goes without saying that you cannot handle dwarven pussy.

dwarf pussy could shuck your foreskin off like a corn husk

Akira bike sliding on a horse

fun wedding game: you make all the wedding guests vote for which member of the couple they’d stay friends with after the divorce

guests don’t have to put their names on it and the voting booth is completely anonymous but they have to explain why