random things my professors have said (starters)
Just a bunch of random quotes from my professors during my first semester of college. Enjoy and feel free to make any changes !
βThe heart is a dramatic organ. The bowels are also pretty dramatic.β
βI donβt remember why I put that picture of a water slide there.β
βBy that time, youβll have figured out my brain. I havenβt yet.β
βWoah, you have big shoes.β
βMake sure you donβt take my picture. Iβm copyrighted.β
βWe donβt really know what itβs like to be a rat or a pigeon.β
βHello. Welcome to the planet.β
βYou wouldnβt be able to tell if your toe fell off in the middle of the night.β
βI know you are a millionaire. I donβt want to talk to you.β
βYou donβt have a clue.β
βIβve taught you to see the fun in pain.β
βGet rid of the dog mask.β
βI actually think nasty things when I smile.β
βI know you donβt want to see me. I donβt want to see you too.β
βIβm just making stuff up.β
βThe other day, someone called me nurturing. I was like,Β βyouβre ruining my reputationβ!β
βI said the exam is NEXT Thursday. Donβt scare people.β
βI wasnβt drunk, but I was acting like it.β
βAre you glaring at me?β
βI profoundly believe that humans are absurd creatures.β
βItβs my job to embarrass you.β
βWhen I was youngβIβm still young, right?β
βUh oh. [grunt] Iβm okay.β
βIf you solve this, Iβll buy you lunch.β
βIβm going to tell you a story about farts.β
βI know a lot about corn.β
βWow, you are super. *high fives*β
βI didnβt do that!β
βI saw you walking past the library, and you looked as though you were lost in thought.β
βIβm glad to see that youβve decided to stay.β
βIn the game, you can die many times. In life, you can die one time.β
βThis is just dessert. Thereβs a banquet coming.β
βWhat do you call it? AΒ βsnakeβ, right?β
βDonβt yell at me.β
βImpossible meansΒ βI am possibleβ.β
βYouβre completely aroused.β
βThereβs a stop sign. You have to stop.β
βNo one likes to feel pain. Actuallyβnever mind, I donβt want to ask.β
βDo I sound cynical? Iβm trying to be nice.β
βDude, you wanna compete with Jimmy Hendrix? Fuck you.β
βI donβt want to talk to most people. Itβs not a gender thing, please just go away.β
βWeβre making tortillas now.β
βIβm not very nice.β
βBe careful, somebody might beat you up.β
βI can say nice things, but if you remind me, Iβll deny it.β
βThe worldβs fucked.β