A New Chapter Begins

081326@2024

6 months and it’s time to start SOLIDS!

Today she had an APPLE!🍎

Can you tell it wasn’t the sweetest?😂

I can’t wait to see how she reacts to other foods as we continue to introduce her to more foods.

I love this so much☺️

I’ve also started to apply to remote positions and some part time positions in hope to find something soon that will allow me to keep the feasts but also be able to support us financially. According to Father and Mother, I know everything will work out.

080526@2121

Enjoying this calm before the storm.

072926@1105

Vegas has been so bitter sweet so far. This post will probably be divided into sections so I can keep the whole visit within one post.

I really do have such a love and hate relationship with Vegas.

I want to move back but at the same time I love Reno. I love having family around to see Aria grow. I love being around my heavenly family here.

There’s just something about Reno that has a place in my heart. It’s calm and the lifestyle is very simple. It truly is such a different feeling being around family, those who love you not because they have to, but because you guys are bonded in a different way. We such an amazing village back home and I’m so extremely thankful for them. I wish aria could be surrounded by those who love her the most all the time. She is so extremely loved.

072926@2017

Baby girl got her meet Chaslyn, Aiden, and Crew today! And she did so good😍 She enjoyed seeing them and is actually less than a year apart from Crew! Chaslyn is so big now. Oh my goodness😭

080326@1115

It truly is such a different feeling being around family, those who love you not because they have to, but because you guys are bonded in a different way. We such an amazing village back home and I’m so extremely thankful for them. I wish aria could be surrounded by those who love her the most all the time. Of course heavenly family is also amazing. But in a physical sense.

072226@2212

My little potato is growing so fast. Each and every single day I fall in love with her more and more. You always hear about how deep a mothers’s love is for their child.. but experiencing it is truly so beautiful. Just looking at her and seeing all the little changes and observing all her little tendencies eats away at my heart. Thinking about her growing up and not needing me as much as she needs me now makes my heart ache and makes me teary.

If only she could stay this little forever …

So I’m soaking up every single minute I can. Because one day she won’t need me the way she does now.. and I’ll think back to these very moments and smile.

072026@1937

DONE WITH THAT FOUR DAY STRETCH!

One more shift and then back home for about a week!

071926@1051

071626@1553

I went to my primary yesterday and asked to be put back on Zoloft. I don’t know if it’s PMDD or PPD.

071326@1000

I do love Reno weather and the fact that this big body of water is within walking distance of the apartment.

071226@2208

I want to say it’s my hormones.

I want to say it’s bc I’m getting my period.

I want to say anything everything else.. but I think I may be suffering from postpartum depression.

I feel so alone in my thoughts and anxieties.

I appreciate having mommy so much at home and I don’t think I can express that enough.

John’s always in and out and I feel like I barely see him. I know that that was going to be a part of the challenges with having a baby and I understand that.

What gets me, is that I feel like majority of the time when I’ve hugged him or kiss him it always feels so quick or i feel the slight push away when we hug. When we sleep he doesn’t cuddle, when he leaves, a good amount of the time I have to ask for a kiss or he just leaves. Like there’s just no lambing unless I ask for it. He’s always on his phone. I let him know what was on my mind and it was addressed on text but in person, nothing…

I don’t know … I’m more tearful than not when I’m alone. Part of it is work also. I feel like I’m not cut out for icu and I’m worried for my job and license.

I need emotional support and I don’t think John is able to provide that to me right now and I just need to be around family.

Easier said than done huh?

070326@1320

We finally got those cute, super late Father’s Day photos in!

070126@2230

My little chicken nugget turned 5 months yesterday.

Gosh, how I’m not ready but so excited for the rest of this year to fly by! I know you’ll learn and grow so much by the time you’re one year old and I don’t think my heart is ready for that yet😭

In 5 months alone you’ve grown so much! I can’t imagine how much more you’ll learn in the next 7!

062926@0700

Don’t you just love those cool, crisp, and early mornings? Driving with the windows down and the music up?

…and you realize, underneath all the responsibilities of being a new mom and adulting… that she’s still in there. She never left. You see a little spark of your prepregnancy self and feel relief. You smile for a second a little emotional, you’re still you. Just a newer, better version.

These little breaks for ourselves is so important as a new mom. It’s important not to lose your yourself just bc you had a baby.

Take a walk, go to the gym, take a long hot shower.. get yourself together and do what you need to do.

062226@2309