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student!heeseung x student!reader
summary: in a world where you had learned to hide your blue veins, you were afraid to get close to anybody. that was until you met him, a boy with a magnetic pull. you wanted him but you knew he shouldn't. he would never understand your blue, right?
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One year was barely long enough to convince yourself you were over him. Yet it only took seeing him for a split second to realize you werenât. You were required to take an upper-level writing class to fulfill your degree, but to your dismay, there werenât many interesting options when you had signed up for classes. It didnât take much convincing to pick the class on apocalyptic ethics over some sort of history course. Boring.Â
During the first week or two of classes, you made a point to always be on time, sometimes even early to class. It was around the third week in when you started prioritizing sleep over attendance. Today was not that day. You slipped into the classroom early, a little nervous to meet new people, but excited to listen to the professor. He had good reviews on one of the student-run websites, which was part of why you chose the class. There were only about twenty desks in the room, arranged in a loose semi-circle. It was a nice class size, good for discussions.Â
You slid into a seat close to the door, liking the ability to sneak out whenever you wanted without causing much of a scene. Your bag sat on the floor between your legs and you unzipped it to pull your notebook out, trying to quiet the soft hum of nerves in your chest. While your head was still down, the door opened again.Â
A familiar voice murmured âGood morningâ to the professor and your heart didnât just sink -- it plummeted.Â
Heeseung. Of all fucking places.Â
Your breath caught so sharp it almost hurt. For a second, you thought you could have been imagining him. Were you just extremely sleep deprived? Or going through love-interest withdrawal? Was this just a cruel trick?Â
But no. There he was. Real and solid and impossibly here. It was hard not to stare. He looked older. Sharper jaw, a little broader in the shoulders. His hair had taken the shape of a soft mullet and he wore a sweater you had seen on him the year before, instantly igniting memories you had tried to erase. The sleeves were tugged over his hands the way he always did. His eyes drifted across the semi-circle -- slow, curious, unaware of your presence⌠for now. You looked away before he saw you.Â
Of all the classes on campus. Of all the schedules. Of all the rooms, hours, seats-- He had to walk into yours. After he had made it so clear he had no interest, he somehow managed to follow you here. Just your luck. Truly.Â
More students trickled in, chatter filled the space, pens clicked, jackets rustled. You hated that you were hyperaware of him sitting across the room, like a gravitational pull you couldnât shut off. Was it too late to drop the class? Or change majors? Or even change schools?
The professor began class, voice warm and animated, you could tell you were gonna like him already. After his own self-introduction, each student had to go around the room and introduce themselves as well. You hated ice breakers like these.Â
Students went one by one. You tried to listen but you were more focused on what you should say. You still hadnât decided when the wave of introductions reached you, but you gulped and looked up anyway. As you said your name, year, major, and why you picked this class, you made a point not to look in his direction. He was just a classmate, a stranger, not someone worth your attention.Â
Heeseung was one of the last people to go. You braced yourself before looking up at him.Â
âMy name is Heeseung. Iâm a senior, um⌠philosophy minor. I picked this class because my advisor said it would be good for my critical thinking skills but,â he let out that same soft laugh you used to like, âI think she just ran out of ways to say Iâm bad at choosing electives.â
Some people laughed. You didnât. For the first time in almost a year, you made eye contact. Your gaze lifted at about the same moment his swept across the room. His smile faltered. Yours never formed. It was less than a second before you flicked your eyes away again, putting your chin in your palm and facing the professorâs direction.Â
Your heartbeat was traitorous to the disregard you were trying to show him. Absent-mindedly, you furled and unfurled your fingers around the hem of your long sleeve shirt, toying with the fabric.Â
You had moved on. Really. You had. You had moved on from him so much that even when you used to think about him, your blue would barely glow. And yet⌠here you were, a couple yards apart from each other, and felt your skin come alive again.Â
The initial panic that had settled in after seeing him in your class eventually subsided, but only by a little. You were still unnerved at the sudden proximity, but grateful there hadnât been an instance yet where you needed to interact with one another. At the beginning of the first class every week, the professor would assign small groups to discuss the required reading. By pure luck, you had yet to have the pleasure of being partnered with Heeseung. As stressful as it was to wait for your assigned partners every week, and to pray endlessly it wouldnât be him, it had been a good opportunity to meet the other people in your class.Â
The power point at the front of the class flashed and you searched it, finding the group you were meant to work with. Group 3: Y/N, Sunghoon, Marina. You exhaled a breath you didnât know youâd been holding and looked over to where Sunghoon was sitting. He grinned back in your direction. It was only the 4th week of school but you had been partnered twice already.Â
Gathering your notes, you walked toward the corner where your group had gathered. Marina gave a small wave and Sunghoon scooted his chair over to make room for you.Â
âDid you like the reading?â Marina asked as you sat down.Â
âIt was interesting,â you said, simultaneously leaning forward to be part of the conversation while also closing your body off and wrapping your sweater around yourself. âIt was kinda bleak, but⌠interesting.â
Sunghoon nodded. âMoral boundaries collapsing under pressure. I liked the part where the author included present examples to show how collapse can happen under all sorts of different circumstances--â
You heard Heeseungâs voice behind you. Too close behind you. âIt reminded me of that case study last week--â
Your spine went rigid before your brain even processed his words. That familiar tone -- soft, low, thoughtful -- cut clean through the noise of the classroom and lodged itself under your skin like a splinter. It was impossible not to notice the way your blue buzzed at the sound of his voice. You hated that he still had that effect
Sunghoon kept talking. â--different circumstances, so itâs not just context-dependent, itâs also--â
You nodded along, trying to pretend you werenât hyperaware of every inhale Heeseung took between sentences. Every pause between words, every small laugh shared in his group behind your back. It was when you realized your group had gone silent, expecting your input, that you tried to talk.
âI thinkâŚâ you began slowly, âthat sometimes people avoid the hard conversations because theyâre afraid of what theyâll lose if they confront the truth.â
Sunghoon nodded thoughtfully. Marina hummed. You kept your eyes firmly on your notebook.Â
âYeah,â Sunghoon said, tapping his pen. âAvoidance as self-preservation.â
You forced a smile, small and polite, but now your mind wasnât on the reading. It was behind you -- exactly where you refused to look. Heeseung responded to something someone said in his group, making a girl next to him laugh. You felt it like a pinprick to the ribs.Â
Marina gestured at your notebook. âDid you annotate that part? I liked the way you phrased it.â
You blinked back to reality. âOh, um, yeah. Just tried to summarize the main point. The authorâs kind of a yapperâŚâ
And then, because the universe seemed to have a cruel sense of humor, you heard Heeseung say softly: âYeah⌠avoiding something doesnât make it go away.â
The professor called the class back together, rescuing you from having to speak again. Chairs scrapped, notebooks closed, and everyone started shifting back to their seats. Without meaning to, without wanting to, you glanced over your shoulder.Â
Heeseung was already looking at you.Â
You ripped your eyes away before the blue could flare.Â
The weather was warm, it was one of the only times the whole school year when students could study outside without getting frostbite. Jiyoon had brought a big picnic blanket to study on and Nayeon had brought a bag of grapes. You did your part and supplied the strawberries.
 The courtyard was buzzing with life. Clusters of students sprawled on the grass with textbooks, others tossed volleyballs or played music off half-broken speakers. There was just enough breeze to make your thin long sleeved shirt bearable.Â
âThis is perfect,â Jiyoon sighed, laying on her back with a book over her head to shield her eyes from the sun. âVitamin D is healing my academic trauma.â
Nayeon giggled, crunching on grapes. âWhat kind of academic trauma can you have as a sociology major?â
âTry being in my shoes for a day,â Jiyoon retorted and you laughed.Â
Nayeon, the pre-med student, rolled her eyes and collapsed on the blanket between the two of you, instantly flinging her arms around both of you. âDo you think we can just sleep here until the semesterâs over?â
âDo you want me to honestly answer that?â you asked, turning your head to look at her.Â
âNo,â Nayeon admitted. âLie to me.â
âI bet the squirrels would bring you food,â Jiyoon promised, feeding into the delusion. âAnd the chipmunks.â
âWhat about the geese?â
âTheyâll probably eat you.â
Nayeon groaned into your shoulder. âI hate this school.â
Whatever studying the three of you thought was going to get done was instantly put on the backburner. The sun soaked into your skin like warmth you hadnât realized you were starved for. The grass smelled clean, almost sweet. And your blue, which had been restless for days, finally quieted into something soft -- a low hum rather than a pulse.
After a minute, you rolled onto your stomach and cracked open your notebook, ready to review lecture notes. Nayeon followed suit. Jiyoon appeared to be sleeping.Â
âI brought highlighters,â Nayeon said, riffling through an extremely bulbous pencil pouch and pulling out a handful of pastel colors. âColor-coding is the only thing keeping me from flunking out.â
âItâs the only way to keep anyone from flunking,â you agreed, taking up her offer and stealing a pretty green color. Your friend gasped dramatically.Â
âBold of you to take my favorite color.â
âYou have three other highlighters in the exact shade.â
âYeah, because itâs my favorite,â she said the answer like it was obvious. You just shook your head and uncapped the marker.Â
As you scribbled in your notebook, a familiar burst of noise carried across the courtyard. Shouts, laughter, the thud of something heavy making contact with hands. You didnât think much of it at first. Lots of people were out today. Lots of groups, lots of noise. But then--
The name sliced through the air. Your hand unintentionally clenched around the highlighter. Nayeon froze mid-chew, and Jiyoon, who had absolutely not been asleep, slid the book on her face down just enough to crack an eye open.Â
You kept your eyes firmly on your notes and forced a breath through your nose. Then another. You were fine. He was just existing somewhere in the general area, that was bound to happen when you go to school together. Existing was allowed. That didnât mean he was anywhere near you-- A sharp thud interrupted your denial.Â
All three of you looked down. A bright blue frisbee, slightly dirty and scuffed, and sitting innocently on top of one of Jiyoonâs notebooks. Your stomach dropped.Â
âOh, absolutely not,â Jiyoon muttered, picking up the toy with two fingers like it was contaminated. âYah!â
Jay looked over from his playing position across the sidewalk and broke into a grin. âOh hey!âÂ
Jiyoon narrowed her eyes at him like he had personally orchestrated a plot against your trio. âControl your flying objects!â
âIt wasnât me!â Jay yelled back, already laughing. âThat was Heeseungâs fault! He should have caught it.â
Of course it was Heeseungâs fault. Of course.Â
You heard footsteps running over and refused to look up.Â
âSorry--â his voice was breathless, once again, closer than you wanted him to be. âThat one got⌠uh⌠really off track.â
You stared down at your notebook and started highlighting a sentence that didnât even need to be highlighted. You just needed to seem busy. To seem unbothered. Like his presence didnât burn you.Â
Jiyoon held the frisbee out. âHere. Take your UFO and go.â
Heeseung let out a huff of a laugh and reached for the frisbee, clearing his throat. âSorry. Jay needs to work on his aim.â
âYOU need to work on your catching!â Jay hollered back, entirely unhelpful. How he managed to hear Heeseung from all the way over there was a mystery to you.Â
Heeseung shot his friend a glare from over his shoulder and turned back. You kept your head down. Held your breath. Highlighted the same sentence twice. It didnât matter. The slight shift of his shadow across your notebook captured your attention. His attention had slid from Jiyoon to you like an eclipse moving across the sun. You looked up.Â
There he stood in the sunlight, hair messy, cheeks flushed from running, brow damp from sweat, chest still rising and falling. He froze when your eyes met, parting his lips in surprise like he didnât expect you to look up at all. The frisbee hung loosely in his hand. Heat bloomed across your skin, blue threatening to spark under your sleeves. You swallowed it down. Hard. It was nothing more than a reminder of something disgusting to him. Something laughable.Â
âI think Iâm on Jayâs side,â Nayeon spoke up, catching Heeseung off guard. His attention turned from you to her. âYou were way off.â
He blinked, brows lifting for a fraction of a second. âEveryone has their moments.â
âYeah, well this one was tragic.â
Jiyoon made a noise of agreement. âNext time give us a warning when youâre playing. Weâll be sure to bring helmets.âÂ
He laughed. It made your blue spark. âWill do.â
And that was it. He left without saying a word to you, didnât even look back in your direction once as he kept playing.Â
Nayeon patted your back gently. âYou want a grape?â
âYeah,â you murmured. âI want a grape.â
You shouldnât have been hurt to see him with another girl. Afterall, the two of you were never anything special, never anything more than friends. And even if you had been, a year had passed. It was stupid to think there couldâve been more anyway. And seeing him with someone else made that even more painfully obvious.Â
She was cute, had short hair that didnât hide her defined collarbones, wore a polka-dotted baby tee. She was everything you couldnât be. And she was making him laugh. You werenât close enough to hear their conversation, nor did you want to be⌠nor did you need to be. You could tell by the way his hands were tucked loosely in his front pockets, the way his shoulders were relaxed, his easy smile -- he was comfortable. Comfortable in a way he hadnât been around you in a long time.Â
Your stomach tugged sharply. It made no sense. Logically, you shouldnât care. It didnât affect your life at all. It was for the best anyway. Normal people should date normal people. But your blue disagreed. It simmered under your skin like boiling water, restless and pulsing in a way it hadnât since the day he held you under the bus canopy -- in a way it hadnât since you could count the rain droplets in his eyelashes.Â
You tugged your sleeves down as far as they would go, pressing your wrists against your body to steady the trembling glow. His voice carried through the air, undiscernible but so clearly his. More laughter. You needed to leave. Now. Before he could see you flickering⌠again.Â
You took a step back, then another, turning on your heel and marching away. Your pace was brisk, purposeful, like you were late for something even though you had nowhere to be. He was allowed to be happy, especially with someone he deserved, someone like him. Someone normal.Â
The next week, it finally happened. When you walked into class, the professor was already queuing up the slides. He announced: âAlright everyone, get into your group discussions first. Todayâs topic is the intrinsic vs instrumental value of people during a time of scarce resources. Your groups are on the screen.â
You lifted your eyes to the projector only long enough to find your name. Group 2: Y/N, Heeseung, Beomgyu.Â
No. No, no, no, no. You blinked hard like the names might rearrange themselves if you stared with enough desperation. But of course they didnât.Â
Beomgyu waved at you from a couple seats over with a friendly half-smile. You had been partnered up before, he was super nice and easy to talk to. He admitted to never actually reading the assigned excerpts but still managed to have valuable input to discussions. He was a good person to be stuck with.Â
As you stood to move over to a desk by Beomgyu, you spared a look in Heeseungâs direction, realizing he hadnât moved. He was still staring at the screen. Staring at the names. Your name. You swore his fingers tightened around his pen. You turned your head, jaw clenching. He didnât want to be in your group. Probably didnât want to be next to you knowing you were blue.Â
âCrazy reading this week, huh?â Beomgyu joked when you sat in the desk next to him. âI made ChatGPT summarize it.â
âHowâd that work for you?â you ask, engaging in convo to distract yourself from the man walking over to join.Â
âI guess weâll find out,â he grinned, whipping out his notebook. âShould we take turns answering the same question on the screen or alternate between questions?â
âI think talking them out as a group is probably good,â you tried to play nonchalant, knowing if the two boys in front of you could see your blue glowing it would give you away instantly.Â
Heeseung hadnât looked at you, even after sitting down, but the tension radiating off him was unmistakable. Beomgyu carried on oblivious.Â
âSo⌠intrinsic value vs instrumental value. Are people valuable for who they are or for what they can do for others in crisis?â He looked up between the two of you. âDo one of you want to start?â
You took it upon yourself after a second of awkward silence. âWell, the author took a utilitarian stance. Instrumental value is more important during a crisis than intrinsic value.â
Beomgyu nodded thoughtfully. âRight. But like⌠the authorâs example of why itâs more important to save a young doctor than your own mother was crazy.â
You offered him a laugh, still avoiding the desk to your right. âYeah, the examples they use in this class are always extreme to the point of being kind of⌠inhuman.â
Beomgyu moved onto the next bulleted question. âDo you agree with the authorâs prioritization system? Why or why not?â
You shifted in your seat. âI mean, I get what the authorâs saying. Like, hypothetically I would agree butâŚâ you voice caught. âBut I donât think someone loses worth just because theyâre⌠harder to choose.â
Beomgyu sent a pointed look at Heeseung, hinting at him to contribute to the conversation. âDo you agree with the author?â
You looked towards Heeseung, keeping a steady face, genuinely curious in his answer.Â
Beomgyu pressed further. âWhy not?â
âI donât think a personâs value changes,â he continued, briefly meeting your eyes before looking back to Beomgyu. âNot in a way that should matter. Even if⌠they canât offer anything useful, like medical help or defense.â
Beomgyu nodded along. âUh huh, okay. People matter because they matter.â He shuffled his papers again. âFinal question: how might fear distort the way people evaluate worth in emergencies?â
Heeseung spoke before you could breathe. âFear makes you think hurting someone is safer than letting them hurt you.â
Beomgyu clicked his tongue. âDamn. Facts, bro.â
You replayed his words over and over again. Your blue sparked but it just made you mad, his words just made you mad. Fear, huh? Is that what he had felt? When he saw you? When he saw it? He was so afraid of your skin he thought it would hurt him? Your glow had been so threatening, so disgusting, that avoiding you felt like self-preservation? Like hurting you was safer for him? Your fingers picked at the hem of your sleeve furiously, your eyes burning into the grainy desk. You forced your expression to remain flat and controlled but your thoughts were sharp like barbed wire.Â
Beomgyu drummed his fingers against his notes. âCool, I think weâve covered everything. Should we--â
âYeah,â you said too fast, closing your notebook. âWeâre good.â
He gathered his papers with zero awareness of the storm next to him. âSick. Iâm gonna go ask the professor about the rubric for the essay.â And then he left.Â
Afraid of you. Of your skin. Of your blue. Of whatever he thought you were.Â
Fine. If fear made him push you away, then staying away was doing him a favor.Â
You stood up immediately, picking up your belongings with one hand and leaving back to your desk without saying a word.Â
After class, Sunghoon caught up to you. âHey! I almost expected to be in your group again after the last couple of weeks.â
You jumped, slightly surprised he was walking you out. âOh-- Hi. Yeah, I know, right? Maybe the professor thinks we just have good discussions together.â Which is not something you would say about the discussion you had with Heeseung today.Â
Sunghoon matched your pace, following you out the door. âI think this weekâs reading was my favorite so far. Iâve never really thought about that issue before, you know?â
You nodded, tucking your hands into the pocket of your hoodie. âItâs like the professor is obsessed with moral distress.â
âCould not have put it better,â he smiled. âWhere are you headed?â
âUmm, Iâm kind of hungry,â you thought for a second. âI might grab some food. Do you have another class?â
He sighed, kicking a rock. âYeah. Some weird biology class about elephants. My mom thought it would look cool on my transcript. I hate it.â
You shot him a funny look. âWhat? Like youâre learning elephant anatomy or something?â
âItâs torture,â he insisted. âDid you know elephants have like 150 more bones than humans do? I learned that last week.â
You werenât originally planning on walking him to class but the building it was in was close to a chain of restaurants anyway. You figured what's the harm?
âOh!â Sunghoon pointed to one of the campus notice boards dramatically. âHave you seen this?âÂ
You followed his finger to a poster of a lantern festival. The paper was black with brightly colored lanterns drifting upward, tiny gold flecks outlined the event title. âLantern Festival & Night Market,â you read out loud. âNext Friday.â
âAre you going?â he asked, looking down at you inquisitively.Â
You adjusted your hoodie to hide more of your neck, suddenly self-conscious. âUm, I donât know. Iâd have to check my schedule.â
âCheck it,â he urged, nodding towards your pocket where he assumed your phone would be. âIâm planning on going with my friends too. Last year, it was a pretty big deal, did you go then?â
You were only half listening to what he was saying, panic setting in when you reached into your pocket and found it empty. Shit. Where was your phone?
âWait, Sunghoon--â you reeled around, scanning the ground. âI lost my phone.â
Sunghoon blinked, caught mid-sentence. âHuh? Like, right now?â
âYes, right now,â you muttered, already retracing your steps in your head. You patted all your pockets again -- hoodie, jeans, jacket -- nothing.Â
âI have 10 minutes before my next class, letâs go look for it,â Sunghoon reassured you, already guiding you by your shoulders down the sidewalk the two of you had just come from. âDo you remember the last time you used it?â
âI donât know, I think I had it when we left class. I took it out to check the time, didnât I?â
âYes! You did, so itâs either in the hallways or on the sidewalk? Maybe someone picked it up?â
You could have a thief on your hands. This is so not what you needed today after that discussion in class. The two of you checked a couple of benches off to the side, in the flower beds, and asked some people passing by if they had seen a phone, but to no avail.Â
âMaybe we should just go back to the classroom? Or check the campus lost-and-found? Or we--â
âIs this yours?â a voice said behind you.
Heeseung stood a few feet away, holding something out in his hand. âI recognized it,â he continued.Â
Sunghoon brightened. âOh! Dude-- you found it?â
Heeseung nodded once, eyes flicking between the two of you just briefly, so briefly you almost missed it. âIt fell by the door after class. You were already gone when I saw it.â
You swallowed. âThank you.â Your fingers grazed his wrist as you took your phone back and for a terrifying second, you felt your blue pull like a tide -- sharp, bright, warning -- and you shoved your sleeve down to smother it.Â
Heeseungâs eyes flicked to where you had pulled your sleeve down and you felt a twinge of annoyance. He was probably imagining the blue, wasnât he?Â
Sunghoon thanked Heeseung again before turning back to you and resuming your previous conversation. âCrisis averted! Anyways, just let me know about the festival. Maybe we could run into each other.â
âYeah, sure, Iâll text you,â you said, stuffing the phone deep into your pocket this time.Â
Turns out Jiyoon had already made festival plans for you. When you mentioned the poster, she practically jumped you, hyping it up the same way Sunghoon had, convincing you that maybe it wouldnât be the most horrible thing to go to.Â
âOh my God, YES, weâre going,â she declared, shoving her laptop aside like the assignment she was working on no longer existed. âThat festival is gorgeous. Lanterns, food stalls, live music -- last year it looked like a Studio Ghibli movie.â
Nayeon chimed in from across the room, âAnd they have a churro stand. Churros, Y/N. This is morally required to attend.â
You sighed, defeated at the thought of a loud venue but a little excited thinking about the fun they were describing. âOkay, fine, Iâll go.â
Jiyoon whooped. âItâs a date!â
The campus quad had been transformed into something almost unreal. Strings of lanterns glowed above the walkways, ranging in every single color under the rainbow -- pastels, neons, vibrant and bold -- all floating like stars just out of reach. Booths crowding the grass sold tacos, skewers, steamed buns, street food of all kinds. Music thrummed through the cool air, weaving through laughter and chatter. People, both students and non-students, were everywhere. The event was huge.Â
Sunghoon had texted you earlier to ask if you were planning on attending and said he could introduce you to some of his friends if he saw you.Â
âChurros!!â Nayeon squealed, pulling you by the arm and off the sidewalk, speedlining to a vendor's booth. Â
âNayeon! Calm down, the churros arenât going anywhere,â you stuttered out, trying not to trip and keep up with her pace.Â
âNo,â she deadpanned. âLook at how long the line already is.â
âAre you seriously gonna make us wait in that?â Jiyoon asked, gaging the wait time of the current line.Â
âItâll go by fast, I promise.â
The smell of fresh dough and caramelizing sugar hit you like a warm blanket. Your mouth instantly started salivating and you began to understand Nayeonâs insistence. She ordered a ridiculous number of churros for three people, justifying her order with the fact that students got a 30% discount on all food for the event.Â
âOkay, pass them around,â she said, already claiming one for herself. âSharing is caring but if you take the last one without asking, you will die.â
Your sweet treats were warm enough to fog the air in front of you, and for a few minutes everything felt pleasantly simple. The three of you wove through the crowd, sampling whatever food Nayeon pointed at, drifting from booth to booth with no real destination. Any thoughts of upcoming due dates or assignments flew out the window.Â
The lanterns swung overhead in slow, lazy arcs, painting the tops of peopleâs heads in shifting colors. A purple glow. Then green. Then warm amber. Every time you walked beneath a cluster of lanterns, your skin prickled in awareness -- like your blue wanted to answer back, wanted to pulse in response. You kept your sleeves tight, keeping your distance from the brightest pools of light.Â
Jiyoon dragged you toward a table selling tiny ceramic animals, Nayeon found a clown making balloon animals, you found a polaroid booth that you made everyone take a picture in. A group of students danced messily near the DJ booth, someone was trying to juggle bowling pins, and a student worker was trying to rescue two lanterns that had gotten stuck in a tree. Everything was⌠nice.Â
Then a loud voice boomed over the speakers: âLantern release begins in five minutes!â A memory tugged at you.Â
âLetâs try to find each other by the fountain. I think the lantern release looks best from there.â Thatâs what Sunghoon had said earlier that week.Â
âHey, guys? Iâm gonna, um⌠go say hi to one of my classmates really quick,â you said and gestured vaguely toward the center of the courtyard. âHe said he'd be by the fountain.â
Jiyoon wiggled her eyebrows. âOooooooh. Look at you, social butterfly.â
Nayeon elbowed her. âWeâll text you every time we move so you can find us later. Have fun!â
You slipped into the crowd before you could endure more teasing, fighting your way through the people and toward the fountain. The closer you got to your destination, the louder everything grew. The music, the voices, the hum of excitement -- everything was threefold at the center. Hundreds of students were gathered around the water, paper lanterns cradled carefully in their hands. And above them, multiple massive lanterns hovered on a mechanical pulley system.Â
As you got closer, you felt your skin buzz, the lights around you igniting something inside. And then your breath faltered. There, by the railing, stood Sunghoon. And under the light of the lanterns, his entire silhouette looked tinted azure. It was something you recognized all too familiarly. Your heart lurched in your throat.Â
Blue. Could he--? No. No, that was impossible. You had known him for weeks. Surely you would have seen it. But the thought was a lightning bolt through your ribs. For the first time in years, you felt something like hope slice through your chest. Someone like me. Someone who understands.Â
You inched closer. But then, a breeze picked up. The massive lantern overhead swayed slightly on its rigging. And the moment its angle shifted, the blue slid off him like water. Gone. His skin tone returned instantly, warm and human and painfully ordinary. The flicker of hope inside you sputtered and extinguished so violently you almost swayed.Â
Sunghoon noticed you and waved. âHey! You found me.â
You swallowed back the ache and plastered on a smile. âHi.â
He stepped closer, holding a delicate paper lantern in both his hands. âPerfect timing. Theyâre about to do the countdown.â
You nodded. He kept talking. Something about the food booths and how he wanted to introduce you to his roommate. His words dissolved into the noise of the crowd. Your chest felt hollow. Of all the things you should have known better than to hope for.Â
The countdown ended and you stared up at the rainbow sky with mixed emotions. It was beautiful. Your skin hummed in agreement but you numbed it. Â
âPretty cool, right?â Sunghoon said beside you.Â
âYeah.â It was cool.Â
He smiled, holding his lantern steady before releasing it. It floated upward immediately, joining the hundreds above. âYou can make a wish,â he added lightly. âI think theyâre supposed to bring good fortune.â
You almost laughed. You and good fortune didnât seem to be in cahoots. âDid you make one already?â
âYup,â his eyes were trained on the sky, and for a fractured instant, you imagined seeing blue sparkle again. But it was only the lanterns. Always only the lanterns.Â
You stepped back to avoid the press of the crowd, but the movement brought your gaze across the fountain. Across the clusters of silhouettes glowing in shifting hues, you saw him. Standing alone in the midst of hundreds, leaning forward on the railing in staring up at the sky. Heeseung.Â
Lantern light washed over him in waves. Pink, yellow, violet. Each shifting color continued to grab your attention, refusing to let your eyes leave his figure. And then⌠blue. A deep, brilliant sapphire that drenched him from head to toe. His hair caught the glow first, shining like midnight turned royal. Then his cheekbones, his jaw, his hands curled over the railing. You felt your blue surge in a response-like manner, making you hold your breath. His glow was electric, intoxicating.Â
And then across the water, across the crowd, across the hundreds of drifting lights, he looked at you. His gaze landed on yours as cleanly as if the two of you stood alone in an empty room. His posture stiffened but just barely. The blue light painted his eyes in a way that made them look almost luminous themselves. Your heart lurched, your glow already rising and crawling up your wrists like a warning flare. You werenât sure why, but a part of you wished it was real. His blue. But you didnât dwell too long on that thought. It would be cruel to be fooled twice.
He didnât look away. For a couple, impossible seconds, you just looked at each other. The light of the lanterns draping both of your silhouettes, highlighting you. Heeseungâs eyes seemed to flicker with an unreadable emotion. You couldnât place it. Confusion? Hope?
A couple bustled in front of you, breaking your focus and causing you to step back. Your gaze dipped, just for a breath, but when you looked back up, Heeseungâs face had changed.Â
The blue lantern glow still washed over him, brilliant and cold, but something in his expression had shuttered. His eyes werenât wide with surprise anymore. They werenât soft, or luminous, or anything bordering on hop. They were guarded. Careful. Like a wall had slid back into place. Like heâd remembered something.Â
You felt your blue flicker, hesitation fighting through your veins.Â
He shifted first, just a small step back from the railing, but it felt like a door closing. The lantern light moved with him, sliding off his feature as he turned slightly away, gaze dropping to the water instead of returning to you.Â
Somewhere to your right, Sunghoon was calling you over to another food booth. You forced your feet to move, your expression to be neutral, your blue to dim. But an uncomfortable feeling had settled over you.
He had seen you. And he had turned away first. Again.Â
A couple weeks pass. Your annoyance with Heeseung didnât just grow, it calcified. His words played over and over in your head. Fear made people hurt others before they could be hurt. It was like a confession, right to your face. An accusation -- calling you a freak, something to be feared. And before you had felt guilty, ashamed. But you were done feeling sorry about it. If he wanted to stay away, let him stay away. So when you were placed in the same discussion group two more times, you made a point to play devilâs advocate against any word he said. Was it petty? Absolutely. But it fueled you.Â
If he claimed the authorâs argument was flawed, you argued it was airtight. If he said the example was unethical, you pointed out how it could be justified. If he said âI think what the author meant was--â you were already preparing to cut him off with a âDid you even finish the reading?â You saw the way his jaw tightened when you disagreed just to disagree. You saw the flicker of frustration in his eyes -- frustration that, somehow, never turned to anger.Â
Beomgyu, unfortunately trapped in the crossfire for another one of these discussions, watched you two volley arguments back and forth like a philosophical tennis match. At one point, he leaned back in his chair and whispered, â...do you two, like⌠hate each other?â
You ignored him, Heeseung cleared his throat, and the debate continued. It only ended when the professor called time. You snapped your notebook shut and shoved it into your bag, waiting impatiently to move seats and get away. Heeseung didnât say anything and you didnât look at him long enough to see his expression, but you felt him in that irritating way he caused your nerves to become static in his presence.Â
Beomgyu stood up beside you, slinging his bag over his shoulder. âYou two should be lawyers or something. Those were some good points.â
You feigned a laugh. âGod forbid.â
You stepped into the hallway together, entering the swarm of chaos. Students were everywhere, either leaving or entering classrooms at every corner of the hall. The second you were out the door, your blue flickered so hard your wrist tingled. You yanked your sleeve over it immediately, pulse hammering. When had you even gotten so worked up?
It wasnât like he mattered. Right?Â
You willed the glow to go away.Â
âSee you Thursday?â Beomgyu asked, preparing to head down one end of the hall.Â
You were already stretched thin. The end of the semester was creeping up, and with it came the last round of midterms before finals. You had three exams to prepare for in the following week and had barely enough sleep as is. How did the professors expect you to spend time studying when they also assigned multiple new assignments? Caffeine had become your new best friend.Â
Malevolent timing or divine punishment, todayâs lecture topic was another moral philosophical landmine. The professor had decided to switch up the layout of chairs for a new activity, splitting the room in half. You arrived to class late, sliding into the nearest open seat and trying to clear your head. This was your last class of the day, you were almost done, just one more hour and then you could sleep.Â
When you set your bag down by your feet, your gaze flicked to the desk over, recognizing the shoes of the boy to your right. Youâre got to be kidding me.Â
You dragged your attention to the professor, who was enthusiastically handing out case study packets. âClass will look a little different today but I think the activity will be fun! Youâll have ten minutes to both read and prepare a defense of the case study Iâm handing to you and your partner. I tried to position the desks accordingly, so your partner will be the person closest to you.â
Fantastic. Debating morality while tired, anxious, and partnered with the human embodiment of unresolved emotional trauma. Kind of ironic considering the class you were in.Â
Your eyes dropped to the paper dropped on your desk, skimming the hypothetical: a wild virus has spread across the country, causing many to fall deathly ill. A cure has just been discovered but production is slow. A supply of 8 vaccines has been delivered to a local hospital and they must now decide which among their sickly should get priority to the cure.Â
Below the prompt was a list of 10 different people of all different ages, occupations, medical conditions, etc. A teacher with three children, a retired nurse, a nineteen-year-old athlete with cancer, a homeless man with no next of kin, an elderly surgeon, a pregnant woman, and so on.Â
Instead of picking who you and your partner believed who should get priority, your paper picked for you. Next to each name was a number ranking them from highest to lowest priority. Two people were left out of the rank. Your job was to defend the list given to you against the lists assigned to the other groups.
You glanced sideways to see Heeseung scanning the paper as well and went back to staring at the printed rankings. Surgeon first. Undergraduate STEM major second. Pregnant woman third. At the bottom sat the athlete with cancer. And the homeless man didnât receive a rank at all. You swallowed. Harsh, cold, predictable.Â
âI think we could defend our rank pretty easily. Itâs all prioritized by instrumental usefulness,â Heeseung said finally, voice low. Â
âYeah,â you said lightly, fighting the urge to say anything further. You didnât want to, but you were supposed to be working together. Picking a fight wouldnât be helpful at all.Â
âFor the surgeon, we can just say--â
âMedical support, saving this life ends up saving more later,â you finished, keeping your eyes on the page.Â
He paused. âAnd the STEM major, we could probably--â
âFuture contribution.â You cut him off again.Â
Another silence. You wished you had caffeine with you.Â
âOâŚkay,â he said slowly. âThen for the pregnant woman, continuation of the population?â
You hummed, taking a long blink. âAnd the athlete with terminal cancer has low life expectancy anyway. Thatâs why they didnât rank.â
Heeseungâs head turned toward you, just slightly. âThatâs⌠kind of harsh, isnât it?â
âIâm not saying I agree with it,â you shot back. âThis entire list is dehumanizing. Weâre defending the rank, not rewriting it.â
The two of you went through the rest of the list, Heeseung writing down a couple bullet points of defense for each rank. You tried to focus, you tried not to be argumentative, but you were tired. You just wanted to go home. You were glad when Heeseung didnât attempt conversation after you finished preparing for the debate.Â
Dry thunder shook the building and you left the class quickly after the discussion ended. Your bed was waiting for you and you had no intention of making it wait any longer. You didnât look at the boy next to you, you didnât want to see the expression he wore after an hour of forced cooperation. Your blue had been simmering the whole time, threatening to flare every time he looked at you a little too hard. You couldnât handle it.Â
You moved through the crowded hallway, dodging people and blinking against tiredness pressing against your vision. Everything felt too loud. You made it out the double doors and into the open air just as the sky cracked with another low growl of thunder. Dark clouds were rolling in, rain sprinkled the pavement. Only a little at first, then heavier, then faster. You hissed under your breath. The longer you waited, the more intense the storm got.Â
You broke into a jog, heading for the nearest bus stop. It was tucked around the back of the building so you didnât need to run far until you were under its overhang. The sky opened in downpour as you sat on the bench and closed your eyes.Â
Everything was damp from where the rain caught you. Your hair turned stringy and your clothes clung to your frame. Just get me home.Â
Footsteps splashed around the corner and you stiffened your posture, opening your eyes like you werenât about to sleep in a bus stop. Heeseung skidded into view, soaked to the bone, rain dripped from his hair as he ducked under the overhang. He stopped when he saw you, eyes widening like he hadnât expected to see anyone in the shelter at all.Â
âOh, sorry--â he openly hesitated and glanced behind him. âI can find a different bus stop.â
You let your head fall back against the glass of the bus stop and closed your eyes again. âItâs fine. Youâll just get more wet.âÂ
He hovered there, half-in and half-out of the rain, torn between leaving and staying. The downpour hammered the pavement so hard it bounced back up in misty sprays, soaking the cuffs of his jeans even under the awning. âOkay,â he murmured, stepping inside fully.Â
There was just enough space on the bench for him to sit down with two feet of distance between you. The bus stop you were once grateful for for being completely empty, now felt impossibly tight. Even though you had just been sitting next to him in class, it felt different to be alone next to him. You blue picked up on that too. You didnât look at him and kept your head tilted upwards, listening to the small splash his leg made against the water on the concrete as he bounced his knee. Neither of you spoke for a moment, and then--
Your name left his mouth with a certain softness only he could manage to produce. You didnât move, didnât open your eyes. âWhat.â
He exhaled and hesitated, like he was choosing his words carefully. âCan we⌠not do this?â
Your jaw ticked and you peeked over at him. âDo what.â
âI don't know, this?â His hand lifted and gestured vaguely to the space between you. âWhatever this is.â
You blinked slowly, unamused. âIf you donât want to sit at a bus stop with me, you can leave.â
âYou know thatâs not what I mean.â
âGood,â you said, looking forward to watch the sheets of rain blow by. âBecause that wouldâve been a stupid question.â
He let out a frustrated sigh, opening his mouth like he was trying to form a sentence but closing it repeatedly. âOkay, look. I donât want-- I donât want to keep fighting with you.â
You ignored him, impressed that he had the gull to come up to you and make it seem like distance was your fault. Was he dense?
âYou wonât even look at me,â he continued quietly. âYou donât talk to me, you retract every time I get close, and when weâre forced to work together, you wonât even let me finish a sentence.â
âYou managed to finish that one.â
His brow twitched. âSee? That. Why are you doing that?â
âHeeseung,â you said too quickly, snapping your head in his direction. âCan you just drop it? I donât want to talk about--â
âNo,â he said, sitting forward now, elbows on his knees, rainwater dripping off the ends of his hair. âIâm⌠Iâm sorry for last year, okay? I-- I pushed you away. I know that. I pushed you away and I hurt you and I didnât know how to fix it--â
You let his words hit you, watching his face contort with emotions you werenât able to sort out. âYou donât have to say that.â
âYes, I do.â His fingers curled into fists against his knees. âIâve needed to say this for months, but itâs impossible. You shut down, or you walk away, or you donât look at me, or you get angry. I canât wait because thereâs never going to be a better time.â His jaw clenched. âY/N⌠please.â
You hated the way your blue began to light up under your skin like the roots of a tree on fire. You hated the way part of you actually wanted to hear him out, like it had forgotten the revulsion he showed when finding out your secret.
âStop, just stop,â you ran a hand through your hair, pushing past the knots caused by rain. âI donât understand what you want from me right now. You made it pretty clear how you felt about me a year ago and I donât see how anythingâs changed even now. What? You want a chance to pretend last year didnât happen? Pretend you didnât look at me like--â You stopped. The words jammed in your throat.Â
Heeseung tilted his head. âLike what?â
Your chest tightened. âForget it.â
âNo,â he said firmer. âTell me.â
Thunder cracked so loudly it rattled the metal frame of the bus stop. You hugged your elbows in, sleeves bunched around your hands. âIt doesnât matter. I already know what you think.â
His brows drew together in confusion. âWhat does that mean?â
You were getting sick of his feigned ignorance. Lightning flashed and you felt your chest vibrate, your blue responding to nature. âBlue.â
The world felt too loud. Your heartbeat, the rain pounding, thunder shaking the roof, all of it deafened your ears. His confusion only seemed to grow. âWhat are you talking about?â
âBlue, Heeseung,â you said it like it was obvious, but the look on his face didnât shift into understanding. It twisted into something closer to⌠panic?
âWhat?â His voice was barely audible over the storm. âY/N, I-- I donât -- what do you mean blue?â
You let out a laugh, maybe out of self pity. âSkin, Heeseung. Me. My skin. Are you serious? Do you really need me to spell it out?â
âCâmon. You saw it. Last year. After studying. It was windy. My hoodie slipped. And you looked like youâd seen a ghost. You didnât even talk to me afterwards. And you basically gave me the cold shoulder after that and everyone noticed. How was I not supposed to be hurt by that when everyone else could tell you were different? You acted like being in the same room was some kind of punishment and literally turned away anytime I was nearby.â Your throat burned but the words kept coming. âAnd you never tried to explain or tell me what was wrong or if you were uncomfortable. You just disappeared and looked at me like I had something wrong with me. I had to sit through study groups and lectures and group outings like you werenât over my shoulder glaring at me.â Rain hammered the roof, drowning nothing. âAnd now you wanna show up acting like Iâm the problem here and weâre as distant as we are now because I wonât stick around long enough to hear you apologize? Heeseung-- You. Left. Me.â
Lightning struck again, weaving electricity through the sky and lighting up the bus stop like a camera had flashed. Your blue roared in response, surging up your back and through your arms, your skin trembled with light. Heeseung went still, pupils blown wide and jaw falling loose. He looked caught on words, eyes trailing up your arms, looking at the faint glow trying to rip through the fabric of your hoodie.Â
Your face dropped, instinctive and wounded before you could stop yourself. He was still scared. Heeseungâs expression faltered, but it was too late. You inhaled sharply through your noise and ripped your gaze away, chest tightening. âGreat. Good talk.â
âY/N-- wait, thatâs not--â
But you were already pushing off the bench, standing too fast. The rain blew inward, speckling your clothes, plastering your hair across your cheeks. You held your sleeves down tight, trying to hide again. âIâm going home,â you said, voice thin. Rain be damned.
His hand shot out, immediately grounding you and halting your steps. âPlease stop.â
âLet go,â you whispered, too tired to fight the tremble in your voice.Â
âNo, stop,â he stood next to you now, refusing to let go of your wrist. âI didnât pull away because of your blue,â he tugged your arm back gently, coaxing you to turn and face him. His eyes were darkened by the rain, staring into yours like they dared you to look away. âI swear I didnât, I--â He paused like he needed extra time to rehearse his next words. âI pulled away because of mine.â
The storm seemed to soften for a moment, like even the sky was holding its breath. You blinked. âWhat the hell are you--â
His breath shook before reaching down to tug back the sleeve of his jacket. Just an inch. But just enough. Something caught the light of the dim yellow bus stop sign, a dim shine intertwined with his flesh. Your heart slammed against your ribs. A faint, fractured line of blue shimmered beneath his skin, like a glow was trying to break through. You couldnât do anything other than stare down at it.Â
He quickly pulled his sleeve back down, the fraction of exposure having been too much for him and he took a step backwards, unable to meet your eyes. âI thought if you found out it would ruin everything, I didnât want to scare you orâŚâ he trailed off but you werenât listening.Â
âYou never saw mine?â
âNo,â he said quickly. âI swear I didnât. I didnât know until right now.â
The world seemed to tilt sideways. You didnât understand. âBut⌠you acted like Iâd done something wrong.â
He looked at you, eyes wild. âNo. No-- God, no. Thereâs nothing wrong with you. Thereâs still nothing wrong with you.â He put extra emphasis on his last sentence and you felt your breath catch.Â
Your eyes fell back to his hand that had dropped loosely to his side and reached out, taking it in your own. He inhaled sharply. With your other hand, you pulled the sleeve back up, just enough to see blue again. It glowed faintly, alive with a pulse. He ducked his head and looked away while you stared, trying to reel your thoughts in. This whole year, every sideways glance, every cold silence, every step backward -- and heâd been hiding this. You raised a finger to trace over a single vein, seeing it brighten under your touch. It was the same color as yours. He was blue.
You dropped it. âI donât⌠really know what to do.â
His eyes searched yours. âWhat do you mean?â
âBecause--â you let out a sigh and pulled at the hair on your scalp, mind spinning. â--what am I supposed to do now? I get it, okay? I really do. You didnât want me to see your skin, I didnât want you to see mine either. But⌠I didnât try to push you away or embarrass you or make you feel like something was wrong with you.â
Heeseungâs face fell. âI know I hurt you and Iâm really really sorry.â
âI thought you hated me.â
âI didnât,â he said, miserable and unguarded. âI never hated you, I was scared.â
âOf me?â you asked, bitterness curling around each word.Â
âNo,â he said immediately. âIâve never told anyone about my skin. I didnât know how. And then I met you and you were just⌠You made everything louder. Even from that day in the cafe, or that day you got a new book, my blue was worse around you. You made it so hard to hide. And that scared me. Not you. The way my body reacted to you.â He swallowed, fingers twisting together like he was trying to wring the words out of himself. âI kept telling myself it was just the proximity, or stress, or because you were pretty. But it wasnât. I liked you, a lot. And I know it might not seem like it but I still do.â He finally looked up. Not confidently or proudly.Â
You watched him talk and fidget.
âGod, this is really not how I thought Iâd be saying this.â He looked like he wanted to reach for you but held back. âI liked you back then and I still do. But I pulled away because I didnât trust I could stay next to you like that and not ruin it. I thought my blue would ruin it.â
It wasnât like you didnât recognize or empathize with what he was saying. It would be hypocritical to deny having thought about doing the same thing yourself. A year ago, his words wouldâve undone you, stitched over the confusion, given shape to everything that hadnât made sense.Â
âIâŚâ you started softly. After seeing him again the first day of class, it was pretty clear to you your feelings for him hadnât disappeared the way you had hoped they would. As confused and frustrated as you were with him, he still made you nervous, he still made your blue pulse, and he still made you want to forgive him. âI was scared too, when I thought you werenât like me.â
His eyes flickered, attention sharpening when you took your turn to speak.
âI thought you saw me and decided I was something you couldnât stomach,â you continued. âThat being near me made you uncomfortable. And I spent so long trying to get out of your way thinking I was at fault for it.â Your gaze dropped to your hands, fingers curling into the nearly dry fabric of your sleeve. âI want to say finding out youâre blue too fixes things⌠but I-- I think I need a minute.â
You both stood in silence, marinating in the heaviness of your words, both of you trying to figure out what to say. Nothing seemed right. At one point, a bus pulled up to the stop opening its doors for you. For a second, you debated boarding to avoid this whole conversation but found yourself hesitating. When you glanced up at Heeseung, he stared back at you, almost seeming nervous you would leave. His lips parted like he would say something before closing to let you make your own decision. For some reason, that look was enough to make you stay.Â
When the driver understood neither of you had any intention of getting on, she drove away. It was then that Heeseung spoke.Â
âI donât want to pressure you, or make you uncomfortable,â he hesitated but kept talking, âbut do you think we could, maybe, try again?â
His question hung between you, fragile as the rain-slicked air. You didnât answer right away, instead choosing to watch the taillights of the bus fade down the street. When you did look at him, his shoulders were tight like he was bracing for impact.Â
âI donât know how to just⌠pick up where we left off,â you said finally. âToo much happened, or I guess, didnât happen.âÂ
He nodded, ready to give it up already.Â
âBut I donât want to pretend I donât know you either.â Your words surprised yourself. âI donât think trying again can mean rewinding, I think we need to start somewhere new.â
Hope flicked across his face -- careful and restrained. âReally?â
You didnât want to tell him you wanted to try again because part of you still liked him. Even though you knew now why he hurt you, he still had. Knowing why didnât erase it, it just made it⌠understandable. But you were hopeful too. This was the first time you had met someone else just like you. And he happened to like you. It almost seemed more outrageous to give up than to try again.Â
You nodded. âBut it has to be slow.â
His breath left him in a quiet rush, like heâd been holding it since last year. âYeah. Slow. We can do slow.â
âIâm serious,â you said, meeting his eyes.Â
âI know,â he said immediately. âI want to do whatever you want to do. I just want the chance to not screw it up this time.â
The rain softened around you, no longer hammering.Â
âNo disappearing either.â
âI wonât,â he nodded. âI promise.â
You hesitated before correcting him. âDonât promise, I need you to show me.â
His smile faded into something more earnest. âOkay. I will.â
The next bus arrived in the distance, headlights cutting through the rain. A look was shared between the two of you before simultaneously moving to the curb.Â
After class the following week, you took a little longer than usual to pack your bag. While studying for midterms, you had started stuffing any loose paper into your backpack, saying you would sort it later but forgetting. Now you were reaping the consequences.Â
Once you finished playing tetris with your papers and books, you stood up and left the classroom, already bringing your headphones out to accompany you on the journey back to your apartment.Â
âHey.â You looked over your shoulder to see Heeseung had waited for you just outside the door. He matched your pace, walking beside you. âIs it okay if we walk together?â
It was a little awkward. This was the last class of the day for both of you and since your apartments werenât far from each other, you were able to catch the same bus as well. You hesitated with small talk, wondering if it would be better to just walk to the bus stop in silence, but he broke the ice for you.Â
âItâs kind of crazy thereâs only two more weeks left in the semester.â
Your gaze flickered to him for a second. âYeah, it went by pretty fast.â
âHow do you think you did on the last exam?â
âCould have been worse. You?â
You boarded the bus and he followed you, finding a seat next to you in the very back.Â
âDid you get another book?â he asked, pulling his backpack into his lap to make sitting down easier.Â
âOf course I did.â You had awarded yourself with a murder mystery this time -- a topic that you rarely indulged in but enjoyed nonetheless.Â
âI started buying books too,â he said quietly. When you looked over to him, he was gazing out the window, eyes fixed on the passing lamp poles and pedestrians.Â
âYeah. Since last semester. I think Iâve read 10 now.â
You blinked, genuinely surprised. âWow. Do you have a favorite genre?â
âHonestly?â he turned to look at you, almost looking caught off guard to see you already looking at him. âFantasy. Which feels embarrassing to admit.â
You laughed quietly, the sound surprising both of you. âWhy? Fantasyâs great.â
He looked sheepish now. âI dunno, I used to think it was kinda pointless, it wasnât real. But, now I think thatâs kind of the point.â
You pursed your lips thoughtfully. âI could lend you one sometime,â you offered, moving your gaze from him to the window. âIf you want. I have options.â
Heeseung was trying to be intentional with the time the two of you spent together, and you appreciated it. He would always wait for you after your class together, he would talk about books that the both of you had read and could fan over, and sometimes he would offer you a snack he had in his backpack when he started bringing extra. One of the first days after your talk in the rain, he had asked if you wanted to go to a coffee shop together, maybe get some studying done. But you had turned him down. You hadnât wanted to tell him ânoâ but something was holding you back. Perhaps the fear of it being too awkward? Whatever your reason was, he had simply nodded and let it go.Â
Except now you were regretting it. He would still wait for you after class but he seemed to stop initiating other things together. After turning him down, it was unfair for you to be upset -- he was just respecting your boundaries after all. But it made you realize, if you wanted to continue trying to fix whatever this was, you had to put more effort in too.Â
âAre you doing anything now?â you asked him, holding your breath after asking the question. You were walking to the bus stop together again.Â
âNow? As in later? In for the next hour?â he clarified and you nodded. âI donât think so.â
Here goes nothing. âDo you wanna go to Dayglow Cafe? They released a seasonal menu that I wanted to check outâŚâ
The look on his face was careful at first, like he was trying to make sure he wasnât misunderstanding your proposal. âOh.â His voice was softer than you expected and a small smile tugged at the corner of his mouth. âYeah. Yeah, Iâd like that.â
He laughed. âReally. Do you know how to get there?â
You already knew the way there by heart and he knew that but had asked anyway. âYup. Itâs not far.â
You fell in to step beside him as you rerouted from the bus stop, headed towards the cluster of shops and restaurants on the edge of campus. It wasnât a long walk, but it felt important -- like crossing some invisible line youâd both been circling.Â
âWhatâs on the seasonal menu?â He asked, glancing at you with his hands in his pockets.Â
You rambled a bit about the returning drinks from last year and one specific cinnamon chai cookie you looked forward to every time the menu came back. Heeseung let you, listening in that quiet, attentive way of his. The sidewalk narrowed and he slowed just a little so you wouldnât have to step off the curb, his shoulder brushing yours as you passed a couple coming the other way. You felt the point of contact begin to hum with blue and wondered if his skin had reacted the same way.Â
Heeseung opened the door for you, gesturing with his hand for you to lead the way. He trailed behind you to the counter, listening to you order and asking you to recommend something you thought he would like.Â
âCan I have a caramel brulee latte, please?â he asked the cashier, reaching into his pocket for his wallet. You looked at him confused.Â
âAre these orders together?â the employee behind the counter asked, but as you opened your mouth to say no, Heeseung had already said yes, inserting his card into the chip reader.Â
âYou didnât have to do that,â you said, suddenly feeling the urge to avoid eye contact. âI asked you to come with me.â
âThe guy is always supposed to pay.â He said it so matter-of-factly.Â
You blinked. âThats⌠not a rule?â
He glanced over, sliding his wallet with the receipt back into his pocket and leading you to find a table. âOkay,â he corrected, softer. âNot supposed to. I just wanted to.â
You sat down at the table first and Heeseung followed, pulling out a chair across from you. Something in your chest shifted. The change caught you off guard. Last year, whenever the two of you had gone out to eat together, you sat next to each other. Not across from each other. Seeing him putting that distance there felt⌠You didnât really know, but you werenât sure you liked it.Â
Your drinks arrived quickly and another employee carefully brought them out to you. Your cookie had been nicely toasted, radiating steam and pumping up your nerves.Â
âWoah! You should at least blow on it first,â Heeseung laughed, seeing you instantly grab the treat from the tray and bring it to your mouth. You, however, heeded zero warning, and proceeded to sink your teeth into the dough. He shook his head with a smile. âYou have zero self-preservation when it comes to sweets.â
âThatâs not true,â you protested, body already relaxing from the cinnamony goodness entering your body.Â
He only smiled further and watched your reaction. âWell?â
You closed your eyes for a half second. âSo worth the burn. You should try it.â
You held the cookie out to him and he tentatively grabbed it, encased your hand with his and brought the dessert to his mouth, eating from your hand. A blush instantly fought its way to your cheeks. He bit into it carefully, and for a second, neither of you moved. His thumb rested warm against the side of your palm with the faintest pressure.Â
âHmm,â he hummed, chewing, eyes flicking back up to yours. âOkay. I get it now.â
You laughed a little breath, gently tugging your hand back once heâd finished the bite. âUnfortunately, if you want more you need to get your own. Try your drink too.â
Over the course of the next week, Heeseung ordered the caramel brulee latte three more times, and each time, he would send a picture to you like he was asking for approval. It was moments like that when you realized you had missed him over the past year.Â
Instead of just hanging out after class, sometimes he would text you to run an errand with him or get food together and you would find him already waiting outside of your apartment building.Â
One night, you were trying to study in your room, desperately trying not to lose focus when your phone buzzed. Heeseung had texted you a picture of his open textbook and asked a question about the material, saying Jay was of no help. You answered and he replied with a âthanks :).â You watched the three dots pop up before disappearing a couple times before he sent another text.Â
âDo you want to study together for the final?â
 You stared at the text longer than necessary. He sent another.Â
âI just figured it would be easier for you to help me in person.â
Your thumbs hovered over the keyboard, the mental debate in your head making them tremble just slightly. Should you invite him?
âWeâre doing a group study thing tomorrow night if you wanna come,â you typed out and sent. He simply âthumbs-up-edâ the message.Â
The study group was taking place in Sua and Nayeonâs apartment. With the finals approaching quickly, it was nearly impossible to find anywhere on campus to study, especially with a large group of people. After remembering the epic fail that was last yearâs attempt at a finals study party in the library, your friends had decided to host instead.Â
Initially, you had been hesitant to ask if Heeseung could crash the group. It wasnâ t the fact you were inviting him to their apartment that bothered you -- you knew they always liked having a bunch of people over -- it was more so the questions you knew would bound to come from it. And come they did.Â
âDidnât you guys fight last year?â
âI thought we decided we didnât like him?â
âSince when were you two talking again?â
âIs he bringing Jay?â
âAre you together now?â
You tried your best to calm everyoneâs fire. Nayeon had come out of the kitchen where she was preparing snacks to sit beside you on the couch, leaning in with curiosity. Sua had stopped her conversation with her new boyfriend, Ni-ki, to join in on the interrogation, filling Ni-ki in on âprevious lore.â
âI donât know, we just had a misunderstanding last year but weâre talking through it.â
Jiyoon cocked her head to the side to share a look with Jake and crossed her arms. âThat was a big misunderstanding.âÂ
You didnât have a response. She wasnât wrong and everyone in the room knew it. The silence stretched just long enough to be uncomfortable before Nayeon nudged your knee with hers.Â
âOkay,â she said, taking on a gentle tone. âBut youâre talking again. Thatâs good, right? I was sad when you guys stopped talking.â
âAnd you invited him here,â Sua added, eyes bright, already halfway to a conclusion.Â
âFor studying,â you emphasized.Â
Jake hummed. âYou didnât invite anyone else specifically for studying.â
âThatâs because everyone else just shows up,â you muttered.Â
More prying questions asked but before much more teasing could ensue, there was a knock at the door. Every head snapped toward it.Â
âIâll get it,â Sua said far to quickly, shooting up to her feet and beelining towards the door. âEverybody act natural.â The way she said it felt geared towards you and the way she glanced over her shoulder in your direction did nothing to settle the sudden nerves rising in your throat. Her hand twisted the doorknob and you instinctively tugged your sleeves down.Â
Heeseung stood there with Jay beside him, both holding a case of drinks like peace offerings. Heeseung looked⌠nervous. Not painfully so, but enough that you noticed. Sua invited them in happily, encouraging them to leave the drinks on the kitchen counter and settle in. Heeseung stepped inside, eyes flicking over Suaâs shoulder and finding you almost instantly. The look on his face softened when he did, like he had been bracing himself for something but finally relaxed. You gave him a small smile. And just like that, the week youâd been circling -- texts, coffee outings, walks, even shoulder-bumping -- collapsed into this moment. All of a sudden, everything felt very real, very public.Â
Jay broke the tension first, of course.Â
âWow,â he said, eyes sweeping the living room already littered with notebooks and half-eaten snacks. âYou guys started without us.â
âWell you canât expect us to just sit patiently and wait when you get here 30 minutes after we said we were starting,â Jiyoon rolled her eyes, settling criss-cross-applesauce on the floor in front of the coffee table where her textbook lay open.Â
âPardon me for wanting to bring the celebratory post-study-group drinks,â he fired back, kicking his shoes off and entering the chaos.Â
âCome find somewhere to sit,â Nayeon called out, gesturing to the open spots scattered throughout the room. Your friends had conveniently chosen to take the spots next to you, almost in a cautious manner, like they wanted to understand the situation better before throwing you to the wolves.Â
Jay flopped down beside Jake on one of the beanbags Nayeon had thrifted last year, pulling his book out to study but immediately getting sidetracked in conversation. Heeseung found a spot by Jiyoon on the floor and she quickly pulled him into the discussion she was having with Ni-ki about some kind of sociology concept. You were grateful to see no one was making it awkward.Â
The room slowly settled into the familiar rhythm of group studying. Pages flipped, pens tapped the table, someone groaned every few minutes to complain about their finals. You leaned over your notes, trying to memorize the different apocalyptic societal structures, but every so often your eyes would drift up on their own.Â
Heeseung listened to the others more than he spoke, playing along as Jiyoon made him help her study her flashcards. For some strange reason, you blue warmed at seeing him interacting with your friends again.Â
Nayeon slide closer to you, lowering her voice. âYou good?â she asked casually, like she wasnât watching everything.Â
âYeah,â you said immediately. âWhy?â
She raised an eyebrow, the corner of her mouth twitching. âNo reason. Just checking.â
When the time read 11:45, Jay stood and stretched. âI donât know about you guys, but I feel like that was enough studying for tonight, right? 5 hours?â
A chorus of agreements followed along with books and laptops snapping shut.Â
âThank goodness,â Jake sighed. âI didnât want to be the first one to say it.â
Jay was already moving towards the kitchen. âAndâŚâ he announced, bringing out the bottles of soju he and Heeseung had brought over earlier, âitâs time for the reward portion of the evening.â
Bottles and shot glasses were passed around easily, People picked different flavors, some earning judgement for the choices while others shared their drinks. Nayeon poured Sua a glass, Ni-ki drank straight out of one of the bottles and earned a look for it, and Jake was already two shots in.Â
When Jay extended a bottle in your direction, he paused. âDo you want-- oh. Right.â
You shook your head with a small smile. âIâm good.â
He nodded, recalling your drinking habits -- or rather lack there of -- from last year and moved on. A second later, you noticed Heeseung hadnât taken anything either. He sat where he was, back against the wall, hands fiddling with the wrapped of a snack in his lap.Â
âYouâre not drinking?â Jiyoon asked, squinting at Heeseung over the rim of her glass.Â
He shook his head. No explanation. No joke. Just a simple no.Â
You felt it then. The quiet awareness that settled between you, sharing the same unspoken reason. A soft reminder that you were the same.Â
Laughter swelled as the room tipped into that loose, end-of-the-night energy. People talking over each other, bodies slouching, someone turning on a throwback playlist. And as cliche as it was, everyone settled in to a game of truth or dare after someone found an old deck of cards under the coffee table.Â
âWeâll draw,â Jake decides. âRed is truth, black is dare.â
The game starts loose, almost lazy. Sua scrolls through a list on her phone of different prompts and reads them out like heâs curating.Â
Jiyoon drew a card first, flipping over a red and answered the question of âwho is the most toxic person you know?â She answered without hesitation, earning a couple laughs.Â
Ni-ki was next, also drawing truth. âNo, I donât believe in love at first sight but I do believe in bad decisions at first sight.â
âI know thatâs right,â Nayeon, raised her shot glass in the air to Jiyoon and tilted her head forward before both of them downed a shot in agreement.Â
Sua was the first to draw a black card and let Jay read out the corresponding dare on her phone.Â
âChange one piece of clothing with someone in this room.â
You tried not to visibly freeze, glancing down at the clothes you were wearing. Nothing you had on could be taken off without flashing blue, even your socks.Â
Sua scanned the room jokingly. âI chooseâŚâ
Please not me, please not me, please not me.
âOh gross, get a room,â Nayeon droned, dramatically looking away as they exchanged hoodies. Ni-ki pulled Suaâs on without hesitation, grinning like heâd won something. The room laughed, observing the stark difference in the way Ni-kiâs hoodie swallowed Sua and how Suaâs hoodie nearly preventing Ni-ki from raising his arms.Â
The deck slid across the table and Jay drew red. âTruth,â he announced proudly like it was a challenge.Â
âWhat was your last dream about?â
âI was Ethan Hunt on a cruise ship and I was stopping monsters from being trafficked.â
âBro what?â Jake voiced the confusion everyone else in the room was feeling.Â
âDonât ask me, man. I have no idea.â
You were next, picking up the next card and flipping it over. Black. Sua read off your dare. âSend a flirty text to the last person you messaged.â A ripple of ooooohs moved through the room immediately and Jiyoon sang a small âUh oh.â
The phone in your pocket began to feel impossibly heavy as you reached for it. You didnât need to check your messages to know who the person was. Across the room, Heeseung didnât look at you but you noticed the way his shoulders shifted anyway.Â
âI can pass, right?â you asked, hoping someone would tell you no.
âYou can,â Jay said. âBut you donât have to show us what you send either.â
There were a few nods of agreement. You hesitated but unlocked your phone anyway. The blue stirred faintly under your skin. Not flaring, just alert, like it was paying attention to you. You typed slowly.Â
âTechnically, we didnât study together today. Maybe we should try again?â
It wasnât overt, but it wasnât nothing other. Your fingers hovered over the send button, debating sending it at all. No one would even know if you lied and said you sent the text when you didnât. You could send it to someone else instead? Sure, it was truth or dare, but you didnât actually have to be truthful, right?
You let your eyes flicker up to Heeseung. He had been looking at you, waiting patiently with everybody else for you to send the message, but as soon as you looked at him he had looked away. Your stomach flipped. If you didnât send the message to him, he would assume you sent it to somebody else, even if you hadnât sent one at all. And the two of you werenât dating, you were just talking? If thatâs even what you would call whatever this was. Were you exclusive? Were you--
You swallowed the thoughts down and sent the message, turning your phone off and flipping it over in your lap to hide the screen. âDone.â
A few people booed playfully, disappointed there was no grand reveal but that didnât matter. In no world were you going to broadcast who you had just subtly flirted with. Across the table, you watched Heeseung pause in his movements and then snap his attention to you. You knew he just felt his phone vibrate. He didnât check the message right away, instead focusing his eyes somewhere on the floor and listening to the next person draw their card, almost like he was willing the notification to be yours.Â
You didnât watch him finally read it. You couldnât. You drew your attention to the hum of voices, the playlist cycling to another familiar song, and the way your blue stayed nervous beneath your skin. A few seconds passed, then a few more. The game kept moving.Â
âDo an impression of another player.â
âShow the last picture in your camera roll.â
The deck slid to Heeseung this time and he flipped over a red.Â
Sua scrolled, then read aloud, voice careful but not gentle. âHave you ever wanted to kiss someone but didnât?â
The room reacted immediately, stirring with the sudden fiery subject. He dropped his gaze to the card in his hand. âYeah.â
Your heart involuntarily sank. You didnât want to hear that.
Jay leaned forward. âCare to elaborate?â
âNope,â Heeseung replied, quicker this time, but not defensive. Just firm. âThatâs all you get.â
âThatâs such a cop-out,â Jake complained. âEveryone would say âyesâ to that question, the fun part is knowing who.â
âLet him live,â Nayeon said, though her eyes flickered briefly between the two of you like she was connected dots.Â
âMake him do another one,â Jiyoon said, pushing the deck back towards him.Â
Heeseung let out a short breath through his nose, but he took the cards anyway. âThis is evil. Thatâs not how the game works.â
âIt is now,â Sua said. âHouse rules.â
He hesitated, then flipped the top card.
He went still as soon as Sua finished reading the prompt.
âSay one thing that another player did once that you found hot.â
âOh that is criminal,â Ni-ki muttered under his breath to her but she only wriggled her eyebrows.
âYou can pass,â Jake offered in mercy as Heeseung swallowed and carefully set the card down.Â
âUm⌠Okay--â he stopped himself, as the room quieted and you watched intently. Was it selfish to hope it would be about you? âWhen someone,â he began before correcting himself, â--when you corrected me.â
âIn front of other people,â he added. âYou didnât hesitate but you werenât mean about it either. You just looked at me and said I was wrong. And that,â his eyes lifted to yours for a fraction of a second, âwas⌠hot.â
The room exploded a second later but it barely reached you. Because that wasnât a memory anyone else had. It was yours. And it wasnât even something you understood. Was what he meant to tell you that all those times in class where you constantly shut him down out of annoyance, he actually enjoyed? Those moments when your irritation had been sharper than politeness. The way youâd assumed heâd taken it badly. The way you quietly worried afterward that youâd been too blunt, too much. Surely not.Â
Heeseungâs ears were burned red. âOkay, someone else go now.â
A couple more rounds carried on and in the midst of them, you felt your phone buzz. You hesitated before checking it.Â
âAre you busy tomorrow?â
You glanced up without meaning to. Heeseung was still engaged in the game, laughing at something Jay said, but there was a tension in his posture now -- like he was braced for something, even while pretending he wasnât. You typed back slowly.Â
âIâm free if youâre free.â
This time, when his phone buzzed, he didnât wait. He checked it immediately. Instead of texting back, he looked at you and nodded with a small smile.Â
The game kept going, someone shouted, someone spilled a drink. People stood to grab refills from the fridge or snacks left on the kitchen counter. Ni-ki abandoned the floor for a beanbad, Nayeon moved from her spot on the couch to attach herself next to Jiyoon on the floor. Jake moved towards the wall to get closer to the charger. Heeseung had left momentarily for the bathroom and stood awkwardly at the edge of the group after seeing his spot had been filled by Nayeon. His hands were tucked into his pockets like he wasnât sure where to go and you glanced at the open seat next to you before looking back up to him. He met your eyes and you tilted your heads towards the spot beside you, silently calling him over. He caught your cue immediately.Â
His shoulders eased as he crossed the room, sitting down next to you. You blue settled, warm and steady, as if it approved of the choice.Â
âJiyoon, is there someone here youâd say yes to if they asked you out?â Sua read out the next truth, giggling.Â
Jiyoon thought for a minute, staring at the ground, the alcohol in her system making her sway. âYes.â
A couple gasps chorused around the circle as she quickly covered her mouth. She was gonna regret that when she sobered up.Â
âWho??â Nayeon demanded, suddenly sitting up straighter.Â
âIâm drunk but Iâm not that drunk,â she only laughed.Â
You leaned forward, pushing a plastic water bottle towards her and urging her to drink it. âHydrate yourself before you incriminate yourself further,â you said, resting your elbows on your knees and making sure she took the proper amount of sips. She mumbled something about you being a saint before pushing the deck towards you now.Â
âBlack,â Sua noted the color of the card you flipped over.Â
âI wanna pick one,â he grumbled, already picking through the list with the single-minded determination of someone who should not be trusted.Â
âJake--â Sua started.Â
âNope. My turn,â he said, then stopped scrolling. A grin spread across his face. âI dare you to put a blindfold on and touch someoneâs face and try to figure out who it is.â
âWhat kind of dare is that?â Jay retorted. âGive Sua the phone back.â
âI kinda like it,â your friend said, already getting up to find something in the apartment that would successfully block your vision. She settled on a bandana and called you over to tie it over your eyes.Â
âWe should do three people instead, make it more fun,â Nayeon drawled. âI volunteer!â
âYou canât volunteer,â Jiyoon shushed her. âThen sheâs gonna know one of them is you.â
A pair of hands directed you to stand next to where you assumed the TV was and to hold out your hands. The group bickered in hushed voices to choose who the volunteers should be before lining them up in front of you.Â
âOkay,â you heard Sua clap her hands once. âNo peeking, hands out.â
You did as instructed, extending your arms into the empty space in front of you . The bandana blocked everything -- light, color, context -- leaving hyper aware of sound and proximity. The blue stirred beneath your skin, alert but not panicked.Â
Someone stepped forward and you reached out. Your fingertips brushed skin, cheekbone first, then jaw. Everything was soft and warm. You traced the bridge of their nose before smiling.Â
âJiyoon,â you said confidently.
âHow did you get it that fast?â she complained, stepping back for the next person. âMaybe this is too easy.â
âIâve known you for years, of course I know your face.â
Another presence replaced the first. Taller, you thought. You lifted your hands again, more tentative this time, fingers meeting a different face. This one had sharper angles, rougher skin. You pressed gently at their cheek and moved down to their jaw, finding a prominent edge. That alone gave them away.Â
âJay,â you said, pulling your hands back.Â
âDamn, sheâs good,â Sua muttered. âOkay, okay, last one.â
You felt this person step in before you even touched them. Your blue hummed in heightened awareness. Your lips parted slightly, already prepared with your answer but you hesitated, lifting your hands anyway.Â
Your fingertips met his skin and you traced the curve of his cheek slowly, then the bridge of his nose. Even though you had never touched his face before, everything felt familiar. Your thumb brushed the corner of his mouth without you meaning to, a soft, accidental graze that sent a quiet jolt through you. He inhaled sharply, not enough for anyone else to notice, but enough that you felt it under your fingertips.Â
Your hands lifted to the knot of the bandana and tugged it loose. Light rushed back in, colors snapped back into place, the living room reappeared in a blur. Heeseung stood in front of you, close, cheeks pink, jaw set. He didnât look away when your focus finally landed on him. For a second, neither of you moved.Â
The room was loud again, laughter cresting and people shuffling back to their places around the room. You stiffly followed Heeseung back to the couch, sitting next to him once more. The space between you felt different now -- more charged maybe.Â
âCan we just have a sleepover?â Jiyoon asked Sua, pushing Ni-ki to the side and hugging her waist. âIâm sleepy.â
âYou were trying to get in her pants even before you drank,â Ni-ki laughed, half-heartedly trying to pry her off.Â
âIâm serious,â Jiyoon insisted. âNo one should be driving anywhere like this.â
A murmur of agreement rippled through the room but you stood up, saying you needed to be home tonight. Sleepovers were not really your thing, especially since you had no control over the way your clothes moved when you slept. Heeseung seemed to follow you out, coming up with an excuse of his own, no doubt for the same reason as you. Most people seemed distracted by the sudden waves of drowsiness overtaking them so there was little protest to your departure.Â
After you slipped on your shoes and slung your backpack over your shoulder, Heeseung offered to walk you home. The way he said it made it seem like the decision had already been made before you even responded. It was a quick walk, your own apartment was in the same building, just a couple units down. When you reached the front door, you slowed, reluctant in a way that surprised you.Â
âMaybe we should get a drink together sometime too,â Heeseung asked carefully, rocking slightly on his heels. âJust the two of us.â
You watched him fidget, the idea of drinking together intriguing you. You hadnât had a drink with someone in years, not after you learned the alcohol only made your blue brighter. Anytime you needed a drink, you had to do it alone. But Heeseung-- he was the first person you could share that with.Â
âI think Iâd like that. Maybe tomorrow?â you suggested, fingers tightening around the strap of your backpack.Â
His head lifted, warmth spreading across his features. âDo you wanna come over to my place? Tomorrow.â
You nodded and echoed him. âTomorrow.â
He leaned in just a fraction, close enough that you felt his breath warm your cheek. Your heart thudded, the blue stirred -- brighter but controlled -- like it was holding its breath with you. For a split second, you thought he might kiss you. You thought you might let him. His hand started to raise, ready to reach for you, but he dropped it a beat later.Â
âThanks for letting me study with you guys. It was nice to see everyone again.â
âIâm glad you came.â
There was a pause after that, something lingering in the air. Then he shifted back a step, giving you space without quite retreating. His hands slid into his pockets, shoulder relaxing.Â
âIâll text you,â he said. âAbout tomorrow.â
âIâll be waiting,â you replied, surprising yourself with how easily it came out.
That earned you a smile. A small one, but a pretty one. âGoodnight,â he said.
âGoodnight, Heeseung.â
Tomorrow night came quickly. Even when the two of you had been close last year you had never seen his apartment. Going over now seemed like a really big step in starting over -- going further than having gone before. You stood at the entrance of the building, your fingers hovering over his contact in your phone before you pushed the call button. He answered after the second ring.
You blue glowed at him saying your name. âIâm outside.â
âOkay, Iâll buzz you through the door. Apartment 301, remember?â
You heard the main door click unlocked and entered, walking through the lobby and trying to find the elevator. He stayed on the phone with you while you made your way up, guiding you through the halls to the front of his door. As soon as you stepped in front of the door viewer, it swung open.Â
Heeseungâs face appeared in the doorway, his phone to his ear and a smile on his face. âHi.â
You heard his voice both in front of you and through your phone speaker. âHi,â you offered back, lowering the phone and hanging up.Â
âCome in,â he beckoned you inside, stepping back to let you pass.
You walked in, the door clicking shut behind you. His apartment was quiet in an intentional way, lights warm but not bright. It smelled faintly of coffee and laundry detergent. It smelled like him. That connection alone made your blue hum.Â
âSorry,â he said, coming up behind you. âItâs kind of boring.â
You smiled. âItâs nice.â
It was only when he moved to stand in front of you that you realized he was wearing a t-shirt. Your eyes immediately fell to his exposed arms, breath catching at the blue tracing lightning under the skin. His back was to you so he didnât notice the way your eyes raked across his forearms, shoulders, and back. The fabric itself was thin enough you could make out the faint glow of blue streaking across his body.Â
You suddenly felt very hot. This was the first time you were seeing anyone like you. And it was him. Every line of blue managed to make his features sharper, they were drawing you in like a moth to a flame. Something about seeing even just the skin of his forearms for the first time made you take a pause. You needed to look away.Â
âDo you, uh,â your eyes searched the apartment, âdo you live alone?â
He turned to look at you and met your eyes, noticing the way your gaze flicked back down to his arms. He tugged lightly at the hem of the sleeves around his biceps, suddenly self-conscious. âOh, yeah, I do. Sorry, I wasnât even thinking about it. I donât like wearing hoodies when Iâm at home.â
âYeah, no, itâs fine. I donât either,â you said a little too fast. You didnât want him to cover up. You liked the way you could see his blue, and the way his muscles shifted when he moved, and the faint veins at his wrists. It almost felt scandalous having never seen them until now. âI brought my books?â
His attention shifted to your backpack and he nodded. âRight. Studying. Do you want to sit?â he asked, gesturing toward the couch. âOr-- kitchen? Wherever you want to go.â
âKitchen is good,â you said, following him over to the bar stools under the small kitchen island. You slid into one of the stools, setting your backpack down by your feet.Â
The kitchen was quiet, the low hum of the fridge was the only thing filling the air other than small tension. Heeseung took the stool next to you.Â
âWe can study for a bit and then take a break maybe?â he suggested, laying his own notebook on the table. âOr we could study for a long time? Or not at all?â
You couldnât help but laugh and teased him. âYou donât seem like you want to study.â
âWell who ever really wants to study?â he said, leaning his forearms against the island. His sleeves rode up just a bit more and you looked away.Â
âWants are drowned out by needs,â you replied simply, pulling out the readings from class you had printed out and stapled together. âWe need to study.â
Together, you went through the study guide, taking turns trying to explain the point of each author the exam would cover. This person believes in this theory, this philosopher objects to this theory, this guy created this social structure, etc.Â
âSo,â Heeseung said, peering down at one of the pages, âwalk me through this part again? I swear it made sense to me yesterday but nowâŚâ
You nodded and tried your best to explain, pointing to a line of text with your pen. Halfway through, you realized he wasnât interrupting. Not even pretending to follow along while waiting for his turn to talk. He was watching you -- your hands, your face, your mouth moving to explain things.Â
â...and thatâs why Dworkin draws that line,â you finished, glancing up. âAt least, I think.â
âI think youâre right,â he said quietly, looking back to the book.Â
The two of you continued working through the study guide until you frowned at a section and tapped the margin of the page with your pen. âOkay wait, this is where I get stuck.â
Heeseung looked up immediately. âWhere?â
âThis part,â you said, sliding the paper closer to him. âI get why this philosopher makes the distinction, but I donât get how it actually avoids the objection. It feels like heâs just⌠renaming the problem.â
He leaned in, closer than before. You caught yourself watching the way the blue shifted along his skin as he moved, then forced your eyes to the text.Â
âYouâre not wrong,â he said slowly. âIt does sound like that at first.â He traced the paragraph with his finger. âBut I think what heâs trying to get at is itâs not about suffering versus not suffering. Itâs about narrative.â
You only looked at him confused. He paused when he saw your expression and then let out a quiet laugh, shifting on the stool to angle his body toward you more fully.Â
âThink of it like this. Heâs saying the harm isnât just in how something ends, itâs in whether the person ever had the chance to shape their life in the first place.â
You frowned, thinking. âSo⌠itâs not about the outcome being bad, itâs about something being taken away before it could even matter?â
âExactly,â he said, eyes lighting up a little. âIf someone never had access to the thing that gives their life meaning -- choice, agency, whatever -- then thatâs the loss. Even if the end result looks the same from the outside.â
âOoooookay,â you drew out the word, searching the text he was pointing at. âSo the objection misses the point because itâs arguing about pain, and heâs arguing about structure.â
He smiled. âThatâs a much better way to put it.â
You returned to the paper, taking notes and highlighting things that you knew you would need more help remembering. The two of you continued helping each other learn topics the other was struggling on and if you were both lost, you would turn to your notes, racing to see who could come up with an answer first.Â
At some point, the studying slowed. Your pen stopped moving. His posture was against the papers in front of you. Quiet conversation had taken over notes review. Then he asked, âYou still okay with⌠a drink?â
Your blue stirred, excited at the prospect of drinking with someone other than yourself. âYes please.â
He got a couple bottles out of the fridge and cracked one open. He poured a cup for himself first, then for you, stopping well short of full. The liquid caught the light as he set the glass in front of you, fingers brushing yours briefly as you took it. You stood there for a second, glasses in hand.Â
âTo,â he started, then stopped himself. âUh. Studying?â
You smiled. âTo studying.â
He laughed and clinked his glass gently against yours. You took a small sip, letting the alcohol burn your mouth before choking it down. It felt like fire moving down your throat before resting like a bowling ball in your stomach.Â
âDo you wanna move to the couch maybe? Itâs more comfortable than the stools,â Heeseung suggested, head nodding in the direction of the small living room area.Â
You complied, taking your glass and a bottle with you. Heeseung did the same, following you to the cushions and collapsing next to you, still a distance apart. You shifted to settle in, tucking one let under yourself, glass balanced carefully in your hand. The air felt quieter now that you werenât hovering over papers.Â
Heeseung leaned back, one arm draped along the back of the couch, the other holding his drink. The blue along his forearm pulsed faintly as he moved, entrancing you like a spell. âI forgot how quiet my place gets,â he said. âI donât really notice it until somebody else is here.â
âItâs nice,â you replied. âThe quiet.â
You took another couple sips. The warmth spread again, slower this time, less shocking. Then you leaned back into the couch, head tipping against the cushion.Â
âYou know,â you added, âyou are the first person Iâve had a drink with in years.â
A slow smile split his face. âIâm honored.â There was a pause. âYou are the first person Iâve been able to wear a t-shirt with.â
You couldnât help but grin back and looked down to the drink in your hands. âI, uh⌠I also wore a t-shirt. Under this, I mean,â you motioned to the hoodie you were wearing.
His eyebrows lifted. âYou did?â
You nodded, still looking at your glass while a self-conscious laugh slipped out. âI kept thinking I should change or add a layer or something. Itâs weird to think that it doesnât matter what I wear when I see you nowâ
A smirk made its way across his face. âSo youâre saying you were thinking about me before you even got here.â
You scoffed but the heat in your cheeks gave you away. Your blue simmered in slight embarrassment. âDonât flatter yourself.â
He leaned closer, grin widening. âToo late.â
You took another sip, definitely bigger than planned and immediately regretted how fast the warmth spread. The blue responded, its resting state brighter than usual. âThat was bold. Is this what youâre like when you drink?â
He laughed. âWeâre not even one drink in yet. Why donât you stick around and find out?â
Another glass was poured, then one more. The air buzzed between you, warm, playful, charged and yet not heavy.Â
âWeâre really bad at studying,â you joked, tilting your head back to the kitchen island where your books lay abandoned.Â
âI never claimed to be good at it,â Heeseung defended himself, sipping straight out of the bottle this time. âI only suggested studying to hang out.â
You stared at him, resting your chin in your palm. âClever boy.â
He shrugged, completely apologetic. âIt worked.â
âYou couldâve just asked to see meâ
âYeah,â he said, leaning forward, putting more weight onto the arm that still lay across the back of the couch. âBut then you mightâve said no.â
âI wouldâve said yes,â you protested lightly.Â
He tilted his head. âYou sure?â
You hummed and finished off the glass, setting it on the table. The air felt 10x hotter than before and you yanked the hoodie over your head, tossing it lazily across the armrest behind you. When you settled back against the couch, your shoulder rested against Heeseungâs arm. You could feel the steady thrum of his blue through the fabric of your sleeve. Mindlessly, you lifted a finger to trace his forearm, smiling when his blue glowed under your touch.Â
âI like that you glow,â you mumbled. âIt looks pretty.â
He sucked in a breath and let out a laugh through an exhale like he wasnât entirely sure what to do with the compliment. His eyes followed your finger, which continued to draw over the lines in his arm. The blue followed your touch obediently, brightening everywhere you went. âYeah?â
His head dipped down to rest against his own arm, face now dangerously close to your hand. âYours is too.â His free hand lifted to grab yours, pulling it away from his arm, just to hold it. âI like that youâre not hiding it.â
Your fingers curled into his almost without thinking, the blue in your wrist trying to push its way to his hand, like it wanted to tie the two of you together. You watched the way your body reacted to him. âDo you⌠wanna get one more drink?â you asked softly, looking up at him.Â
He gazed back. âYouâre just getting started, huh?â
You cocked your head and grinned. âThe night is young.â
The two of you stood, making your way back to the kitchen. As soon as you stretched your legs, your mind swirled, the alcohol in your system becoming dangerously apparent. On the first step you tried to take, you stumbled, hand shooting out to grip his arm to balance yourself. His reaction was instinctive, one hand flying to your waist while the other gently closed over your wrist where you were gripping his arm.Â
âWhoa,â he chuckled softly, more fond than alarmed. âYou good?â
âJust⌠gravityâs being weird,â you made up an excuse and waved him off, finding your balance.Â
He smiled and guided you the rest of the way to the kitchen at a deliberately slower pace. He didnât move his hand from your waist. âHere, lean against the this,â he said, leading you to the kitchen counter while he stepped back to grab another bottle from the fridge. âI think you should drink some water too.â
Heeseung slid a glass of water to you, urging you to finish it before he poured you more alcohol. His intentionality made you grin lazily.Â
âYou like taking care of me.â
He approached you, halting when he stood directly in front of you and leaned down slightly. Your mind was too muddled to panic at the way he wiped the water that had missed your mouth away from the corner of your lips. âYeah,â he admitted. âI do. Finish it.â
You raised the glass to your lips, meeting his eyes briefly as you tilted your head back. The cool water acted like a shot to your system, grounding you but only slightly. When all of the water was gone, you slid the cup back onto the counter and looked up at him, lips quirking, âHappy?â
He seemed closer now. His hands gripped the counter you were pressed against on either side, trapping you in front of him as he leaned in. He wasnât touching, but he was close enough that you could feel the heat of him -- the blue.Â
âYouâre blocking my escape route,â you pointed out, trying for lightness when he didnât seem like he heard your previous question.Â
âAre you trying to escape?â he asked.Â
âI didnât say that.â
His gaze dropped, just briefly, to your lips, then flicked back up like he hadnât meant to let it happen. âYouâre drunk,â he said more to himself than to you.Â
âSo are you,â you countered.Â
âYeah,â he admitted. âThatâs the problem.â
One of his hands shifted on the counter, fingers flexing, knuckles whitening for a second like he was restraining himself from doing something he thought he would regret later. You noticed and the alcohol in your system stripped away the instinct to pretend you hadnât.Â
âAre you okay?â you asked, barely holding back from reaching out. Seeing his face so close to yours was making you giddy. Or maybe it was the alcohol doing that? Or both?
He straightened just a fraction, creating the smallest sliver of space between you, like he needed air. One hand lifted from the counter and hovered near your arm before dropping back down as if heâd burned himself. âIâm fine, letâs just⌠go back to the couch.â
You agreed, waiting for him to step back far enough for you to move. When you pushed off the counter, you felt the shadow of his hand, the faintest touch of his fingers, hover over your waist again, like he was scared you would stumble once more on the walk to the living room. You smiled quietly to yourself but said nothing.Â
The two of you sat noticeably closer to each other this time on the couch. Your knees were touching and his arm was once again over the back of the cushion. You liked to imagine it was over your shoulders instead but tried not to get too carried away in your thoughts. Your glasses had been refilled and he was already over halfway through his.Â
 The alcohol in your system was making you ramble, jumping from subject to subject in a drunken daze. Heeseung nodded along lazily, always listening. It was when he put his 6th glass down that you poked fun at him.Â
âYouâre definitely more drunk than me,â you said, poking his arm and laughing. âYouâre all quiet now.â
âWhat if I just like listening to you talk?â he asked, cocking his head.Â
âWell, I would say Iâm flattered butâŚâ you tilted your own head to his arm behind you, âyouâre blue is giving you away.â
Heeseung furrowed his eyebrows only slightly, grabbing your wrist and comparing his forearm to yours. âI think youâre more drunk,â he protested. âLook.â
The blue under your skin was admittedly brighter than his, but how were you supposed to tell him he was at fault for that and not the alcohol? His bangs sweeping over his forehead, his pink cheeks, seeing the blue spiking through his collarbone for the first time, the veins in his arms-- In some ways, the excuse of alcohol was saving you from the embarrassment of trying to explain why he was setting you on fire.Â
You laughed softly, trying to pull your wrist back, but his grip tightened. You willed your body not to visibly pulse at the contact he was giving you. âThatâs not fair. Itâs always like that.â
âMhm,â he hummed, brushing his thumb over your wrist now, watching the color twinkle at his touch.Â
You sucked in a breath, looking away but not pulling away. âYouâre doing that on purpose.â
âAm I?â he asked quietly, eyes still fixed on where his thumb traced your skin. âIâm just observing.â
âVery hands-on observation,â you muttered.Â
He smiled at that, but didnât let go. His grip seemed to soften but he continued holding your hand, tracing absentmindedly. âI like that you glow too. Youâre pretty.â
You leaned in slightly, peering at the way he had your arms tangled together. The movement brought you closer, close enough that his knee was pressed fully into yours. The drinks you had had made your vision lag, swimming slightly. With slow blinks, you tried your best to focus on the way he played with your hands. The world felt a little unsteady, like it was tilting toward him no matter how hard you were trying to anchor yourself on the other side of the couch. You watched his thumb move, slow and deliberate across your skin, sending sparks up your arm. Involuntarily, whether due to him or due to the alcohol was unknown to you, you felt yourself swaying forward.Â
Heeseungâs gaze was locked on your hands like he was hypnotized by the way your arms glowed side-by-side. His thumb slowed, then stilled completely, as if heâd felt the shift in the air. Your sway brought you closer another inch.Â
When he finally looked up, you couldnât find it in yourself to back away. The intensity in his eyes made your breath hitch, the way they moved from your hands to your face, the blue glowing around you reflecting in them. His gaze lingered on yours, like he was trying to decide something and failing spectacularly. You were close enough now that you could see the way his lashes cast faint shadows under his eyes.Â
For a moment, he didnât move at all. His breath was slow and deliberate, like he was measuring it. âY/NâŚâ His thumb hovered where it had stilled, then shifted just enough to press lightly into your skin again. âYouâre not sober right now.â
âNeither are you,â you replied, just as quietly. Â
His eyes dropped to your mouth and stayed there for too long. When they finally lifted again, they were darker, conflicted, full of something he clearly didnât want to name out loud. He exhaled through his nose like he was counting backward, like he was trying to sober up.Â
âIâm trying to be a good friend right now,â he whispered, voice gruff. His grip on you tightened. âI said I would take it slow.â
âDo you still like me?â
You donât know what made you say that. In that moment, none of your actions felt like they had any consequences. He was so close to you, mere inches away. His hands held yours and your legs were pressed together. A distance of 5 inches was the only thing keeping you away from him and you suddenly wanted it gone. You know you had said that if you wanted to try again, everything had to be slow -- but you were done with slow. You wanted him.Â
His eyes widened and he subconsciously leaned in, still holding back. âY/N,â he breathed, your name heavy on his tongue. His eyes searched yours slow and careful, like he was looking for hesitation, regret -- anything that would give him an excuse to pull away. He didnât seem to find it. âI promised myself I wouldnât rush this. I donât want to mess it up.â
His forehead hovered just short of yours, breath warm and uneven, like he was fighting himself more than the situation. His uncertainty made you falter. Slowly, you backed up, embarrassment blooming across your face. A weird feeling of nausea shot through your body. He didnât want this.Â
âHey,â he murmured, softer now. He waited until you looked at him again to continue. âI want to. Believe me, I do. But⌠not like this.â His hand tightened over yours, like a promise he was deliberately not cashing in yet. âNot when weâre like this.â
Your chest tightened. âSo you donât--â
âThatâs not what Iâm saying,â he cut in gently, immediately. âI like you. But I donât want our first kiss to be something we have to question in the morning.â He leaned back, shoulders hunching over in an apology. âI want you sober. I want me sober. I want to know we chose it.â
You knew he was right. Of course he was. So you swallowed, nodding once as the feeling settled heavy in your chest. âYeah,â you said quietly. âYouâre right.â
The embarrassment lingered, sharp and warm. You shifted back against the couch, wanting to put space between you. He noticed.Â
âIâm sorry,â he said, still hunched slightly, still holding your hand. âIf I pushed too far, or if I made it weird.â
You shook your head, not wanting him to feel bad when you had been the one to try and push him. âYou didnât. Youâre right. I wasnât thinking.â
Your hand slipped from his as you moved to stand up, reaching backwards to pick up your forgotten hoodie from the armrest. The movement had been too quick, the room tilting just enough to remind you how late -- and how drunk -- it was.Â
âI should probably go,â you said, aiming for casual and missing by a mile. âI can pay you back for the drinks when I get home.â
âWoah, wait, slow down,â he stood as well, following you from behind as you moved to the kitchen counter. When you got close enough to reach it, you gripped onto the marble like it would prevent you from falling over. âAre you sure youâre okay?â
You nodded, bending down to pick your bag up off the floor where youâd left it. âIâm fine. Just tired.â
He bit his lip, hesitated, like the words were lined up in his mouth but refused to come out. âYou donât⌠have to leave. I mean--â He ran a hand through his hair, clearly recalibrating. âYou can, obviously, I justâŚâ
âIf you want,â he continued, gentler now, âyou could stay over instead.â
The air shifted and you blinked. âStay over?â After he had just said he didnât want to kiss you?
âYeah,â he said quickly, before you could overthink it. âNothing weird, Iâll take the couch and you can have the bed.â He met your eyes earnestly. âI just donât love the idea of you heading out like this.â
You studied his face. The concern. The restraint. The way he was clearly trying to give you an option without pressure. Your eyes glanced at the door behind him before finding him again. You wanted to say no. He had rejected you. But you couldnât.Â
Relief crossed his face so quickly it made you smile. âYeah?â
You nodded, placing your bag back to the floor. âDo you mind if I borrow some clothes?â
You woke up fairly early, something you always did after a night of drinking, and your throat was parched. Blindly, you reached around for the nightstand, vaguely remembering the cup of water Heeseung had left for you a couple hours earlier, sitting up to chug it down. You finished the last drop, lowering the cup and glancing to the bedroom door. You needed more water.Â
Carefully, quietly, you opened the door. Before entering the kitchen, you stopped in the bathroom, worried about your appearance and what Heeseung would see in case he was already awake.Â
You flicked the light on, squinting immediately at the blinding lights and trying to refocus on your reflection. You were wearing a pair of shorts and a shirt you didnât recognize, faintly recalling Heeseung handing them over to you the night before. The memory alone triggered a smile. You were wearing his clothes.Â
Before leaving, you splashed water on your face and combed through your hair with your fingers. It didnât do much but it made you feel slightly better. You shut the bathroom light off again, letting the softer glow of the hallway guide you as you stepped out. The apartment had a different vibe to it in the morning. Early light filtered in through the windows, pale and cool, stretching across the floor.Â
You padded towards the kitchen, trying to tip toe to the best of your ability. As your cup was filling up in the sink, you heard a soft shuffle behind you.Â
You startled just a little, then turned. Heeseung stood a few steps away, hair mussed, shirt hanging loose on his frame like heâd just pulled it on half-asleep. He looked⌠gentler somehow. Less guarded.Â
âSorry,â he said quickly. âDidnât mean to scare you.â
âItâs okay,â you shook your head. âI was just-- water.â You turned the tap off and raised the glass to your lips again.Â
âNot really, I just feel a little gross.â
He smiled, getting another glass and filling it up beside you. âYeah. Me too. Did you sleep okay?â
You hummed, mid-sip. âI like your bed. Very comfy.â
âYeah?â he laughed. âIâm glad to know it passed your test.â
You smiled into your water, pretending very hard not to notice the faint pink creeping into his cheeks. A comfortable silence fell over you, sipping your cups side by side. Sober silence felt different. Less electric but steadier.Â
After a moment, he glanced up at the shirt you were wearing, then quickly back up to your face. âThat looks⌠good on you.â
The compliment caught you off guard. No alcohol and he was still giving compliments? âYou say that like youâre surprised.â
âI am,â he admitted. âI mean-- no. I just--â He stopped himself, huffing a small laugh. âIâm bad at mornings.â
âThat makes two of us,â you agreed. âEspecially when the hour is in single digits.â
Simultaneously, you both turned to look at the clock on the stove.Â
âYikes,â Heeseung said. âWhy are we awake?â
The time read 9:52, which could be considered a late wake up for some people, but not for either of you. It was about 2 hours too early.Â
âI was gonna make coffee,â he added, gesturing vaguely toward his Keurig. âBut that feels like admitting defeat.â
âDo it,â you said immediately. âWeâve already lost.â
And thatâs the start of how the both of you ended up back on the couch, legs under a blanket, sipping on coffee and watching a movie. Heeseung had suggested it as a way to wake up⌠except it seemed to have the opposite. You tried to focus on the movie, you really did, but your eyelids began drooping. So much so that you decided it would be best to leave your coffee mug on the ground in case you slipped into sleep.Â
The movie played on, slowly becoming low background noise you barely registered. The warmth from the mug lingered in your hands even after you set it on the floor. You shifted once, trying to sit up straight, but the couch seemed to pull you back in.Â
You woke up for the second time that morning, blinking as the light cascading in from the windows blinded you. The TV was still playing a movie but different from the one before. It took a second longer than it should have to orient yourself. Your drowsiness had made everything stop making sense. When you tried to sit up, you noticed the weight and froze.
Heeseung had fallen asleep too. His arm -- somehow -- was around you now, loose and instinctive, like it had found its way there without either of you being aware. Your shoulder was pressed into his chest, your cheek resting just below his collarbone. His head had tilted over, resting on top of yours. Every exhale he made, tickled the hair on your head. His chest rose and fell beneath you, slow and even. His warmth radiated through his shirt, meeting your back and arms and cheek. Your heart gave a traitorous flutter.Â
You shifted the tiniest bit, testing whether heâd stir. He didnât. For at least another half hour he stayed fast asleep. Sometimes he would move, tightening or loosening his arm around you, but never taking it away. And sometimes you would lean into it, taking advantage of the fact you could be this close to him and not have it be weird. He felt good.Â
Then his breathing shifted. It wasnât dramatic, just a deeper inhale. His chest rose beneath you a little more deliberately now, like his body was waking up before his mind caught up. His arm flexed around you. Just slightly. Above you, his head shifted. His chin brushed your hair and you felt him swallow, and then freeze. You felt it when it clicked -- the realization of where the two of you were.Â
â...Are you awake?â he asked softly, voice rough with sleep.Â
You closed your eyes and took a breath before tilting your head up just enough to see his face, pulling away from his chest. His eyes were open, still seemingly hazy but unmistakably aware. âGoodmorning. Again.â
He gave a small laugh. âI donât remember falling asleep again.â
Slowly, he loosened his hold on you. His arm remained where it was behind you but he had given you the ability to move if you wanted it. You didnât take it. You sat there for a moment, the two of you still collecting your senses.Â
âAre you hungry?â he asked. âA good host should make their guest food.â
You smiled. âYou made me coffee.â
âThatâs not food,â he shook his head and gave you a look. âWhat should we eat? Eggs, maybe. Or toast. Or I could burn both?â
âThatâs a compelling pitch. Youâre really selling me here.â
He laughed softly, standing and stretching, then held a hand out to help you up. You took it without hesitation, letting him haul you to your feet and walked to the kitchen together.Â
The way he had offered to make you breakfast was enough for you to decide to take the lead as head chef. While he cracked the eggs into the pan, you watched them sizzle, spatula at the ready. The air was filled with the sound and smell of frying eggs and the faint smell of more coffee. You gave him the spatula for a second while you cut an avocado, immediately returning to the stove when you smelled the eggs a little too strongly.Â
âDid you flip them?â you asked, coming up behind him.Â
âYouâre hovering?â he said lightly.Â
âIâm supervising,â you corrected. âImportant difference. You should flip them.â
âBut what if I break them?â
He held the spatula out to you instead, taking a step to the side as you took over. It didnât take long to flip four eggs and when you looked up, he was already looking at you.Â
âNothing,â he said quickly.Â
You squinted your eyes at him in a teasing manner before moving again to plate the food. He sat next to you on the bar stools again, wasting no time in digging into the food after he made sure you took the first bite. It was a quick meal, both of you finishing in a couple minutes, spending more time talking than eating. When your plates cleared, you stood to go to the sink, preparing to wash dishes but Heeseung stopped you.Â
âNo, itâs okay. Iâll do them after you leave. You made the food so Iâll clean it.â
âAre you sure? I really donât mind,â you glanced at the dishes piled in the sink but he blocked your view with a smile.Â
âYes, Iâm sure,â he said softly.Â
You hesitated but he pushed you back in the direction of his bedroom to get dressed. He offered to let you borrow different clothes from the ones you wore over last night but you insisted you would be okay. On your way out, he helped you slip your backpack on after you tied your shoes, following you all the way to the door.Â
âText me when you get home,â he said.Â
âI will.â You lingered, hand on the handle, neither of you quite ready to end it. He shifted his weight, then smiled again.Â
âThanks for staying,â he said. âI had fun.â
You smiled back. âThanks for letting me.â
For a beat, it felt like one of you might say something else. Just as your hand twitched on the doorknob, he leaned in, pressing a gentle kiss to your cheek. The contact was brief, he pulled back almost immediately, but his warmth lingered. Your blue spiked embarrassingly high and you prayed he didnât feel it through your cheek.Â
When he pulled back, he wore a shy expression. âAre you sure you donât want me to walk you?â
You nodded, fighting down a blush. âItâs not that far.â
âOkay, text me then.â
âI will,â you promised for the second time.Â
Your finals took place over the span of three days, with your last one being philosophy. You arrived early just as another exam was finishing up in the room so you waited with the rest of your classmates, making nervous small talk with them. Beomgyu talked about how the concepts actually started to make sense after doing the reading, Marina shuffled through handmade flashcards, and Sunghoon was distracting both you and him with a game on his phone. Every now and then you would look down the hall to see if Heeseung had arrived, but he remained absent. You told yourself you werenât waiting for him. You were just aware of his missing presence.Â
âStop pacing,â Beomgyu said, nudging you with his elbow. âYouâre making me anxious by association.â
âIâm not pacing,â you protested, leaning back against the wall to prove a point like you hadnât just been walking in circles. You played with the hem of your sweater, rolling the fabric over your fingers. âIâm just thinking.â
âAbout Kant?â Marina asked, peering over her flashcards.Â
âSure.â Your words came out a little too quick.
Sunghoon looked up from his phone, eyes flicking between you and the hallway with something like suspicion. âYouâre terrible at lying, you know that?â
Before you could respond, the door to the classroom opened and the remaining students inside spilled out, drained and loud, clutching their pencils and relishing their freedom. Your professor called for quiet, ushering you in and reminding you to all have your IDs ready when you sat down.Â
You lingered, letting everyone else shuffle in before you, pretending like you were digging through your backpack looking for your ID when you knew it was already in your pocket. Impatience ticked under your skin as the hallway thinned out. You were the last to file in. Just as you were sinking into your seat, someone else slipped through the door.Â
Heeseung apologized quietly to the professor with a bow, taking one of the open seats from across the room and quickly settling down. You watched him searching through his bag for his wallet and ID and trying his best to quietly find a pencil. This was the first time you were seeing him since the night you slept over. Everything had been so busy, you barely had time to leave the apartment between exams, studying, and much needed introvert time. Based on texts the two of you had exchanged earlier, you knew he had just finished another exam and had to run across campus to make it to this one on time. You were glad he made it.Â
The professor began passing out the exam sheets and the room settled into that familiar, studious, quiet. You forced your attention down to the paper in front of you, pencil poised, mind still trying to reach the boy across from you.Â
Halfway through the page, you spared yourself a glance in his direction, like a treat for answering a couple questions. Heeseungâs eyes flicked to yours almost instantly like he could feel you looking at him. Your gazes met briefly and he offered the smallest smile before looking back down at his test.Â
Heeseung had finished before you, leaving with 20 minutes to spare. You took another 10 before feeling confident enough to turn your paper in. After leaving the classroom, you turned your phone back on, searching through the missed texts and notifications that appeared on your screen, looking for one specific person.Â
âIâm waiting for you at the bus stop.â
You read over his text, already walking out the door before you finished reading. He had mentioned wanting to do something to celebrate the end of the semester and you had been worried you would need to turn him down after already making plans with your other friends. It had been his idea to hang out before the bigger get-together so you could walk there together instead -- a plan you had no problem agreeing to.Â
Heeseung stood a little off to the side on the bus stop, leaning against the sheltered area and watching the road with his hands in his pockets. He looked relaxed with his shoulders loose and head tipped back as he watched the buses roll in and out. When he noticed you, his face brightened.Â
âYou finished early,â you called out, taking a spot beside him.Â
âI tried not to freak myself out by rereading everything,â he shrugged. âIt didnât work but I left anyway.â
You laughed. âI stopped double-checking my answers a long time ago.â
A bus pulled up to the stop, a couple students getting out and even more getting on. Heeseung looked at you.Â
âAre you okay with hanging out at my apartment?â he asked. âI got something I think youâll like.â
Your mind wandered as you blinked in surprise. âYou donât need to get me anything.â
He shrugged. âBut I wanted to.â
You studied his face. There was no pressure for you to say yes, just a glimmer of hope. How could you say no. âI mean, if you have a surprise waiting for me, I guess I have to follow you, donât I?â
His grin widened as the bus doors hissed shut and pulled away. âItâs not far,â he said. âWe can walk.â
The two of you disposed of your backpacks on the floor by the couch immediately after entering his residence. Heeseung took advantage of the privacy and took his hoodie off within seconds of closing the door. You had no complaints as it meant you got to see his arms again. After a momentary second thought, you followed suit, relishing in the pure ability to wear a t-shirt around him.Â
âOkay, we have to go to the kitchen for the surprise,â he said, placing his hands on your shoulders and guiding you to the counter, making you sit in one of the bar stools. âClose your eyes.â
You scoffed with a laugh. âYouâre being very serious about this.â
âJust do it,â he urged softly, taking your hands and making you cover your own eyes.Â
You obeyed, even looking down to prove you really couldnât see anything.Â
âNo peeking,â he warned, already moving in front of you. You heard the fridge open, the clinking of silverware, and the unmistakable sound of something being set on the counter.Â
âCan I get a hint?â you asked.Â
âNope. Open your mouth.â
âCome on, Y/N. Just open your mouth.â
Tentatively, you let your jaw fall open and he stuck a spoon in your mouth. The flavor exploded immediately and you opened your eyes. In front of you sat a small box of tiramisu. You chewed slowly as the taste settled. Coffee-soaked, rich, chocolate.Â
âIâm pretty sure you mentioned tiramisu being one of your favorites last year,â he said, leaning on the counter in across from you with his forearms, watching you take another spoonful with a smile.Â
âHow did you remember that?â you inquired, savoring the taste and resisting the urge to down half the dessert in that second.Â
âBecause I liked you.â He picked his own spoon up, dipping it into the treat and taking a bite. âStill do.â
The kitchen suddenly felt very small. You set the spoon down carefully and swallowed. He gave a small, almost nervous laugh, scraping his spoon lightly against the edge of the box.Â
âI didnât mean to make it weird.â
âYou didnât,â you said quickly. What should you say? You paused a second before, âThank you -- for the tiramisu. That was really sweet.â
He watched you for a beat and nodded. âEnd of finals felt like a good excuse to get you something.â
You picked your spoon back up, eating more. âWhatâs your favorite dessert? I should return the favor.â
âStrawberry cheesecake.â
You quirked an eyebrow, sliding off the stool and circling the counter to get a glass of water. He turned, following you with his body. âAre you only saying that because I said that was also one of my favorites.â
He beamed like heâd been caught. âWeâre both allowed to like strawberry cheesecake.âÂ
You hummed, taking a couple sips before offering him the glass. He took it from you, fingers brushing yours as he did, and drank slowly like he wasnât in a rush to hand it back. You watched the way his throat moved when he swallowed and looked away before he could catch you staring. Instead of returning back to the barstool, you cozied yourself in the corner of the counter next to him.Â
âYou know,â he said, setting the glass down, âI was kind of nervous about today.â
âWhyâs that?â you asked, fiddling with the sleeves of your sweater.Â
âLast time I saw you wasâŚâ he trailed off, searching for words.Â
You understood what he was referring to without him even needing to finish the sentence. âItâs fine, Heeseung.â You were deflecting. You didnât want to have to remember the way you had told him to kiss him and the way he had turned you away.Â
He let the silence sit for a second, then nodded like heâd expected that answer, even if he didnât fully expect it. âI know you say that,â he said gently. You opened your mouth to cut him off but he didnât let you. âBut I need you to know that I didnât turn you down because I didnât want you.â He stepped just a fraction closer. Your eyes widened in realization of what he was doing.Â
âHeeseung, itâs okay, I know why--â
It felt too warm. The air was hot. Your body was hot. You were painfully aware of the counter pressing into your back and the way his body angled toward yours like it belonged there. His eyes flicked to your mouth.Â
âDo you remember what you said about needs and wants?â
His question caught you off guard. â...what?â
âWants are drowned out by needs,â he answered for you. âIâve been thinking about it, About you telling me to kiss you. And how hard it was to walk away. I didnât want to, but I needed to because- because if I hadnât, I donât think I would have stopped.â
Your throat went dry. He lifted a hand, slow enough that you couldâve stopped him, almost like it was a question. When you didnât pull away, his fingers brushed your wrist, then slid up your forearm, warm and grounding. The air between you felt charged, tight like a pulled wire. Your breath stuttered at the contact and you saw his jaw tighten in response.Â
âI donât need to walk away this time. And I donât want to.â
Your blue pulsed involuntarily, glowing even brighter where his fingers held onto your arm and you know he saw. Something in his expression shifted. Relief? Want? Resolve? All of it was folding into each other. He stepped closer, pace slow enough you could track every inch until the space between you was nearly gone. The counter pressed firm into your back, his warmth pressed in front of you.Â
âTell me to stop,â he said, careful. One last offering of control. His hand trailed from your arm up to your cheek, cradling it while the other found your waist.Â
You swallowed, breath shallow, eyes locked on his. âDonât.â
He took the last step towards you, pushing you further into the counter while simultaneously pulling you towards him by your hip. His lips found yours with a certainty that made your knees threaten to give out. The tension youâd been carrying for days, weeks -- months? -- finally snapped, dissolving into heat and closeness in the quiet certainty of being wanted.Â
You wanted this. You needed this too.Â
Your hands snaked up his chest, wrapping around the back of his neck. One of them curled into his hair while the other held his shoulder for support. The contact of your fingers made him open his mouth and you took the opportunity to deepen the kiss, pulling him even closer. He made a low sound into your mouth, more breath than voice. His grip at your hip traveled, fingers dancing at the hem of your shirt before slipping underneath.
Blue exploded. You felt him everywhere -- under your skin, in your chest, pooling low and hot. The hand under your shirt and splayed across your back, the other hand continued to hold your face like you were fragile. He was touching you in places no one else had touched before, in places no one else had even seen before. You felt his blue pulse too, both of your reactions only heightening with the effect of the otherâs.Â
His hand flattened against the small of your back and he leaned into you. The kiss was unhurried but full, his mouth moved against yours with a hungry steadiness. The hand on your cheek slid into your hair, fist closing around the locks to anchor you. You felt him breathe you in between kisses, felt the way he continued pushing into you.Â
Time stretched. The world narrowed to warmth and closeness and then quiet sounds you made into each otherâs mouths. When he finally broke the kiss, it wasnât really an ending -- just a pause. His lips hovered close, brushing yours again once, then twice, softer each time, like he couldnât quite let go yet.Â
His forehead rested against yours, both of you breathing a little heavier than before. âGod,â he breathed a quiet, wrecked sound. Your name followed it, barely audible.Â
Your blue was blazing now, lighting up the space between you, and his answered, mimicking the same radiant glow. He pulled back just enough to look at you, really look at you. His pupils were blown wide, jaw tight. You couldnât find the words to speak.Â
âIâve wanted to do that for so long,â he said softly, looking down at you fondly. The words settled gently between you, warm and unguarded.Â
You swallowed, playing with the hair sweeping over the back of his neck. âMe too.â
His smiled, both hands now holding your face as he leaned in to kiss your forehead. âIâm sorry it took so long for us to get here.â
You shook your head gently, letting your own hands fall to his waist to grip his shirt. âI think if it happened earlier, it wouldnât have felt like this.â
All the misunderstandings, hurt, confusion, relief, anticipation-- it all built up to this moment. He wrapped his arms around you then, pulling you into his chest, and you let yourself sink into the warmth of him. Every inhale was filled with the smell of him. You fit against him so easily.Â
You stayed like that for a while, neither of you saying anything, neither of you needing to. You werenât thinking about exams, or the forgotten tiramisu, or the need to hide your skin. You were just breathing him in. For once, nothing felt unfinished. Nothing felt rushed. You were exactly where you were meant to be, and you stayed.Â
