Ashley

Do you ever cycle through the same 4 apps on your phone over and over again and feel like a tiger pacing its cage at the zoo

If you’re doing this, it is because you, like the tiger, need enrichment and variety in your life. May I suggest cramming just a whole bunch of raw hamburger into a pumpkin and rolling it around your enclosure?

YOU BEAUTIFUL COUNTRY YOU

The best 4th of July post. Celebrate the beautiful parts of this country

cursed image

you can only reblog chicken noodle melon today reblog any other day and you fucking die

Happy birthday Jacques Cousteau!

i love how 2015 just went straight into 2017 haha :) yup! just straight into 2017 :) without anything else there in between! :)

Bring me the FEETIES

Lemme read them beans

welp now we know the distinction between the two

Have….have people…not eaten shredded wheat before? The regular sized ones? You put it in a bowl and pour milk on it (with sugar + cinnamon if you’re not some lunatic fiber satan who just wants to eat wheat strings) and let it soak a bit before breaking it up and eating bite sized portions with your spoon. DO PEOPLE NOT KNOW THIS?!

NONE OF US KNEW THAT

WHY WOULD ANYONE WANT TO EAT A FUCKING MOIST BALE OF HAY.

We’re used to mini wheats…

I AM CRYING LAUGHING RIGHT NOW

@dreddzeppelin

I’m still laughing my ass off at “lunatic fiber satan”

Fun story, my grandparents bought the big ones on accident when my cousin was little and had to keep buying them because he liked “eating hay bales” for breakfast when he was over

what im hearing is that shredded wheat is actually the breakfast equivalent of a block of ramen

I can't believe it's already 2017

Guys I’m crying omg I was drunk please stop reblogging this

They want it to stop…..we reblog it to the extreme

No no no lol please don’t

Forever reblog until 2017

O my god no

i cant stop laughing 

until 2017

only 3 more years.

I already added this to my queue, I don’t even know if i’ll still be on tumblr then

only 2 more years.

Only 8 months

4 months to go

4 fuckimg days..

3 days

omg

I thought OP had made this post “when drunk” a few days ago not 3 years lmao wtf

Lol, the CEO of Carrier admitted he’s just going to automate those jobs that won’t be sent to Mexico. Congrstulations you hard-scrabble Rust Belters, you sold us out to fascism and in return got jobs for robots. There was a candidate who offered to retrain you in jobs that could survive the 21st century, but she had an email server and her voice was weird and she didn’t make you feel like you had a big dick. Enjoy public assista-–no wait, public assistance is gone too, because you also voted for Republican senators and congressmen. Just ride things out until you get social security and medicaaahhhaaahaha no it’s all gone. Oh and the country is always going to have immigrants and cashiers will always say Happy Holidays. If only there was some sign Trump is a con man besides literally everything he’s ever done in his life. 

if your husband keeps eating your kids just replace one of them with a rock and he’ll choke on it. then when that kid grows up he’ll force your husband to throw up all his brothers and sisters and use his new divine army to overthrow him and all his bullshit friends

isn’t this like a greek myth

it’s just common sense

i told a lady i really liked ghosts and she said “are you being serious or are you just saying that in case one is listening”