Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
â Live Streamingâ Interactive Chatâ Private Showsâ HD Qualityâ Free Actions
Free to watch âą No registration required âą HD streaming
You realise with heartbreaking clarity that Chishiya Shuntaro plans to sacrifice you to steal the cards. You rightfully distance yourself from him. After all, it was all manipulation, wasn't it?
Chishiya, having no intention of losing you, follows you into the Jack of Hearts anyway.
Hurt/comfort.
10895 words. (oops)
Lovely people who wanted to be tagged: @9jloo @kimsri @s0ffelip0ffeli
Comments genuinely make my day <3
Enjoy!
Chishiya likes to test you.
You donât usually mind, although you cursed at him after the first time he did during a game.
It started small. Which boardgame would you like to play? Which executive will go with which group? Which group should you join for your next game? He would make you explain it, and you feel like heâs more interested in your thought process than the answer itself. It annoys you that when he considers your answer wrong, heâll correct mercilessly, often with a sarcastic comment. Never does he hold back in explaining your mistakes.
But then, one day, during a game, youâd needed just one more token to survive and time had been running out. He, already having his tokens, just pushed two of the available boxes at you, and shrugged.
Itâd been a third box. You had been thankful for his correction then. You still cursed at him. He couldâve just told you.
But then he wouldnât be Chishiya Shuntaro, would he?
And honestly, even if you would never admit to it, you like it. Youâve actually gotten better at the games thanks to it. It forces you to stop and think instead of going with your gut.Â
The problem is that it has made you more paranoid. He likes making you check for an option not freely given. So you do. And you found something youâre not sure is another one of his tests.
You like Chishiya. You really, really, like him. He knows it, and while he doesnât reciprocate the way most people do, he does treat you different than anyone else.
Proven by the way his eyes soften the slightest whenever they land on you, the way he actively searches you out, the way he puts energy into making sure you donât die during the games.
But what if that was all just manipulation?
The thought hurts. But Chishiyaâs tests have had the likely unintended effect of not only showing him how you think, but also showing you how he thinks.
And he does not mind using bait. Youâve seen him manipulate people into becoming a sacrifice. Bait.
You canât help but think about his plan to steal the cards.
Chishiyaâs plan sounds easy. Simple. Once, inevitably, Hatter dies and the militants take over, Chishiya will use the black envelope ceremony to learn the code after which youâll use the chaos to sneak into Hatterâs quarters and steal the cards from the safe while he and Kuina will stand guard.
The flaw came to you when listening to one of Hatterâs speeches.
The man is paranoid. Maybe he hides it, but he is paranoid. Just like Chishiya has taught you to be. So the safe would be hidden well, right? You bet he would even have a dummy safe.
And you, using the chaos, would likely not have enough time to search Hatterâs entire quarters for a well-hidden safe while avoiding a dummy one.
This is Chishiyaâs plan. Chishiya, who has tinkered on it for ages. Chishiya, who youâre pretty sure joined the Beach for the sole purpose of stealing the cards.
Chishiya, who has no problem using others as bait.
You hope youâre wrong. You really do. Because being right hurts. You thoughtâŠ
You thought he liked you. That thatâs why he spends so much time on you. That thatâs why his eyes soften whenever they land on you, however miniscule.
But thatâs naive, no? When it comes to someone like Chishiya Shuntaro?
Please just let it be another test.
You do the probably stupid thing: You confront him.
At least, you were planning on it. But sitting in your room across from him as he lazily shuffles a deck of cards, you find yourself lacking the strength.
Youâre afraid of what will happen next. You want to be wrong. You donât want things to change. You donât want to lose him. What you thought you had.
âYouâre distracted.â He sounds disapproving, as if he likes when your attention is on him solely. The way it always is.
You canât. So instead of your carefully planned words, you blurt out. âAm I your bait for stealing the cards?â
He stills. The slight softening of his eyes is gone, leaving you to stare into his cold, devoid, eyes.
A shiver runs over your back at the sight.
âDonât be ridiculous.â His tone is too nonchalant as he deals the cards in his hands. âThe plan doesnât require a sacrifice.â
He doesnât ask for your thought process. That alone tells you all you need to know.
Your can feel your heart churn painfully in your chest as your vision gets blurry.
Chishiya stops dealing the cards immediately, cocking his head, deciding analysing you is the priority right now. He says your name softly, lowly.Â
âYou were actually planning on sacrificing me.â
Thereâs a pleading undertone in your words. You need him to deny it.
He doesnât move for a moment, then lays the deck down on the table, his eyes finally off of yours. âClever girl.â Your heart sinks into your stomach. âYou know I enjoy testing you.â
You dig your nails into your knees. Thatâs a lie. If this was a test, his eyes would have had that satisfied glint in them. Instead, theyâre so cold. So⊠empty.
âYou wouldâve actually let them get to me.â You whisper. You refuse to cry in front of him, but youâre close. Your chest has never ached so badly.
âThe militants. Niragi. You wouldâve let themâŠâ
His gaze sharpens at that name. Then he sighs and stands up. âThis shouldnât come as a surprise to you. You know how I work. How I am. Did you think you were special?â His words are intentionally cutting.Â
You take a deep, shaky, breath. âGet out!â Because yes, that was exactly what youâd thought. Youâd thought someone like him could grow a soft spot for you.
Stupid.
âDonât be irrational.â Youâre not looking at him, trying (and failing) to hide your blurry eyes and your shaky breath, which causes you to miss how heâs frowning. How heâs more tense than heâd be usually. âWeâll get someone else for the role of bait. Arisu-âÂ
âGet out!âÂ
Thereâs a silence. Then: âWeâll talk when you can think clearly.â You can hear his footsteps receding.
Once you hear the door close behind him, you finally stop holding yourself together and cry.
Does he even care that he broke your heart?
You donât let yourself answer that question.Â
That talk doesnât come, as you very much do not want to talk to him. Instead, you make sure to go to the places he dislikes, for once indulging in the beverages the Beach has to offer. Sometimes, you can feel his eyes on you. You move out of his view as soon as that happens.
It leaves you with headaches in the morning and sessions of hanging over the toilet, but at least you can pretend youâre not thinking about him.
Youâre avoiding him. You should tell Hatter that heâs planning on stealing the cards, but you canât. If they believe you, heâd be executed. Not willing to admit that you still care, you instead excuse it using Kuina. She didnât do anything to you. She just wants to return to her mother. You canât sell her out.
He tries to talk to you. But he uses his languid ways of hinting you to come to him, so theyâre easily ignored.
You wish heâd just leave you alone.
You wish itâd go back to how it was before, except with it being real. With him actually caring.
You take another gulp each time you find yourself thinking that thought.
At least, you do until the day before you have to play a game. You refuse to let yourself die because of a boy.
However clever and infuriating that boy might be.
Heâs not on the roster when the groups are made. But he is leaning against the car your group is assigned.
You canât do much about it, with his status as an executive. You try to not sit next to him, but like often, Chishiya gets his way.
The forced skin contact in the filled car burns. You still want him, but you canât get the image of his cold eyes out of your head. You still hear him asking you mockingly if you thought you were special.
At least he doesnât try to talk to you with others here.Â
What he does do is offer you one of the earbuds connected to his walkman that doubles as a taser, but you ignore him. He lays it on your leg instead, a silent offer you refuse to let yourself take.
The game is brutal. So brutal that you have to swallow your pride and team up with Chishiya, who has a satisfied glint in his eyes when you do so.
For the first game in a while, he doesnât try to test you. He simply works on getting both of you out alive.
You momentarily wonder if itâs on him that the three other Beach members donât make it. But he wouldnât go that far just to talk in private when he could just corner you in your room at the Beach, would he?
He sits into the driverâs seat, but makes no move to actually start the car.
Damn it.
âYouâve been avoiding me.â His head moves to look at you. That softening of his eyes is there.
You want him to stop that. It causes your chest to constrict painfully. âI am.â Your answer is purposefully curt, not trusting your own voice.
âI thought you didnât mind my tests.â
âŠDoes he really not get it?
âDonât act like that was a test, Chishiya.â You snap back. âYou didnât mean for me to find that one out. It was your plan for me from the start.â
He tilts his head, considering. âYouâre upset because you believe Iâd sacrifice you for the cards.â He says. âThat Iâd easily leave you to the likes of Niragi. Perhaps you also believe all of our interactions have been pure manipulation?â
âThatâs who you are, isnât it?â You repeat his own words bitterly.
The softening of his eyes is gone again, replaced by that carefully curated coldness. âI see.â
He abruptly looks away from you and starts the car.
âThatâs all you have to say?â You immediately demand. You donât want to talk to him. You do want him to say more than that.
âYouâd simply assume anything I say is more manipulation.â He says, too calmly for your liking.
You scoff. Heâs right, of course. But thatâs only because you wouldnât be wrong. How could you believe otherwise?
âDonât join any more games with me.â You tell him. You imagine him tensing for a moment.
âYouâre being irrational.â His tone is still maddeningly unaffected. âYour chances of survival increase with my presence. Donât let emotions get in the way of that.â
âDo they? Or will you just use me for bait in a game now that Iâm not in your plan anymore?â
You donât think you imagine his jaw clenching. But instead of saying more, he starts driving. The ride is spent in silence. Fine by you. You keep your eyes on the surroundings so you donât have to face him.
Itâs only after he parks the car, when youâve stepped out of the car to beeline for your room (and the shower you desperately need) that you hear him say: âI do not consider your death inconsequential.â Itâs said slowly, like itâs difficult for him to admit even that much.Â
But you cared about him. Care, even, however much you hate him. Inconsequential is below the bare minimum youâd hope heâd think of your death. So you walk to your room without looking back.
âChishiyaâs been moody.â Kuina tells you as she sits down on the beach chair next to the one youâve been enjoying your cocktail on.Â
You snort. âHeâs heartless, Kuina. He doesnât get moody.âÂ
âHe is.â She counters. âHeâs been having less patience with me or others. Itâs subtle, but itâs there.â
âSo? Heâs not my problem anymore.â You take a big swig of your drink.
âI think itâs because he misses you.â Kuina keeps needling. âWhat happened between the two of you? He just tells me you wonât be part of the plan anymore.â
âHe doesnât miss me, Kuina. That would require him to care.â It surely is the alcohol that makes your bitterness clear. âI just had a wake up call about what he is. Thatâs all.â You wonder why he chose you for the sacrifice instead of Kuina. Is she more useful to him? Does he like her more? Gods, you shouldnât feel jealous over him.
Kuina frowns. âLook, I know Iâve teased you in the past about your horrible taste in men. Or one man in particular. But he looks at you in a way he does at no one else. You must have noticed.â
âThatâs all manipulation, Kuina.â You have had enough of this subject. âHe was planning on sacrificing me.â
Kuinaâs eyes widen in surprise. âHow can a genius be such an idiot?â She wonders. âHeâs definitely an asshole. Want me to get you another drink?â
The subject of Chishiya Shuntaro doesnât come up again.
Hatter dies two days before your VISA is due, so you donât get to know whether Chishiya wouldâve complied to you telling him to stop joining your games.Â
Not having an in with the executives anymore, you only learn of his death during Aguniâs so-called speech.
You immediately go for a supply run. Youâre well aware that Chishiyaâs plan will be executed now, and you have no interest in being caught in the crossfire.
Has he found new bait? Heâd mentioned Arisu. As you sift through food that might or might not be rotten, you canât help but keep thinking about whatever is currently happening at the Beach.
You know Chishiyaâs plans. Surely heâll be fine. What are you thinking? Itâs Kuina you care about making it out. Not him.Â
You stand up abruptly, taking your gathered food with you in a bag as you make for the car.
Stop thinking about him.
You drive faster than quickly necessary. Only to slow down as, instead of the yellow light of the Beach, there is a red glow coming from its direction. The red glow of a fire.
Cautiously, you park the car, walking the last bit.Â
Oh.
Youâd imagined Aguniâs leadership would lead to ruin. You hadnât imagined this.
Youâve played enough games to recognise the aftermath of one.
The, what you assume, survivors are staring at the fire. There are so few of them.
You spot Arisu, beaten but alive. You spot Kuina, sitting at the side of the pool. Youâre relieved to see that she made it.
You spot Chishiya as well. His head shifts as he looks over the crowd, as if searching.
You have no interest in being spotted. You have no interest in a post-game Beach. So instead of learning about what happened, you make your way back to the car.
The interlude terrifies you. When there are no games to be found the first evening, only screens pronouncing said interlude, you worry about your VISA. You only have tomorrow left.Â
Your fear eases a bit when at midnight no lasers are to be seen. Is this actually a break?
You donât trust the gamemakers to be that generous. So you search to no avail for a game again the day after. Itâs ironic, you think bitterly. How desperate you are for one considering how much you hate them.
There is no game to be found.
You go to sleep before midnight, aided by sleeping pills youâve scavenged. If the laser comes for you, you donât want to be awake to feel it. Still, fear tinges the edges of consciousness as you slip away.
You wake up. Itâs late in a day, sunlight slipping past your curtains as they lit up the room.
Youâre alive.
Alive, and alone.Â
You shake that feeling off.
An interlude. You have no idea what that means. Maybe all the games have been completed? What else could it mean? Was the game at the Beach the Ten of Hearts? What comes next?
Did Chishiya have his complete deck?
Not for the first time, you miss him. His intelligence, you correct yourself.Â
Heâd have theories. Heâd want to hear yours first, find the flaws in your thinking progress, and then ruthlessly dissect them before finally telling you his.
But he wanted to betray you. Thatâs not something you should be willing to forgive.
With no supervision, you donât take the risk of intoxication again. Instead, you bury yourself in books. The smart thing would be to find some medical books. Survival ones, mayhaps. But instead youâre reading novels. Itâs easier to lose yourself in them.
Itâs the third evening that your TV turns on. You jump up at the scare, already halfway to the kitchen where a block of knives lies, when you realise thereâs no danger.
Itâs not even a game. You watch silently as the reporter, clearly scared for her life, introduces the King of Clubs.Â
It doesnât surprise you to learn of the existence of dealers. What does surprise you is that, unknowingly, youâve been competing against them.
And now youâll compete against the citizens.
The face cards. Likely harder than any game youâve played before.
You watch on the roof the next noon as the zeppelins each stop above a different location one by one. The King of Spades doesnât stop moving, but you have no interest in competing against a king, so youâve got no interest in where that particular venue will be.Â
No, youâll choose a jack.
Youâd rather not compete alone in a game more difficult than any youâve played before. But youâve got no choice, have you? After the interlude, youâre not sure what the situation with your VISA is. Better be safe than dead, and play today.
But which one?
Not diamonds. Chishiya will choose diamonds. What then?
The closest jack is the Jack of Hearts. Why not? Youâre not bad at reading people, as proven by you catching your role in Chishiyaâs plan. And itâs not like youâve got anyone to lose, going in alone.
Your heart is already broken. It canât be made worse.
Chishiya wonât be there. He finds heart games tedious.
You second guess your decision as you realise the venue is a prison. But you ignore the ominous setting, and walk in. You donât hesitate as you put the collar around your neck.
There are twenty people needed. You are only the fourth. You avoid eye contact with the three people already there.
This is a hearts game. Youâre not here to make friends.
A blond man is analysing you, as youâd bet he did with everyone. Even though his eyes are kinder, you avoid him specifically. The calculating look reminds you of Chishiya.Â
Slowly people tickle in as you wait for the full twenty. It was noon when you entered, and now itâs almost evening. Itâs boring, but you use it to observe people. One of the men starts to chat up others, like a salesman. Another has the robes of a priest. Thereâs a brute thatâs already threatened someone before the game has even begun, so you make sure to stay clear of him.
You definitely stay clear of the man you overlooked when you walked in. While youâve forgotten his name, you recognise him from the newspapers. Heâd killed people. In the real world. Woman, specifically. Given your gender? Staying clear is definitely the best move.
The most excitement while waiting is when suddenly a loud moaning fills the rows of cells. You watch as a few people rush to help, led by a man with an afro. You donât. After a stay at the Beach, the sound of sex doesnât confuse you with the sound of someone hurting anymore.
Due to the distraction, you almost miss him walking in. His footsteps are slow as always as he walks through the entrance.
Lead courses through your veins when you spot him.
Your first thought is that the collar looks good on Chishiya. The second is a string of curses.
Why is he here? He shouldnât be. He loathes the concept of a human heart.Â
He cocks his head as he takes in all the participants, his eyes sliding over you as easily as they slide over the others. Still, for a brief moment, there is eye contact. For a brief moment, you can see his smirk. Do you imagine the relief?
Thereâs no way heâs here for you. Thereâs just not. He might know the days on your VISA. He might know how you think. He canât be there for you. Why would he be?
Yet he isnât in some diamonds game like you predicted he would be. He is here.
And currently pretending he doesnât know you as he finds a corner to lean against.
Smart.
Annoying.
You force yourself to look away from him, at the man in a suit who gets looks from the people around him. Behind him is the woman he was just with, slowly paling as she realises what sheâs done. Where sheâs done it.
Thereâs rattling as another woman enters the venue. Sheâs wearing a hoodie with soft looking ears attached. The gate behind her closes with a clang.
Finally, the game will start.
The announcer cheerily tells them the name of the game. Solitary confinement. A door, with a timer of an hour above it, opens, showing a row of solitary cells, for exactly twenty people, as the emo guy helpfully notes.Â
You shouldâve chosen a different game.
That feeling worsens when the rules are explained. Guess the suit on the back of your collar in your solitary cell at the end of the hour. It will change each round after that. The Jack of Hearts is hiding amongst you. To win, he has to die.
There is an obvious, smart strategy here. There is someone who you know for sure isnât the Jack of Hearts. And Chishiya is smart. Heâd never lie about your suit to you, as he knows youâd never lie about his suit to him.
You donât actually want him death, betrayal or not.
The game is about how much you can trust each other, the announcer said. You donât trust Chishiya, not anymore. But you hate that you know you can, at least, trust him in this game.
Thereâs some discussion before the salesman suggests to work together. Afro immediately agrees. suggesting to form a group. His reasoning is sound: With group confirmation, no one can lie.Â
âYeah! Super idea! Iâm in!â The woman with the hoodie is clearly enthusiastic about the idea. Two men join as well. Chishiya just watches, so, perhaps unwisely, you step forward. A group sounds like a better idea than pairing up with some stranger. âIâm in.â
Afro, Ippei you learn his name, seems surprised by the few people that join. When a young boy suggests that whoever entered the game first or last has a higher chance of being the Jack, both people who immediately joined the group, most people walk off. In the end, there are only six of you.
Ippei wants to get you to know each other, and you suppose building trust is important, so you introduce yourself.Â
The group explores the venue. Itâs quickly clear that there is nothing that could give a reflection, to the point of tomato juice coming out of the tap instead of water. While foreboding, the months worth of food in the storage room is a bright point in this bleak game. Youâre enjoying your favourite candy as the woman in the hoodie, Urumi, smiles at the lot of you.
You donât trust that smile. Itâs meant to portray innocence, but her eyes are anything but.Â
Still, she suggests to start sharing suits. âWe trust each other, right?â
âHearts.â You tell her with the rest of the group.
Youâre a clubs.
Youâve been observing the others. Currently, the players are divideable in three groups: Those on their own, those with a partner, and those in your group.
It surprises you that Chishiya is alone. He surely knows that thatâs stupid, right?
If it is because of you, he hasnât approached you. And you sure as hell wonât approach him.
You watch as, in the first round, the first lie is told. You donât blame the man: The brute had been beating him up to the point of blood running down his chin. Unfortunately for him, the brute knows heâs lying. You glance at Chishiya, unperturbed as ever, when you look away.
You donât want to see this.
The beaten up man tells the truth after that. Ippei, kind as before, immediately helps him up as the brute walks away. Offers to let him join the group, and oh, some of the others arenât happy with that, Urumi on forefront. They, understandably selfishly, donât want the attention of the brute on themselves.
You stay silent. It doesnât really matter, does it? There are already cracks forming in your group. Maybe this wasnât the best idea, teaming up with scared strangers. Maybe you should-
No. You wonât approach him. Heâll have to make the first step if he wants to team up.
You deserve that much if youâre forced to play with him.
The first round ends with not a single death.
For a bright minute, people are happy. The rich woman thanks your group profusely for telling her her suit, and joins up. But the mood dies when the brute finds his victim, Seto, again.
Ippei, who youâve started to like, steps in this time. Unfortunately, it only means he gets beaten up too.
You stay silent as Urumi declares Seto has to leave the group, seeing Ippeiâs bruises as proof his presence is a danger. âIf you wonât cast him out, Iâm leaving the group!â
Sheâs not alone in that sentiment, as others agree.
How selfish. A group against a single man, brutish or not, would prevail. Yet you donât say a word either, do you?
At least you have a reason, you try and convince yourself. It wouldnât be smart to let someone whoâs shown to be willing to lie in the group.
Circumstances or not, if you lie once itâll be easier to lie again.
No one dies this round either. But the third round?
There is a furious scream, pulling the attention of everyone. Itâs the brute. From his back, thereâs a knife sticking out. It seems like his victim fought back.
But he has no chance against the brute. The man stops pulling his punches, throwing Seto on the ground as he bashes his face in gruesomely.
You wince as a loud boom reverberates through the building.
Itâs against the rules to kill someone.Â
Ippei doesnât take Setoâs death well. He isnât the only one, as suddenly people are reminded of the stakes of the games. People whisper that someone, likely the Jack, had to have told Seto to fight back, and so distrust is sewn.Â
At the end of the third round, three people give the wrong suit. All loners, leaving Chishiya, the priest and the salesman as the only ones left without a group or partner.
You donât worry for him. He doesnât approach you. The priest does, desperate to join your group now that his disciple has fallen. But then one man almost tells another the wrong suit. âS-sorry, we couldnât bring in any metal, so I donât have my glasses.â
You donât like the calculating look in Urumiâs eyes.
It doesnât surprise you when she goes around the group, convincing everyone to lie. This time you do protest. âOnce the trust is broken, itâs only a matter of time before the group falls apart and we all die.â You argue.Â
Urumi, with that bright, faux-innocent smile, lies anyway. Ippei, surprised and shocked, canât react in time before she moves on to the next person.
You, hopefully subtly, walk after the man without his glasses. âYouâre hearts.â You tell him, very aware of Chishiyaâs eyes on you. âUrumi lied. She wants to get the game moving.â There are visible drops of sweat on his forehead and his eyes widen, but the announcer goads you to your cells before he can react.
A loud boom announces his death.
That round, Urumi smiles at you as she claims âHearts!â
Ippei is trembling. The priest seems nervous and some of the others refuse to meet your eyes.
Is she lying?
Theyâre all eager to move to the next person. Too eager.
Fuck.
You distance yourself from the group. Theyâre lying to you because you refused to lie. How could they all be so⊠idiotic?
What are you supposed to do now? The round is almost over. Maybe you should try and isolate Ippei. He wouldnât lie, even if heâs a pushover. Maybe you should get over yourself and-
Fingers brush away your hair from your neck, leaving a smouldering track in their wake. âDiamonds.â Chishiyaâs voice is much closer than needed, the feeling of his breath against your neck causing you to shiver.
âOr did you truly think they told the truth?â His fingers linger longer than necessary. Is he doing that on purpose or is it his usual slow movements?
You turn around. He truly is close, but you refuse to back away. It maddens you that his eyes still do that thing where it looks like they soften. âI noticed that much.â Heâs smirking. As if nothing happened between the two of you. Did he wait for this? An opportunity to tell you the truth after others lied?
Clever asshole.
âThen, if you donât mind?â He turns around. You brush the hair thatâs covering his suit aside. He is your surest way out of this game. Now that heâs approached you first, youâll allow him to team up with you.
Even if your chest still hurts.
âSpades.â You keep your eyes on his, trying your hardest to remain a poker face.
You wouldnât lie. Itâd be stupid.Â
But that doesnât mean you donât want to see him hesitate.
He doesnât grant you that gratification. Youâd forgotten this was Chishiya youâre dealing with. He simply puts his hands in his pockets, nods, and makes for the solitary cells.
âI couldâve lied.â You try. âYou know I have all the reasons to want you dead.â
He glances over his shoulder. âThen I suppose Iâll die.â He doesnât seem all that bothered by the thought.
Is he trying to prove something to you?
Or is it just his normal level of not caring about his own life?
Youâd scolded him for that once before. He hadnât shown it again around you.
Is he trying to get you to scold him again?
You donât get him. You thought you did. But why hasnât he left you alone after you realised the truth of your relationship? Surely itâs easier to manipulate someone new for whatever he wants.
That round only the rich girl dies. The group told her the truth, so she mustâve figured if they were willing to lie to you, theyâre willing to lie to her.
You wouldâve told her the truth if she asked.
You can feel Chishiyaâs presence behind you after you step from your cell. Urumi is frowning, the rest of the group nervously glancing at each other.Â
Theyâd expected you to die. Theyâd wanted you to die.
You ignore them as you walk past them. As far as youâre concerned, theyâre just ghosts. Still lingering, but dead already in practice.
They wanted you dead. You wonât bother helping them stay alive.
âIt was so stupid.â You grumble at Chishiya as you walk, trying to divert your feelings. âSurely they realise theyâre just killing each other off. Including themselves.â Itâs better than acknowledging the spare time this game grants you with him.
âTheyâre playing the numbers game.â Chishiya dryly explains. Heâs not pushing you to figure it out yourself. Is that his way of being careful with you? âKill as many people as they can and hope the Jack is one of the victims before they die themselves. Besides, theyâre scared of protesting. You proved that it would paint a target on their back.â
âSheep mentality.â Youâre still pissed.
âYes.â Chishiya takes a seat in the cafetaria. âBut youâre not a sheep. And youâre smart enough to know that, in spite of your feelings, Iâm your greatest chance at survival.â
âIâm alive, arenât I?â Because you believed him without question when he told you your suit. He doesnât have to tell you that. You add, a bit smugly: âI am your best chance of survival as well.â
âThat you are.â He doesnât bother denying.
It does bother you a bit. Heâs smart, manipulative, enough to have had a partner he could trust from the start. Yet he took a gamble and risked his first rounds, even when the players got paranoid, to wait for a moment you would have to accept him.
While youâre certain he wonât lie, the same canât be said the other way around from his point of view. Youâve made clear youâre furious with him. So he took a risk to team up with someone who might kill him anyway.
You canât think of a plausible reason he would do so exceptâŠ
Heâs manipulating you. You remind yourself. He doesnât care. Not the way you do. Youâre not sure he can.
But what could he be manipulating you for?
Ugh.
âIâm going to get some snacks.â You announce, leaving him behind.
Only to almost immediately bump into someone as you round the corner. Itâs the emo guy.
âSorry!â He stammers. Huh, the killer isnât with him. Those two seemed to stay close most of the time.
âDonât worry about it.â You say, starting to walk past him.
He looks at you for a moment. âIâm Matsushita.â He introduces himself. âUm... Could I ask you my suit?âÂ
Oh? You glance back at him. âDonât you trust your partner?â
âIâm scared of him.â He admits with a wry smile. âHeâs the one who gave Seto the knife.â Interesting. That was what started the paranoia. âYouâre spades.â You tell him. Thereâs no reason not to tell him, is there?Â
You still as he reaches to brush your hair aside. Unlike Chishiya, heâs careful to not touch your skin. âYouâre hearts.â He says.Â
âThanks.â You continue towards the storage room. There was no need for him to tell you, but you take it anyway.Â
Maybe it isnât the smartest to interact with someone else now that you have Chishiya. But unlike your blond, you do want people to live. If they ask you for their suit, youâll tell them honestly.
When you return to Chishiya with chocolate chip cookies, which you know he dislikes, he confirms that youâre hearts.Â
That round, four people die. The group's paranoia got most of them killed, including Urumi, leaving only Ippei and the priest. Chishiya smirks as he walks with you to the cafeteria.
You feel conflicted. Theyâd lied to you, but theyâre still people.
The salesman was amongst the dead. Now there are only duos left.
âIppei doesnât seem to be holding up well.â You are slightly concerned. He seemed like a good man, but one who took on too much. âYou think the psychological strain of the game will get to him?â
âHe shouldâve expected it from a hearts game.â Chishiya mocks. âHe couldâve prevented deaths if heâd stood up when the group lied instead of being shocked to silence.â He glances at you as if to remind you that if it wasnât for him, youâd have had trouble finding your true suit that round.Â
Itâs almost like everyone if the group genuinely irritates him.Â
âI suppose.âÂ
You find yourself yawning. âJust a few more rounds.â Chishiya says nonchalantly as if he isnât reassuring you.Â
âItâs dawn. I havenât slept since last night.â You hope he is right about the game lasting just a few more hours. You are getting tired. âYou donât seem that tired.â
That seems to amuse him. âIâve had longer shifts at the hospital. Sitting around and observing is less taxing than dealing with patients or surgery.â
âSo you are a doctor.â He never admitted to that before, even when heâd masterfully stitched up a cut youâd received during a spades game.
âMedical student.â He corrects you. âThere are energy drinks amongst the supplies. You could use them.â
You down a can at the spot when you find them.Â
âYouâre clubs.â You look up to see Matsushita next to you. Huh, you hadnât heard him get close. He is quiet.Â
You didnât agree to an alliance. But you resolved youâd tell people who asked. âClubs as well.â You say.
Chishiyaâs leaning against the wall when you come back, his eyes thoughtful on you. He still touches your skin as he brushes your hair away. Your skin still traitorously burns. âClubs.âÂ
When you make your way back to the solitary cells, the blond who reminded you of Chishiya is waiting, together with his partner, the priest and Ippei.Â
âI have an announcement to make.â He says when everyone has returned. âThe four of us will make a new group.â
The man in the suit, Yaba, snorts. âAnother group, huh? Didnât you see how the last one ended?â
âThat group was lacking a mission.â The blond retorts. He goes on to explain his plan.Â
They want to stay here. For months. No lying, no treason. No killing. Even if the Jack of Hearts is in their group. Until the food runs out.
Months of living without worrying about your life in the Borderlands? That might as well be eternity.
But⊠âYou think sleep deprivation wonât be a factor?â Chishiya seems amused at what he perceives to be idioticy.Â
âI always assumed you three would never agree to join. But your hangers-on can join anytime.â
You bristle. âChishiya does not control me. But your plan seems unrealistic.â
Youâre right.
While this round, no one dies, the next round all four in the new group do.
Yaba uses his physical strength to keep the blondâs cell door closed once the round starts. If he canât leave his cell, he canât receive his suit.
You only watch to see the blondâs partner threatening violence, but being stopped by Yabaâs womanâs knife. He does point out that itâs against the rules to obstruct someoneâs entrance into a solitary cell, so Yaba lets him in. Fool.
Youâre gone by the time he gets locked in as well. The rules donât say anything about preventing others from leaving their cell. The rules also state that, at the end of the hour, when there are two or more players in a single cell theyâll receive a game over.
This time, Matsushita comes to find you when Chishiya is away for food.
âYou say youâre not his hanger-on.â He asks you after exchanging suits. âBut you look at him like he hurt you. Deeply. Yet youâre still partnering with him.â
âThatâs none of your business.â You snap back, perhaps a bit too harshly. But youâre running on fumes at this point, and youâre not interested in explaining Chishiya.
âI didnât mean to insult.â He holds his hands up placatingly. âI just⊠It seems like weâre both partnered up with people weâd rather not, arenât we?â He walks away before you can answer.
You can understand how it looks from the outside. Itâs just⊠Chishiyaâs complicated. You know he wonât lie to you.
About your suit, at least.
Unfortunately for you, the priest decides to pay you a visit as well. His movements are frantic, clearly betraying his desperation. âYouâve shown mercy on others.â He begs you. âBy telling the poor soul the group condemned what his true suit was. Have mercy on me too.â Doesnât he have Ippei to trade suits with?
âAsk Ippei.â You say curtly.
âHe has wandered away from the light.â His voice is trembling. You shift awkwardly. This man tried to kill you. It mightâve been a group decision, but he very much was part of the group.
âSo you ask the one person alive you tried to kill?â You remind him.
âEven men of God can sin.â Heâs begging you. âLet me atone for what Iâve done.â
âPathetic.â Chishiyaâs leaning against the entryway. He pushes himself away from the wall, walking up to the man as if the priest isnât much larger than him. âDoes your God allow harassing a woman you attempted to murder?â He places himself next to you.Â
âI was weak.â The man begs, now directed at Chishiya. âThe spirit of the game tested me, and I failed.â
âYou havenât even apologised.â You look away, but you do catch Chishiya glancing at you. He hasnât apologised either.
âDamn it all.â The priest drops his mask. âI donât want to die here. Donât let me die here.â
You have no interest in killing someone. But you wonât help someone live when they tried to kill you. So you stay silent.
âSure.â The cruelty in Chishiyaâs voice is evident. âYouâre spades ~âȘâ
The priest, breathing heavily, takes a few steps back as if hit, realising he wonât get his answers here. He all but runs out of the room. In doing so, his back is turned to you, unintentionally showing off his suit.
Spades.
âYou told the truth?â For a moment, youâre surprised. Then you realise. âOh. He will think you lied.â His guess will be any suit but the right one. âAre you not scared that getting a priest killed is bad karma, Chishiya?â You present it like a tease, but you want to know his answer.
He doesnât normally bother to actively get someone killed.
He scoffs. âA priest? He strikes me as more of a cult leader. There was no belief there. Itâs the only way he knew to manipulate anyone.â
The priest dies with the rest of his group. You never even knew his name.
The next round, youâre back in the storage room in search of more caffeine. Matsushita is waiting for you.
âIâm scared Banda will lie to me.â He admits to you. âHow do you know Chishiya wonât hurt you again?â You donât. âHe wonât. Not in this game. Heâs smarter than that.â
âBut heâs arrogant as well.â Matsushita pushes. âWhy should we be stuck with people like them any longer? We could get free.â Whoa. You hadnât minded the suit-exchange youâve been doing, but what heâs insinuating?
âWe have very different situations. Chishiya isnât a serial killer, to start with.â You say frostily.Â
âThink about it.â He tries. âHeâs heartless. Donât make the mistake of thinking youâre special.â You freeze at that, the unintentional repeat of Chishiyaâs question feels like a stab through your heart. âYouâre hearts. Iâll ask you again next turn.âÂ
âYouâre hearts as well.â You murmur, the word special ringing in your ears.
Chishiya has started to slowly stroke his thumb against the nape of your neck as he tells you your suit. You havenât commented on it, not willing to admit you like it. You blame the sleep deprivation.
His breath ghosts your ear as he tells you, shamelessly leaning in. âClubs.â
You freeze immediately, the icy feeling like lead flowing through your veins.
He notices, of course, stepping in front of you, his hand moving to your chin to make you look into his eyes as he considers you. âDid your friend tell you otherwise?â
Heâd noticed? But thatâs not the important thing right now.
Matsushita hadnât seemed like he lied, had he? But youâd been distracted.
âHow do I know you wonât hurt me again, Chishiya?â Your voice is vulnerable.
His hand moves back to his pocket. âYou donât. But thatâs what this game is about. Trust.â He cocks his head. âAnd you do know me better than that.â
âDo I? Everything you do is confusing me. Why did you join this game? You were supposed to focus on the diamonds games.â
âYou werenât amongst the survivors of the Beach. Iâd assumed you went out after I noticed you leave during Aguniâs speech. I wanted to confirm your survival.â Thereâs an unreadable tone in his voice that canât be what you think it is.
âWhy?â You press. You donât get why. If you hadnât uncovered his plans, surely youâd be dead or worse.
âIâm not apologising for my initial plans.â His face is so frustratingly emotionless. âIt is only human to do anything to survive. But I do apologise for how I handled you finding out.â His eyes soften. âYou are special. I never meant to imply otherwise. Iâve never had anyone else so insistingly stuck in my thoughts.â
Your breath quickens. Thatâs exactly what you want to hear, but how can you believe him? âYou still tried to throw me to the wolves.â You repeat, your breath quickening.
âI was. At first.â He hesitates. âI had been searching for a replacement when you found out.â
Your head shoots up. âWhat?â
âIâm aware it sounds like a lie.â His eyes havenât turned away from yours for even a moment. âBut you affect me in a way no one else ever has. The cards werenât worth sacrificing you.â
âChishiyaâŠâ
âIf youâd only waited a bit. Then youâd have seen that I officially replaced you with Arisu. But no, you had to be clever.â He sounds almost fond.
This is Chishiya. He doesnât do fond.
âDonât believe Matsushita over me. Inconsequential is the least of what Iâd find your demise.âÂ
âWhy would he lie?â Youâre not sure whether you can believe Chishiya, but at least you know he wouldnât lie about your suit. Still, you want to know.
âHeâs the most likely candidate to be the Jack of Hearts.â He explains without a hint of his often used condescension. âHeâs partnered with Kotoko as well. And it takes a certain type to partner with someone like Banda Sunato.â
Oh.
ââŠI was focused on surviving.â You admit. You havenât really been looking for the Jack of Hearts, have you? Youâd been more occupied by making sure you had someone tell you your true suit. And youâd been distracted by Chishiya.
âWeâll talk about that strategy when youâre not mad at me anymore.â When. Not if.
It maddens you how presumptuous he is.
It maddens you how it calms you a bit. It reminds you of before.
You canât continue your conversation as you have to return to your cells. But before you step into yours, Chishiya meets your gaze. âDonât be a moron.â As if heâs actually worried.
Even if it wasnât strategically better to believe Chishiya, you want to believe in him.
So you donât hesitate.
âClubs.â
You close your eyes as you wait for the timer to hit zero. The sound of an explosion reverberates through the prison, but youâre aware of it. Youâre alive.
Of course you are. There was no reason for Chishiya to lie about your suit.
Did he lie about the rest?
âTimeâs up.â The announcer chimes. âOut of six participants, the number that has survived round ten is⊠Five.â
âWh⊠What happened? There must be a mistake!â You hear from outside.
Matsushita.
You step aside, just to see him gaping at Banda and Yaba. âThis canât be! How are you still alive?â
âThe next round begins.â The announcer interrupts. âTrust your partners, and good luck.â
âHow sad.â Banda says. âI thought we could be friends. But you betrayed us. Did fear drive you to do it? Or⊠could it be that youâre the Jack of Hearts?â
âCâmon.â Chishiya nods towards the exit as Banda continues. âThis wonât be pretty ~âȘâ
And heâs right. The two of you wait for the hour to tick down in the cafeteria, which has the most possible walls between the solitary cells. Still, Matsushitaâs screams reach you.
âItâs a shame metal wasnât allowed for this game.â Chishiya muses. âMy walkman couldâve dampened that noise.â Because, while heâs calmly eating a bag of biscuits, you have your hands clamped over your ears.
Luckily, the torture only lasts one round. Itâs been hours since dawn, and you eagerly leave the prison, only to walk right out into the rain.
âA typhoon.â Chishiya seems insistent on walking next to you. âInteresting timing.â You donât deny him.
You do send him an irritated glare when he touches your arm, as if to correct your direction. âI suggest we avoid the King of Spades.âÂ
The blimp is indeed in the direction of the apartment you camped out in. âSo? We just wonât enter the venue.â
âItâs still moving.â He points out. âIâd rather we avoid it. Itâd be a shame if the King of Spades is a free roamer.â
âWe?â Youâre too tired and annoyed that heâs right again.
He simply raises his eyebrows.
âFine. We. Your place should better be close.â
It is, relatively. The apartment he leads you to is white and barren. You donât care. You go straight to opening doors until youâve found the bedroom, where you dress down to your underwear, too exhausted to tell an amused Chishiya off but still refusing to sleep in drenched clothes, putting on the first shirt you can find in the wardrobe.
You fall asleep the moment your head hits the pillow, only vaguely aware of the bed dipping beside you.
You sleep past the day, well into the night.
When you wake up, youâre hyper aware of warm skin thatâs resting against your hand. The contact is small, just the side of his hand against yours, but itâs there.
Chishiya is sleeping next to you, on his back, his face unusually serene.Â
That ache in your chest is still there, yet you donât move away.Â
You are special.
You want to believe that so badly.
Now that youâve slept, you glance around the room. While barren, there is a hint to its previous owner. The medical books on a shelf.
This is Chishiyaâs apartment.Â
Chishiyaâs room.
Youâve slept in Chishiyaâs bed. Next to him.
You find yourself heating up as blood rushes to your cheeks.
You undressed in front of him in his room. And proceeded to put his shirt on.
You look back at his sleeping face.
His muscles are completely relaxed, his mole accentuating his features.
Was he affected by the sight?
Damn it. Heâs still Chishiya Shuntaro.
Affection and hurt are warring in your chest.
A rumbling coming from your stomach gives you an excuse you readily take to get up.
As youâve got no interest in wearing your dirty, still damp clothes from the day before, you begrudgingly take a pair of pants and a shirt from Chishiyaâs wardrobe.
You glance back as you make for the door, only to be greeted by Chishiyaâs open eyes. Thereâs an unreadable look in his usually empty eyes. It takes you a moment to recognise it as contentment.
âI donât remember agreeing to sharing a bed.â The contentment makes place for his Cheshire smile. âI wasnât about to sleep on the couch in my own home.â He drawls out your name. âAnd unfortunately I lack a guestroom.â He expectedly doesnât seem sorry at all. âDo I need to ask compensation for letting you sleep in my bed and wear my clothes?â
You glare at him as you step out of the bedroom, glad to find canned food neatly stacked in a cupboard in the kitchen.
Youâre not sure what youâre doing. Well, you know how to make yourself breakfast, thatâs not the issue.
But Chishiya?
Logically, you should leave him behind. He, admitted by himself, tried to give you to the militants as a traitor. His words during the Jack of Hearts could very easily be lies.
But heâs Chishiya.
The same Chishiya who, back at the Beach, noticed when a game was too much and stayed in your room until you fell asleep (under the excuse of working on his plan). The same Chishiya who taught you to be better at the games.
The same Chishiya who you fell for. Who you, if you allow yourself to admit it for a moment, still have feelings for.
You donât want to leave him.
He notices your conflicted feelings of course. But he doesnât press. No, Chishiya is patient,
He lets you snark at him over minor things without responding in kind during the day. He doesnât call out your staring.
He knows heâs on a thin line. But he also seems aware that youâll forgive him if he behaves while time passes.
How irritating that heâs right.
Youâre only vulnerable again that next evening. Laying in bed, your voice is barely audible. ââŠDid you lie during the Jack of Hearts?â
âNo.â His reply is immediate, his hand brushes against yours, just the tiniest bit more touch than yesterday. âTruth was my best strategy there.â Then, more quiet, as if heâs talking to himself: âIâd have told it even if it wasnât.â
You donât pull your hand away. This night, youâre aware of his touch for every single moment.
The problem with him being passive, you realise, is that you want him to cover the first step. Itâs really nice that heâs being overly careful not to press past your boundaries, but he hurt you.Â
So when you find a deck of cards, you start playing solitaire on your own. But when Chishiya nudges you to join him at mahjong, perhaps recognising your need for him to reach out, you donât make him work for it and simply agree.
He doesnât subject you to even a single test.
Still, progress is slow.Â
You feel like youâre going mad, one side of you wondering why you canât just forgive him already, while the other still remembers how cold his eyes had looked when you called him out. How your heart broke.
âYou are special.â
His eyes hadnât looked cold then. No, thereâd been fondness in them.Â
You like when he looks at you like that.
You like the moments he seems content even in this awkward routine.
Youâre not sure what he wants from you. You hope itâs the same you want from him.
It might be, right? He doesnât let anyone else get close to touching him, yet his hand is resting on yours each night.
Until one morning, when you wake up to a cold hand.
Immediately, you sit up. The space next to you is empty.
Heâs not elsewhere in the apartment either. Instead, on the counter, is a letter in perfect kanji.
Heâs out. To play games. Even when his VISA is far from expiring.
The letter tells you heâll be back before dinner.
You hate him.Â
The way your heart pumps quicker in concern calls out that lie immediately.
You shouldâve known, honestly. The Jack and King of Diamonds sat unbeaten, and Chishiya does appreciate an intellectual challenge.
Did he go to the Jack or the King?
You spent that day on the roof of the apartment complex, ignoring the rain thatâs still pouring down. Few games are left. Just the Queen of Hearts, King of Spades and the Jack and King of Diamonds.
The Jack of Diamonds goes down during the afternoon. Each second feels like hours as you wait for him to return.
He doesnât.
After an actual hour, you canât take it anymore. You make your way in the direction where the blimp was before it crashed.
You find yourself in front of a mahjong parlor. Your hand is trembling as you open the door.
Thereâs a hole in the ground. Perfectly cut around a table where the remains of a game lay.
Chishiya is good at strategy games. He might not have played mahjong much, but heâs good at it. PleaseâŠ
The corpse your flashlight first uncovers has long dark hair. The second has glasses.
It takes you painstaking long moments to find the third and last. Short, dark hair.
None are Chishiya.
Why didnât he come back?
Oh. Of course.
The King of Diamonds hasnât been beaten yet, and Chishiya canât just let anyone else beat the king of intelligence, can he?
You can just spot the burning blimp between buildings when you step outside.
The King of Diamonds has been beaten.
No way itâs anyone other than him. Right?
The Chishiya Shuntaro you know is untouchable when it comes to intellect.
You hurry as you make your way.
The Supreme Court has four corpses. But unlike the Jack of Diamonds, these are unrecognisable, blackened by what you assume to be acid.
The winner must have left already. Chishiya must have left already.
He canât have died like that. Not so painful, not without you being able to recognise his body.
Surely he wouldnât take on the Queen of Hearts or the King of Spades, right?
He mustâve gone home.
You barely register your surroundings as you make it back, until you instinctively lurge behind a car when sudden gunshots ring out.
You force yourself to breathe as you take in the situation.Â
The gunshots sound again. Not close, you realise. But right between your location and the apartment.
Chishiya wouldnât, right?
Surely not?
You cautiously make your way there anyway, even if it goes against any instinct you have.
What once used to be Shibuya crossing is now overshadowed by another burning blimp stretched across the streets.
You donât care for that.
You care for the speck of white sagged against one of the cars.
âChishiya!â All caution is thrown to the wind as you rush towards him.
His usually impeccable jacket has two slowly growing red spots on it.
No.
You frantically cup his cheek in one hand as your other presses against one of his wounds in a faint attempt to limit the bleeding, causing him to slightly grunt.
âAh. So you do care.â The affection in his eyes is the strongest it has ever been. âDonât bother. The internal damage will do me in long before loss of blood will.â
âOf course I care!â You snarl back. âTell me what to do.â
He says your name in the softest tone youâve heard his voice. âThereâs nothing you can do.â His hand takes yours off his wound and squeezes it. âI need professionals and working hospital equipment.â
âBut you canât die.â You beg him frantically. âI was supposed to have time. Time to forgive you. Time for⊠us. Youâre a constant. You never get hurt. You canât be hurt.â
âAnd you went after me anyway, didnât you? So impatient.â He clicks his tongue, amused. As if he doesnât care for his situation at all. âIâm human. Of course I can get hurt.â
âYou said youâd be back by dinner.â
âIt appears I was wrong.â He brings up his hand to your cheek, his thumb brushing your skin. Heâs wiping a tear away, you realise.
Itâs too much. You donât just care for this man, you fell for him. You loved him, and you know with time youâll love him again. So you lean in closer and capture his lips with your own.
His lips are dry but it doesnât take away from the moment in the slightest. Heâs still for long moments quickly spent as you are kissing Chishiya before his lips start to move against your own. His hand moves to your shoulder, his thumb on your pulsepoint, while his other hand lies on your waist. His grip is loose, no squeezing, no pulling, as they simply rest there.Â
It is enough. For a moment, you forget your drenched clothes. For a moment, you forget his blood-soaked jacket. For a moment, all that exists is him. His lips against your own.
Just for a moment.
Then he pulls away. Just enough to tease.
âI correct myself. You do more than just care. Could I assume this means youâve forgiven me?â
You glare at him before you soften. Damn it. ââŠYes. Iâve forgiven you. Just donât die. Please.â The way your voice breaks proves how you mean it.
âArisu and Usagi are taking on the Queen of Hearts. It should be our final game.â He tells you. âThereâs a reasonable assumption to be made that we can go back to our former world after that. If so, I will make it to a hospital in time. With my parentâs positions in the hospital, my care will be top priority.â The hand resting on your waist slips beneath your jacket to find a sliver of skin. It doesnât explore further, content to just feel.
ââŠYou really think so?â You know itâs a stupid question. Chishiya doesnât say needless things. But the hope slipped past your lips before you could stop it.
For once, he doesnât mock you. âYes.â He simply confirms. âGuarenteed proper treatment is one of the few perks Iâve received from my family.â
âIâm more worried about the going home part.â
He considers that a moment before answering. âEven if we donât, itâs likely thereâs a system in place for citizens. Itâd be a shame to lose a king the night before stage two due to a heart attack.â
âI hope weâll be able to go home.â You admit, calmed a bit by his conviction. âBefore, Iâd often imagined how itâd be like to be drifted into another world. But now that I have, I just want to go back.â
Heâs silent after that. You sit there, just taking in his presence, taking in the realisation that you do in fact forgive him. That you kissed him, and heâd kissed you back.
He canât die now.
âIâve got not much to go back for.â He finally admits. âIâd like to stop wasting my life.â
âYouâre a medical student.â You point out. âObjectively, thatâs not a waste. Even if your motivations arenât the reasons society prefers.â
His smiles wryly. âAh. Society might think so. But my occupation is not what made my life a waste.â He tilts his head. âWhat is your living situation like?â
You blink at the, in your eyes, sudden change in subject. And then you immediately attempt to think of ways to divert it.
Heâs a future doctor. His parents are implied to be doctors. Youâve seen his apartment, the neighbourhood he lives in.
You know what heâll think of your meager place.
âMine then.â Chishiya finds your moment of hesitation answer enough.
âYours?â You ask.
âYes. Weâll live at my place, since you donât consider yours up to my standards.â
Hold on. âYou want us to live together? In the real world?â
You imagine it. Youâd continue to sleep in his, your, bed for the foreseeable future. Youâd have his intelligent support for your daily struggles. More importantly, youâd have him. Thereâs nothing in the real world he could betray you for, so youâd truly have him.
You could trust him.
âYes.â He confirms, again without mockery. âIâd be a fool to let you slip away twice. And I do so despise being foolish.â
You kiss him again. How could you not? Heâs just admitted, in his own way, that he wants to have you too. That he intends on making sure your futures intertwine.
In his own way, he assured you that he wonât hurt you again. Never you.
You do worry during the next few hours. Chishiyaâs poker face doesnât let you get a good gauge on his condition. Heâs a medical student, you remind yourself. And his personality doesnât let him soften the truth.
Heâd tell you if he wouldnât make it.
Still, you anxiously await for whatever will happen once the Queen of Hearts is cleared (and it will be cleared. As soon as possible. There is no other option. Chishiya doesnât have another option).
What you were waiting for turns out to be fireworks. You couldâve guessed: There were fireworks when you entered the Borderlands. There were when the second stage started. So there are now.
âCongratulations! The players successfully completed all card games.â
You grin. âWe made it, âShiya.â
âShuntaro.â He corrects you mindlessly.
Your grin takes over your whole face.
The fireworks are beautiful.
âI deny citizenship.â You say confidently before the announcer has even finished their offer of more games. Denial means home, it has to be. And home means a future with Chishiya, Shuntaro.
âI donât want it.â Shuntaroâs eyes are on you as he says it.
The fireworks get brighter. Bright enough to swallow your whole vision.Â
Chishiya Shuntaroâs face is the last thing you see.
(You wake up in a hospital room with an arrogant yet familiar blond as your neighbour. For some reason, he doesnât correct you when you slip up and call him his given name before even learning what it is. Nor do you object when he offers you his apartment on learning the meteorite destroyed yours. No, for the first time in what feels like a while, you feel carefree. Happy. Youâve found someone you trust wholeheartedly)
You're pleasantly surprised by a feline visitor in your apartment. You're even more pleasantly surprised by his owner.
I decided it was high time I threw a cat at Chishiya.
4629 words.
Lovely people who wanted to be tagged: @9jloo @kimsri @s0ffelip0ffeli @van1shiro
Comments genuinely make my day <3
Enjoy!
Youâre grumpy and running on fumes after a long day of studying when you come home, kicking your shoes off before making straight for the kitchen, dropping your bag on a chair without even looking. You can empty it after youâve eaten.
You donât make it to the kitchen before youâre interrupted by an indignant mraow, making you freeze before looking back at the cat who narrowly avoided your bag.
âOh Iâm so sorry!â You drop to your knees, holding out a hand. âI didnât see you! Iâm sorry!â
The cat hisses at you.
You grab your bag back, pulling out your left-over lunch and hold it out towards the cat. âIâm sorry, see?â
The cat hesitates, before cautiously moving closer, sniffing at the rolled egg before deeming it acceptable, grabbing it gracefully from your hand and jumping back on the empty again chair, where he eats with a satisfied look on its face.
Itâs only then you remember that you do not own a cat.
Heâs light gray with darker stripes all across its body, blue eyes and it wears a sleek white leather collar, which somehow seems pristine.
Huh.
You do recognise the cat, he used to be a stray youâd slowly won over using scraps of food before he one day disappeared, leaving you worried over his fate.
Looking at his clean, kept fur and his collar, it seems like someone took him in.
Good. Youâd wanted to do so yourself, but your apartment complex has a strict no-pets policy.
âSeems like you found someone who takes care of you.â You tell the cat. This time he lets you reach out as his egg is finished, and sure enough, there is a tag on the collar. âCheshire.â You read out loud, ignoring the phone number beneath it. âFitting. You look healthy.â
Suddenly, your mood is a lot better. Youâre relieved; you genuinely had worried about the animal.
He seems to have forgiven you for the bag incident as he allows you to pet him. âHow did you even get in?â You muse as he begins to purr.Â
As heâs a cat, he does not answer.
You grant yourself a few minutes before you pull away. âI have to eat myself.â You explain defensively as Cheshire looks indignant at that.
You keep an eye on him as you heat up your ramen. Would it be considered against the lease to have an animal as a visitor? You certainly didnât let him in.
Cheshire stays until youâre done with eating, and while he pretends to not pay attention to you, you bet heâd been hoping for a morsel.
âToo many spices.â You apologise. âThis wouldnât be good for you.â
Once he realises there is no more food for him to find, he struts over to your front door, and loudly meows to get your attention.
He slips out without looking back the moment you open it for him.
You smile. That unexpected visitor certainly made your day a lot brighter.
He visits more often after that. Even though he slips inside without your help just fine (seriously, you canât figure out how he gets in), he always meows for you at the door whenever he desires to leave.
You donât mind. Technically heâs not your cat, so youâre not breaking your lease (youâve decided), but you do buy a bag of kibble for him. And a bowl. And some toys.
You might have a soft spot for the little beast.
One day, you realise that while he might have once been a stray, he very much does have an owner now. Who might like to know that their cat is being fed by a stranger.
You have a phone number, but thatâs no fun. Instead, you tear a piece of paper from your textbook. Then you crumple it in a ball, dissatisfied with what you wrote. You go with your third attempt.
âHello! To Cheshireâs owner: heâs been visiting me for a few weeks now.
Iâve been feeding him as heâs very persuasive. I realised you might want to know (:â
As you wrap it around Cheshireâs collar, you realise the tag isnât the only thing attached to it. There is what you assume to be a tracker as well.
You get your answer a day later. There is a piece of paper, non-teared, on Cheshireâs collar the next day. The kanji is neat, the words as straight as if theyâd been on lined paper.
âThere is a phone number on the nameplate you read. What kind of food? Specify the brand.â
Even though it impolitely lacks a greeting and the words are curt, you smile. You can feel the sarcasm coming off of that first sentence.
âI know.â You write back. âThis is more fun.â But you do add the brand of kibble youâd bought. Then you add another smiley face.
Cheshire just lets the wrapping happen, although he does flick his tail to show his displeasure.
The next day as you come home from your studies, there is a plastic grocery store bag hanging from your doorknob. The handles are tied together with a piece of string, where a piece of paper is attached to as well.
You take it off right there in the hallway.
âDonât feed Cheshire that anymore. Use this instead. Please update me on how much heâs eaten.â
Sure enough, inside the bag are cans of catfood stored. Wet, high quality, expensive catfood.Â
You take it inside after some hesitation.
âHow the hell does your owner know where I live?â You demand from Cheshire, whoâs innocently cleaning his fur on the chair heâs claimed as his own.
You open one of the cans anyway, causing Cheshireâs ears to perk up at the familiar sound.
You tear another piece out of your notebook as the cat begins to eat, but you take a long time before you finally decide on what to write. The tracker mightâve given it away, but you live in an apartment complex. How could they know which floor?
You decide to be direct.
âHow the hell do you know where I live?â
As you wrap it around Cheshireâs collar, you murmur: âI really hope you havenât gotten me a stalker, Ches.â
The reply comes a day later on Cheshireâs collar.Â
âYou might have noticed Cheshireâs collar has a tracker.â Yes. You did. âThatâs almost enough for your location, only the exact floor is lacking. But itâs simply resolved by noticing which floor Cheshire waits for me each day at the end of my shift.â
Oh.
Thatâs⊠fair enough.
And cute.
âYou wait for your owner's shift to end?â You ask a Cheshire who ignores you as always.
Thereâs more on the other side of the paper. âIâm not interested in you at all, if youâre worried about a stalker. If I had been, Iâd know your phone number by now. Yet still we use this inconvenient way of communication.
Please do add what youâve fed my cat this time.â
Strangely enough, while the words are a bit short and direct, they assure you. Whoever wrote this isnât acting affronted or diminishing your concern. Instead they wrote facts. With an air of smugness, yes, but itâs better than if heâd filled the note with insincere assurances.
So you decide that, while you will keep an eye out, you wonât assume malicious intent.
And they seem like they care about Cheshire. Enough to strictly control his feeding. You glance at the cat. Heâs at a much healthier weight than he was as a stray. So clearly the owner is doing it right.
When Cheshire later that evening meows at you at the front door, you quickly attach your new note.
âHe ate one of your cans both today and yesterday :) dw you donât seem like a stalker. Donât change my mind on that. Btw, doesnât that imply you live here? I thought the complex doesnât allow animals. My lease at least doesnât.â
You wonder if you have to change your mind when you receive a response.
âItâs not allowed. Blackmail brings one far.â
Itâs a joke, right? Surely they wouldnât put it on paper if they actually blackmailed the landlord?
âIâll ignore that.â You write back. âI bought Cheshire a ball that rattles when he pushes it. Heâs so cute. He ate another can today.â
âYou seem naive.â You get as an answer and⊠well. This person really doesnât pull their punches, do they?
You like it. You often overthink how people perceive you, but not with Cheshireâs owner. They clearly would just tell you if they have a problem.
âŠMaybe you do overthink the limited contact youâve had if you assume those kind of conclusions already.
There is a blot of ink on the usually flawless paper, indicating they hesitated before their next words. âHave you bought much for my cat?âÂ
Why is that something they hesitated on? Should you not have? Or maybe itâs because itâs the first time they inquired you about something unnecessary?
âJust a bowl.â Thatâs reasonable, right? âAnd some toys. I just couldnât help myself. And Iâm not that naive. I did not tell you my name.â
âI know your name. Itâs written on your postbox, like with all residents. You spoil my cat.â
âŠOops. âThen itâs only fair if you tell me yours. Cheshire deserves to be spoiled <3.â After some consideration, you add: âI used to feed him when he was still a stray. Iâm happy he found someone who cares for him, so thank you for that.âÂ
âThere is no reason for me to tell you my name. Nor is there to thank me. The cat simply appeared inside my home and neglected to leave.
~Chishiya Shuntaro.â
You feel giddy at that one. Itâs silly. Very silly. But what information you got from the few notes tells you that this is someone who doesnât open up easily. Yet he (assuming his gender on the name) still told you a tidbit he didnât have to. He still gave you his name.
The next weeks, his notes, short and stilted as they are, keep being something in your day to look forwards to, together with the feline visitor.
Youâre open in your own messages, adding smiley faces and telling Chishiya about something Cheshire did, or, after a few weeks, telling him tidbits about yourself.
He very rudely tells you he canât care less, yet he keeps responding, so you keep writing.
Cheshire is purring on your lap as youâre pondering what to write this day, when suddenly, your room lights up yellow, and you look up in instinct to see the source.Â
There is a huge ball of yellow and orange and gray growing in the direction of centre Tokyo. You donât have time to comprehend, to believe, what youâre seeing before the shockwave hits you.
You pull Cheshire to your chest as you make yourself small when the world trembles around you and glass shatters and furniture is pushed away.
For long moments the world is silent. Then sirens ring in the distance and Cheshire scrambles out of your arms, ears flat against his head.
What just happened?
Was that a bomb?
Who the fuck would bomb Tokyo?
You stare at your broken window in disbelief, before you realise youâre bleeding.
The next few hours are hectic. You clean the (luckily shallow) gashes the glass gave you, before subjecting Cheshire to do the same. All the while youâre frantically attempting to call your family and friends, but no call goes through. A small, logical side of your brain reminds you that likely everyone is attempting the same.
Itâs only then that you remember television exists, and you turn it on hastily.
A meteorite.
A fucking meteorite.
You stare in disbelief as the reporter starts to name suspected casualties. Thousands of people at least. Many more wounded. Theyâre talking about containing the fires, possible evacuationsâŠ
Youâre not in those zones. Youâre so very thankful youâre parents live on the cityâs edge.Â
Some of your friends donât.
You donât linger on that.
You leave your apartment, glass shards still scattered over the floor, as you hastily make for your parentâs place, leaving Cheshire outside to go to his ownerâs place.
Itâs late in the evening when you come back, your parentâs luckily alright. You spend the day helping them clear up the glass and blocking the holes in their walls that used to be windows.
The moment you step inside your apartment building, youâre greeted by a frantic meowing.
âCheshire?â The cat presses against your legs before you reach out to lift him into your arms, petting him in an attempt to calm him down.
A foreboding feeling fills you.
And sure enough, over the next few days, Cheshire leaves your place often but always returns quickly. The only notes he brings you are ones you wrote yourself, containing a simple âAre you okay?â
You donât catch the name of Chishiya Shuntaro on the endless list of deceased, but you donât listen to the reporter droning on names after one of your friends is named.
You sit in your apartment, Cheshire on your lap, staring at nothing.
It feels so⊠surreal.
It takes days before phones work again. The first number you call is the one written on Cheshireâs tag.
Voicemail. Cheshireâs ears perk up at the low male voice that boredly tells you to call back later.
âIâm sorry.â You whisper towards the cat. What are you supposed to do with him? Your landlord wonât have suddenly changed her mind. Maybe your parents could take him?
For now, youâll use the chaos to keep him for a bit. Maybe, just maybe, Chishiya Shuntaro is one of the wounded. Maybe heâs just not currently capable of picking up the phone.
Maybe heâll return.
You donât believe it, not with how many people you know are suddenly gone. Your next weeks consist of many funerals. It's weird, whenever you're out on the streets. Everyone around you knows someone who's suddenly and violently lost. It's like the air itself is more heavy with the weight of what happened.
Itâs more than a month after the disaster that your doorbell rings. Looking through the peephole, you donât recognise the man.
Heâs handsome, long blond hair and dark brown eyes, a mole beneath his left. Heâs wearing a pristine white jacket.
There have been a lot of desperate people ever since the impact. While this man does not look like one, youâd rather not open the door.
Until you realise Cheshire is meowing at your feet, scratching the door frantically.
Oh.
The moment you open the door, Cheshire is gone, purring loudly. The man, now fully in view, slowly looks down at the cat pressing himself against his legs, hand in his pockets, before his face changes into slight fondness.
âYouâve missed me, have you?â He crouched down, pulling one of his hands out of his pocket to hold it up towards Cheshire who immediately pushes his head against it, purring even louder.Â
âChishiya Shuntaro?âÂ
He lifts his head to look at you, slowly taking you in, as if considering something, still staying in his crouched position. âThat is me. I assume you believed me dead?â
So he is as brazen in real life as in his messages. You smile, a rarity in the past few weeks. âI did. Do you want to come in?â
He tilts his head. âItâs not like I have anything better to do.â
You lead him towards the couch, where Cheshire can purr on his lap before you disappear into the kitchen to offer him a cup of tea.
âI called you.â You tell him before you sit down opposite of him. âYou didnât pick up.â
That seems to amuse him. âSo it takes a meteorite for you to use a phone.â His next words are as nonchalant as if heâs naming groceries. âI got pierced by rebar here-â his hand goes to his shoulder, âand here.â It lowers to his abdomen. âIt took out my phone as well on top of inducing a cardiac arrest. But it seems Iâm one of the âluckyâ ones.â The word lucky is clearly mocking.
âIâm glad.â You tell him. âScratch that. Iâm happy. Really happy. That youâre alive.â
His eyes are on you, considering you. âYou really mean that.â He muses, interested as if youâre an anomaly. âThat makes you the only one.â
You blink. That canât be true, can it? Does he not have parents? Friends? Thatâs not exactly something you can ask. Instead you say: âThatâs not true. Look at how happy Cheshire is.â
His gaze lowers from your face towards the cat as he gives him a single pet. His purrs intensify, melting into Chishiya's touch. âThat he is.â Then his gaze is back on you again. âDid you get hurt?â
âJust some scratches. Long healed.â You gesture towards the now-fixed windows. âThere apparently have been reports of glass shattering even outside of the city limits.â
âThere have.â He confirms, his eyes roaming the room as if calculating how the damage might have looked. âDid Cheshire get hurt?â
You blush slightly as you remember how you protected the cat with your body. âJust a single scratch.â You dismiss. âHe was more scared than anything else.â
âGood.â He nods. Then, changing subject: âDo you have any games to play?â
The man is scarily smart, you discover after you pulled your favourite boardgame from your closet. Itâs a game youâre used to winning in, yet you donât stand a chance against Chishiya. He claims itâs his first time playing, yet he comes up with strategies you havenât seen before.
It only makes him more attractive in your eyes.
You canât help yourself. Youâd enjoyed the notes, sure. You had fantasised a bit about the person on the other side being attractive, as itâd be a great meet-cute.Â
You hadnât expected him to actually be your age. Nor to be handsome. Even less to be this clever.
Worse, Cheshire is still sitting in his lap, and so now and then the man absentmindedly gives the cat a single pet.
Itâs attractive. Very attractive.
It might just be your brain grasping onto anything good after the catastrophe, but you canât help yourself.
The feeling grows worse when, during the next few weeks, Cheshire isnât the only one who shows up in your apartment whenever you come home. Chishiya isnât cleared to return to his shifts as a medical student (even more attractive) so that apparently means lounging around your space. He doesnât even always come to interact with you, instead simply taking his studying material with him, reading and taking notes at your desk.
When you ask him why, he simply responds smugly, knowing the answer: âDo you want me to leave?â
Obviously not. Itâs nice, coming home to someone else.Â
You learn about him. Heâs cold, stand-offish and often sarcastic. He has no qualms in telling you when youâre wrong.
Yet his sarcasm makes you laugh. His cold demeanor just means you melt whenever he crouches down to pet Cheshire. And youâve spent a lot of time around people who say one thing but mean another. You donât have to play that game with Chishiya.
He confides in you. Apparently, heâs felt different ever since his cardiac arrest. He wants to stop wasting his life.
You donât see how he was, but you keep that to yourself. When you ask him how you can help him, he dismisses you. âYou already are.â
As he does not elaborate, you have no idea how.
Until you remember he told you you were the only one happy he survived.Â
Is it the friendship you offer that helps him?
That theory gets blown away when one day he shows up with a tall woman next to him. For a moment, youâre overcome with jealousy. Unfortunately, Chishiya definitely caught that, the corners of his lips going up in amusement before he introduces you to each other.
âThis is Kuina.â He tells you. âSheâs been hounding me ever since we met in the hospital. She claims weâre friends.â
âWe are.â Kuina corrects him, smiling boisterously at you. âHe just refuses to admit it. You know how he can be. He promised to show me Cheshire, but apparently his cat resides at your apartment during this time of the day. Can we come in?â
You let them.
Kuina is fun. You like her. âChishiya has told me a lot about you.â She chatters. âWell, not that much. But for him? Definitely a lot.â You like her even more when she starts talking about this âAnnâ she clearly has feelings for, causing Chishiya to sigh.
Now you know why he brought her here: He, not so subtly, steers the conversation your way the moment Ann comes up.Â
You fondly think of him an asshole.
âYou could watch a movie with a sapphic couple in it to see her reaction.â You suggest when Kuina protests about simply asking her out, not even knowing if Ann falls for women. Thereâs something else sheâs not saying that bothers her, but you donât press.
Chishiya clearly has no interest in this, cutting Kuina off. âHow about a deal? You ask Ann out and Iâll take her on a date.â He nods towards you.
You have to take a moment to make sure you processed that right, long enough for Kuina to answer. âIn front of her? Really? Thatâs dirty, Chishiya.â Was that why theyâd talked about you?
You hadnât considered Chishiya being into you as well.
Youâre proud of how even your voice is when you look at Kuina. âPlease take that deal. I want him to take me out.â
Smugness radiates off of Chishiya. And sure enough, he turns up at your door a few days later, hands in pockets like always, and simply informs you heâs taking you to an expensive restaurant. Apparently Kuina successfully managed to ask her crush out.
âYouâre not even asking?â You lean against the doorframe.Â
âWhy would I? Youâd say yes.â
Heâs right, of course.
The restaurant he takes you to is picture perfect, romantic with vines and candles. The food looks good, a wide assortiment of sushi is available.
Youâd bet Chishiya did research. Or maybe Kuina gave him the spot. Heâd never choose this place on his own.
As heâd hate it.
You know him well enough to recognise the hint of discomfort in his eyes.
You don't know him well enough yet to be sure as to what causes it. The other people? The setting? The date itself?
But you know heâs feeling it, so you get up from your chair. âLetâs leave.âÂ
He stills. âIs something wrong?â
âYes. Weâre both supposed to enjoy this. You clearly donât. Câmon.â
Heâs silent for a while as he walks behind you. Itâs only when he sits down in the passenger chair of the car that he admits, his voice unusually low, âI donât know how to do this.â You glance at him. His eyes are already on yours. âIâve never even had a friend before you.â
âDating doesnât mean doing things you donât enjoy, âShiya.â You tell him, the nickname rolling off your tongue without a second thought. âRomantic settings are only enjoyable if we both enjoy them. How about we just get some take out? Our apartments are better than some cozy restaurant anyway. Cheshire is there.â
That hint of discomfort is gone, replaced by his lazy cockiness when he orders the food in the drive-through.
Itâs only now that you realise how different he looks when not talking to you or Cheshire. You hadnât noticed before how cold and empty his eyes can be.
Cheshire is waiting for the two of you at the door to the building, walking in front of you with an air that tries to suggest heâs just coincidentally going the same way.
âHeâs supposed to be an indoor cat. Statistically indoor cats have a longer lifespan.â Chishiya confides in you as he opens the door to his apartment. âI havenât managed to figure out how he keeps escaping.â
âWait, really?â You step into his white and barren apartment. The only signs of personality are in the medical textbooks on the shelves, a single deck of playing cards on a table and some very out of place cat toys. âYou canât figure it out?â
Chishiya nods, closing the door behind you. âI put locks on the doors and the windows. There shouldnât be anywhere else he could get out.â
You look at the cat, who blinks innocently in your direction. âIâve never figured out how he got into my apartment either.â You admit. âI figured I was just overlooking something.â
âIâll probably put up a camera.â He shrugs, putting the food on the table. âI wouldâve done so earlier, but before the meteorite I was busy with my studies.â
He does not mention why he didnât afterwards. âYou donât have to.â You start to unpack the food. âI enjoy him coming over. And I enjoy his owner following him.â You smile at him.
His eyes soften. âThat doesnât negate that there is a spot in my apartment I donât know about thatâs large enough for a cat to get in and out.â There is an undernote of humour in his voice.
You find the extra piece of salmon youâd ordered, feeding it to an expectant Cheshire while ignoring Chishiyaâs tch. You innocently take a piece of maki yourself, as if you didnât just feed the cat during dinner. âI donât feed him human food for a reason.â
âHeâs cute.â You argue. âI canât say no to these eyes.â
âThe fact that you ordered a loose piece of salmon meant this was premeditated.â Chishiya dryly states.Â
âThat only means I knew beforehand that I couldnât say no to these eyes.â You shrug. Chishiya only clicks his tongue in answer.
You eat in silence for a while, simply enjoying each otherâs company. Itâs nice how comfortable it feels.
Chishiya is the one to break the silence. âIâm not a good person.â His tone is as casual as ever.
You blink. You did not expect that. âNot will I be a stereotypically good partner.â His eyes meet yours lazily. âIâm not romantic, and I have limited patience for touch or warmth. Iâm certainly not particularly emotionally available.â
You frown. âAre you trying to scare me away?â
âNo. Iâd rather not, but youâve only seen a limited side of me. It's better to lay the facts out upfront.â He puts his chopsticks down, his movements very carefully nonchalant.
You take his hand in your own, gently squeezing it. His head tilts, a curious look in his eyes as he observes you. Itâs a similar look youâve seen on Cheshire when the catâs not sure what youâre doing.
âI mightâve seen only a limited side of you, but I really like what Iâve seen so far.â You run your thumb over his knuckles, enjoying the warmth coming off of his skin. âI donât care whether youâre a good person, Chishiya. I care whether youâre good for me. Give me the chance to find out whether you are for myself. I have a feeling you will be. Flaws and all.â
Chishiya studies you. Then, slowly, he brings your hand to his lips, pressing a kiss to your skin while maintaining eye contact.Â
âOkay.â Itâs all he says. Just a single, simple okay. But the soft look in his eyes, a stark contrast to the cold and empty look heâd given others earlier, is all you need to see.
Despite his words, you have a feeling this relationship will turn out just fine.
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
â Live Streamingâ Interactive Chatâ Private Showsâ HD Qualityâ Free Actions
Free to watch âą No registration required âą HD streaming
Youâre Beacon Hills Highâs golden girl. Popular, polished, besties with Lydia, and secretly obsessed with the one boy no one else sees the appeal of - Stiles Stilinski. When a biology partnership forces you together, your carefully hidden crush spirals. One night, one assignment, and one very overwhelmed Stiles later, you finally get exactly what youâve been fantasising about.
Warnings: sexual references, smut, kind of fade to black
You were halfway through telling Lydia about the absolute dumpster fire that was yesterdayâs physics quiz when the sharp crash of textbooks slamming onto linoleum echoed down the hallway. Lydia didnât even flinch, but you did. Your head snapped toward the lockers, and there he was.
Stiles Stilinski. In all his lanky, chaotic, flannel-wearing, graphic-tee-underneath, frazzled glory.
He was kneeling on the floor, scrambling after a rainstorm of books and loose papers that had spilled from his locker like it personally hated him. His backpack was half unzipped, one shoelace untied, and even his buzzed hair somehow looked messy. In other words, he looked perfect.
You felt that familiar, shameful little kick of attraction deep in your stomach. The one you never admitted out loud, not even to Lydia. Especially not to Lydia.
Lydia arched an eyebrow when she caught the direction you were staring. âGod,â she muttered under her breath, âhow is he still alive with motor skills like that?â
You tried to play it cool, texting something on your phone that you would absolutely not remember typing later. âHeâsâŠuh. Heâs fine.â
âFine as in ânot dying,â sure,â she said. âFine as in âhotâ? Absolutely not.â
Your face heated. You prayed Lydia didnât notice. Across the hall, Stiles shoved the pile of disaster into his locker, missed completely, and dropped everything all over again. He let out a frustrated noise, cheeks pink, mumbling to himself.
You quickly looked away. You werenât supposed to think he was cute. Not when everyone else saw him as the weird, awkward loser who talked too fast and tripped over air. But you did. God, you did. And you hated how much you wanted him.
You cleared your throat, forcing your voice steady. âLetâs just go. Weâre gonna be late.â
Lydia linked her arm with yours. âLord help the soul that ever hooks up with Stilinski,â she said casually, âHeâd probably shove it in the wrong place.â
You laughed like that idea was hilarious. Like hooking up with Stiles wasnât something you fantasised about at night.
You were barely listening when your teacher announced partners for the semester project. A couple names, some groans, flipping pages. You were scrolling through your phone under the desk while you waited for your name to be called.
âStilinskiâŠand Y/L/N.â
Your head shot up. Stiles froze in his seat two rows over, eyes wide like someone had pointed a gun at him. He looked at you, startled, almost apologetic, and completely unaware of the way your pulse jumped.
You sat up straighter, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear like you didnât care at all. Like your heart wasnât slamming against your ribs. Lydia glanced at you from the next table. She was suspicious, and too perceptive for her own good.
You forced a shrug. âUgh. Of course I get stuck with him.â
But inside? You were screaming. Absolutely thrilled.
Stiles awkwardly approached your table, nearly bumping into the chair behind him. âH-hey,â he said, voice cracking halfway through. âSoâŠum. Weâre partners.â
âLooks like it.â You crossed your legs slowly, pretending to be bored while you fought down a grin. âWeâll figure something out.â
His eyes flicked down to your legs, then up so fast you almost laughed. âRight. Yeah. Totally. Iâm, uh, Iâm good at biology. Well, not good. Medium. Like, average. But! I try hard.â
Lord help you, he was adorable. Too adorable. You smirked in amusement. âIâm sure weâll make a great team.â
He visibly swallowed, and boy did you love the effect you had on him.
At lunch, you spotted Stiles before he saw you. He was at his locker, muttering to himself as he rummaged through an avalanche of papers. His flannel was rumpled, his backpack was sliding off one shoulder, and he kept ruffling his buzzed hair in these nervous, distracted little motions that made you want to grab him by the collar and ruin him against the locker door.
This was perfect. You needed to get him alone, needed to get him into your room and on your bed andâŠFocus.
You walked straight up and touched his arm. He jumped like youâd tasered him.
âShit! Oh, hi,â he sputtered, hand flying to his chest. âSorry, I didnât, uh, seeâŠHi.â
You slid your hand down his forearm slowly, casually, like you werenât imagining how youâd be dragging it down his ribs later. âRelax,â you said gently, giving him your best smile. âYou free to come over today? We should start the assignment.â
He blinked. Twice. Then a third time for good measure. âToday?â His voice cracked on the word. âAt your house?â
You almost laughed. The way his brain short-circuited at the idea of being someplace as private as your bedroom? God, it made you want to drag him into the nearest storage cupboard and kiss him breathless.
He looked like someone had hit him with a frying pan. Like a very confused, startled, incredibly-cute, frying pan victim. You stepped closer. Close enough that he had to tilt his chin down just slightly to look at you. Close enough to let him know you were invading his personal space on purpose.
âUnless youâre busy,â you teased, voice dropping into something lower and sweeter. âBut I figured getting a head start might be good.â
His mouth opened, closed, then opened again. He was goldfish-ing. âNo, no! Oh my God, no, Iâm not busy,â he blurted. âIâm, uh, Iâm free. Iâm completely free. Totally free. LikeâŠaggressively free.â
You had to bite your lip hard to hold yourself back. This boy was going to kill you. âGood,â you murmured, leaning in just a little bit more. âI like a guy whoâsâŠavailable.â
His eyes widened. You could practically see the thoughts hitting him one after another, like dominos falling. Does she mean that? Is she joking? She smells really good. Why is she so close? Do NOT look at her lips. Oh god, I looked at her lips.
He did. He absolutely did. And you let him. You loved it. âSo,â you said softly, letting your fingers trail up the sleeve of his flannel before pulling back, âcome over at five?â
He swallowed so hard you saw his throat bob. âY-yeah. Yes. Five. I can do five. Iâm, uh, very punctual. I can be earlier if you want earlier I canââ
âFive,â you repeated with a slow smile. âI want five.â
His ears turned pink. Deep pink. The kind of pink that told you he was fully imagining it - imagining being in your house, in your room, alone with you. Good. That was the goal.
You stepped backward, walking away with deliberate sway in your hips, and he watched. He tried not to, but he absolutely failed. Just before you disappeared around the corner, you glanced back over your shoulder.
âDonât be late, Stiles.â You called back to him, and he looked like he was about to faint at just the sound of you getting his name right. He stood frozen, locker still hanging open, looking like he had just been both blessed and attacked.
You had spent the entire hour before five obsessively checking your hair, your outfit, your bed, your perfume, everything. It wasnât nerves, it was strategy. You wanted Stiles walking into your room and short-circuiting so hard he forgot how to blink.
When the doorbell rang at exactly 4:59, you smiled. Of course he was early. Adorable. Your parents were out until late. Everything was ready.
You opened the door, leaning one shoulder against the frame, a picture of effortless confidence. Stiles stood there gripping his backpack like it was a parachute and heâd just been thrown out of a helicopter.
His eyes dragged over you and stopped. Hard. âOh,â he breathed. âWow. I mean, hi. Hi. Sorry. Hi.â
You smirked. âCome in, Stiles.â
He obeyed instantly, like youâd flipped some internal switch. You led him up the stairs at a slow pace. Slow enough that he had no choice but to look at your legs, your hips, the casual sway you added just for him. And boy, did he look. He tried not to. But he did.
You closed your bedroom door behind you and paused, waiting for him to walk further inside before you.
He set his backpack down, clearing his throat. âS-so! Uh. Chapter five. Cell division. Pretty riveting stuff.â
You sat on the edge of your bed, crossing your legs, letting your already-short skirt ride just a little higher. âWe can start thereâŠif you want.â
Stiles sat in your desk chair like he was afraid it would bite him. He tugged at the strings of his hoodie, eyes darting everywhere but at you. You tilted your head. God, he was nervous. It was intoxicating.
He fumbled with the textbook. âRight, so, um, mitosisâŠâ
You stretched out luxuriously on your side, fluffing your hair as your camisole lifted just enough to show a hint of stomach. âStiles.â
âMm?â His voice squeaked.
âYou donât have to pretend youâre not looking.â
He swallowed. Hard. âI wasnât! I mean, I was, but I wasnâtâŠLooking isâŠsometimes itâs involuntary, like blinking, and, ah fuck.â
You laughed softly and patted the bed beside you. âCome sit over here. Weâll work better side by side.â
He hesitated, then stood and crossed the room like a man approaching a dangerous animal aware he might be devoured, but unsure if he minded. He sat beside you, leaving a polite gap. You closed that gap immediately, sitting up and sliding your thigh against his. His breath stuttered.
âComfortable?â you asked, pretending innocence.
âNot even a little,â he whispered before he could stop himself.
Your smile grew. Good. You leaned over him to grab a pen from your nightstand, intentionally brushing your chest against his arm. Stiles went absolutely still, like youâd pressed a freeze button on him. When you sat back, your faces were incredibly close.
âStiles,â you murmured, âwhy are you so nervous?â
He blinked rapidly. âBecause youâreâŠYouâre you. And weâreâŠweâre on your bed, in your room, and youâre wearing that and looking like that, and IâmâŠIâm a normal human man with, uhâŠorgans.â
You snorted. âOrgans?â
He covered his face with both hands. âOh my God.â
You gently pulled his hands away. âI like when you ramble.â
âYou do?â he said, completely thrown.
You nodded, voice dropping lower. âI like a lot of things about you.â
His cheeks flamed. âName one.â
You leaned close enough that your lips almost brushed his ear. âYour smile. Or maybe itâs just your mouth in general.â
He made a helpless sound that was half choke and half whimper. That noise ignited something deep and hungry in you. You pulled back, watching his pupils blow wide. He was so into you. So flustered. So unbelievably, deliciously out of his depth. It drove you insane.
âStiles,â you said softly, âdo you know Iâm flirting with you?â
He stared. âIâŠhad suspicions?â
You bit back a smile. âNo. I mean I am aggressively flirting with you.â
âYouâŠare?â
You sighed dramatically, swinging a leg over his lap in one smooth movement, settling onto him with slow, deliberate pressure. His breath punched out of him. His hands shot to your hips like instinct.
You looked down at him, pinning him with your gaze. âLet me make it very, very clear.â You braced your hands against his shoulders, leaning in. âI want you, Stiles.â
A beat passed and his mouth fell open. âYouâŠyou do?â
You rolled your hips once, watching his eyes roll back just a little. âYes,â you breathed. âIâve wanted you, for a while.â
Stiles made another strangled noise. âYouâŠ? You want toâŠ? Toââ
âHook up with you?â you finished for him. âYeah. I do.â
His hands tightened on your waist. âOh my God.â
You kissed him before he could spiral further. It was firm, slow, wanting. He gasped into your mouth, surprised but instantly responding, grabbing at you like he was afraid youâd vanish. He tasted like spearmint gum and he kissed like heâd fantasised about this just as much as you had. You shifted closer and he pulled you tighter. You nipped at his bottom lip and he let out a soft, desperate sound you felt in your core.
You broke the kiss only long enough to breathe against his mouth. âLie down.â
He did. Instantly. You loved how obedient and responsive he was. You crawled over him, hair falling around your face, watching him pant beneath you, eyes wide, chest rising quickly. He looked wrecked already. Overwhelmed. Turned on out of his mind. You kissed down his neck, slow and lingering.
He arched under you. âOh God! Okay! Oh, wow, yes!â
You smiled against his skin. âSensitive, huh?â
âN-not usually,â he managed, âbut youâŠholy shit!â
You rolled your hips down onto his again, and his head thumped back against your pillow, a helpless moan slipping out before he could catch it. âYou like that?â you whispered.
âYes,â he breathed, hands gripping your thigh, your waist, your back, anywhere he could touch. âYes, fuck, yes.â
You kissed him again, though this time it was messier, deeper, and hungrier. He kissed back with enthusiasm that made your stomach flip, his hands skimming under your shirt, trembling but eager. You tugged off his hoodie, then his shirt. He made a nervous little sound, like he wasnât sure what to do with his hands now that his brain was soup. You guided them to your hips.
âItâs okay,â you whispered. âTouch me.â
He did. Carefully at first. Then less carefully when you gasped. âStiles,â you whispered, âI want you.â
He swallowed, eyes blown black. âIâI want you too. So much. You have no idea.â
âOh,â you murmured, grinding down deliberately, âtrust me. I do.â
What happened next was a blur of heat and breathless laughter, of him whispering your name like it meant something, of you scraping your nails over his buzzed hair and watching him fall apart under you. He was needy and sweet and overwhelmed in a way that made your whole body thrum.
And when you finally pulled him fully beneath you, skin to skin, his voice broke on a sound that made your stomach drop into your knees. âGod, youâre perfect.â
The room smelled like you, and Stiles, heat and sweat and something musky that made your whole body hum like a live wire. You lay on your back, sheets beneath you rumpled, hair a complete disaster across the pillow. Your breathing was slow and heavy, every nerve ending relaxed in a way you hadnât felt inâŠa while. And fuck, you were satisfied. More than satisfied.
Stiles was lying beside you, flat on his back, hands still half-curled in the air like he hadnât figured out what to do with them after using them so very well on you. His chest rose and fell rapidly, his face bright red, wide eyes even wider than usual. He looked wrecked. Adorably, completely, wrecked.
You rolled your head to look at him. He immediately jolted like heâd been caught committing tax fraud. âI swear I donât usually do that, like that. I mean I donât usually do anything, actually, Iâve literally neverâŠWell, I mean, I have hands, obviously, so technically Iâve done things but not with a real person whoâs, uh, alive. Oh my God, please tell me to shut up. Why arenât I shutting up?â
You laughed softly, still breathless. âStiles.â He shut his mouth instantly. You propped yourself on one elbow and let your eyes glide over him, slow and deliberate. His cheeks turned even redder. âI liked it.â
He blinked. âYouâŠwhat?â
âI liked it,â you repeated, leaning closer. âA lot.â
Stiles sat up too fast. Way too fast. So fast that he immediately fell off the side of your bed with a loud thump.
You dissolved into laughter. âAre you okay?â
âIâm fine,â he wheezed from the floor. âTotally fine. Nothing damaged except my dignity. Actually no, thatâs been gone for years.â
He scrambled upright as he tugged his pants back on, tripping over your backpack, then your laundry basket, then nearly launching your lamp off the nightstand trying to steady himself.
You watched him, chest warm, a stupid smile tugging your lips upward. He was so nervous. So messy. So wildly flustered. And you were obsessed with him. More than before. Way more than before. And honestly? You were impressed. Stiles Stilinski - anxious, fidgety, always-apologizing Stiles - had been extremely good with his hands. Not confident, exactlyâŠbut diligent. Intentional. Focused like he was trying to ace a final exam heâd studied for all year. You wanted more. Immediately, if possible.
Stiles was finally pulling on his shirt when you decided to test something. You slid a hand along his bare back, nails lightly dragging.
He choked on air. âYouâreâŠuhâŠyouâre gonna kill me,â he whispered, voice cracking. âLiterally. Iâm gonna die.â
You smirked. âIâll be gentle.â
âNo, see, that doesnât helpââ
Before you could tease him further, you heard a door open downstairs. There was the echo of voices and keys hitting the kitchen counter. Your parents were home.
Stiles went white. âOh! Oh God! Oh no! Nope! Nope, absolutely not. I cannot be here, I should not be here, your parents will shoot me, your mom will throw holy water at me. Where are my shoes?!â
âTheyâre right there,â you laughed, pointing.
He grabbed them, tripped over your rug, caught himself on your dresser, sent two perfume bottles toppling, caught those mid-air, looked proud, then hit his head on your open dresser drawer. âOH THE PAIN!â he whisper-screamed.
You buried your face in your pillow, laughing so hard your stomach hurt. He pulled his hoodie over his head and the zipper got stuck on his shirt, trapping him. You had to sit up to help him. He thanked you like youâd rescued him from a burning building.
Downstairs, your dadâs voice called, âHoney? Weâre home!â
Stiles froze again. âI have to go. I have to go right now.â
You stepped close, fingers hooking the front of his hoodie, pulling him down into a slow, warm kiss. He melted instantly, grip tightening on your waist. When you pulled back, his lips were parted, eyes wide, breath shaky.
âI want to do this again,â you whispered.
Stiles stared like heâd just witnessed a miracle. âY-you do?â
âDefinitely.â
He made a soft, overwhelmed sound. âIâŠIâll text you. Or you text me. Or we could, uh, coordinate schedules. God, Iâm so sweaty! Is it hot in here? Itâs hot in here.â
âStiles,â you whispered, amused, âgo.â
He nodded vigorously, kissed you one more time - quick but desperate - and bolted for the stairs, trying to tiptoe but failing miserably.
Halfway down he whispered-shouted, âI LIKE YOU SO MUCH, THIS IS TERRIFYING.â
You smiled into your pillow again. Yeah, you needed more of him. Soon.
You walked into school the next morning feeling different. Not outwardly different. You still looked like yourself, still had your perfect outfit and mascara and the confidence everyone expected from you. But inside? Inside you were warm. Glowing. Buzzing with the memory of the night before. Your body still hummed. Your brain still replayed his hands, his mouth, the way heâd looked at you like he couldnât believe you were real.
And now, here he was. Stiles Stilinski, leaning against his locker, attempting (and failing) to open a granola bar without tearing it into shreds. His jacket was messier than usual, his hoodie slightly crooked, his shoelaces completely untied.
You couldnât look away. Your eyes went straight to the faint red mark on his neck. The one you had put there. Heat curled through your stomach.
He spotted you before you could pretend you werenât staring. His whole body froze like someone had hit the pause button. His eyes went wide, his face instantly flushed, and he accidentally crushed the granola bar in his hand. It exploded everywhere.
âOh God, no! WHY? Why does food hate me,â he muttered, dropping to the floor trying to gather the crumbs.
Your lips curved into a smile you couldnât hide. You walked toward him slowly, and he visibly panicked, eyes darting left-right-like he was calculating an escape route. âMorning,â you said, low and warm.
Stiles nearly fell backward. âM-morning. Hi. Hello. HOW are you?â He articulated each sound like heâd forgotten how English worked.
You bit back a laugh. âIâm fantastic.â
He swallowed, staring everywhere except at you. When he finally met your eyes, it lasted half a second before he looked away like you were the sun.
âSee you around, Stiles.â You winked at him and started to walk away, making sure to add a sway into your hips that made your skirt rise.
He was freaking out, and you found it adorable. Dangerously adorable. You were still admiring him from your locker when Lydia suddenly appeared at your elbow like a stylish jump scare. âWhy are you staring at Stilinski?â
You didnât jump. You did not jump.
Lydia narrowed her eyes. âYou flinched.â
Okay, maybe you flinched a little. âI didnât.â
âYou did,â she said. âAnd youâre staring at him.â
âIâm not,â you said too fast. Way too fast. âHeâs justâŠbeing weird. As usual.â
She raised a perfectly sculpted eyebrow. Stiles glanced over and saw Lydia looking at him. He immediately dropped all his textbooks. All of them. It was like his body couldnât handle being perceived by Lydia Martin.
Lydia frowned, confused. âWhat is with him today?â
You shrugged, trying to look disinterested when all you wanted to do was pull Stiles into an empty classroom and kiss him until he forgot his own name. âI have no idea,â you lied smoothly.
But Lydia wasnât stupid. She followed your gaze back to Stiles, who was currently spinning in a circle because his backpack strap had gotten caught on his locker door and he didnât realise it. ââŠsomething is off,â she muttered.
You forced a dramatic sigh. âLydia, nothingâs off. Heâs always like that.â
âHm,â she hummed, unconvinced, and marched off.
Stiles looked relieved like heâd escaped a predator. You approached him again once Lydia was gone. He backed into his locker like you were cornering him. Like last night had short-circuited his entire nervous system.
âOh shit,â he whispered, eyes flicking to your lips then away. âWhat are you doing? Youâre stillâŠyou. And Iâm stillâŠme.â
You stepped closer, voice soft. âIs that a problem?â
Stiles made a noise that sounded like a dying kettle. âNot a problem. Just aâŠsituation. A, uh, unique challenge.â
Your smile widened. âStiles. Look at me.â
He did, for exactly one moment. And in that moment, his expression softened. It was almost reverent. Like he was remembering every second of last night. Like he wanted more but had no idea how to function now that heâd actually gotten you once.
Your chest tightened in a way you didnât expect. But then you heard footsteps, and Stiles practically launched himself away from you like the hallway floor was lava.
âI CANâT TALK TO PEOPLE RIGHT NOW,â he blurted, speed-walking down the hall.
You pressed your lips together to hide your grin. God, the way he panicked after hooking up with you was almost just as fun as the actual hooking up part.
He didnât look at you for the next two classes. Correction, he didnât look at you directly. But he stared constantly. Through the gaps between books, around corners, over his shoulder, and in the reflection of classroom windows. Every time your eyes met his - accidentally - he spun away like a malfunctioning Roomba.
During lunch, Lydia kept watching the both of you suspiciously. After fourth period, you found Stiles at his locker again, pretending to look inside it even though it was almost empty. You walked past casually, brushing your fingers against his hand. Just a graze, lightning quick.
Stiles shivered. Full body. You slipped a folded piece of paper into his palm. He looked down at it like youâd handed him a live grenade. He unfolded it, then stared at it, swallowed hard, then looked up at you. He didnât speak, he just nodded. And it wasnât nervous. Not this time. This time it was hungry.
You and Lydia sat on the bleachers like you always did, your skirts smoothed neatly beneath you, your bags dropped at your feet. Jackson and the rest of the team were running drills on the field, shouting, cursing, and sweating. It all shouldâve had your attention. Jackson was objectively good to watch. Everyone knew that. But your eyes werenât on Jackson. They were glued to Stiles.
There he was in full lacrosse gear that looked like it weighed more than his entire body. His helmet was slightly crooked, he kept adjusting his gloves like they were personally torturing him, and his stick handling wasâŠwell, abysmal.
âGod,â Lydia scoffed, flipping her hair. âStilinski and McCall are actual public embarrassments. I swear to God, watching them play is like watching baby giraffes try to walk for the first time.â
You snorted on instinct, but your eyes were glued to Stilesâ thighs as he sprinted. Jesus. Why were his legs that good? You followed the way the muscles in them tightened, how his jersey clung to his back, damp from sweat. At one point he pushed his helmet up to wipe his forehead, and you got a full view of his messy, sweat-mussed hair, cheeks flushed pink.
And all you could think of was how heâd looked the night before. Flushed. Breathless. Gorgeous. You crossed your legs tightly and tried to play it cool.
âTotally,â you said, even though your voice came out breathier than intended.
Lydia didnât notice. She was too busy dissecting Jacksonâs technique and muttering coaching tips heâd never hear. But you kept watching Stiles. Watching the way he stumbled and caught himself. Watching the way he laughed at something Scott said, chest heaving with exertion. Watching the way the uniform clung to places youâd had your hands on last night.
And all you could think was, God, I want him again. I want him pressed against me in that stupid uniform. I want him sweaty and breathless for an entirely different reason. He bent down to tie his shoe and you swallowed thickly. You were done for.
Lydia elbowed you lightly. âYouâre zoning out. What are you even looking at?â
âUh, Danny,â you lied quickly. âHisâŠform.â
Lydia hummed. âHm. Must be a new angle, because you are staring awfully far down the field.â
You forced a laugh, but your stomach twisted. You had to get out of here before she put anything together. When the coach finally blew the last whistle, the team started heading toward the locker rooms.
Lydia stood, brushing off her skirt. âPractice is over. Want a ride home?â
Your heart thumped. You heard yourself say, light and airy, âOh, no, Iâm gonna stay back and study.â
Lydia paused, her eyes narrowing into that terrifyingly observant Lydia Martin look. âWith who?â she asked, voice sharp in that sweet way of hers.
You shrugged with practiced casualness. âJust by myself.â
Suspicion colored her whole face. âYouâre acting weird.â
âIâm acting completely normal,â you insisted. âYouâre the one whoâs been strange today.â
Thankfully she didnât push further. She just gave you that look, like sheâd circle back later, and grabbed her bag. âYou better text me later,â she warned, heels clicking away down the bleachers.
You exhaled shakily as she disappeared. Then you grabbed your own bag and slid quietly beneath the bleachers, stepping into the shadowed space underneath. The air smelled like grass and dirt and old metal. The sound of the team laughing somewhere near the locker rooms drifted through the field.
You waited exactly where youâd told him to meet you in the note youâd slipped into his hand earlier. Your heart fluttered with anticipation, nerves, and excitement. Heâd come. You knew he would.
You leaned against one of the beams, pulse picking up at the thought of seeing him again. Of what you might end up doing to him if he let you. You bit your lip. God, you hoped heâd let you.
You heard the footsteps before you saw him. They were fast, uneven, like heâd jogged the whole way from the locker room. Then Stiles appeared through the shadows.
His hair was damp and sticking up in ridiculous directions, clearly from a rushed shower. A few droplets still clung to his temples. He wore low basketball shorts slung loose on his hips and his lacrosse jersey, the fabric stretching deliciously across his shoulders. His cheeks were pink from the heat of the shower, or nerves.
âHey,â he said, stopping short like heâd run face-first into an invisible wall. âI got your note. Obviously. Because Iâm here. Uh, hi.â
You didnât bother answering. You stepped forward and grabbed the front of his jersey, yanking him under the bleachers fully, into the shadows.
His breath caught. âW-wait, are weâŠ? Are we doing this again?â he stammered.
âYou took too long,â you whispered, and before he could reply, you kissed him. Hard.
Stiles made a startled noise against your mouth, like his brain short-circuited in real time. But then his hands were on your waist, hesitant at first, then gripping tighter when you deepened the kiss. His lips were warm, soft, a little desperate (he was always desperate) and you loved it.
You pressed him back against one of the metal beams, kissing him again and again, biting his bottom lip just to hear the sound he made when you did.
âYou smell good,â you murmured against his throat. âFresh out of the shower?â
He nodded, dazed. âI ran. I didnât want you waiting and thinking I ditched you. I would never ditch you. I mean, unless you wanted me to ditch you. In which case Iââ
âStiles,â you breathed, âshut up.â
You kissed him again, deeper this time, and he made a soft, helpless sound that lit you on fire. Your hands slid under his jersey, over warm skin and tense muscle. Stiles jolted, inhaling sharply.
âOh my God,â he whispered. âI think Iâm gonna have a heart attack.â
âNot today.â You tugged him closer by his waistband, feeling his breath hitch, watching the way his eyes went wide and dizzy. You loved how every thought he had showed right on his face. Panic, want, awe, panic again.
âIâve been thinking about this all practice,â you said, voice low. âAbout you. In this stupid uniform.â
Stiles swallowed like he physically had to work moisture into his mouth. âYeah? Because I-Iâve been thinking about last night.â
That heat shot straight through you. He was so painfully honest. So bad at hiding what he felt. So good at making you feel wanted without even trying. You kissed him again, dragging him by the wrist as you started walking. âCome on.â
âWhere are weââ
You anticipated his question before he could finish and cut him off in a hurry. âTo your car.â
Stiles nearly tripped over his own feet. âMy car? Like, now?â
âUnless you want to stay out here,â you teased, pulling him past the last metal pillar and into the open. The parking lot was empty, with just his powder blue Jeep sitting alone, a far distance from the nearest light pole.
Stiles stopped dead. âWeâreâŠweâre not seriouslyâŠ?â
You didnât let him finish. You pushed him back against the passenger door and kissed him again, hard enough that he gasped slightly. He was warm and flustered and breathing too fast, hands hovering uselessly like he didnât know where to put them.
Then he finally settled them, one on your hip, one at the back of your neck, and kissed you back with a sudden confidence that made your knees weaken. âBack seat,â you breathed.
Stiles fumbled with the door handle. Dropped his keys, picked them up, then dropped them again.
âJesus, Stiles,â you laughed softly, âyouâre adorable.â
âThatâs notâŠIâm not trying to be. Iâm justâŠyouâreââ He made a vaguely strangled sound and finally yanked the door open.
You climbed in first, pulling him by the jersey until he practically fell into the Jeep on top of you, laughing breathlessly as the door slammed shut behind him. His hands were steadier this time. His kisses deeper, more sure. Still clumsy in the way that made your heart ache, but better. So much better.
âLast night probably wasnât the best,â he murmured, almost embarrassed. âBut I paid attention. I can do that. I like doing that. Paying attention to you.â
That spark shot straight through your spine. You kissed him again, and the rest unfolded in a tangled rush of heat, hands, breathless laughter, soft curses, and the kind of desperate closeness youâd been thinking about all day. The windows fogged. The Jeep rocked just a little.
And Stiles - sweet, frantic, unbelievably good Stiles - was even better than heâd been the night before.
The world settled slowly around you. Your breathing, your heartbeat, and the soft hum of the Jeepâs engine cooling. The windows were fogged so heavily you could barely see the field outside, and the air inside was warm and sweet and full of the lingering adrenaline between you.
Stiles lay half on top of you, half beside you, one arm braced awkwardly near your head, the other somewhere on the seat because he genuinely didnât seem to know where to put it. His buzzed hair was a mess again. His cheeks were flushed. His breathing was uneven in that adorable âtrying to pull myself togetherâ way.
âWow,â he said softly, blinking at the ceiling of the Jeep like it had personally changed his life.
You laughed, brushing your fingers gently over his forehead. âYeah. Wow.â
He swallowed, his eyes darting anywhere but yours. To your face, the window, the car ceiling, your lips, and then immediately away from your lips like they were radioactive.
âYouâŠyou keep doing that,â he mumbled.
âDoing what?â you teased, tracing your fingertips down the side of his neck.
âThat.â His voice cracked. âBeingâŠlike this.â
âLike what?â
âLike, into me.â He said it like it was a foreign language.
You felt your chest warm. âStiles. I literally climbed into your car to have my way with you until your windows steamed up.â
âYeah, but, like, on purpose.â He sat up slightly. âThatâs wild.â
You gently pulled him down for a soft, slow kiss. It was sweet and unhurried. The kind that made your stomach flip in a different way. Stiles melted into it, then immediately shot up again like he remembered something embarrassing.
âOh my God. My car, my jersey, I probably smell likeâŠlike locker room death!â
âRelax,â you laughed, pushing lightly at his chest. âYou smell good. And you look cute.â
He blushed all the way to his ears. âCute?â He repeated it like it was a holy word.
âVery.â
He tried to get off the back seat gracefully. He failed spectacularly. His foot got caught in the strap of his duffel bag and he pitched sideways into the front seat console with a loud clunk.
âOw, okay. No, Iâm good, Iâm good,â He scrambled up, knocking something else over. A water bottle rolled, hit the door, and fell onto the floor of the car.
You pressed a hand over your mouth to keep from laughing too loudly. âYou okay?â
âIâm fine,â he said quickly, rubbing his elbow. âTotally fine. Not in pain. Definitely not in pain. IâmâŠIâm gonna drive you home now.â
âOkay,â you giggled, sliding out of the back seat.
You climbed into the passenger seat, still a little breathless, still a little flushed. Stiles started the Jeep, cleared the fogged windshield with his sleeve (somehow making it worse), and finally got the wipers to do their job.
He was still nervous. But something in him had shifted. There was a warmth now. A glow of confidence under all the fluster. He tapped the radio on. Fleetwood Mac filled the Jeep - âDreamsâ drifting softly through the speakers.
You blinked. âYou like Fleetwood Mac?â
Stiles glanced at you, surprised. âUh, obviously. Iâm not a monster.â
You grinned. âI love them.â
His shoulders relaxed. âYeah?â
âEspecially their Rumours album.â
Stilesâ mouth slowly curved into a smile you hadnât seen before. It was shy, but proud. âOkay hold on, wait, what else do you listen to?â
âDad rock,â you admitted. âMy parents raised me on classic rock and 80s hits.â
Stiles slapped the steering wheel lightly. âNo. No way. I thought you were like, top forty hyperpop, or whatever Lydia listens to.â
âI mean I like that too,â you said. âBut I love the old stuff.â
He turned down the music just a little. âName your top three.â
âBon Jovi, Nirvana, some Lana.â
Stilesâ jaw dropped. âBon Jovi? You like Bon Jovi?â
You raised a brow. âYou donât?â
âOh my god, this is insane!â he muttered, shaking his head dramatically. âYouâre like a sleeper nerd.â
You burst out laughing. âA sleeper nerd?â
âYes. A nerd hiding in a popular girlâs body. A stealth nerd.â
âIâm not a nerd,â you insisted, still laughing.
âReally?â Stiles shot you a sideways look. âBecause thatâs what they all say before I find out they know every line to Star Wars.â
You froze. Then raised a slow eyebrow. âDoes it have to be every line?â
Stiles gasped. Loudly. âNO.â
You bit your lip. âYes.â
He threw his head back against the headrest. âOh my GOD. You like Star Wars! This isâŠthis is huge! This is like discovering a new species.â
You shoved his shoulder playfully. âShut up.â
âNo, I mean it,â he grinned. âI had no idea you were secretly cool.â
âSecretly?â
âI mean, youâre hot,â he said immediately, then panicked. âI mean like, obviously, you know that. Everyone knows that. BUT youâre also secretly cool and kind of a nerd and itâs honestly messing with my brain.â
Your heart fluttered and you looked at him and for the first time, the crush in your chest didnât feel like just lust. It felt like interest. Connection. Something warmer, deeper, and sweeter.
You smiled. âMaybe you just never bothered to get to know me.â
Stilesâ voice softened. âIâm getting to know you now.â
Stiles practically burst through his front door when he got home.
âHey son, how was pracââ
âCANâT TALK, DAD!â he yelped, sprinting past Sheriff Stilinski like he was escaping a crime scene.
He bolted upstairs, slammed his bedroom door, and immediately collapsed face-first onto his bed with a loud, muffled groan. It was the groan of a man who had just gotten everything he ever wanted and had no clue how to emotionally process it.
He lay there for a good ten seconds, kicking his legs like an overwhelmed Victorian maiden, before ripping his phone out of his pocket. He dialed Scott and his best friend picked up on the third ring, sounding tired. âDude, itâs almost nine. Whatâs up?â
Stiles inhaled like he needed fresh oxygen to speak. âSCOTT.â
ââŠStiles?â
âSCOTT.â
âWhy are you yelling?â
âShe kissed me.â
There was a pause. âWho kissed you?â
âShe kissed me.â Another pause.
ââŠStiles, you need to use a name. Preferably a real one.â
Stiles sat up, eyes wide and wild as he told Scott your name. âYou know, Lydiaâs best friend. The girl who wears lip gloss that costs more than my monthly car insurance. The girl who sits two rows ahead of you in Econ. The girl who is - objectively - way too hot to be seen with someone who collects limited edition Star Wars socks.â
Scott blinked audibly through the phone. âShe kissed you?â
âYES.â
Scottâs voice softened, warm and supportive. âThatâs great, man!â
Stiles choked. âItâŠit gets better.â
âOh.â Scott hesitated. âUh, define âbetter.ââ
âShe kissed me under the bleachers.â
âOkayâŠâ
âShe dragged me to my car.â
âUh-huhâŠâ
âAnd then weâŠWeâŠâ He violently flailed one hand in the air, even though Scott couldnât see him. âWE DIDâŠTHINGS, SCOTT.â
âOh my God, Stiles.â
âWE DID THINGS TWICE. This was the second time it happened.â
Scott made a strangled noise. âSTILES.â
Stiles threw himself backward onto his pillows, kicking his feet in the air like a flustered hamster. âAnd she likes Fleetwood Mac, Scott. Fleetwood. Freaking. Mac.â
âOkay, coolââ
âAnd STAR WARS.â
âEveryone likes Star Wars.â
âNo, Scott. She knows the lines.â He sat up, deadly serious. âSheâs a total sleeper nerd.â
Scott paused. ââŠWhoa.â
âRIGHT?â Stiles stood up, started pacing. âSheâs, like, the hottest girl in school, and sheâs secretly a nerd and she likes me and she keeps kissing me and I donâtâŠScott, I donât know what to do with ANY of this information.â
âStiles, it sounds like she justâŠlikes you.â
Stiles froze mid-pace. His brain short-circuited. âNo,â he said immediately, too quickly, voice cracking. âI physically canât deal with that. Iâm notâŠnope. Thatâs notâŠI donâtââ
Scott sighed. âDude. Youâre gone.â
âGone where?â Stiles asked, panicked.
âGone. LikeâŠcrushing. Hard.â
Stilesâ mouth opened, closed, opened again. âI, no, I donâtâŠOkay, I like her but not likeâŠI mean, okay, I do like her but thatâs only because she smells really good and laughs at my jokes and is secretly a nerd and has really niceâŠwell, everything.â
âStiles,â Scott interrupted gently. âI can hear you blushing through the phone.â
âWhat if she wants to do this again? What if she wants it to be like a regular things?â Stiles collapsed back onto the bed again with a loud dramatic groan. âOh my god, Scott. Iâm going to die.â
âYouâre not.â
âI am. I am catastrophically unprepared for this.â
âJustâŠtalk to her,â Scott said. âHang out. Be honest. You donât have to freak out.â
âI DO have to freak out,â Stiles shot back, gripping his pillow like it was a flotation device. âBecause sheâŠScott, she kissed me like she meant it.â
There was a smile in Scottâs voice when he answered. âWellâŠmaybe she did.â
Stiles went silent, his heart thundering as eyes wide. ââŠHoly crap.â
It happened slowly, then all at once. A pattern formed between you and Stiles. A rhythm. A secret life you lived only with him. What started as desperate kisses and rushed hookups - stolen moments after school, under bleachers, in dark corners - turned into something else entirely. It became routine. Comfortable. Addicting.
You started meeting up without even needing to plan it. Youâd text âheyâ, and heâd reply âon my wayâ, and within ten minutes heâd be at your doorstep, half-panicked, half-excited, always breathless.
Sometimes it was at your place, sneaking him up to your room while your parents were at work. Sometimes at his house, while his dad worked late and Stiles pretended to do homework. Other times it was the back seat of the Jeep on a back road off the highway, windows down, wind blowing through your hair while Stiles kissed you like he couldnât believe you were real. Once, it was on a blanket in the preserve under a sky full of stars - a moment that surprised both of you with how soft it felt, how slow, how unhurried.
And slowly, something shifted. Because it wasnât always physical. There were days you two didnât hook up at all. Days where you justâŠhung out. You watched movies together. Old ones he loved, new ones you made him watch. You talked for hours, lying upside down on his bed or sprawled on your carpet, laughing about the stupidest things.
You listened to music together, trading songs and arguing about which album was best. Little by little, you began to crave his presence, not just his touch. And he started relaxing around you. Getting funnier. Goofier. More Stiles. Before you even realised it, you and Stiles werenât just sneaking around anymore. You were seeing each other. You were becoming something. Even if neither of you said it out loud.
The night it shifted fully, you were in the preserve again. Youâd driven with him into the trees until the path grew narrow and the canopy blocked out most of the sky. The Jeep sat in the clearing, engine off, crickets humming around you. The two of you climbed into the back seat automatically, the same way you always did, but something felt different immediately.
Stiles looked at you like he was trying to memorise you. Not like he was nervous youâd disappear. Not like he was overwhelmed. JustâŠstruck.
âYou okay?â you whispered, brushing his hair back without thinking.
âYeah,â he breathed. âI justâŠI like being here. With you.â
Your chest tightened in a way that scared you and thrilled you at the same time. You leaned in to kiss him, expecting the usual rush of heat, urgency, the frantic rhythm the two of you always fell into.
But Stiles kissed you slower. Softer. Like he had all the time in the world. His hand slid into your hair, fingertips brushing your scalp gently, sending a warm shiver down your spine. His other hand rested on your waist, steady and sure, guiding you closer instead of pulling frantically.
His lips moved with yours in perfect, tender sync. You melted. It wasnât the familiar wildfire of wanting him. It was something deeper. You pulled back slightly, breath shaky, eyes meeting his in the dim light.
âStilesâŠâ you whispered, not even knowing what you were about to say.
He touched your cheek, thumb tracing along your jawline like he couldnât help it. âI know,â he said softly. âMe too.â
You kissed him again, your fingers sliding into the hair at the base of his neck as he moved with you, warm and gentle and so heartbreakingly present. It felt less like hooking up. More like falling.
Your bodies found each other naturally, slowly, hands exploring with intention instead of urgency. His kisses trailed along your jaw, down your neck, and for once you didnât feel rushed, or hidden, or like you had to stifle your breathing. You felt seen.
Stiles paused only to look at you again with the kind of look you usually avoided out of fear it would reveal too much. This time, you held it. Your hands rested on his chest, feeling the steady beat of his heart. He covered your hand with his own, fingers lacing with yours without hesitation. Youâd never held hands duringâŠthis. But now, it felt like the most intimate thing youâd ever done together.
Everything between you moved gently - warm breath, warm skin, warm hands - like you were synced without needing to talk. And when you came together, it wasnât rushed or chaotic. It wasnât about desperation or thrill anymore. It was emotional. Connected. Equal. It was the kind of closeness that made your eyes sting in a way you didnât dare acknowledge.
Stiles held you afterward, his arms wrapping around you, your cheek resting on his chest. His heart was still beating a little too fast, but steadier than usual. He stroked your back absentmindedly, like he was touching you just to reassure himself you were still there. You swallowed hard, overwhelmed by how safe it felt.
He whispered, almost too softly to hear. âThisâŠfeels different, right?â
You nodded against him. âYeah,â you whispered. âIt does.â
Stiles exhaled, shaky but hopeful, and pressed a kiss to the top of your head. Neither of you said the word for it. Neither of you dared to. But you both knew, it wasnât just hooking up anymore. Not even close.
You didnât even notice Lydia watching you at first. You were at your locker between classes, still a little dazed from the night before. The memory of Stilesâ hands on your waist in the back of the Jeep occupied the forefront of your mind - the slow, aching kisses that had made your chest tighten in a way you werenât prepared for. You were smiling at your books like a complete idiot when a manicured hand slammed the locker door shut right in front of your face.
You jumped. Lydia stood there with her arms crossed, hip cocked, eyebrows raised like she had just solved a murder case.
âSo,â she said. âYou want to tell me why you smell like menâs deodorant? Specifically cheap menâs deodorant?â
Your heart stopped. âIâŠwhat? Lydia, I do not. Thatâs insane.â
She scoffed. âYouâre a good liar, but youâre not that good. Youâve been hooking up with someone, and I wanna know who. Spill the beans.â
âThereâs no one, Lydia.â You insisted, shaking your head.
âI know there is, so why donât you just tell me?â Lydia scoffed.
Your stomach flipped. You forced a laugh, tried to look casual. âWhy would you even assume there is anyone.â
âCome on.â Lydia leaned closer, lowering her voice. âYou disappeared for all of lunch last week and when you finally got to English, you had closet hair. Iâve never seen you going to the library to âstudyâ this much in your life. You never answer your phone late at night anymore, and youâre always busy but youâre never doing anything.â
You touched your hair automatically. Damn her. She missed nothing.
âSo?â she continued to prod sharply, âCome on, itâs not like itâs Stilinski, right, so how bad can it be?â
You froze. Lydia watched your face, saw the reaction, and her eyes widened. âOh. My god. No! Stilinski? You are!â
âLydiaââ you began.
âYouâre hooking up with Stiles Stilinski?â
You looked away, cheeks burning, and that was answer enough.
Lydia blinked at you like youâd just told her you were dating a garden shovel. âWhy? HeâsâŠheâs Stiles.â
Something ugly twisted inside you. Embarrassment, yes, but anger too. Shame. And suddenly you were ashamed of being ashamed. You straightened slowly. âAnd what exactly is wrong with Stiles?â
Lydia opened her mouth. You didnât let her. âNo, seriously. Tell me. Whatâs wrong with liking someone whoâs smart and funny and actually treats me like I matter?â
Lydia looked startled. âI didnât meanââ
âYes, you did.â Your voice trembled, but you didnât care. âAnd Iâm really tired of pretending I donât care about him just because you and Jackson think heâs some kind of loser.â
Her face tightened. âI justâŠdonât want you to tank your social life for someone whoââ
âSomeone who what? Isnât Jackson?â you shot back. âNewsflash, Lydia, I donât want someone like Jackson.â She flinched. You felt the hit land but couldnât stop now. âI like him,â you said, soft but firm. âI like Stiles and Iâm not embarrassed about it. Not anymore.â
Lydia stared at you, but for once, she had no quick reply. You turned on your heel before she could form one.
Stiles was at the end of the hallway, rummaging in his backpack like he was fighting with it. Scott was beside him chatting. A few other students walked past. Normal scene. Totally ordinary. Except everything inside you was rushing and roaring. Stiles looked up and froze when he saw you marching straight toward him.
âUh, hi?â he said, voice squeaking in that adorable Stiles way.
You didnât even slow down. You grabbed the front of his shirt, pulled him down, and kissed him full on the mouth right there in the crowded hallway. A wave of gasps rippled across the student body. Someone even dropped a binder with a loud BANG!
Stiles made a shocked little noise against your lips, then melted. Hands grasping your waist, pulling you closer, kissing you back like heâd been starved for days. When you finally pulled away, Stiles blinked rapidly, dazed and breathless.
âWhâwhat? What is happening?â he whispered.
âIâm not hiding us anymore,â you murmured, brushing your thumb over his cheek. âIf you still want this.â
His swallow was audible. His eyes were so wide and warm and stunned. âIf I still want this?â He gave a helplessly smitten laugh. âIâve been in, like, a constant state of cardiac arrest over you for weeks.â
You grinned, grabbed his hand. âGood,â you said softly. âCome on.â
Still in shock, Stiles let you drag him away down the hall, past the staring students, past Lydia frozen with her mouth slightly open, past everything. You didnât look back. And Stiles didnât stop smiling.
By the time the afternoon bell rang, the entire school knew. You and Stiles had kissed. Not just kissed, but kissed kissed, in full view of a hallway full of gossips and amateur Instagram detectives. Everywhere you walked, people whispered.
âWait, her? And Stiles?â
âHow did that even happen?â
âWell, good for him.â
âDid she lose a bet?â
âNo way, I think she actually likes him.â
You squeezed Stilesâ hand tighter every time someone stared too long. He squeezed back, though his ears had been pink since third period.
âAre you okay?â you murmured as you walked toward the exit.
He inhaled sharply. âIâm either fine or Iâm dying. Hard to tell. But Iâm definitely holding your hand so thatâsâŠwinning.â
You bumped his shoulder with a smile. âYouâre adorable.â
He made a little strangled sound but didnât let go. You were two steps from the doors when someone grabbed your elbow and tugged you aside.
Lydia.
Stiles blinked, startled and wary. âUh, I can wait over there? Or, likeâŠpretend to be invisible? Which is my specialty.â
âItâs fine,â you said quickly, but Lydiaâs expression was unreadable.
Stiles hesitated, then moved a few feet away. He was close enough to keep an eye on you, far enough to give you space. You turned to Lydia, already bracing.
âIf youâre going to tell me how big of a mistake this isââ
âIâm not,â she cut in.
You froze. Lydia folded her arms, not defensive, justâŠsmall. âIâm here to apologize.â
That shut you up completely. Lydia looked down at her shoes before meeting your eyes again. âI was awful earlier. Judgmental and and honestly? Really rude.â
You blinked, thrown off balance. This was not the ambush you were prepared for.
She exhaled shakily. âI think I reacted that way becauseâŠI didnât understand. And maybe because Iâve never seen you choose someone based on how he makes you feel, instead of how he makes you look.â
Your irritation softened a fraction.
âAnd StilesâŠâ Lydia shrugged helplessly. âHeâs not what I imagined for you. But that doesnât mean heâs wrong for you.âHer voice gentled. âI see the way he looks at you. Like you hung the moon. And I saw the way you looked at him today.â Lydiaâs lips curved in a small, sad smile. âNo oneâs ever had you look that soft.â
Heat pricked the backs of your eyes unexpectedly.
âIâm sorry,â she said again, sincere and quiet.
You exhaled slowly, the tension leaving your shoulders. âI love you, Lydia. But you were being a bitch.â
Lydia nodded. âI know.â
âBut,â you added, âI forgive you.â
That earned the faintest relieved smile. Lydia squeezed your hand. âJustâŠdonât get hurt, okay?â
âI wonât,â you said, and you meant it. You stepped away from her and walked back toward Stiles.
He perked up immediately, like a golden retriever waiting for permission to wag his tail. âEverything okay?â he asked softly.
âYeah,â you said, threading your fingers through his again. âEverythingâs perfect.â
His grin lit up his whole face as you pulled him with you out into the parking lot. The two of you no longer a secret, no longer hiding, and no longer pretending this was anything less than real.
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
â Live Streamingâ Interactive Chatâ Private Showsâ HD Qualityâ Free Actions
Free to watch âą No registration required âą HD streaming
Minho had grown accustomed to sleeping next to his partner, and you, no different.
Tw/cw: angst to comfort, sad stuff until itâs not so sad anymore. Use of You. This is kinda bad and short but I just thought of itđžalso not really proofread
Nights in the glade tended to feel breezy, some days were hotter than others and some were cold. Everyone chopped it up to the creators mood that day.
But no matter the temperature, the one thing that stayed the same was you two.
Minho and his partner.
It could be sweltering, skin ready to fall off the bone and the two of you would still be connected somehow. Whether that was a leg thrown over the other, hands interlocked or even fingers grazed.
Cold nights were a favorite, it was perfect for wrapping loose limbs together like a pretzel. Shoving your bodies together like you were trying to fuse into one.
It became a habit neither of you intended to ever break. Or one that you never thought could be broken.
It wasnât until the third sleepless night that you realized the pain of Minho being gone wasnât the only reason you couldnât sleep.
It was the warmth beside you that bothered your body.
So used to his snores directly into your ear lobe, his breath on your arm or your neck telling you he was still alive.
The reassurance that he wasnât going anywhere. Thatâs why neither of you could sleep.
Minho was sure that even if he was captured, in chains or being tortured.
If you were in-front of you, whispering sweet nothings, praises that he did well today despite their lack of proof they could get out of the glad, your face, and your smile.
Heâd be able to sleepâeven for a moment knowing you were beside him.
But just like you heâd grown spoiled with the affection each night. The sickening love that couldnât go unnoticed between the two of you.
It was no wonder to the rest of them why you woke up with bags darker than the sky under your eyes, the prominent scowl thatâs taken home on your face.
Every irritable âIâm fine.â That left your mouth, Less convincing than the last.
Seeing his face after months of self isolation was like finding a swimming pool in the scorch. You were sure the two of you looked like a mirror of pain.
Your ragged âMINHO!â Echoed off the walls. It was the most lively anyone had heard you speak since he was taken from you. Your name being shouted no differently from the boy who shared your look of relief.
You were safe. You could rest.
And rest you both did, it was the best sleep either of you had gotten in months.
Falling asleep holding eachother like the world have to kill you both before they separated you again. Attached at the hip even when you opened your eyes.
âNever leave me again.â You whisper, voice so soft it could stand on a cloud. Minho smiled like he forgot how to, âI wouldnât dream of it.â He spoke in the same tone.
With your foreheads rested on eahcothers, breaths mixing together, bodies morphed into one.
summary: you had always adored damian⊠till you overheard his complaints to his brothers on your clinginess. so why was it that when you decide to give him what he desires, he is the one trying to close the gap he desperately wanted?
pairing: damian wayne x fem! reader
content: hurt-comfort, angst+fluff, hea, grovelling+yearning, desperate damian who bites his own words that make him go through it, reader with boundaries
âSheâs clingy.â
Damianâs voice is unmistakable. Cut-throat, swift in its delivering blow. Even with his back turned to you, you could recognise it in a heartbeat.
âC'mon, Dames.â Dick teases. âYou enjoy her company.â
A cold, scathing scoff echoes. âHer smothering can barely be considered company. Consuming my entire weekâthen coming along to the gala just to torment me further? You're mistaken.â
Pressing the gap of the door shut, your numb fingers dig into the wood. His bitter admission parted from his lips so easily. His harshly thrown words didnât just shatter your heart physically into piecesâno, there isn't a harsher tidal wave crashing over you than the realisation that whatever bond you shared with Damian was a complete, utter lie.
Damian, who was prone to being harsh with his words, but had never gone out of his way to hurt you on purpose. You had even considered it a charm of his, because there had always been something tender laced within his actions, that always spoke louder than his words.
When he quietly swapped his plate with yours, a quiet consideration without ever once looking up, having memorised your allergies without you realising.
When he subtly placed his hand behind your back in galas, chasing off vultures who aimed for your status, with a silent glare that places you under his direct protection.
When he carried you all the way to his bedroom after a bad sprain on your ankle from a bad fall down the stairs in his manor, with biting remarks and a tender caress over your swollen skin as he applied an ice-pack, worry creased into his brow.
Was it all a ruse?
The wound is only inflicting on itself with every memory torn apart and searched for any evidence, any signs for his dislike. You trusted Damian, which is why it hurt so much to hear him talk about you this way. As if those small moments were all mere inconveniences for him, that burdened him. You had assumed he at least reciprocated your friendship, but now⊠if only he had faced you instead, with an honest willingness to express how uncomfortable he was.
If it was space Damian wanted, he should have communicated it with you. Instead of mouthing it to his brothers behind your back, without allowing for your voice of input to clarify on the boundaries he wanted.
You donât notice time passing, standing in the corner of the hallway, your heels digging into the soles of your feetâtill you felt a heavy hand on your shoulder. You flinch, brushing the sudden grip off only to find Damian in your swarmed vision. Concern flickers in the green flecks of his eyes⊠or was it annoyance? The ability to read through his mask, it feels as if itâs been an illusion all along.
âSpaced out?â Damian taunts, one brow cocked at your strange behaviour. "I told you not to come."
I told you not to come. Youâre not sure what is the appropriate response, not when you feel a clog in the back of your throat. You never had to think twice on your words before, not in front of him.
âTired.â You admit, because at the very least, that word carried a semblance of truth. Youâve never felt more exhausted in your life, and the culprit was standing in front of you, completely unfazed. âI think I should head home.â
His eyes widen imperceptibly, not expecting you to take his words so literally. You were never one to skip out on a dance before a gala has ended, no matter how boring the event was. Often, youâd drag him by the arm as your partner, only because the look on his face was easily the best memory of the night. At least, it shouldâve been.
His lips part, ready to form his signature 'I told you so', but your ghastly expression makes him hesitate. He clears his throat, offering his hand and slotting himself by your side. âVery well. Iâll escort you.â
âNo.â It blurts out quick, desperate.
His surprise slips through his impassive expression. His hand still outstretchedâfreezes, doubt etched into the crease of his mouth.
âYou should be with your family.â You reply, straining a smile. âI wonât take up more of your time.â
It was meant to sound considerate, but the quickness of your tongue made it sound like a solemn promise.
His eyes narrow in puzzlement but youâve already turned, moving out of his reach towards the exit. He doesnât make an attempt to stop you, and it hurts that maybe, part of you still hoped he would. To prove his statement wrong, that you mattered more than being a nuisance.
Youâll give him what he wants. Space. Maybe you needed it too, to understand the emotions weighing on you. This hurtâbetrayalâshock, you needed time to process it. To reevaluate what Damian Wayne really means to you.
Damian hasnât heard from you in two days. In the past forty-eight hours, he has tracked your location to ensure you werenât kidnapped, or lost your phone. Both suspicions were refuted, and the only anomaly that remains is your uncharacteristic silence ever since that night at the gala.
His gaze flickers back to the opened message channel, where his text âHave you arrived?â remains unread. Running a hand through his locks, this may be Damian's firstâfor his conclusions to come up empty. His text was a mere front, an opening to ask about your wellbeing. His confidence in your reply was absolute, and he never once considered ending up in this standstill. Despite being apart from your constant presence, he finds that youâre somehow occupying more of his mental capacity.
He shouldâve went after you the moment he saw that strange, desolate expression on your face when he found you, hidden alone in the corner. Your solemn attitude rang caution bells, concernâwhich is why he offered to bring you back. It was instinctive, natural. He never expected your rejection. The sting caught him off-guard, words of concern trapped in his throat. He didnât master the skill of comfort as easily as you did, with sweet, honey words easily coming to your forefront.
Heâs overthinking the situation, analysing it till the details have gone runny in his handsâblurry aside from the clear vision of your back turned towards him. Still, there was something about your goodbye⊠that left him strangely unsettled.
"There you go again." He hears your teasing voice, already memorised in his mindâa poke of your finger against his cheek. "Overanalysing the situation. Just ask me, Dami."
He shakes his head, trying to dissuade the many possibilities that ended in zero conclusions. Itâs not a big matter. Today was one of the rare occurrences where his biology classes coincided with yours, leaving a lunch break where he could demand for answers. Heâs sure that once he sees your usual, brightened expressionâthe discomfort in his chest will disappear.
Damian waits with strained patience outside your lecture hall. Various eyes are casted onto himâa rare, Gotham Times worthy sight of a lone Wayne waiting for some mysterious figure, but the attention is none of his concern. His eyes are locked on you instead, watching you pack your bag through the open gap of the door, the AC blasting a cold breeze against his nose bridge.
Youâre laughing at some unheard joke from this distance, and it should soothe his worriesâto see you refreshed compared to your exhaustion two days ago. He understands better than anyone how exhausting those galas are, which is why he tried to dissuade you from attending in the first place. Still, you had insisted on accompanying him, much to his chagrin. He at least hoped you didn't flunk your midterms today by overexerting yourself, despite his previous warnings, or else he really wouldn't be able to restrain himself from saying I told you so.
All fleeting thoughts of teasing you are discarded at the sight of an unknown blond male, chatting you up and making you laugh as hard as you did. His foot taps in a repeating manner, discomfort swarming in his chest the longer he watched, before catching his own fretting and forcing himself to stay still. This unknown variable is not a problem. Once you spot him, you'll come to his side insteadânaturally.
This reassurance paces his impatience, waiting for you to notice him as you made it towards the door. His chest rises, anticipation creeping in as your head raisesâand meets his gaze.
You smile, like you always do, and it has the same application of a soothing balm over the minor migraine he's formed from over-checking your coordinates. Waiting for you to come to him, his lips part with a ready excuse for why he came to find you instead of meeting at your usual lunch spot.
Only for you to walk right past him.
He blinks, unable to process what just happened. Impossibly in a single moment, he became invisible to your eye. His mind works in overdrive, unable to piece the facts together that you just walked past him. The probabilities calculated don't align with reality, but his body reacts faster. His hand reaches out, grabbing onto your wrist impulsivelyâright as you made your turn towards the hallway.
You stumble, gaze flickering down to his grip in surprise. â...Damian?â You blink as if stunned, like you hadnât just walked past him like he was a ghost.
âYou havenât responded to my messages.â He blurts out with almost immediate regret. Now, his position comes off as a confrontation, and that blond is staring at him with vague amusement. Pathetic, he feels shame burn in the back of his throat. This wasn't how it was supposed to go.
You stare at him unblinkingly, before your mouth parts in acknowledgment. âAh, that. Tim should've updated you, did he not?â
Tim. A heated frustration arises in his chest, but he canât figure out what exactly is stoking the fire. The realisation that you prioritised Tim's messages over his, or your strange nonchalance to his concern. âYouâve been conversing with Drake?â
âI needed his help with finding a new collectionâheâs also a fan of the series.â You shrug. "With the midterms and his constant updates about the shipment from Japan, I mustâve missed yours."
âYour business with Drake isnât my concern.â He spits out, harsher than intended. An uncomfortable slither of emotions is writhing in his chest, and the thought that you and Tim have been conversing in secret all along these past two days, bonding to something he wasnât privy to... it was irritating.
Why had you gone to Tim instead? If you had asked him, he could've easily gotten you the collection.
âWhat is our relationship then?â You implore casually, eyeing his reaction. âIf your concern is so situational."
Whatever he was expecting, he didnât expect that. His lashes flutter, his composure all but ruined as his mind tries and fails to merge the you he knows, and the you in front of him. You don't seem angry. So, why was he beginning to feel a sense of dread?
âWerenât you the one who always decided the labels for us?â He asks after a moment, his voice rough against the unexpected impact of your question.
Your expression finally flickers, disappointment slipping through the cracks of your smile. His response has displeased you, even he could read into that.
âIâll let you answer for us this time.â You reply, and itâs distantâcold. Unlike you. âYou can choose whichever you deem fit.â
âWait.â His rushed voice sounds desperate even to his own ears. The sight of your back turned towards him is something he never wanted to see again. His gaze flickers between you and the blond, questioning. âAre we not supposed to have lunch together?â
You turn back, staring at him with an unreadable expression. Your smile reappears, but it doesnât reach your eyes. âIâm having lunch with Lawrence, so itâs okay. You donât need to accompany me.â
Damian views the world akin to a battlefield. There are allies, enemies, changes in fronts and positions. He has fought hard to feel deserving of every position in his life, whether it had been his grandfather's heir, his father's blood son, or Robin. Right now, he feels as if his position beside you has been ripped out of his hands. Accompany? Is that how you saw it, like some sort of duty imposed on him that you could dismiss him of whenever you pleased?
"See you around, Dami." Even his nickname given by you comes off flat from your tongue. As if you were going through the motions, interacting with him from behind a wall that's suddenly been constructed without his notice.
You weren't completely ignoring him like he suspected, but this distance... feels much worse.
There was something, very obviously wrong.
You arenât sitting beside him. In the seat reserved for you, thatâs meant for you.
It had been set from the very start, maybe initially because the two of you were the only children ever-present during family business dinners... and later, with your constant chattering that the adults found had an amusing effect on him.
He's gotten used to exchanging cuts of his meals with yours, or swapping his glass if his had more ice cubes in them, because you liked your beverages freezing cold. Used to you whispering unrelated stories and jokes into his ear when his father talks business with your father, and he has to resist a quirk up his lips because it would mean that you won in your little game to crack his exterior. Now, it's as if an entire routine has been disrupted, and Damian was a man of routine.
He watches you, eyes like a hawk over your every movement, trying to detect any pause in this unreachable mask of yours. You slice your steak without fault, placing your cut between your lips as you nod along to your father's words, seated at his right hand. You don't blink an eye in his direction, and he's tempted to walk right over and drag you out of that very chair.
To corner you in a space without prying eyes, and... what? He swallows dryly, forcing himself to look back down at his untouched meal. What could he say without sounding like a lunatic?
That he suspects that he's done something wrong merely because you've switched seats today? Or that you've been skipping out on lunches with him. Or all the way back to that cursed gala, when you had refused his hand to escort you back home.
Another troubled âTtâ slips past his gritted teeth, and that finally reaches your ears.
When he meets your curious gaze, a silly gust of hope appears so quickly in his chest at the luck that he's finally caught your attention. He raises a brow, a silent question, gesturing to head to a private room with the tilt of his head. You've always understood his silent words better than anyone else did.
Which is why it shocks him when you merely cast your gaze back to your father, leaving his question unanswered. He wasn't deluding himself in this occasion. You're clearly rejecting his gesture, pretending as if you never saw it.
His grip tightens, crumpling into the table cloth, shame colouring his features. He has to put an end to this. Regardless of your coy act, he knows you. Maybe you had a bet with one of his brothersâwho knows what schemes they've configured after their constant interrogations during the gala, successfully running a fuse on his temper.
Or maybe, heâs displeased you with an inadequate response. You had mentioned it before, the term 'labels'. Honestly, he never once considered trapping you in something so jarringly concrete. Bonds, human connectionsâthey were always needlessly complicated.
What you meant to him, it expanded beyond the limitations of languages. You, who saw past his sharp exterior and pushed him beyond his limits, and him, who found himself staying despite every rational thought pleading him not to expose his weakness so easily out in the open.
It was simply natural from the moment he met you, instinctive to remain by your side just as you always found a place to slot beside his. Terrifyingly easy, that he refused to let anyone see the softness you evoked out of him. It was meant for you, and only you. Now, the strike of your absence, despite being only a few feet away from him, is running a deeper cut into his conscience, tracing back to the questions that's been bombarded on him by his siblings.
Butâwhat does she mean to you, Dames?
What would your life look like without her?
In a desperate attempt to brush off questions that aroused a panic he had never felt before, he came up with quick, venom-filled words to dissuade his brothers. Oddly enough, he never wished to reveal what you meant to him, not aloud.
It made it feel too real, too vulnerable. As if the world could swallow you whole if he admitted just how irreplaceable you were, that he couldn't envision a life without you by his side. His grandfather had made it soâthat any weaknesses should be removed from its roots.
He did not want to remove you from his life, so you are not his weakness.
He's tempted to curse his brothers to oblivion. If only they hadn't sprung such obnoxious questions, then these thoughts wouldn't be invading him, and the universe wouldn't have punished him for it.
He had already felt the brimming inevitability of something bound to go wrong the moment he was faced with vulnerability. If it had been anyone else, he would have retreated in a similar manner as he always had. To not show weakness, to prove that he was above silly affections and attachments to othersâbut it's you.
He has to fix this. Whatever it is that's wrong. If only you would look at him, then maybe you'd see his desperation too and let him in.
Damian doesn't receive an opening till the next gala. A cruel twist of fate the universe has decided to play on him, as if openly mocking his distress, to end up right back where the entire fiasco started.
He's barely kept himself sane. In these past two weeks, you've only responded to his messagesâhorrible attempts of reconnection, with mere one word replies, and visited the manor to hang out with his other siblings. When he had caught you lounging on Tim's bed, ranting about the new series you both were so invested in, he nearly tore the door straight off its hinges.
He craves for your silly rants during lunches. Your presence dipping the corner of his bed as you sketched doodles of his family in their vigilante costumes. Your warm laughter that soothes a long night of patrol.
He misses you... terribly.
It doesn't help that you're a vision tonight, only worsening the trembling ache in his chest. Dressed in your favourite colour that make you so strikingly vivid, already seared into his mind as he stares unblinkingly, he doesn't realise he's been holding his breath till your heels click with an ever-increasing volume towards him. Your nearing approach is what finally snaps him out of his daze, and his hand immediately shifts. Out of mere habit, for you to hold onto his arm as always.
Your hand doesn't lift to meet his, remaining stuck to your side. It pushes him off balance, and he has to force himself to respond when you greet him.
"You...look beautiful." He admits, his voice a weakened imitation of itself. He hates this, and you lookâyou are beautiful. So much so that it hurts. Even if he tried to reach his hand out for you, he has the suspicions that youâll only back away from his touch.
"Thank you." You smile politely, and the tone of your voice, practiced and composed, stings.
His lips part, ready to pull you aside and ask what he has done wrong. He is ready to do whatever you ask, to plead for forgiveness so long as that look in your eyes finally fades, anything to get you back. The real you, not hidden behind cruel distance and polite masks.
A familiar, dreadful face cuts in before he can. Damianâs gaze hardens, trained on the blond that's been trailing after you since two weeks ago, who currently has his hand outstretched for you. His scowl falters, panic swarming his instinctsâwhen your own hand reaches out to take the stranger's invitation.
He utters your name, a weak pulse forming a lump in his throat.
You turn back, casting him a quick glance like his existence was an after-thought. "Lawrence offered to dance with me earlier. We'll catch up later, Dami."
His chest seizes completely. He doesn't process the alteration of his own steps, only finding your wrist captured between his fingers, his shoe stepped in between the gap of you and your dancing partner, functioning as an opposing barrier.
âIâm afraidââ His voice cuts in, deadly calm. ââshe already has a partner for tonight.â
Your head whips around, unable to hide your shock. His jaw clenches, eyes narrowed at the suitor who's dared to try for your hand. Perhaps it's his building paranoia stemming from your continued absence, but the sight of someone taking you away by your willing hand is truly driving him mad.
It doesn't take long before Lawrence registers the message Damian sends with a single, warning glare. Hands off.
Finally able to breathe once the bastard's been chased off, he turns back to meet your gaze and is surprised to find the barely concealed anger in your eyes. You've never looked at him this way before.
That same discomfort that's plagued him constantly for the past two weeks builds in his chest at the thought that you even entertained the possibility of dancing with Lawrence. Damian had always been your dancing partner, no matter how much he claimed to dislike partaking in galas like these. If anyone was going to deal with sore feet from the accidental missteps of your heels, it will always be him.
âIs that the label youâve decided on?â You ask, the first words uttered without that strange, distant tone you've used before. âPartners?â
âDoes it displease you?â He presses, trying to gauge your reaction. âI will change it to whatever you prefer.â
You purse your lips, conflict arising in your gaze. âI donât understand you.â
He exhales lowly. âI should say the same for you. You are the one whoâsââ His jaw twitches, desperation slipping past his façade. ââdrifting away.â From me, why are you acting as if I donât matterâas if this doesnât matter?
He shouldn't have drank all that wine from earlier.
Alcohol doesnât affect him, not with its supposed dizzying sensation and loss of control when recklessly consumed, but it did make him bolder, his tongue sharper. Yet, seeing you trying to evade himâout of his reach, he found himself doing something he sworn to never doâbeing impulsive.
At the lack of your response, his hand still wrapped around your wrist tugs gently, a quiet plea for you to say something. He feels useless, smallâand you're the only thing he desperately needs. To help him make sense of the chaos that's consumed his every waking thought, that's plunged and follow him into his dreams.
Eventually, you sigh. "We should talk."
A small hope reignites at this chance you've given him. It's automatic, already mapped out in his head as he guides you to an empty room on the second floor. You don't rip away from his hold at the very least, but from your strained steps, you're not ecstatic to be with him either.
Shielded from prying eyes once he shuts the door, you're quick to pull your hand out of his hold. His own mask fractures at the loss of your warmthâbut when he forces his gaze away from your disconnected hands, he finally sees you shed your own to reveal your honest expression. You look tired, a mirrored reflection of the agony thatâs been inflicted on him these past two weeks.
You settle at the loveseat, head resting on your palm as if the very weight of your unreadable thoughts have consumed you, leaving you exhausted. If only he could reach in and unravel them himself, to understand the change in you.
âDrifting away?â Your voice muses at his words, and it lands like a punch. Do you truly not understand what you've done to him? âYouâve seen me the entire week.â
He shakes his head adamantly, coming to stand before you, neck craned down to face your averting gaze. âI won't be easily fooled. Youâre avoiding me. Standing in places youâre not supposed to be.â
It sounds childish. God, he was being driven insane the longer you stood there, finally in his sights and he just couldnât stop drinking you in.
âOpting for the furthest seat. Skipping lunch breaks. Accepting another dance partner. Ignoring my messages. Not being by my side.â It pours out without stopping, even as he feels warmth burn at the back of his neck, reaching his ears. âYour behaviour has changed. Even when you're close, youâre out of reach.â
âAnd you say Iâm the clingy one?â Your expression flickers, a mix of hurt and solemn amusement.
His brow creases. âWhen have I everââ
His own voice echoes in his mind, in a taunting afterthought. âSheâs clingy.â
The gala. The interrogations. Your sudden change in behaviour. You overheard his callous comment. His reckless mistake.
He calls out your name weakly. The gravity of his mistakeâit feels as if the entire universe is collapsing onto him.
You let out a sigh, and the acceptance in it terrifies him. As if youâve already prepared yourself in these past two weeks, to fully be out of his life.
âI overheard you at the charity gala.â Your admission coincides with his guess, and your unwavering gaze leaves him stripped of all his defenses.
It's dawning on him in quickening alarm, with how each passing day, you must've lost hope in him. That his careless words must've wounded you deeply, leaving you to rightfully pull away. That he is a complete and utter idiot, who has hurt the one person he swore to protect.
"Do you feel less smothered? After all, wasnât space what you wanted?â You ask, and there is no anger in your voiceâonly apathy. "It was what I needed."
The admission silences him. His heart is thudding so hard that he hears the rush of blood in his eardrums.
No. It wasnât what he wanted. Your absence has ruined him, and it wasnât the faults of his brothers, or revealing his vulnerability. It was all on him.
âIsnât it better for us both, if we kept our distance?â You propose. âSince weâve gone past the line of hurting each other. Itâll be convenient for the both of us, and less burdensome for you.â
Your calm demeanour is a bigger slap to his face than you shouting at him, demanding for him to apologise or to make things right. In the face of your acceptance, itâs as if you expected that this was the outcome he wanted.
He has a paralysing realisation, that if he doesn't beg for your forgiveness, you'll never come and seek for his repentance ever again. With every passing second, he feels time running out of his hands as your expression closes at the lack of his response, ready to abandon the room. Abandon him.
Desperation strips Damian bare of his pride when his knees hit the ground, landing harshly before you in the lowest form of begging. He doesn't give you time to process what heâs done before his fingers gently wrap around yours, caressing them with a firm grip.
âDamian!" Your expression warps in shock, meeting the intensity seared in gaze. "What are you doing? Get upâ"
âI was wrong.â He admits without hesitation. âAll the words I said, not a single one of them holds the truth.â
Your shock dampens, and he sees the barest hurt displayed on your expression. It pushes him to strain past his walls, to keep speaking if it meant not seeing your back turned towards him.
âYou asked me to define us once, by labels.â He recalls. âI am not good with words. It has always beenâdifficult. To understand when to push further and when to fall back. To not act as if every situation is a death sentence if I bared my vulnerabilities out in the open, butâI know that my faults are not an excuse for my actions."
"I have broken your trust and left you feeling unsure of your position in my life, and I must correct it. You are not clingy, or a burden. You are the most important person in my life."
âThe lies were nothing more than a cover... my brothers had caught onto my attachment and wouldn't give up on their interrogations.â He admits through the grit of his teeth. âThey were always more observant of what I tried to push down, and my behaviour around youâit was obvious that you had an effect on me. It's as if you are the center that I gravitate towards, pulling me in towards your every whim and desire.â
âThey tried to help me make sense of it, and I panicked. Selfishly, I wanted to keep my weakness a secret only known to the promises I've made for you in my mind. My fondness for you felt like a curse if I revealed it.â He whispers. âI had always assumed that what you held closest to your heart is what you should guard the most."
âI uttered those foolish words because I had assumed that if only I knew the extent of my devotion towards you, you would be safe. That we could continue as we always had, without declaring a target on your back, so that the world wouldnât rip you away so easily.â
âI was a coward.â He murmurs, pleading in earnest. âI have mistreated you and taken you for granted. I tried to convince myself that lies were better than revealing the truth, which is that I have always coveted to by your side."
"I am deeply sorry. For ever making you feel that you're anything less than.â He breaks. "That couldn't be further from the extent to which I adore you. To which I need you. I canât imagine a life without you, soâ"
"Pleaseâ" He's never been taught to beg, but he can't lose you. Even if it takes him years, decades to regain your trust, it doesn't matter. "âit is selfish of me to beg for your forgiveness, but I will do anything. I will explain the full truth to my family. I will take on any punishment butâI canât lose you. These past two weeks have been torture, and... I miss you."
Finally, after his chest is heaving with the burn of his confessions and a lack of oxygen, does he quiet. In the face of your coming judgement, he has never been more nervous in his life.
"Damian." You mutter. "I have not forgiven you."
His breath hitches, and despite all he's done to expect this outcome, he couldn't have been more unprepared for the impact of the blow. His hands falter around yours, and his knees have gone weak.
"WâWhat do you want me to change?" He can barely hear his own voice over his rapturing heartbeat. "Is it something I said? My behaviour, my actionsâI can improve. I can fix this."
You give him a look that signals that you're not done. He forces himself to quiet, lips pursed as he slowlyâpainfully waits.
"In these past two weeks..." You admit. "I really tried to reevaluate what you mean to me."
"I understand you, more than anyone else has because you've let me in." You answer. "But just because I see youâand I know that's a vulnerability you don't easily show to peopleâdoesn't mean that you get an easier way out."
"You did hurt me. I'm acknowledging that, and because I care about you, it hurts even worse." You reveal. "It wasnât fair that you brought up such harsh words to describe me behind my back, and itâs not going to be something I can brush over easily, no matter the reason. I don't think we can fully go back to how it was before, not without moments where I will feel doubt. That's a trust you have to rebuild, not just with one big apology, but through your words and actions, every single day."
He nods, hanging onto every word you're willing to give him, even as your vocal admission of him hurting you feels like a vicious whip.
"But I am willing to give you that chanceâto heal the hurt you've caused me, to prove that you won't pull away when you're scared I'm getting too close." You declare. "I'm giving you a chance to fix your mistake, because I know you, Dami. I know you'll keep your promises, and that you have a heart. One that's willing to change."
He lets out a shaking breath, and he finds your fingers caressing over his in a gentle touch. Not forgiving him completely, but reassuring in its warmth.
"Iâ" Left bare after pouring his heart out, the adrenaline rush that came from his full vulnerability has finally left his chaos-ensued mind blank.
From the very moment you had entered his life, it was an undeniable fact he had only grown to understand, to not fearâand it was that he loved you. The same distant concept he once viewed through the multiple perspectives of others, now existing right there in his beating heart. Yet, it didn't feel right in this moment. Not when you were giving him this chance to rebuild the trust he has broken. He will wait, for as long as you'll let him, he will cherish anything you'll give him.
"I know." You whisper, silently reading what heâs trying to convey through a single glance. "We'll figure us out together."
He sighs, head falling against your lap, lips brushing over your intertwined fingersâa soft, imperceptible kiss to your knuckles. It's natural, instinctive, everything he could ever want. To rest in your presence thatâs finally allowed him to breathe again, surrounded by your warmth and voice.
"I thought you hated dancing." You muse.
"Not when it's with you." He admits quietly. "I haven't trained myself to bear the crushing of your heels, just for someone to take my place."
"I can't believe you called me the clingy one." Your amusement doesn't displease him, not in the slightest.
"Perhaps I shall reinstate our relationship to my brothers then." He murmurs. "I'm sure they'll have a field day once I admit that I'm the one who can't bear to be without you."
Finally, he hears the familiarity of your laugh. He has missed that.
"I'd like to see that."
likes, reblogs, and comments are highly appreciated! <333
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
â Live Streamingâ Interactive Chatâ Private Showsâ HD Qualityâ Free Actions
Free to watch âą No registration required âą HD streaming
I was flirting with this bartender for like 2 hours and he said guess my age and I said ââŠ. 28 or 36?â and he grinned and said âOne of those is right, darling, and it isnât 28.â
John Price core.
And he was British too. Came in my pants fr. Whatâs a 14 year age gap, hmm?