🎀Sun and Moon🎀

That Should Be Me | Justin Bieber

Greeneyes was my short fling back in 2018. She was the first woman I ever had a WLW connection with. We didn’t really have a label—it was more of a situationship. I did fall for her, but not deeply, mostly because we barely talked due to the time difference and she wasn’t into long-distance. Still, she mattered.

But Guam… Guam was my TOTGA—the one that got away. I loved her deeply, and honestly, I still do.

Back in 2019, I was so dumb. I ignored all the obvious signs that she liked me too. We were incredibly close—we talked every day, laughed, teased each other nonstop. She was my best friend, my confidant during the time I was at my lowest. She was my sunshine.

Truthfully, it was Guam and NE who turned my dark days into light and laughter—even though they had no idea how broken I was back then.

We met as co-fandom friends from Fifth Harmony—Harmonizers, Camren shippers—cyber friends who slowly became real emotional anchors. I talked to both of them daily, but I talked to Guam the most.

It started playfully. The three of us would jokingly ship each other as a form of teasing—me teasing Guam and NE, Guam teasing me and NE, NE teasing me and Guam. Every single day. Until teasing turned into feelings.

I fell for Guam—but I was too cowardly to admit it.

NE fell for me—and she confessed.

And Guam? She also fell for me… but I had no idea.

One time, Guam and I talked about crushes. She teased me about Greeneyes, and I teased her back about “blue eyes,” a foreign guy she was chatting with. Then she told me she wanted a family and a baby. I took that as her saying she was straight. I convinced myself there was no chance for me. I was scared—scared she’d judge me, scared our friendship would change, scared I’d lose her. So I kept my feelings buried.

Then NE confessed that she liked me. At first, I didn’t believe her—I thought she was joking. But she wasn’t. After she confessed, she suddenly stopped talking to me. I was already hurting, desperate for a distraction from my feelings for Guam—and I turned to NE. We became a thing and kept it a secret from Guam.

Eventually, Guam found out. She was deeply hurt and suddenly cut us off. I confronted her, thinking she had feelings for NE, but she denied it. Not long after, we completely stopped talking.

Months later, she told me she had pursued another girl. I could see she was genuinely in love. That broke me—but I still supported her and even gave her advice. That’s when it hit me hard: if I had confessed back then, maybe we would’ve been endgame. I hated myself for being such a coward.

Fast forward to 2022—NE and I broke up. Guam and I started talking again, but she was still with her girlfriend. We caught up on life. One day, I casually told her I was happy because my crush finally texted me. She got curious and teased me about it every day. I kept it secret because it was “forbidden”—my crush was still in a relationship.

Eventually, she decoded everything and pressured me to tell her who it was. I stayed stubborn and refused—until she got mad and stopped talking to me again. I had no choice but to finally confess.

She wasn’t that shocked—she already had a feeling it was her.

But I was shocked when she finally told me the truth: the real reason she stopped talking to us before was because she was hurt that I was in a relationship with NE. She liked me back then.

We found love at the wrong time.

We loved each other deeply, but time was never on our side. She said she loved me more than her girlfriend, but she couldn’t leave because they had been together for so long. We became official—but not legal. Our love was pure, but circumstances and timing tested us endlessly. Arguments, jealousy, pain piled up until I finally chose to break up with her. I wanted to do the right thing. I wanted to wait for her the right way.

She was devastated. I was too.

We stayed in a situationship after that. We tried again in 2023, but her girlfriend found out. She left me—though they eventually broke up. She said she wasn’t pursuing her anymore and that love wasn’t her priority, but her actions confused me. She would disappear without notice, say she was busy, then reappear out of nowhere.

I can’t help but think she chose her because she was physically closer. She could visit Guam’s town every year, actually see her, be with her. I never could. We’ve never even met.

For context: Guam and her ex were only 239 miles apart. My distance from Guam is about 1,179 miles. It’s not easy.

Now I’ve been single for two years. I finally set boundaries because I was exhausted by the uncertainty. Even though she kept denying that they got back together, the inconsistency hurt too much. So I chose myself.

I let her go and find her happiness, while I focused on healing and fixing my life.

Still, I believe this: if we’re meant for each other, whether it takes five or ten years, our paths will collide again.

We missed the first chance because we were both cowards.

The second chance came at the wrong time.

I hope there’s a third chance—but this time, I want it right.

No fear. No hiding. No other people involved.

Just me and her—both single, both brave, both choosing each other.

11/7/13: Matty talking about Taylor liking the band and being asked to tour wither her.

1/21/14: Matty talking about Taylor liking the band. xx

3/31/14: Matty talks about being asked to tour with Taylor and turning it down. "That was cool. It’s like, ‘We can’t, but that is really nice, thank you very much.”

11/4/14: Matty is pictured wearing a deluxe 1989 album cover tee at his concert in Milwaukee.

11/8/14: Taylor reblogs the picture on tumblr and says they are her favorite band.

11/9/14: Taylor likes these two pictures of Matty wearing the 1989 t-shirt.

11/9/14: Taylor liked this gif-set of Matty talking about whether he’s a dog or cat person.

11/19/14: Selena Gomez, Taylor and other friends went to The 1975 show in LA. Video of them singing along to ‘The City.’

The ☀ watches what I do, but the 🌙 knows my secrets. 💕