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“Finding your passion isn’t just about careers and money. It’s about finding your authentic self. The one you’ve buried beneath other people’s needs.”

— Kristin Hannah, Distant Shores

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im starting to learn to enjoy things again. i would avoid everything i truly enjoy because i thought it was pointless. i conflated productivity with worth, and thought i wouldn't make anything good anyway. i'd listen to the echoes of my father in me, the sneers of my bullies, the criticisms of my teachers, and the judgements of society.

and i still do. but this time, i'm trying to go against them anyway. i'm playing videogames. i'm making art. i'm writing. i'm listening to music. i'm learning about things i enjoy. at least, sometimes i am. i'm trying. i want to enjoy things again. i'm tired of sitting around doing nothing but think and scroll, frozen by fear and doubt.

this is my life. my joy is not worthless, no matter how i obtain it.

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