Babe.

I know I didn't mean as much to you. I was a freshman, just getting into things. Just getting a taste of what all that "bad" stuff was. You were older, used to it. I know I didn't mean as much to you as you meant to me. But I miss you. A lot. It's weird, these days... I'm just... better? Not healed. I still stress. I still get anxiety attacks. And bad feelings. But not as much. I don't sink into my feelings. I'm not depressed. I don't wallow, I'm not scared at night. It's not the same. How does that happen? How do you just get better? What happened to my bad feelings? Where do they go? Suddenly when I work and have school they just... leave? I don't believe that. I feel like a ticking time bomb. I've been good for over two years now. It's such an incredibly strange feeling walking around, knowing I used to feel how I did. Knowing that's possible. I feel like there's a little monster in my head. And he's sleeping. And someday, he's going to wake up. He'll wake up, and I won't be able to get out of bed. I know I didn't mean as much to you as you did to me, but when that happens... I hope you'll be there for me. My people now care for me and love me, but they didn't know me then. They can't understand. And I don't know how to explain it.

why do you do this to me I love you so much and I just want us to be good

my life is fucking shitty right now and I hope yours is too sorry but it's true

there's a boy from my freshman year who will never know how much I loved him I wasn't IN love with him but oh my god I loved that boy and I was so infatuated with him and I still think about him to this day I wanna feel like that again. I miss him so much