21yr β π³οΈβπ agender βͺοΈ he/she/it/they. I like to read, draw, listen to music, and watch movies. ~ "You're never alone when there's cheesecake"
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yeah so ik that you heard "puppy boy" and assumed that you were getting an overly excited ball of happiness 'n sunshine but im actually the most whiny and pathetically sad pup who cries about everything. no takebacksies pls hug me.
What's the meaning behind wanting something but still being afraid of holding it? Should I pursue it or leave it untouched? Maybe that way, it will stay perfect, rough hands touching porcelain, tempting but messy. You're for everyone even if I wanted to keep you.
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βPleaseee, come with us! It will be funβ Zoey pleaded with Rumi after busting into the girl's bedroom. βYou need to relax, with us.β She smiled and stood in front of a busy Rumi who turned her head to look up βZo, I wish I could, I just want to get done with these firstβ she spoke gently while her eyes went back to the lyric papers in front of her. βFine, but next time, okay?β Zoey said quietly before turning to leave the room.
--
βShe said no, againβ Zoey pouted, now sitting on Mira's bed, hugging one of the plushies. βWhy does she never want to come with us?β She murmured; Mira turned to look at her after changing into her swimsuit, βYou know how she is, work comes first, Zozo. But it has nothing to do with us, okay?β She tried reassuring Zoey, knowing the youngest would overthink her latest interaction with Rumi.
Zoey looked up from her hands and her gaze lingered a little on Mira's clothes, quickly answering βYeah, maybe you're right. I hope she will let loose somedayβ she sighed and stood up, stretching a little. Mira noticed the brief skin on Zoey's stomach, quickly looking somewhere else. βAnyway, let's go then, I'm dying to relaxβ Zoey smiled and walked to the door, Mira hummed and followed the girl.
---
At the bathhouse.
Zoey got in first, and smiled, letting out a small hum as the water surrounded her. It was warm but not too hot, the bubbles feeling like a relief after the last week she had. Closing her eyes and resting her head on the edge of the marble. Her mind started to race about how many demons they had to kill over the last hours, how exhausting it was to keep it all together. Was she doing a good job? Does Rumi look down at her for missing the shot once? Would Mira be disappointed if she spoke up about her tiredness? Mira⦠she didn't want her to be upset, she looked up to the pink-haired girl so much, with her strong being..her elegance and sharp fighting style..her smile and beautiful laugh..those lean mus-
βZozo?β Mira's flat voice interrupted Zoey's thoughts. βYou okay?β She asked in a gentle tone while shifting to sit a little bit closer to the youngest. βMhm, all good. Just thinkingβ Zoey smiled, turning her head and opening her eyes to look at Mira, her eyes shining a little bit. βThinking about what? Or who?β She teased with a small smirk, tilted her head with a small yawn, it was no secret Zoey got crushes all the time which was a fact that brewed intense emotions in Mira though she would never admit it. βWhy would I be thinking about someone?β Zoey frowned, when you're right here, she thought, βI'm just...I don't know, a bit tiredβ she whispered softly, looking at her reflection on the water, a bubble bursting just like her emotions.
βI totally get you, these demons are getting to meβ Mira groaned quietly, looking at her, βBut it will be okay, Zozoβ she gently reached to touch Zoey's shoulder, rubbing her hand a little βWe will sing on the Idol Awards, seal the honmoon and it will be go right back to normal.β Mira said softly, looking into Zoey's eyes, she knew her heart was beating faster and the hand on Zoey's shoulder burnt her palm. Mira knew how to appreciate beauty, but Zoey was different and right now, she looked divine in Mira's eyes, her soft skin, cute freckles under her eyes, and oh her eyes.. so wide and shiny, glossy and full of dreams, Mira loved them and could easily get lost in them, not like that didn't happen already when she thought about Zoey before sleeping. βYou're right, everything will be okayβ Zoey's soft voice got through Mira's mind and she shook her thoughts away.
βAs long as we are together, it will be okayβ Zoey finished saying before a comfortable silence settled between them, a small tension that both ignored, out of fear of facing what they both truly felt. Their knees subtly brushing against each other under the water, it had happened before, but now it felt different, like the water was suddenly so heavy on their bodies, charged with lingering late night thoughts, the stolen touches at rehearsals and the subtle moments where they hugged each other for a second more. Zoey looked at Mira, finding her already looking. βMira?β She said quietly, her hand moving under the water, closer to Mira's legs.
And Mira hummed quietly, not trusting her words. βThe other day, when we talked about our relationships, you stayed quiet.β Zoey started talking βAnd I know you keep to yourself, that you wont trust someone to just love you but-β she stopped herself, they had shifted to move slightly closer βbut I can't let go of how much you seemed to want it..and I can't ignore how much I want to be me who loves youβ she whispered the last part, fearful and looking away.
βBut you already love me, Zo. I love you tooβ Mira murmured, she knew what Zoey meant but couldn't quite accept it, let the girl in and finally do what she had wanted for months now. βI know but I mean it in a different way, Mira. I want you. All of itβ Zoey said and reached for her hand, which Mira quickly pushed away and stood up from the water βI can't, Zo. I don'tβ¦deserve you. You should have more than meβ she said while getting out, she knew it was wrong, she was once again running from her feelings but what else was she supposed to do? She couldn't give Zoey what she needed and, as she moved over the foggy room, a hand grabbed her wrist, pulling her back.
βYou don't get to make that decision for meβ Zoey spoke quietly but firmly, pulling Mira towards her until they were both staring at each other. Mira looked down at her βI don't want to ruin us, you. I can't-β but the cutoff came from Zoey pulling her head down and leaning in, soft lips brushed against Mira's before the kiss happened and Mira just couldn't refuse but it felt right, like it was always supposed to be this way, with her. Mira let go of the doubts, the insecurities, the fears and kissed her back, grabbing Zoey by the waist, a little squeeze while pulling her close, kissing with inexperience as the younger led the kiss, leading Mira to calm down and enjoy the moment.
Once they pulled away, Mira looked down at her βI never want to stop doing thatβ she smiled and Zoey giggled βMe neitherβ said with a whisper before Mira kissed her again.
physically go to your local library at least once. seriously.
look around. find a random book with a cover that catches your attention. read the description. read the first page. if you like the sounds of it, borrow it and take it home to read. borrow a handful of books even.
if a book loses your interest, drop it. if a book grips onto you, ride that wave.
i've struggled to read recreationally for years despite having read so much as a kid. a lot of us are frozen by the seemingly infinite choices. even when we buy books to take home, we don't read them because which book is worth reading first? we don't have to decide, we have it right here in our bookshelves, we have an eternity of never deciding.
in this past month, i have read five books, most of them i've never heard of when i spotted their cover at the library. most of them, i've ended up loving. the due date of library books maintains the ability to read a book so i can return them to the library and leave the library with more books. an even better incentive than borrowing ebooks, because i actually have to leave the house and not be a hermit.
so if you used to enjoy reading but struggle with it now, ignore the book recs you hear. go to the library, come across a book that piques your interest, and read one page after another until you either lose interest or finish the book.
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quick reminder that my own lesbian-nonbinary-ass genuinely supports the hell outta each and every one of you. regardless if i know you or not, im happy to be living in this shithole of a life in the same world with you.
and im proud of you, i know in my heart just how beautiful, amazing, talented, smart, and worthy you are and i hope you can see that tooπ³οΈβππ
Universe PLEASE i want a partner, I want someone that i can share my things with, someone who thinks of me for the silly stuff. pleaseeeee universe, I'll love and care for them so much, I got enough love to give and i want to share it <3
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