atria.

What changes in thought patterns did you notice in yourself in the process of going through the activity?

I remember in the middle of the night sharing with Franzyne, a classmate, about SOUP as a concept. Non-verbatim, "Ginagawa ko na kasi ito before pa! It's so healthy for the mind. It makes you learn and appreciate more, even the littlest things." She verbalized what I've been trying to say. Kaya pala kahit yung pagtulog (sleep cycle), pagkain (just the overall taste, who cooked, and when it was served that coincided with the time of a supposedly bad start to a morning, made immediately better), at pagreflect back (past written works) ko sa weekly entries. I became more attentive to detail (surprisingly even more that I already was, because as a writer...) and observant that I actually do a lot more in a day than I originally assumed!

With that said, may negative effects din. Sure I'm happy that I could input how my behavioral patterns dictate my psychological wellbeing and all that but, it also made me feel...until now I'm not sure. I just know that sometimes, I felt like I was scrambling for things to be grateful for, desperate to fill the 5 out of 5 daily.

In what ways did the activity affect your emotions?

At first I actually was pleasantly surprised that by bringing around my phone, I could easily write down this small thing to be grateful for, or express my inner thoughts about another person (celebrity or my best friend)? It's...relieving, in a way. To entertain these boosting thoughts of "Hey, I liked the way you smiled at me today!" instead of the usual brooding.

I don't know how you would classify it exactly, but I also felt like I was questioning myself? I would stare at my phone at 11 PM ignoring the fact that I need to get up at 5:30 the next morning just to prove that I did do something today, that I did feel grateful for myself or for other people.

What changes did this do to your behavior?

I spent less time dwelling on...well, dwelling in general. There are a lot of things to let go of. There were many drafts scrapped in the entries because they were too nostalgic, too holding on to the past, too toxic. Before, I had to constantly remind myself that I can't put that in an entry because it's rant-y and nothing fruitful will come out of it. Just counter-productive. Now, it has become slightly easier to just forget. (At least the past.)

I guess now I'm glad that it was reduced form 5 to 2 per day, but there was still that lingering behavioral pattern. I was fidgeting constantly! Anxious if it was good enough to submit. Should I be professional or warm? Which details should I omit? Which would be too taxing for ma'am to read?

What realizations did you get about the essence of real happiness in engaging with the activity?

Happiness is so relative. Others can find it in the highest point of life: achieving luxury, winning state-wide championships, or constant productivity; and others can find it in the smallest moments: a reassuring caress, shared laughter in FaceTime calls, or a sweet long message to wake up to in the morning.

Real happiness is also caused by people. Whether it be yourself because you felt accomplished by watering the plants, or your favorite music artist posted a teaser of their future album project. It's a chain reaction. People change people (Blutman, 2015). [That's a Girl Meets World reference, heh.]

What message would you like to tell yourself that will serve as a reminder for you to keep going and hanging on during times when you feel down or the situation in life is more difficult than usual?

Acknowledge that bad days can be just bad days. Never give up on a bad day. Kapag puro bagsak ka, sabit ka—don't. As in mag-give up ka 'pag okay lahat ng ginawa mo in a day. Deliverables mo nagawa mo, perfect lahat ng quiz, ikaw highest sa exam...pero at the end of the day hindi ka parin fulfilled? Alis ka na. Kahit 5-point output lang yan, itodo mo na. Kahit walang nakakakita, bigay mo parin yung best mo.

Now, the master list below is for emergency purposes in case you're accessing my final output Ma'am from a phone/tablet device (because the site from a PC/desktop looks great! Doon ko po itinuon yung design itself).

My Gratitude Journey Diary Masterlist

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WEEK 1: [January 26 - February 1]

WEEK 2: [February 2 - 8]

WEEK 3: [February 9 - 15]

WEEK 4: [February 16 - 19]

WEEK 5: [March 2 - 8]