Can you burn a fire in my flesh?

It’s the anniversary of you taking your own life. I don’t talk to your family anymore. I messed up a lot. But you still give me strength during my weakest times. I miss you

I hate the things that happened. I hate how I still react to them. In all of my 31 years, I can’t ever escape the feeling like I am going to get into trouble and that I might die for the punishment. Everyday that my mum went to work at night time I was afraid to be left alone with him. Always trying to be somewhere else so I wouldn’t make him mad at me. I hate carrying this around with me still. I want to feel safe so badly but the minute I do I hear his voice again. He’s dead and I still hear it. Like he’s haunting me.