The ghost of what it was.
He really tried to forget about him.
He can swear on everything he owns on it.
But his absence just kept hurting like an open wound, bleeding constantly with every day he went without knowing if he was okay, or if he still thought about him, because it seemed that recreating all those moments was the only thing Nine himself could do nowadays.
Eventually, instead of trying to forget, he tried to replace him, a logic solution, he said. Nine upgraded his robotic version of his friend in a desperate attempt to feel that warm again, but it didn't take long before the fox just snaped and destroyed the mechanical hedgehog, for he wasn't cheerful enough, strong enough, warm enough...
The fox just couldn't take it anymore, he was so frustrated, depressed and lonely that it took just the realization of the fact that what he searched for could not be replaced to make him try and enf it all for good.
A couple deep and desperate cuts with one of his work tools and soon enough red started seeping at an alarming pace.
Nine didn't panic, he didn't even seemed to care.
He just leaned his back against a wall and let himself fall slowly to the ground, sitting there while he waited.
He thought he deserved it.
He thought that would be the only redemption he would know.
But while bleeding out, a familiar figure presented to him.
-Hey- A glowing, translucent hedgehog gazed down at him with an expression too casual for the occasion, Nine stared at it for a moment, as if taking the image in before talking.
-What are you doing here?-He spoke, voice devoid of emotion.
The figure crouched in front of him and playfully removed a strand of hair from his face.
-We both know that's not the important question here- The figure said, a gentle smile as he paused while taking softly one of Nines hands in his:
-I thought it was the other way around- The blue hedgehog laughed.
-It seems it's not- He stated. Maybe he had the brains, but out of the two of them, he knew he needed Sonic more than Sonic needed him.
The Hedgehog just smiled, his presence as warm as he remembered him.
-Come on Nine, where did the hot headed, persistent and determined fox go? You were quite reckless-
Nine shivered, it was getting cold, but still, he answered.
-I'm not the same as before-
-You're not a good liar, I know you, you're stronger than everyone thinks, including yourself it seems-
Nine gritted his teeth feeling a knot forming on his throat, and for the first time in the conversation, he raised his voice.
-What would you know!? You're not even here!!-
There was a moment of silence.
And then Sonic laughed, warm and sweet as he did when a friend said something he founded funny.
-Let me stop you right there, because you're wrong, Nine- Sonic said, putting his hand on top of the fox's chest, a bright smile shining on his face.-I'm right here-
Nine seemed confused, that was the cheesiest thing he had heard someone say, was this some kind of joke? Sonic seemed to notice his puzzled expression, for he began to explain himself.
-You see, the bond you and I share is something that lasts forever, the moments we lived and the emotions we felt will keep on existing as long as they're remembered- He spoke, gentle and firm, as if he was preaching an unspoken truth.-So, I might not be here physically, but as long as you are, our love will keep existing, though it's up to you to decide what you want to do with that-
There was silence again, Nine's gaze dropped to the floor for an instant while he meditated about those words...all those memories, all the moments...he wanted to keep on holding the hope Sonic had brought into his life even though he wasn't there anymore...he couldn't bring himself to even think about letting his feelings turn to dust with himself.
He gazed at the figure that continued crouched in front of him, watching him with a shine to his emerald eyes that the fox new very well.
A dry short sound that was paired with his heavy breathing, still, his expression was a mixture of gratefulness and resignation.
-You know? I hate when you're right-
He murmured smiling softly, his vision was starting to get blurry with black spots, but his eyes didn't fail to catch the bright smile of Sonic as he chuckled.
-What can I say, that's just what I am most of the time!- The hedghog responded, then his face softened, his hand moving from Nine's chest to his head, ruffling gently the strands of blonde hair.
-Now, go, you know what to do-
The fox sighed, closing his eyes as if he could etch the sensation in his very soul. When he gazed back, Sonic wasn't there anymore.
Nine stared at the empty spot for a brief moment.
-Well then...better get started now-
The fox spoke to himself before starting trying to pull himself up from the ground, wich proved to be a more difficult task than he thought.
His arms and legs were drained of energy and warmth, so he had to rely on leaning against the crystals on the wall to try and get up, and even then, a loud ringing on his sensitive ears pierced through his head making the task even more difficult. Once he managed to stand, his mind quickly raced, he had to act fast, the body held approximately six litters of blood which could take minutes to completely drain, he wasn't aware of how much time had passed already...
And this speech was so uncomfortably familiar that made him inevitable to think this whole situation sure was a cruel irony from destiny.
The fox pushed those thoughts to the back for now, there was no time to waste right now.
Nine put a foot in front of the other as best as he could, his objective, to reach his workstation table, and so, slowly he stumbled his way towards the cold metal where he always assembled his creations, which wasn't very far but in his condition he felt it as if it was miles away.
And everything was just so goddam cold.
With a final effort, Nine reached the table crashing onto it, gears and metal scraps flying at the impact, the fox quickly searched trough his tools, screwdrivers, wrenches, tweezers...where was it? Where was it?!
His hand struck an object on the border of the table and Nine managed to catch it before it rolled of it, his eyes shining with recognition as he finally found what he was searching for.
It was a piece he had modified himself, a laser in place of a flame for better precision.
He knew he had no time, the bleeding would not stop alone and the trail of red he left behind him was proof enough, though it wasn't as if he had hoped it would.
Nine tried to close his fingers around the tool to hold it, but his strength wasn't enough, his fingers curled without any pressure wich resulted in the welder hitting the table more than once, the fox growled at the uselessness of his limbs but he couldn't really blame them, he couldn't even feel them anymore.
-Come on...- He mumbled, making an enormous effort to try again, and luckily, this time he managed to lift it, and grasp it strong enough so it wouldn't slip. Good. But now came the fun part.
He stared at the tool while he felt his stomach drop, he wasn't a stranger ti pain, but this...this was going to be a whole new level and for a moment...he doubted.
Was it worth the pain if he was going to be alone anyways?
But he couldn't give up...he wouldn't give up...
Nine clumsily positioned the welder over his open scar, blood still gushing, he gritted his teeth preparing for what was to come.
The pain was immediate, his flesh burned and seared making him see red, fresh tears streamed down his face as he tried to swallow the scream of agony that was rising in his throat, still, he didn't stop, he moved the welder with trembling hands as the laser cauterized the wound, his legs shaked as the heat charred his skin, and by the end of it, one of his wounds was already closed.
He gasped, air barely getting into his lungs, sweat dripping from his forehead mixing with his tears, he dropped the welder on the table while his body struggled to stay awake after the shock.
Yeah, it had hurt as much as he had expected.
But it wasn't finished yet, there still was the other one.
Nine grasped the tool again, whimpering softly, he was tired...so so tired already...yet this was the final push, he wasn't even sure if he was going to survive this, his head was spinning and his whole body was complaining, he could feel unconsciousness crawling slowly into him.
-I have to do it...- He mumbled with difficulty, his fingers closing more firmly around the welder.-I have to...Sonic...-
The tears that haven't stopped at all from the start intensified as he positioned the tool over his other wrist, his eyes reflecting the intense fear inside of him, he tried not to think about it as he closed his eyes and pressed the "on" button.
This time was not different from the other, the smell of burning flesh turned his stomach as the heat closed his desperate cuts, but as strong as he was, he couldn't help but let out a piercing shriek mixture of his physical and emotional pain, both burning him to the core in a voragine of sensations that made him want to tear out his own flesh if with that he could stop the pain.
Finally, he dropped his tool wich fell carelesslyto the floor, his whole body trembling with exhaustion and pain.
He had done it, at last, messily and desperate, but the wounds were not bleeding anymore.
Nine felt the coldness grow further, his vision fading to black. He coul not see, he could not speak, hell, he couldn't even think!
The fox tried to steady himself, to find a place to sit down before what he knew would happen would occur, but as he had discovered that always happened to him, he didn't had the grace of time.
His legs gave out making him hit the ground, he couldn't register even the pain from it, everything felt heavy and the toll that this whole thing had taken on him was too much already.
Maybe, just maybe...he just needed rest.
And so, Nine closed his eyes, his last thoughts being a pair of emerald eyes and a soft smile that felt like home.
_________________________
Hi, so, yeah! This is just a part of the story I'm writing for my AU Sonic Prime: Refraction, you can take it as a flashback to the worst part of Nine's depressive state, he did survived, barely, and at last, he never tried to do anything again.
I hope you like it, I know it's a tad too tragic but angst it's one of my specialties, I would love to have some feedback on it though, so feel free to comment or message me about it! Love you guys ❤️
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