Time to abolish the idea that PIV is “sex” or “het sex”. We need to stop equating PIV with sex (recreational). It’s largely procreational for women.
When it’s done recreationally, it literally only pleasures the man. Golly, what a weird coincidence! That the people who decide what recreational sex means are the sole beneficiaries of it. It poses significant risk to the woman.
I’m so tired of this idea that “het sex is oppressive” the fuck it is. It has been made oppressive by patriarchy. Nature would never. You think she would make recreational sex for women a dangerous affair that exposes her to yeast infections, STDs, and pregnancy every time? Hello, threat to survival! Nature isn’t stupid, we wouldn’t be given the ability to orgasm multiple times if the route to orgasm was a serious threat to life. Antibiotics and condoms aren’t naturally occurring. In the natural setting, if PIV led to orgasm for women, they’d do it far more often and would decrease rates of survival. PIV being unrelated to female orgasm is a literally a survival mechanism. Males have virtually no risk in procreation so their reproductive organ is also their sexual pleasure organ, there’s no added risk to survival for them to be conditioned by orgasm to procreate.
So we have a clitoris. It’s outside the body, so we can actually have sex without dying for funsies without something external being put inside us and exposing us to greater risk. Nature wouldn’t give men a lifetime of orgasms and leave us alone, she’s canonically kind of a misandrist. Have you seen the y chromosome? Queen shit.
The reason women are generally more vulnerable to STDs is because PIV is considered (under patriarchy) default “sex”, and it’s much easier to get an infection when the pathogen is tucked away inside a difficult-to-disinfect environment. Penises fuck up our lovely pH defence mechanisms so it’s free reign for whatever else they introduce.
When we say het sex is oppressive, we mean PIV. Say PIV. We absolutely NEED to decouple the concept of unspecified “sex” from PIV and we can start with our language. (Het) women’s oppression is not inherent in our biology. Otherwise it sounds like het women can’t have sex at all without being exploited. That’s insane. Our oppression is not biologically determined, it’s socially imposed, and (het) women don’t have to be abstinent to avoid being oppressed by participating in sex.
Procreational sex being officially considered recreational is oppressive. PIV is only recreational for men. For women, it’s either a means to deliberately get pregnant, or a favour that we do for them. And keeping women pregnant and tethered to the home is kind of patriarchy’s schtick.
I swore up and down for years that I loved sex (read: PIV) and I really did, on a certain level. I loved the validation of my worth that it gave me, however momentary. It made me feel good about myself and I convinced myself that that good feeling was the same as physical pleasure. It fuckin isn’t.
It was only when I was sat the fuck down and made myself finally face the truth of it, to drop my porn-culture-born conception of sex, and admit to myself that I don’t actually like having a dick jammed into me, I don’t like having to carefully curate my responses so as not to offend said dick, I don’t like having to get my own damn self off while getting a man off too, or “after” because my orgasm isn’t considered part of sex, it’s extra curricular. I don’t like that sex is literally defined as the course between a man’s erection and his orgasm. I don’t like being a fucking functional sex toy. The division of labour in PIV is an exact copy of the division of labour in a nuclear family. Both are patriarchal constructs.
If recreational sex is an activity that stimulates us to orgasm, then PIV is not recreational sex for women. Stimulating your clit is a bargaining chip during PIV, its like saying okay fine I’ll drive you to the airport again, as long as I get to choose the music. Like. You could already do that, literally whenever you like.
It’s the illusion of mutual benefit. You haven’t gained any benefit from the arrangement you didn’t already have, while providing benefit to someone else that they didn’t have.
You hear about the tiny amount of women who can apparently orgasm to PIV, and it’s used as some sort of vindication, like “see it does pleasure women!”
Like I’m sorry, even if they’re all telling the truth, they’re still the exception to the rule. They’re lucky that they manage to feel physical pleasure from PIV alone, but it’s not set up that way. And honestly, I faked so much for so long, it was hard to even remember that I wasn’t really climaxing. It was quite literally a delusion that I had to be snapped out of, a dream I had to be woken from.
We aren’t doomed. The existing construct of het sex is oppressive but sex for het women doesn’t have to be. That’s not a distinction that’s made often enough tbh. I’m gonna make a separate post about my thoughts on that, I think.
Also like. I’m sorry but fingers are the perfect length for penetration purposes, as well as being modular! One, two, more? Whatever you prefer!
I’m not saying women shouldn’t have PIV ever, or that it feels like nothing at all. PIV alone with no clitoral stimulation leads to orgasm in a tiny, tiny minority of women, and even then, I have doubts. It leads to orgasm for men, though, pretty much every time. And we call it “sex” because we live in a male focused, male orientated and male dominated world. Sex for OSA women is so much more than that. If y’all wanna add a dick to sex, go ahead. It’s like adding seasoning to a meal. It’s a twist, an accent, an accessory to the main thing.
PIV is not equal for men and women, and the equivalent of men’s experience of PIV (recreational, risk-free in healthy people) for women is pretty much anything not involving the penis itself. And there are so many other, better, things to call sex for OSA women.
Side point but what's funny is that, men are the ones with prostates that feel pleasure when stimulated.
I'm just saying, if anyone is "meant" to be penetrated in recreational hetero sex, it ain't the women.
Edit: also I'd like to add, anyone going "uhm akchually I enjoy PIV!/PIV intensifies orgasms for me!" Or something like "PIV isn't inherently oppressive, it can be recreational!" is pulling the equivalent of the "not all men" argument. Quite frankly, girl, shut up. If PIV is no longer considered THE default sex for hets, the vast majority of women who don't enjoy PIV will no longer be obligated to endure sex they don't like. You'll still be able to go "omg jakey, put it in meeeeeeeeee" PIV isn't going to become illegal, for fucks sake. Have some perspective. Literally the same as those women going "but I ENJOY selling my nudes, so don't critique the sex industry!" Go away, roach.
PIV is inherently dangerous to women's health, majority of them don't enjoy it, OP is 100% right and she should say it. I hate using the term "pick me" but I don't know what else to call this behavior.
