Cribs: Yemassee Edition
By: Chris Koslowski
Sure, eating all the mom-and-pop food in the glow of holiday lights was great, but after all the cheer and beer and slushy white stuff accumulating outside, I got a little homesick. Thereâs nothing profoundly special about the office space I share with fellow Yemassee editors Justin Brouckaert and Amanda Mitchell, but it definitely has character. And what Iâve found bouncing from city to city in silly pursuit of this writing thing is that character can grow on someone. Character gets remembered.
So, yâall in for a treat. Iâve snapped some photos depicting the curiosities of the Yemassee editorial officeâphotos that suggest some interesting stories. So please, come with me on this exclusive tour behind the scenes. Get a glimpse of where, as they say, the magic happens. Hot and wild literary magazine magic.
Hereâs home base. The John R. Welsh Humanities Office Building. University of South Carolina. The Yemassee office is on the second floor, as in the second floor above the ground. I can only assume old Professor Welsh loved to mess with the frosh, and so decided to distinguish his Brutalist tower by numbering the floors European style in opposition to every other campus building.
To no oneâs surprise, the HOB was built in the 1960s, an era when a wrinkle in space-time transported a dozen of the dark agesâ finest fortress builders into the 20th century where they were immediately employed as college campus architects. Truthfully, my feelings are divided on the HOB. Itâs old and has its share of old building problems. I trust its fifty-year-old Westinghouse elevators more than its water fountains, which weâve been unofficially advised not to slurp from. The HOB is brown and ugly and its most interesting featureâthose rectangular flanges jutting out from the windowsârender its narrow views even more claustrophobic. Yet, I have to respect what the structure represents: a time when what happened inside college campus buildings may have outweighed how purdy those buildings looked to seventeen-year-olds and their parents on campus tours. Youâve heard of the Cathedral of Learning? Well, weâve got the Prison of Learning. Itâs great to be a Gamecock!
Knock knock. Itâs Room 219, the Yemassee office, complete with phonetic spelling, outdated event advertisement, and extremely official editor placard. Fun fact: nobody can pronounce Yemassee, including us. We were pretty confident in stressing the last syllable, but last summer I was âOh Honeyedâ by some SC upstate locals when I butchered the pronunciation of the similarly spelled Lake Jocassee. I now wake in cold sweats, worried Iâll crack under the pressure when someone inevitably asks me to pronounce the journalâs name at AWP. Â Yem-ah-SEE or Yem-ASS-ee?
Hey! Youâve made it! Unlike other, swanky lit mags with clean carpet and furniture from this century, Yemassee sacrifices editor comfort for journal quality. Because what do you really need other than a desk and a dream? Well, a lot of stuff, but we make do. Come inside, make yourself comfortable.
You hungry? Thirsty? Can I offer you something? Weâve got everything an editor might need for those late nights struggling to think up blog content. Tired? Our house tea is renowned in international circles. Sick? Weâve got 2,000 milligrams of Vitamin C (thatâs two grams!). Peckish? Only the finest Orville Redenbacherâs Gourmet Popping Corn. Touch of pica? Weâve got nails for that. Tough luck if you have a cough because I took the Halls last month. Iâm keeping the wrapper in case I ever have some gum I want to save.
Ah. I see youâve found our library of other fine literary journals. We love them all, and have read, well, quite a few! Though we do feel a special bond with the Chattahoochee Review. Everyone knows the coolest journals end in double-e. You might also notice our gavel, which is probably my favorite Yemassee office artifact from the ghosts of editors past. Itâs great for making noise and testing reflexes.
Thatâs good. Go ahead. Let it out. Editing a literary journal is stressful work. If we feel ourselves slipping a little, we always have our handy squeeze ball within reach. Pound for pound, Iâd put the Yemassee edit teamâs grip strength up against any other lit magâs. You hear that, Appalachee Review? Weâre calling you out, double-eâs or no. We also use our stress ball to visualize attempts to squeeze funding from the University, or in a pinch, we can bounce it against the wall like Steve McQueen in The Great Escape.
Wow. Would you look at that? Magestic. Itâs the Yemassee backstock shelf. Wonderfully organized by wise and kind former editors. I love seeing how the magazine has changed over the yearsâfrom a staple-bound, black and white to todayâs full-color matte cover. You should buy one just to touch it. Or, maybe submit to our contest, and perhaps you will be able to touch it while reading your own prize-winning work between its pages. Mmm. Smooth.
Not sure what these plastic squares are, but they have Yemassee printed on them. Coasters maybe? Weird.
So this is probably my second favorite Yemassee artifact. I like to imagine a former editor, five hours into an all-night layout session, was so deliriously overwhelmed with words that she or he decided to do some simple math to straighten out the universe. Phew! Ten times ten is still 100. One times eight? Hang on. Eight. Yes. Eight. All is well.
So the tour is drawing to a close, which means things are getting juicyâŚor maybe youâre sick of this tour. Maybe you hate it so much, youâd rather self-defenestrate than politely ask to leave. If thatâs the case, under department policy I must inform you that due to wind resistance and the height of the Yemassee office above the quad, your chances of survival after pitching yourself out this window will increase upon emptying your pockets of all wallets, keys, cell phones, antique coins, blank checks, and diamonds. Diamonds are extremely deadly for those falling from second (third to you Yanks) story windows. So fork them over. The humanities are criminally underfunded.
Finally, the finale. I swear to you that this poster has been hanging on the wall since my first day in the Yemassee office, and Iâm still riveted by its mystery. I thought it was the source piece for an old issue cover, but Iâve poured through the back stock. Ainât there. Perhaps this is the last remnant of a lost Yemassee--the year it was taken over by bears. Is it referencing Shakespeare, the stock market? Is that one bear standing on the back of the other bear? I think weâve all felt like that womanâfleeing with a teddy bear from a pack of large and acrobatic grizzlies. Weâre going to make it, everybody. Those bears are scary, but slow.
 Well, those are the digs. Thanks for reading, and you know what? Weâre not going to kick you out like the celebrities always do. Stay a while. Kick up your feet. Be our guest. We insist. Really. Donât leave us here. Please. Donât leave.
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Originally from Metro Detroit, Chris Koslowski wandered south via his BA from the University of Michigan and his MA from the University of Cincinnati. His work can be found in Front Porch Journal and Day One. He steers the Good Ship Yemassee with his erudite co-editors and is a host of the Yemassee Podcast. He has no pets.







