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I have a ko-fi now! Iβm going to be doing commissions through there for now on
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I am once again posting this excerpt from Why Does He Do That?
"MYTH #4: He holds in his feelings too much, and they build up until he bursts. He needs to get in touch with his emotions and learn to express them to prevent those explosive episodes. My colleagues and I refer to this belief as 'The Boiler Theory of Men.' The idea is that a person can only tolerate so much accumulated pain and frustration. If it doesnβt get vented periodicallyβ kind of like a pressure cookerβthen thereβs bound to be a serious accident. This myth has the ring of truth to it because we are all aware of how many men keep too much emotion pent up inside. Since most abusers are male, it seems to add up. But it doesnβt, and hereβs why: Most of my clients are not unusually repressed. In fact, many of them express their feelings more than some nonabusive men. Rather than trapping everything inside, they actually tend to do the opposite: They have an exaggerated idea of how important their feelings are, and they talk about their feelingsβand act them outβall the time, until their partners and children are exhausted from hearing about it all. An abuserβs emotions are as likely to be too big as too small. They can fill up the whole house. When he feels bad, he thinks that life should stop for everyone else in the family until someone fixes his discomfort. His partnerβs life crises, the childrenβs sicknesses, meals, birthdaysβnothing else matters as much as his feelings. It is not his feelings the abuser is too distant from; it is his partnerβs feelings and his childrenβs feelings. Those are the emotions that he knows so little about and that he needs to 'get in touch with.' My job as an abuse counselor often involves steering the discussion away from how my clients feel and toward how they think (including their attitudes toward their partners β feelings). My clients keep trying to drive the ball back into the court that is familiar and comfortable to them, where their inner world is the only thing that matters. For decades, many therapists have been attempting to help abusive men change by guiding them in identifying and expressing feelings. Alas, this well-meaning but misguided approach actually feeds the abuserβs selfish focus on himself, which is an important force driving his abusiveness. Part of why you may be tempted to accept 'The Boiler Theory of Men' is that you may observe that your partner follows a pattern where he becomes increasingly withdrawn, says less and less, seems to be bubbling gradually from a simmer to a boil, and then erupts in a geyser of yelling, put-downs, and ugliness. It looks like an emotional explosion, so naturally you assume that it is. But the mounting tension, the pressure- cooker buildup of his feelings, is actually being driven by his lack of empathy for your feelings, and by a set of attitudes that we will examine later. And he explodes when he gives himself permission to do so."
This book is a top recommendation of mine, as a therapist.
HAPPY PRIDE
WHY HAVE I SEEN NO ONE TALK ABOUT HOW THE GRACE SCULPTURE LOOKS LIKE THE LITTLE DUDE FROM THIS MEME
THAT WAS LITERALLY MY FIRST THOUGHT UPON SEEING IT IN THE MOVIE
I had to xD
even if bioessentialism was real and all trans women had some inherent advantage over cis women in sports you could not pay me to give a fuck because sports are made up. they are games people play for fun. even though we as a society invented careers around sport it is still boiled down to the fun made up game where you kick a ball. or dribble a ball. or swim in a pool. or show people how fast you can run. itβs for leisure. fun. not serious. who gives a fuck. fun. #mygameβ½οΈππβΎοΈ
βb-b-but itβs not JUST a game to some people, itβs their whole careers!!!!!π₯Ίβ
donβt care. fake job. just because people have learned how to make money off of playing a game doesnβt make it any less of a game
βb-b-but itβs not
JUST a game to some people,
itβs their whole careers!!!!!π₯Ίβ
Beep boop! I look for accidental haiku posts. Sometimes I mess up.

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FUCK. i think i have to learn blender
the humble manual smoothie maker after they break their hands:
every day i log in here and get beat up by genies
HEY !!!!
the horse when asked what he would like for dinner
put a bullet in me already why dont you
hold on. everyone shut up. i need to cry about the concept of a touch-starved gun
^ Harry du Bois would say that.
It's confusing that asexuals are normal. There's a model where sexuality is integrated into our psychology in some holistic or fundamental way and a model where it's basically a discrete module which can be slotted in or out, not loadbearing. And I guess the unremarkable psychology of asexuals implies the latter?
@sequel2heaven said:
given that we all start out as asexual and then change at puberty I always assumed the latter model
i think this is actually counterevidence! puberty is also when you become a more full rounded person!
@onrtrp said:
my intuition is for whatever attribute of the human psyche you can specify you can find a lot of people who are missing that thing but otherwise perfectly normal. which contradicts the "people live in a low-dimensional subspace" thing that the psychometrics guys like but i don't believe in that shit
i think something like this must be true but also like. people are pretty similar. so whats up with that. learned from a neuroscience friend of mine that they rewired a ferrets brain from birth so the sound part went to visual and vice versa and they managed fine. so it might just be the data?
An iconic UK bookstore is offering visitors the opportunity to vandalize Harry Potter books for 25 pence. The Bookish Type, the trans-owned bookstore in Leeds running the promotion, will donate all proceeds to gender-affirming healthcare costs. Good fundraising idea or bad messaging? π€
fantastic idea
Books are precious, but not to the point you can't deface them or reuse them in ways that you want/need, especially not a dime a dozen copy of a popular series.
This is art. It's activism, it's demonstration. And the money goes to a good cause. So good all around.
i think people need to get a grip around the fact that a state or other governing body banning/destroying books is bad because it stems from intent to control people's knowledge and what kinds of ideas can be expressed and shared.
it's not that, like, astral nazi particles are created whenever anybody of any social status or authority fucks with any book.
Speaking as a librarian:
I've destroyed books. Dozens of books. Harry Potter and Percy Jackson and The Hobbit and Dog Man and Avatar: the Last Airbender and and and...
They're not precious irreplaceable artifacts, a lot of them are printed on shit paper bound with shit glue and they fall apart after enough readings. I used them for art projects and library decor and cut them into bookmarks. We bought more copies.
This ^ sounds like a great fundraiser, especially if it's a used copy that was donated or picked up cheap. Depending on edition, this title has between 250-400 pages. Which means excluding stuff like title page, publisher info, flyleaves, etc, this fundraiser is making MINIMUM Β£60 for gender-affirming healthcare. Maybe Β£55 if the book was purchased specifically for this fundraiser.
Established in 2019, The Bookish Type is an independent LGBTIQA+ bookshop at 58 Merrion Centre, LS2 8NG. Open Tuesday to Saturday, 10-6.
I used to volunteer at my local library, helping sort books that were donated for the book sale. That's where I realized that there are, actually, books that are actively dangerous and that need to be destroyed.
Outdated medical and child-care books.
I saw numerous books of all types, most of them - if they were sound of binding and decent of page quality - I sorted into the correct genre box without more than a glance. I always checked the publication date of any medical or child-care books, though, and anything older than five years went straight in the bin. They're both fields where what we know is growing and changing very rapidly, and also where the wrong information could ruin or even end a person's life. It was genuinely more responsible to destroy those books than to risk letting them wind up in the hands of someone who wouldn't realize they'd need to fact-check the contents for safety.
Finally got the Three Apples Tall horse, the last letter on BNW
Nishino Flower is two apples tall fyi

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i bet waymos feel so safe around each other. an oasis of predictability, of communication, in a world of chaos and guesswork. must be nice
I think one of the funniest abortion stances I've heard was from my parents neighbor. He's a like, hard-core libertarian viking larper guy who is very tall and very fat and very bald.
He believes a fetus is human with a soul, but also its "basically attacking the woman's body" so if she wants to get rid of it, that's "basically self-defense". He compared it to shooting a home invader. So he supports abortion not as healthcare, but as killing a baby in self-defense
Y'know I'm so glad someone reminded me of this. Because this was also discussed.
My stepmother did NOT like the way her Libertarian Viking Neighbor framed pregnancy as the fetus "attacking the woman". She incredulously told him this was extremely disrespectful to expectant mothers to portray pregnancy as so violent and negative.
Libertarian Viking Neighbor's response was that people consensually hurt each other all the time, and "there's like a whole community about that, with the acronym the one that starts with a B" And his reasoning was that if the mother was consenting to bring attacked by the baby, it in fact wasn't violent and negative because there was consent.
He brought up people consensually hurting each other, didn't go for one of the obvious answers like boxing or body mods or something, no he went STRAIGHT TO BDSM and he DIDN'T EVEN REMEMBER THE ACRONYM
public defenders get behind me. iβll defend you this time
βso you like criminals?β I LIKE THE RIGHT TO A FAIR TRIAL.
just found out that there is a sudanfunds website! like gazafunds, it is a compilation of funds for people facing genocide
edit: i've added the correct link to this version of the post. if at all possible, please try to reblog this version or direct back to it. for some reason, the original sudanfunds link i put is now defunct. the correct site is still called sudanfunds and is now back up, and that's what is now on this version of the post. hope this makes sense
I was thinking about Project Hail Mary and I thought of this conversation that definitely happened on the way to Erid:
Grace: "It feels weird to call your planet by a name humans gave it. I know I can't pronounce the real name but can you tell me what it means?" Rocky: "Rocky will tell Grace, but first Grace must tell Rocky meaning of 'Earth'." Grace: "Well, uh, it sort of means 'ground'." Rocky: "Boring!" Grace: "Okay smart guy, what's your planet's name mean then?" Rocky: "..." Grace: "..." Rocky: "..." Rocky: "Ground."

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Hello! Its the 1st of June!!
Your fortune for today is....: Great!!
For greater luck today - be proud of who you are!!
Your lucky trinket is....: a rainbow flag!!
Happy pride month!!
awww the like button turns into a rainbow when you press it! that's so cute...hey staff what's with all the trans women you keep nuking?
i think we should be ridiculing them more for this. you don't get to try and go all "queer website" when your staff likes to go on nuking sprees targeting the trans fem users